Break My Silence
by Kittanja
Summary: Forks was a polar opposite of Arizona, and it was perfect. I just wanted to figure out how to live again. Mom was dead, which meant I was safe now. They didn't have any use for me anymore. I just wanted to be alone, it was easier… but Edward Cullen didn't do easy. I don't know why he kept torturing himself by trying to be my friend. Rated M, BPOV/EPOV.
1. Chapter 1

**Hey guys! I know, I'm being bad, posting another story even though Protector isn't finished yet. I haven't abandoned it, but I've been having more fun with this one, and I want to see if people like it. Protector has become a bit of a chore, people don't like it as much as EPOV.**

 **So, here's something else I've been working on.**

 **Like all my stories, it's Bella and Edward, and full of angsty-goodness. It will be done from both BPOV, and EPOV. Chapter lengths vary. Like my other stories, it's** **rated M for mature readers, for violence, language, mature themes, and lemons.** **Go away kiddies, search for some "T" Rated titles, because my stories aren't for you.** **This story will also deal with mature subject matter like bullying, depression and drugs.** **It's kind of weird posting this story here, because in its original format I have to use a lot of different fonts, but I'll see how it goes I guess.**

 **I'm not a medical professional, this story is just for fun, I apologize for any discrepancies.**

 **Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight, if you hadn't already figured that out. Are disclaimers really necessary? Everyone else is doing it, not sure if it's mandatory or not…**

* * *

 **. . . Bella . . .**

Charlie's cruiser passed the old-looking, crumbling, paint-covered sign that notified me that we had crossed into his home-town.

That was the only sign. Not literally; I mean if I hadn't seen that wooden sign I wouldn't have known we were in an actual _town_. It was just more trees. More rain. More Highway. More nothing.

Green, brown, grey…and more damn green.

And it was cold. And wet. I disliked both attributes equally, a polar-opposite of Arizona.

It was perfect.

The car remained quiet, as it had for the last two hours. He'd done his best to fill the silence with excited chatter for the first two, telling me everything he could think of about my new home. As I knew it would, though, the conversation had faded into a heavy silence. And there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it. I'd been expecting it and tried not to let it get to me, but it was hard not to feel guilty about stressing him out already when we hadn't even made it to his house.

I should learn Morse Code, I bet he knew that.

Charlie was great, he had confidence and an air of authority to him that I'd always respected. He was bluntly honest, but never in a hurtful way. Not intentionally, anyways. He was protective, he was generous, and he genuinely cared about helping others.

And I'm pretty sure he'd always been in love with my mom.

I wondered if he still was, and if he did I wondered if it made him feel as fucked up as it made _me_ feel.

I wish I could break the silence. Put him at ease.

I wish I could say thank-you.

I wish I could give him a fucking hug.

I held my breath, staring at the ceiling of the cabin as I fought back my tears. I wasn't going to put that shit on him too.

It was almost two in the morning, so, obviously, it was dark out. He tried pointing out a few things to me, miscellaneous businesses, but I couldn't make anything out besides the Thriftway with its lit up, empty parking lot. I was relieved to see a normal-looking grocery store in the middle of nowhere. At least I knew Charlie didn't have to live _solely_ off fish. I wouldn't have been surprised with the way he talked about his boat.

We turned right onto a side road, driving down to the end and stopping at a cul-de-sac. His house was at the very end, backed against the forest. It was a decent sized bungalow, some light colour I couldn't quite make out in the dark. White, grey, maybe beige. He didn't have a garden or anything, not that I was expecting him to.

When he parked in his driveway, he gave me a slightly-uncomfortable smile, and I gave him the best, brightest smile that I was capable of. If it was all I could do, I'd smile at him until my damn teeth fell out.

He got out, and I copied, following him. He brushed me off when I tried to help with my bags. Not literally, he was being very careful not to come within an arm's reach of me. It hurt, but it wasn't like I could do anything about that. And I wasn't _that_ bad. Not around him. I had been fine sitting next to him in the car after the first hour or so.

He was only trying to help so I tried to look at it as him being thoughtful, not me being fucked-up. But I knew I was. Even if they said it was normal, I was still _not_ fucking normal. My thoughts were only confirmed as he reached out to offer me his keys, making me flinch away violently.

"Shit, Bells, I'm sorry, I didn't-"

I held out my hand in a stopping motion, pleading with my eyes for him to stop, for him to see how sorry I was.

He gave me a reassuring smile, and then did something that made my damn year.

He didn't give up on me, or try to baby me. He lifted the keys up in an offer, away from him, but not reaching for me.

My pulse started thudding loudly in my ears, I could feel it echoing in my head, every muscle in my body tightened reflexively, and I felt a cool flush start at the back of my neck and drip all the way down to my toes. My stomach rolled.

He gave me an encouraging, patient smile.

"I know you're not afraid of me, baby girl," he teased with a smile.

I clenched my jaw. My fists.

I took seventeen long, deep, calming breaths that did shit-all.

DO IT!

My hand flashed out quickly, snatching the keys in a blur. I gasped, doubling over in pain from the nausea, the dizziness, the humiliation, and the crippling, paralyzing, completely-fucking-irrational fear.

Charlie didn't touch me. I started to hear his voice as the ringing in my ears began to fade.

"… chuckles and replies, " _He sure did!"_ " _Well_ ," said the little girl, _"Next year tell Santa that the dick goes under the horse, not on top of it!""_

Er, what?

"Okay. So, this old lady gets pulled over for speeding. When the officer comes up she asks if there's a problem, and he tells her that she was speeding. She just says " _Oh_ ," calmly, nothing else."

The corner of my mouth twitched at the sound of his eerily-realistic old woman impersonation.

"He asks to see her license, and she says, _"I'd give it to you, but I don't have one."_ "

Holy shit. I was full on grinning at his voice.

" _You don't have one?"_ He asked in his usual tone. Impersonating a cop. Oh my God.

"" _No, I lost it, four years ago for drunk driving."_ He was obviously alarmed, and asked for her registration. But she tells him she can't give it to him. When he asks why; she tells him she stole it, and that she hacked up the owner after stealing his car, and he's stuffed in bags in the trunk. He tells her to stay in the car, runs and calls for back-up, and in minutes reinforcements are there. He tells his senior officer what she told him, and he goes up and slowly approaches her, where she's still sitting, innocently and patiently in her car. And he goes _"Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please!"_ And she steps out."

" _Is there a problem, sir?"_ He asked in an innocent, feminine tone, and I'm shaking, heaving with silent laughter.

" _One of my officers told me that you've stolen this car and murdered the owner."_

" _Murdered the owner?"_

"" _Yes, if you could open the trunk of your car, please."_ And the woman goes and opens the trunk, but its empty."

"" _Is this your car, ma'am?"_ And he's all fucking confused when she tells him yes, and gives him her license and registration. He's just floored, not knowing what to make of it, and quickly apologizes to her. _"Thank you ma'am. I'm sorry; one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner."_ "

"And the old lady just starts fucking laughing. _"Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too."_ "

And Charlie just starts laughing his ass off at his own joke, and I had tears from smiling so hard. I've always thought he had an awesome laugh.

"How you feeling, kiddo?"

I swiped at my face, still smiling as I gave him a thumbs-up. I saw his fists clench, most likely to stop himself from giving me a hand up.

"Good. I think you're doing awesome, just so you know. Those are some karate-kid-quality reflexes you got there."

I bit onto my bottom lip, trying to stop smiling because it was hurting my face now. He gestured grandly for me to do the honors, and I think my hand was only shaking from exhaustion now. I stuck in one of the two keys on the chain, the one that wasn't obviously a car key.

I stepped into the blackness cautiously, barely jumping when Charlie turned on the lights.

First thought that came to mind? Bachelor pad.

Second? It was very clean. And organized. I hadn't been expecting that. He led me through, talking comfortably as he dragged my suitcases and tracked dirt all over his clean hardwood floors. It was very bright while lit up. Obviously. But the walls were white, the curtains a light grey. The front foyer opened to a large living room on one side, and he pointed out the door to the garage on the other as he took me in the opposite direction. He had comfy-looking grey leather couches and recliners, a big TV, and dark wood tables. He showed me his kitchen, which was warm with dark cabinets, sand coloured tiles and dark green counter tops. A big glass door that led out to his backyard. Then there was the laundry room, and he showed me where his bedroom was, before walking into what was to be my new bedroom.

"Favourite colour still blue?"

I smiled brightly, nodding my head. He looked quite pleased with himself as I looked around. A big bed with a bunch of pillows and a fluffy dark blue comforter with light blue sheets. He had told me his guest bedroom's bed had been bigger than mine, and barely used, so I'd gotten rid of mine. I loved it. My curtains matched the blanket, as did the chair that was rolled into the cute, little, pale-wood corner desk. It had a few shelves, but not nearly enough for all my crap. He told me my things would be in this week, though, and I'd kept the nicest shelves from her house.

It was awesome.

And my big window opened right into the back yard. I wasn't sure how I felt about that. I gave him the brightest smile I had before diving into my purse and pulling out my book. I was so happy that we weren't driving anymore, and that I could at least do this.

 _ **It's amazing. Thank you Charlie, so much. I could never thank you enough for this, and I really appreciate everything that you're doing for me.**_

I turned the book to face him so he could read, and his face lit up. He shocked me by looking a little choked up, his eyes glassy as he gave me a brilliant smile.

"I'm glad, and happy to have you here, Bella. You're my Goddaughter, and I'm so glad that I have you. I think I got pretty lucky," he said with a wink, making my shoulders bounce a little with a silent laugh. Yeah, like me now, Charlie was family-free. He's told me my entire life that he didn't want any kids besides me, and that I just ruined any future prospects because I was perfect. The man knew how to sweet-talk, that was for sure. He seemed to enjoy the single life.

I had always seen him as more of a father than a Godfather. The only one I've ever had.

 _ **I really got lucky, getting stuck with you too.**_

He chuckled, rolling his eyes. We left my bags in my room, and I followed him out again as he showed me how to operate the security system, giving me the code which I made sure to memorize instead of writing down. He showed me where the mud/laundry/storage room was, familiarized me with the kitchen, then the living room, showing me where everything was. He was yawning every minute, and I tapped my nails on my book to catch his attention. He turned instantly in surprise, and then grinned as he laughed.

"Man, you're so damn quiet that I was starting to worry that you wouldn't be able to get my attention." He quickly looked worried about his bluntness for a moment, but I liked it and gave him an understanding smile. Even small noises sound loud when there's no other sound at all.

"Was that insensitive?" he asked, still wary. I shook my head, and he smiled mischievously. "Would it be insensitive for me to buy you a bell? Get it? _Bells_?"

I smirked, and gave him the finger, making him laugh. And then he yawned again. I tapped again to get back to my original statement. Well, if you can call a _look_ a statement. He got it, though.

"Yeah, it's late. Let's both get some sleep," he said with a huff. "Sleep in as late as you want, and feel free to raid the cupboards. I sleep like the dead, so if you need me just knock real loud, 'kay? Anytime, for anything."

I smiled, nodding.

My smile fell pretty quickly when he stopped mid-stride on his way to hug me. I saw the pain in his eyes, though he quickly hid it.

"I love you, kid."

I tapped below my eye, made a heart with my hands over my chest, then pointed at him before holding up two fingers. He gave me a loving smile, and wished me good night before slipping into his room and closing the door.

With a quiet sigh, I went through the quiet house, all quiet-like.

I hated this, so fucking much. More and more every day.

Silence was louder than any noise, and I constantly wanted to break it, to snap the throbbing, ringing quiet.

I went over to his kitchen, not really feeling guilty because I'd seen him demolish our kitchen frequently on his visits south. Not hungry, but knowing forcing something now would be better than the nausea, migraine, and stomach cramps later, I grabbed a yogurt. Strawberry because everything else was disgusting. Then I hunted down a spoon before fleeing to my room. I opened my bags, got changed into my favourite baggy Billabong t-shirt, and then shuddered as I took off my little blue, beaded scarf.

Ah! It's so much cooler here. It will really expand my dressing options.

Charlie had forgotten to mention that I had my own bathroom. Amazing. I found towels and face cloths, and after taking my sleeping pills and hastily swallowing down my yogurt I brushed my teeth and washed my face before braiding my hair. I dug my iPod out of my purse, turned off my lights, and crawled into bed before sticking my ear buds in.

There were no words that could accurately describe how amazing it was to be doing all these things in an actual house, a drastic difference to the medical institute and the hospital before that. How relieving it was not being scrutinized and monitored by a team of professionals.

I still had that creepy, being-watched feeling, even though I knew it was completely irrational. There were two still left out there, but with mom dead, they didn't have any use for me anymore. They wouldn't come back for me.

I put on my sleeping playlist, and concentrated hard on the words of the lyrics until I started missing words, forgetting what the last ones were, until I had no thoughts left to make sense of it and drifted into a deep, dreamless sleep.

. . . . .

I woke up, only having a mild episode of panic when I realized I wasn't in the hospital any more.

I wasn't in Arizona. I was in Forks. With Charlie. Where no one knew me.

Those thoughts made my panic dissipate faster than it ever had before.

I stretched before getting out of bed and jumping in the shower. Once I was thoroughly clean and moisturized, my hair dried and straightened, I got dressed in some nice, pale jeans, and a pretty black turtle neck.

I'd lost weight, not necessarily in a good way, but I looked awesome in this sweater.

Then I ventured out into the house at almost noon, and it didn't look like Charlie was up yet. I started hunting for something to eat, but couldn't find anything that looked good. It was cool just having the option of looking through a fridge, though. And it was weird that it was weird.

"Morning, kid," Charlie said, making me jump, but he just pretended that I didn't. "Did you sleep well?" I nodded happily, and then nodded to him. "Oh yeah, I was out like a light. You hungry?"

I nodded again, and he pursed his lips for a moment, debating something, but I think he decided not to voice whatever he was thinking. "Lunch or breakfast?"

I shrugged one shoulder, and Charlie decided he wanted lunch. He got me to make a salad while he went out and threw two chicken breasts on the grill. He seemed a lot more comfortable now than he had been in the car, and went on and on, telling me every little detail about the town, his co-workers, a couple ex-girlfriends, his work schedule, what his day-to-days here were like, anything that he could think of. A lot was a repeat of yesterday's conversation, but I didn't have the best memory lately, so I was thankful.

I was glad he could fill the silence; it wasn't something that many people were comfortable doing for any length of time. But as always, it came with the stomach-churning guilt. Once we finished eating and cleaned up, he asked me to sit with him in his living room, and he turned on the TV for background noise as we both sat in his recliners.

He sighed.

I clutched my book tightly to my chest.

"Listen Bells…After Arizona, I'm sure you've already had to deal with people, crowds, questions in the hospital?"

I nodded, choosing not to tell him that I had been more or less ignored for the last month. Once they finally accepted that I was fine as long as no one was around, they just let me finish my mural and checked on me frequently to make sure I hadn't had a heart attack. I hated the dense crowds, though; everywhere had always been teaming with swarms of people in those buildings, making it nearly-impossible to leave my room. Not that I was allowed to anyways, and there was no reason to unless it was to paint in my empty hallway at night.

"I'm guessing, though, that you were probably just playing invisible, right?"

I nodded reluctantly, but was pleased that he didn't look at me with pity. He only wanted facts.

"Well, I'm not quite sure that's going to work as well for you here. It's a small town, and new additions are a rarity. I want to show you around, but I need you to know that people are going to be curious, they're going to want to talk to you, and there are a lot of damn huggers around here. Most people will probably try for a handshake, but yeah."

I was _not_ going to cry. I already knew this would happen, but this was better than still being in the desert. I nodded, and wrote.

 _ **What have you told them about me?**_

"Nothing yet, just that my Goddaughter was coming to live with me. I wasn't going to give them any details until I knew what you were okay with. Aside from the school faculty, who know your medical restrictions."

Damn, I loved him so much. And I knew the school part was necessary.

"So, before we leave, we need to decide what you want your story to be, if you want to give any at all."

I didn't. He got that from one look, and nodded.

"So, why are you here?"

I debated that for a moment. Really, I had been expecting to just go with whatever he said so I hadn't put much thought into it. But he was keeping the ball in my court. Which was…awesome. It was nice feeling in control of _something._

 _ **Change of scenery?**_

He snorted, and nodded.

"Do you want to say anything about her?" I shook my head quickly, and he nodded again.

We were both silent for a long minute, and I had to ask. I needed to know.

 _ **Do you still love her?**_

He went rigid when I asked that, and his face reddened.

"No. If I'd been the leading officer there, I would have shot her myself," he said in a curt tone, but his face softened when he noticed my wariness. I hadn't wanted to upset him. "Shh, baby girl, I'm not mad at you. I'm proud of you; you've come so far over these past few months. I'm just sorry I left you with her. I'll never be able to forgive her."

I nodded, feeling almost relieved. I guess a small part of me thought that he'd be resentful of me, for being the one responsible for her being gone, and I was high on the relief that this wasn't the case.

"Okay, so, you're here for a change of scenery. Parent questions will be side-stepped. Do you have any problem with people knowing about your correspondence?" I shook my head. "Do you mind me saying that you're…strict about your personal space?"

I thought about that, and really…was there any point in hiding it? They'd know, obviously, and I wanted my damn space bubble to be respected.

People give you a wide berth in hallways if you make them uneasy.

I shook my head. Charlie smirked.

"We could say you're an OCD germaphobe."

My air left me in a little gust as I shook with silent laughter.

 _ **Sure, why not?**_

They'd probably be more comfortable with OCD than PTSD anyways.

"Cool. Now that that's settled, we need to talk about ground rules." I raised an eyebrow at him, and he shrugged. "The school will be letting me know how you're doing with your homework, so I'll know if you're slacking off. As long as you keep your grades high, you're free to come and go as you please, just send me a text so that I know where you're at in case anything happens." I nodded, that would be easy. "And you know I don't care if you smoke, but if I think it's ever affecting your grades or you start telling people and-"

I shook my head quickly, becoming panicked. And I'd never tell anyone that he smoked, I don't even think my mom knew. I had only tried it once before the accident, and it was with Charlie. And I had promised him that I'd never smoke anyone's weed after that. It had been him that told my doctor to let me try it for medicinal purposes, though.

"Yeah, I know you wouldn't, kid. But I still have to say it. And I have no problem with you bringing people over, but open doors if there are boys."

I snorted, surprising myself with the noise. That was the loudest sound I'd made in…too long, and I was over-joyed to discover it. I had given up trying months ago.

Charlie laughed.

"Well, you never know. You're doing great. You could run into someone nice, or you could change your mind to go to school. I just want you to know that it's okay. This is your home now, and I want you to be comfortable."

Oh, Charlie, I already am. I haven't been this relaxed since the day before it all happened.

"Okay. So, finances." I cringed. I didn't like the idea of putting him out, and he chuckled. I'd get a job if I was capable of doing, like, anything. But I wasn't. "Your house has been sold, and we won the claim for your mother's life insurance. I have both of them set up in an account for you, but you're probably going to want to save that money for college or whatever." I winced. I doubted I'd be able to attend a big university if I couldn't even deal with the thought of going to the tiny high school here. "Hey, none of that. There are a world of options, we'll figure something out later. We don't have to worry about it now." I nodded. "So, you won't have to worry about food or any of that, but I was thinking of giving you an allowance or something for anything else you might need?"

I shook my head. No, I didn't want his money. He sighed.

"Yeah, I figured. Which is why I got you a job."

I froze.

"Calm down, you'll be fine. We need someone to start making electronic copies of our old records. You can work here from home, or in a room by yourself at the station. It's your call."

 _ **I can do it here?**_

He smiled brightly. "Yup. And it will look good on your resume."

My face split with my smile, and I was just so. Damn. Happy!

A _job_. I will be employed.

He laughed at something in my expression.

"Excellent. The only thing we need to work out is how many hours a week you want to work. You'll have to come in to sign out the documents, then bring them back when you finish them. It's up to you how many days a week you want to do it."

 _ **Can I come in on the days you're working?**_

He gave me a gentle nod and a smile, and I relaxed, giving him a grateful smile in return.

"You're very welcome," he said with a wink. "So, besides that just keep your room clean, if you make a mess somewhere clean it up, and you're doing your own laundry."

I rolled my eyes. Charlie was _not_ washing my clothes, I wouldn't let him even if he wanted to.

"How are you in the kitchen?"

 _ **I can get by. It's been a while, though.**_

He chuckled.

"Well, I'm not home for dinner most of the time, I usually just grab a meal from the diner. But I was thinking we could alternate dinner duty on the nights I have off?"

I gave him a thumbs-up. Very reasonable.

"You know, you're making this a little too damn easy kid. You're a teenager, rebel or something. Just don't get caught, I'd feel like a shit if I had to arrest you."

I laughed again, kind of, making him smile.

"So, do you want to go grab your stuff from the school now? I can show you around a bit more too, now that it's light out and everything."

He gave me a long minute to relax after that statement, waiting patiently until I gave him a nod.

"Great, let's get this party started." He got up, and I ran to grab my purse from my room before coming back out. He tossed me the same set of keys as yesterday that I'd left in the bowl in the kitchen. "You okay driving? You'll remember better if you do it yourself."

I nodded, a little weirded out by the fact he was going to let me drive the cruiser, but he opened the door to his garage and waved me in ahead of him. He hit the lights, and I kind of wheezed in lieu of a laugh. It was an adorable, vintage, robin's egg blue Volkswagen. Picturing him driving this…it was too much. He just lost so many man-points in my book, not that I'd ever tell him. I smiled at him, and he rolled his eyes.

"Fuck off, this is your car, not mine," he laughed.

I blinked at him, my mouth hanging open unattractively.

"What? You needed some way to get to and from work. This is easier than chauffeuring you around."

My eyes watered. I can't believe he bought me a damn car.

"Shit, Bells, please don't cry," he said in a panicked voice. Which made me feel even worse. I wanted to give him a hug so badly, and I knew he gave the best hugs in the world. And it's been so long since I've touched someone.

That ache, that big black hole in my chest opened up, and I felt like I was drowning.

I wrapped my arms around my self tightly, breathing raggedly, trying to stop my body from crumbling apart because it felt like it would at any moment.

I looked up at him, trying to apologize with my eyes, praying he could see how sorry I was, how grateful and thankful I was.

And he looked like he was in excruciating pain as well, not knowing what to do. I knew he wanted to hug me too, to comfort me, but he didn't know how. He wrapped his arms around himself like me, and I closed my eyes, trying to pretend my arms were someone else's.

It didn't help, it just freaked me out trying to picture someone else holding me.

Restraining me.

And then I could feel the hands again, on my wrists, my ankles, my head, holding me down, and I couldn't breathe. I was gasping but I couldn't pull in any air. Black spots started to cloud my vision, and a wave of dizziness washed over me before everything went black.

* * *

 **A/N** : Please let me know what you think!

2018 Edit: It's been so long since I've updated this story…I'm going through, making a few corrections, and cutting out some ANs most likely. Thanks for reading!


	2. Chapter 2

**SM OWNS TWILIGHT! ( I wrote that in caps because I'm screaming it out telepathically, just to make sure there's no confusion. I don't like writing in caps, I hate it, but I had to make sure everyone knew.)**

* * *

 **. . . Edward . . .**

"Mr. Cullen! If you interrupt my class one more time-"

"Fuck, I didn't do anything!" I growled, glaring at Crowley, who just gave me a shit-eating grin.

"That's it! Take your foul language over to the principal," the old hag hissed at me. I grabbed my shit, glaring at her, before storming off and walking down the hall. I took my time, the longest route that was possible to take in this tiny building, so I could calm down before getting to the office. It's a reflex to turn when someone kicks your fucking chair, I hadn't even gotten a second to say a God damn thing.

She was still pissed at me for pointing out her sub-par education two years ago. But seriously, a math teacher should know that an _equilateral triangle_ can be split evenly in _three_ ways. Every damn side is the same.

I have no idea where they find the excuses for teachers in this school.

I walked into the office, and the receptionist told me he was busy and to take a seat. I dropped my bag in one chair before dropping myself in the other.

Mom is going to be pissed. I was going to kick Crowley's ass after school.

I sat up straighter when the door opened, and then even straighter when the Chief walked out.

And then I was just frozen, staring at the gorgeous brunette that trailed out behind him. She was a tiny thing, wearing light jeans that were painted to her amazing legs, and a classy, black turtle neck that hugged her, showing off her subtle yet gorgeous curves. And her face. God, her face. Smooth, porcelain skin, flushed cheeks, red, pouty lips, and a pair of big, gorgeous brown eyes.

I knew for a fact I had never seen her before, no way in hell I'd forget a face like that.

I jumped to my feet.

"Hey Chief! How's it going?" I asked excitedly, my eyes flickering to his friend. She looked like she was hiding behind him a little. Cute.

"Good, Edward. Thanks. Do I want to know why you're in this office?"

"Nope," I said with a smile, making him laugh.

"How are your folks?"

"Great, thanks. Mom's planning one of her giant barbeque things again."

 _Come on pretty girl, say something._

"Ah, I'm looking forward to it," he said. "Well, take care."

He didn't even fucking introduce her.

"Wait!" I called, maybe a little too loudly. He turned warily, glancing at her. She was looking everywhere but at me. "Who's your friend?"

He watched me evenly for a moment, giving me that look that made you feel like you did something wrong and he was going to kick your ass for it.

"Edward, this is my Goddaughter, Bella. She's come to stay with me. Bella, this is Edward Cullen."

"It's really nice to meet you," I said, stepping forward and holding out my hand.

Her eyes went wide as she sucked in a sharp breath, flinching away so quickly and so forcefully that she hit the counter behind her, which seemed to scare her even more.

Shit, I had _not_ been expecting that reaction. I frowned, not quite sure what I was supposed to do. The Chief stepped in front of me, though, catching her eyes. She held his gaze, breathing heavily, but neither of them said anything. He nodded to her, and gave her a bright smile that I'd never seen on him before. She started to relax, and her cheeks flushed red as she looked down at her shoes.

Damn, that was a cute blush. Still, I was kind of concerned.

"Sorry," I said awkwardly. Curiously. "I didn't mean to scare you."

Her eyes flashed up to mine, and I could visibly see her apology in them as she shook her head, her face turning even redder.

She said nothing, though, not even a _'nice to meet you too.'_ That was fucking rude.

"So, you're starting school here?" I asked, almost hopefully. She shook her head, and I frowned in confusion.

"Cullen! What are you doing in my office?" Mr. Green hollered. I watched her for another few seconds before turning to the principal and giving him a giant smile.

"Nothing, just thought I'd see if you had any plans for lunch," I said with a smirk, and he rolled his eyes.

"Get in here. Miss Dwyer, I'll be talking to you again soon," he said in a soft voice, with a softer smile. She nodded, and our eyes met for another brief moment. She gave me a tiny wave before quickly fleeing with the Chief.

 **. . . Bella . . .**

I couldn't get the image of those gorgeous green eyes out of my head. Or that crooked smile that made my stomach flutter. The messy sex hair, his strong jaw, his tall stature and broad shoulders…

It would have been nice to shake his hand. Or, you know, tackle him and kiss that charming, crooked smile right off his face.

But, of course, he tried to be polite and I ended up with a mild panic attack, right in the middle of the office. Yeah, I'm awesome at first impressions.

When we got in I ran to my room to take something to calm me down. I'd been bad going into the school, but now I was a trembling, panicked mess. My pills spilled out over my dresser from my shaking hands, and I quickly grabbed two of them, swallowing them down dry. They stuck to the inside of my throat and I dashed to my bathroom, drinking straight from the tap before slumping against the vanity. I stayed like that until I was breathing normally and no longer dizzy.

Charlie wasn't a hoverer. He was sitting patiently in the living room, waiting for me when I walked out forty minutes later. He tried to keep his face composed, but I could see the worry and pain in his eyes.

"Better?" He asked simply.

I nodded. And that was it. He didn't push, and I was so grateful.

"I think you've had enough excitement for one day. I don't work until tomorrow, want to just sit back and watch some TV?"

I gave him a relieved smile, nodding. I went and grabbed my school stuff first, then got comfy on one of his big couches. I started making up my own time table, but I didn't have the clarity or concentration to do any actual work. So I just vegged out, embracing the numbness as I tried to understand the rules of baseball without asking any questions.

I followed Charlie to work in my bug the next morning. I didn't like driving on my meds but I knew I'd need them.

He introduced me to about a dozen people, every single one of them offering their hands, and then looking at me like I was a horribly rude teenager when I wouldn't take them. Charlie told them bluntly that I couldn't speak when they stood waiting for answers to their questions, like it was completely normal. He hovered around as officer Crowley showed me their records room, I think to make sure that the man was careful about my space bubble. It was a little daunting. It would take a year or two for one person to do all of that. He gave me a laptop, and a scanner, both of which Charlie took and carried for me. I was to start at the most recent and work my way backwards, and he showed me how to work their software program that they'd updated to about a year ago.

He whispered too low for Charlie to hear, and told me he'd been procrastinating on getting this done until the idea of turning it into a break room was mentioned. I had to smile at that.

I was to scan the different types of documents, type up the ones that needed it, and then I was to bring them back when I finished and upload them into their network. Which Charlie said I could do in his office.

I had to sign non-disclosure and confidentiality forms, which I'd been expecting.

"So, I think that's everything," Officer Crowley said with a smile, then looked at me uneasily. "You think you got all that, Miss Dwyer?"

I gave him a bright smile, nodding, and caught him giving me a curious look as I turned the page and wrote something else.

 _ **Thank you very much for taking the time to show me everything. It looks easy enough; I think I can handle it. It was very nice meeting you, Officer Crowley.**_

I turned it to show him, but instead of just reading he reached forward to take it, and I instinctually dropped the book as I jumped back, pulling in a sharp breath.

He just stared at me, his mouth hanging open slightly with wide eyes.

My eyes instantly watered in embarrassment, shame, and anger. I knew he just wanted to read it, that he wouldn't… _Damn it!_

 _I'm sorry_ , I mouthed to him, hoping he'd understand.

"No, it's okay. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you." I shook my head, not even able to bring myself to look at him. He ducked down and picked up my book, taking a moment to read it I think. "And the pleasure was all mine, it was very nice to meet you too, Bella. Just let me know if you have any questions, okay?"

I nodded, tensing when he held out my note book for me. I tried, I tried to move my hand, to reach the slightest bit, to maybe do what I did with Charlie, but it was like my arm refused to obey. The medication was supposed to help with this shit, and it was doing fuck-all it seemed.

Stupid, traitorous tears.

"Here, I'll take that," Charlie said, quickly plucking my book from his hands. "And thanks, Crowley, she'll be bringing this one back tomorrow."

I signed out the small file boxes of papers, and Charlie carried that too. I slipped on my sunglasses, not liking how conspicuous they made me look, not just in this rainy town but indoors as well. He put my things in the front seat with me and got my door as well, and I manually rolled down my window after he shut my door.

"You're doing great, Bells. I'm proud of you," he said with the sincerest smile. Not helping with my battle against my tears at all. "I'll be home around eight, and you can send me as many texts as you want, okay? It won't bother me at all."

I gave him a grateful smile, mouthing a thank you to him.

"You're very welcome. I just want you to sit here for fifteen minutes or so before you drive home. I don't want you to _ever_ drive this car when you're stressed, okay?"

I nodded my promise; it was an easy one to make. He was going above and beyond himself to help me in every way, the least I could do was to be responsible. I had no doubt that if I was in a situation and needed to get out of it that he would come and get me.

"Good. I trust you, and as long as you're responsible I don't think we're going to have any problems." I nodded quickly, always loving it when someone just got my train of thought. Making me feel like we were communicating…normally? Maybe naturally, because I knew it still wasn't normal. "I love you, kid. See you tonight. And text me when you get home safe."

I nodded, telling him that I loved him too with my little hand gestures. He gave me a wave as he walked back to his building, and I waved back before slumping in my comfy seat. I just sat there, staring into the green forest in front of me, shutting off my mind and waiting for myself to calm down.

Damn, it was _really_ green. The colours were so deep, sharp, gorgeous.

It was the same deep green as Edward Cullen's eyes.

I thought about those eyes, among other features, for much too long. When I snapped myself out of it I looked at the clock, and then started up the car. He told me to wait fifteen, not thirty. But he'd probably just think I'd needed longer to calm down, my car was visible from the front door.

I made my way back to his house, feeling pretty damn proud for not getting lost, and also remembering the code for the alarm system when I got in. I texted Charlie, letting him know that I got back safely before I took a couple trips to get all my stuff inside. I set up everything on my desk, and then I got my own laptop and stuff out of my bags, and set up my own little nerd station.

I felt like a super villain. I couldn't wait until the rest of my stuff got here.

Hmm. What to do first.

I put up the little scheduling system I'd made myself. I had until Monday to turn in my school work, and knowing it wouldn't take me too long to do it I decided to do work instead while my instructions were still fresh. It was both fortunate and unfortunate, that I'd been so far ahead in my last school. I'd wanted to graduate early, knowing I'd have a broader array of opportunities if I started out younger, and had been in all AP classes back in Phoenix. Fortunate that I wasn't behind my grade now, unfortunate because now I wouldn't finish a year early. Maybe if I tried hard enough I'd finish a couple _months_ early, but it wasn't like I was working towards a post-secondary goal anymore. My dreams of Julliard were over. I put on some music to fill the silence, and opened up the box of documents. It was filled with file folders, and I put the stack of them down and started going through them. I timed myself, scanning, checking, labelling, repeating. It was easy work, and having my music playing prevented me from ever becoming bored. I actually enjoyed it. It was relaxing.

That one box took two hours to do. Jesus. And there had to be hundreds of these little black boxes crammed into that room. I texted Charlie, letting him know. He was apparently impressed by that, thinking it was quick, and we texted back and forth while he ate and I made myself some lunch. We decided that would be my pay rate, two hours per box, but he let me know that I could still wait until tomorrow to bring it back. And he gave me his Wi-Fi password, telling me he rarely used his data for anything other than Netflix and to go to town.

I ate in my room, getting started on some school work. I was doing three subjects right now, and they were the worst ever. Calculus, Government, and Sports History. In Washington, gym was mandatory, and I think they may have just made this subject up for me. That looked to be the most interesting, only having to do research and write essays, so I was going to save that for last. Instead, I fried my brain with Calculus. I had to take frequent breaks to go on YouTube to prevent my mind from melting.

It was weird, staying away from Facebook and Twitter, but I knew it was best that I'd deleted my accounts.

* * *

 **A/N:** Thanks to those who reviewed, followed and faved! I really appreciate the feed back. What do you think so far? It's starting off kind of slow. (But hey, the more reviews, the more encouragement to post sooner you know ;)! )

Part of this chapter was based on a true story. I spent an entire hour in the eighth grade (Many eons ago...) arguing with my math teacher, who marked said question wrong on a test when I said an equilateral triangle could be split evenly in three ways. He said it could only be done in two. I had to cut a triangle out of paper to prove it to him. I'm still not sure if he was screwing with me, or if he was just an idiot. What's the stupidest or most frustrating thing a prof or teacher has ever done to you?


	3. Chapter 3

**I'm updating early because people are reviewing! Thank you so much for taking the time guys, it's awesome motivation. And Break my Silence just hit 100 follows, hot dang!**

 **Psst! Guess what! I'm not Stephanie Meyer, and therefore do not own Twilight.**

* * *

 **. . . Edward . . .**

I parked the Volvo in the lot, and made my way down the hill to the beach, already seeing the fire burning. I tripped but didn't fall over a few logs cutting through the woods, being met by cheers as I broke through. I gave them a bow before jogging over and dropping down next to Jake. I pulled a beer out of my back pack, looking around the circle to see who was there. Quill and Embry were out, along with Emmett, Mike, Eric, Ben, Ang, and skanks number one and two. Stanley was wearing enough eye make up to make her look like someone had broken her nose, and Lauren's rack was pushed together so much that she looked like she'd pop out of her shirt.

"Yeah, I saw her walking out of the police station on Thursday, but I didn't get close enough to say hi. She was fucking hot, though. The girl knows how to wear a pair of jeans, that's for fucking sure."

"Bella?" I asked curiously, because I'd had to take a few showers due to my memory of those jeans.

"Is that what her name is?" Mike asked curiously.

"Brown hair? Awesome legs?" I checked, not wanting to even touch the subject of her fucking stunning face. The guys would rib me for weeks. Eric and Mike nodded. "Yeah, the Chief's Goddaughter. I met her at the principal's office on Monday. I guess she just moved in with him or whatever." I gave a shrug, hoping to look indifferent. I was anything but, though. That girl was weird, but at least she seemed interesting.

"Nice. I wonder when she'll be starting at school. She's already been here a week it looks like, and I've only seen her that one time at the gas station."

"Oh, she said she wasn't going to school," I said with a bit of a frown.

"What? Why?"

"No idea, I got called in before I could ask."

"Yeah, I think my dad mentioned something about that. I think her folks died or something," Jake said with a shrug. My heart sank for the girl, and I decided not to mention her little freak out in the office and her reluctance to even say hi to me. "I'll have to swing by and introduce myself it seems."

My jaw clenched, but I kept my mouth shut. I knew the Chief was close to Mr. Black, but I hope that he still had the sense to keep Jake away from her. He was fun to hang out with sometimes I guess, and he was always able to get me weed on the reservation. But he'd fuck anything with legs without even saying thanks, and Bella's legs… fuck.

I shifted a little with a wince.

. . . . .

It was Monday when I saw her again, only for a moment. I was walking across the quad to go to second when I saw her walking away from the administration building through the parking lot.

And Jesus Christ, she was wearing this little blue and grey plaid skirt, a white blouse and this little black vest. I had to stop walking and just stare for a minute, not even caring if I got caught.

And I did. Like she felt me watching, her head turned and she stopped for a minute. I waved, because it was the only thing my brain could think of doing without any blood left in it. She lifted her hand hesitantly to return my wave, but as soon as I took a step forward, thinking of running over and seeing if she was more social without the Chief, she turned quickly, running over to an old blue Bug, and jumped inside quickly.

Well, that was fucking rude. At least she looked gorgeous walking away.

The second time was on Thursday, at the gas station, and she once again jumped into her car and drove away before I could even say hi, which kind of pissed me off.

Sighting three, on a Monday again. Same thing, she just fucking ran. I really couldn't figure out what her problem was. So, when I saw her walk into the grocery store Thursday while I was skipping, I decided that I was going to find out. See what the hell her problem was because it was driving me crazy. She was treating me like some sort of rapist or something, and all I'd ever done was tell her it was nice to meet her and try to shake her damn hand.

I jogged through the rain to follow her inside.

I grabbed a basket, though I had no intention of buying anything, following her for a bit. She grabbed some ground beef, tomatoes, peppers, onions, salsa, and I was starting to get a huge craving for tacos. I followed her down to dairy, and she was rifling through the corner of the refrigerated shelf with an adorable scowl. She was wearing a hot little pair of black shorts, a blue blouse, and a dark blue beaded scarf that was wrapped around her neck, her hair up in a high pony tail. Her ears were studding with silver hoops, she must have had each pierced at least five times. No one else was around, and I took a deep breath before approaching her.

"Hey, Bella."

She jumped about a foot in the air, clutching at her chest with her free hand when she dropped her basket. Her eyes were wide in fear as she looked at me, before they flickered around.

"Jeeze, calm down. I was just saying hi," I said with a smirk. She just stared at me.

"So, doing some grocery shopping?" I asked lamely. She gave me the smallest nod, trembling and breathing heavily. I frowned.

"Did I do something to piss you off?" I asked in confusion. She quickly shook her head, still looking panicked. "Do you just not like me or something?" Again, she shook her head, taking a cautious step away. I huffed in irritation, at the end of my patience.

"What? Do you like…not talk or something?" I asked dubiously, still feeling uneasy by the way she was trembling, and still trying to put more distance between us. I felt like a dick for practically cornering her, but I _needed_ to know what her issue with me was.

She just shook her head again, still refusing to give me anything.

"No what? No, you talk, or no you can't talk? Or no, you don't want to tell me anything?" I asked in exasperation. I took another step closer to her, my heart fucking crumbling as she shuddered in fear of me. I hadn't done anything; I wasn't even within arm's reach of her.

She just shook her head again frantically.

"Stop fucking shaking your head!" I hissed. "I don't even know what it's supposed to mean! Give me _something,_ Bella."

She flinched from my tone.

Her eyes welled with tears, but they didn't fall as she rifled through her purse, her eyes flickering to me every second. She pulled out a pad of paper that had a pen attached to it with a string. Her hands were shaking violently as she tried to write. Only for a moment. Then she very cautiously tossed the block of paper to me. It pissed me off even more that she wasn't even willing to fucking hand me something.

There was one word on the pad, and it was barely legible.

 _ **Can't.**_

"Can't what?" I asked in confusion. One of her tears escaped as she lifted her hand, making a sort of duck/ talking motion.

"You…can't talk?" I asked in clarification. Every tear that escaped her eyes was like a punch to the gut.

She nodded, and I stood there in disbelief and an oncoming sense of horror. She sprang, taking a run for escape, leaving her basket of groceries on the floor. I was cemented in place, I couldn't have stopped her.

It wasn't that she hadn't wanted to talk to me. Well, it probably was, but it wasn't the reason for her silence.

I pulled my hand through my hair in frustration, the nausea brutally warring in my abdomen making me dizzy. I admit; I had fucked up. I was pissed that she wouldn't talk to me. She obviously had some sort of anxiety problem too, and I'd probably just traumatized the poor girl.

I looked down at her abandoned basket, frowning even more. I looked at the corner shelf, and assumed that she was looking for sour cream. Not knowing why she'd been frowning, I looked through the containers, finding that most of them expired within the next two days.

Feeling determined, I dug through to get to the back and got another container, then brought her basket up to the cash. I paid for her groceries, figuring it was the least I could do when I'd sent her away running. Then I drove over to the Chief's place. He was only a few blocks away from my house.

I still had her note pad, and wrote her out a note on top.

 _ **I'm really sorry for scaring you Bella, and ruining your grocery trip. It was a dick move. I hope I see you around again soon, and if so, if you let me say hi I swear I won't scare you off again. Take care. –Edward**_

I set her writing block down on the bag of groceries on her front step, and then rang her door bell before going back to my car. I made my way home, needing to turn the ringers off on the phones in case the school called while mom and dad were home.

* * *

 **A/N:** High five to Midnight Angles Say Goodnight for calling it on Edward screwing shit up before anything could even happen. And to Rita, just because I like you. So, raise of hands, who thinks Edward is an asshole? Or is he just a normal teenage guy? Hmm.

And do you prefer Tacos or Burritios? I can't eat taco's, they always explode, I prefer tortilla wraps.


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey guys! So, super huge big thank-you to SunflowerFran for reccing my story on Pay it Forward, and to Sharon Van Den Bronk in the NRTFFRC (I don't know what that stands for, and as an ex-military member it drives me crazy when I can't decipher an acronym! ) Thanks for telling people about my story on facebook, you guys are awesome!**

 **And thank you to everyone that has reviewed! I really appreciate all of the support and motivation! I'm glad most of you didn't hate on Edward, he tried to make up for his mistake :)**

 **Oh, yeah, still don't own Twilight!**

* * *

 **. . . Bella . . .**

I sat in my car for two and a half hours in the parking lot, and by the time I felt calm enough to drive again, I decided my groceries weren't worth it to go back in that store without Charlie. And I looked absolutely horrible.

I think Irina would understand, though. It was my first attempt to go somewhere besides the gas or police station. Interact with a cashier. It was my current goal, and I obviously failed miserably.

This is why I don't want to be in school. Not just the crowd, but most teenagers are assholes. Mean ones.

I drove back to the house cautiously, and noticed something on the front step when I pulled into the driveway. After opening the garage door and parking inside, I walked around to grab it.

It was a filled bag, and had my pocket notebook that I'd thrown at Edward sitting on top of it. Curiously, I picked up the notepad, and sucked in a breath of surprise when I found the groceries I'd left behind in the store.

He even found some sour cream that would survive longer than two days. And, he'd left me a note.

 _ **I'm really sorry for scaring you Bella, and ruining your grocery trip. It was a dick move. I hope I see you around again soon, and if so, if you let me say hi I swear I won't scare you off again. Take care. –Edward**_

My eyes watered. That was so…sweet. I really wished he hadn't wasted money paying for my food, though. I had no idea what it cost.

And the thought that he might still want to talk to me despite how damn weird he probably thought I was, was touching. Though unnecessary.

I brought my groceries inside, and put on some music. I wasn't going to let this food go to waste. I brought my lap top into the kitchen with me, finding the recipe that I wanted to try on my Pinterest. It really looked good, but I wanted to add some veggies to it. I cut up and sautéed my onions and peppers, then fried up my ground beef while I made my dough. I grated up some cheese while my meat and veggie mixture cooled, rolled out my dough, cut it into squares, then started rolling my little Mexican egg rolls while the fryer heated up.

I made about five dozen of them, putting one dozen in one container, half a dozen on a plate in the fridge, and the rest of them into a bigger container. I divided up the sour cream and salsa into little dishes, then went to my room to write out a note.

 _ **Edward,**_

 _ **Thank you very much for paying for my groceries, you really didn't need to do that. I don't blame you for getting upset. I'm used to it. I thought since you paid, the least I could do was share. Just pop these in the oven for fifteen minutes at three-hundred and fifty degrees.**_

 _ **And you really don't need to bother trying to talk to me again. That was sweet, but unnecessary.**_

 _ **Thank you again, and take care.**_

 _ **-Bella**_

I drove over to the station first, carrying in my boxes of files with my taco-rolls balanced on top. I smiled at the receptionist as I passed, and went around to Charlie's office. He wasn't in, so I just put down my things and plugged in my lap top, transferring the data after connecting to the network.

Then I may have done something illegal. I searched _"Cullen"_ in the database, and got Edward's address. He knew where I lived, so it only seemed fair.

Charlie walked in as I was shutting down, making me jump guiltily in surprise.

"Hey, Bells! Damn, what's that smell?" He asked, practically drooling. I smiled brightly, and set the container down on his desk with my note.

 _ **Taco rolls, I made extra in case you wanted to share.**_

He gave me a watery smile. "Thanks, kid, that's really sweet."

I blushed, and smiled. He told me he'd be home around nine, and I gave him a parting wave as I went to sign out some more files.

The address wasn't hard to find, just for the fact that there weren't many streets to choose from in this town. He was only three blocks away from me.

And lived in a fucking three-story mansion. Jesus. I kind of regretted bringing these now, he probably had his own personal five-star chef in there. There could be a _Mc Donald's_ in there for all I knew.

But, I needed to thank him somehow. I got out, closing my door softly, and sprinted to his front door. I left the container with my letter taped to the front, in an envelope with his name written on it, before ringing the bell and running back to my car, hauling ass out of there.

. . . . .

"Are you sure you don't want to come?" Charlie asked once more, and I nodded. "I don't have to go you know, I can stay-"

I shook my head, and scribbled out quickly, _**No, it's okay. Really. I'm just going to enjoy the sun and read outside for a bit.**_ I gave him a reassuring smile, and he nodded reluctantly.

"Okay. But just text me if anything comes up, alright? I'm only a few minutes away. Might give me an excuse to hijack one of their ATVs. Damn, those things are so cool..."

I nodded with a grin, and he told me that he'd bring some stuff back for me despite my protests, and said he'd be back by eleven before taking the container of honey cornbread muffins I'd baked for Mrs. Cullen in thank-you for her invitation. I'd never even met the woman and she'd sent me a personal, hand-written invitation. I watched him walk out the door then down the street, before I sighed, dropping onto the couch in exhaustion.

Trying to sleep without the pills last night had been a mistake. I didn't blame Charlie for hovering after finding me like that.

Even not being able to make a sound when I screamed, apparently my thrashing had caused a commotion. I felt horrible for breaking his lamp.

And now I was tense, restless. I wanted to be alone, because I couldn't stand watching the pain in his eyes. I was exhausted and sore too, my stomach was in knots, and I was jumping at the smallest sound. It was infuriating, and even more exhausting.

Knowing what would help, and needing the escape for a bit, I packed up a few of my muffins and some water in my purse, grabbed a blanket, and then a joint before walking into the back yard.

It made me too uneasy to smoke in Charlie's back yard. He had neighbours, and they had kids. Young ones that shouldn't know what pot smells like. So I made my way over to the edge of the woods, and followed the pink garden twine I'd used to mark the trail I'd made a few weeks ago. It was only about fifteen minutes before I broke into the beautiful little meadow. I threw out my blanket and sprawled out on it, then had to take off my sweater because it was hot in the sun. I smiled, loving the tingling sensation on my skin. I'd like to take off my scarf too, but I just couldn't do it.

I opened my bottle of water, and then sparked up my joint before laying on my blanket again.

I sighed silently after a few minutes as my body and mind finally relaxed.

. . .

I shot upright when I heard a twig snap, my eyes narrowing in on the source of the sound.

And there was Edward, staring at me with wide, surprised eyes. I jumped to my feet.

"Wait!" He called, and I froze. I turned, and every muscle in my body tensed when he jogged over quickly. By the way he ran I had no doubt he would be able to catch me if I fled. I was horribly out of shape and it was taking forever to get back to the level I'd been at last December. He stopped about ten feet away, giving me a radiant, crooked smile as he tried to catch his breath. "Hey," he gasped.

I gave him a hesitant wave, and fidgeted.

"How'd you find this place?" He asked curiously. I gave him a small shrug, and he frowned before quickly composing his face.

This is why I hadn't wanted him to bother. It was easier to be alone than to deal with other people's frustration.

"Would you mind if…would you like to hang out for a bit?"

* * *

 **A/N:** Do you think she's going to run away again? What's your favourite thing, or what do you look forward to most, about barbeques/ outdoor parties? Lawn darts, anyone? They're even more fun now that they're illegal.


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey guys! Thanks for all of the amazing reviews on the last chapter, your support encourages me to keep posting! And I've been blown away by all the amazing response to this story. We're almost at 100 reviews! Thanks to everyone that has shared it!**

 **A super huge thank-you to my new, amazing pre-reader/beta Sunflowerfran for whipping this chapter into shape for me, any mistakes that you find are on me from tampering with it afterwards(Sorry Fran!)**

 **Stephanie Meyer Blah blah, Twilight, Blah blah blah...I don't get money for this.**

* * *

 **. . . Edward . . .**

She watched me in surprise for a long, tense minute. It was like she didn't understand the request. I tried to keep my eyes trained on her face, not an easy thing to do when she wasn't wearing anything besides a little denim skirt and a blue tank top. And a scarf, which was kind of weird, but whatever. God, she was gorgeous. And her smooth skin looked so damn soft.

I really wanted her to say yes, to give me a chance to show her that I wasn't a complete asshole. I got that she didn't like people up in her personal space, so I waited patiently, standing a safe distance away.

I didn't think she would say yes.

So I was stunned when she gave me a short, wary nod. I was a little embarrassed by how big I smiled.

"Awesome! Thanks." I shrugged off my backpack, throwing out my own blanket next to hers. I couldn't see her wanting to share. I sat down comfortably and looked up at her expectantly where she still stood. "You going to sit back down?" Not that I minded her standing, I had a great view.

After another moment, she hesitantly sat back down and wrapped her arms around herself as if she were trying to make herself smaller.

It also pushed her boobs together, and I tried not to stare.

"So, are you enjoying Forks so far?"

She seemed surprised by the question, her head whipping around, and she ran her hand through her hair before nodding.

"You haven't gotten bored? There isn't a whole lot to do around here."

She pulled her plump bottom lip in between her teeth, biting it for a moment before giving me a half-shrug, and a half shake of her head.

I let the silence take over for a minute, not quite knowing how to proceed. I didn't know any sign language except for crudely telling someone to fuck off. I didn't know how to talk to her, and it was only made worse by how obviously uncomfortable she was with me.

But I didn't want to leave. I was still blown away by finding her in my secret place. I wasn't aware that anyone else knew about this little meadow.

I almost jumped when I caught her taking in a deep breath through my peripherals. She dug into her purse, coming out with a thick, black book. She opened it up and took out a pencil before she started writing. When she finished, she set the book down between us. There was one line written on the blank white page.

 _ **How long have you lived here?**_

I smiled brightly at her, my grin only growing when she blushed.

And she had _really_ nice writing.

"My whole life. Same with my brother, but he moved out a few months ago for college in Washington. His name is Jasper. Do you have any siblings?"

She shook her head and took her book to start writing. I caught a whiff of something when she moved though, aside from the gentle scent of vanilla and cherries.

"Were you smoking weed out here?"

She froze, and I laughed.

"I knew it. Don't freak out, I don't care," I said, pulling out my tin and my own reason for being here. I shot her a wink when I leaned back on my elbows, and she gave me a small, shy smile.

Fucking gorgeous. I'd never met a prettier girl in my life. She set her book back down and then re-lit her own.

 _ **Why aren't you at your mom's party?**_

I snorted.

"It's boring as hell, and they were guarding the liquor. After the skank squad got there, it was either flee or jump off the roof." She raised an eyebrow at me in confusion. "Oh, shit. Um…there are these two girls in my year at school…Jessica and Lauren. They're intolerable and have probably dated the majority of the guys at our school. It's kind of disgusting."

She picked up her book again, writing out something with a smile, and then raised an eyebrow at me as she turned the book around.

 _ **And are you counted in that majority?**_

I laughed. "No, you couldn't pay me to get anywhere close to those girls." I was grinning, seeing her shoulders shaking as if she was laughing, but not a sound came out of her. It was a little off-putting, but at the same time, when she smiled like that it was fucking impossible to look away from her. "What about you? Any boyfriends?"

She rolled her eyes like it was a ridiculous question to ask, and shook her head. I tried not to look too happy about that information.

"So, where are you from?"

 _ **Arizona. Phoenix.**_

"Cool. Why aren't you, like…tanned?"

She bit her lip.

 _ **I'm part albino.**_

I laughed loudly at that, making her smile. She seemed like she was relaxing, and though I wasn't sure if it was because of the pot or her just becoming more comfortable around me, I was happy about it.

"So…What brings you to Forks?" I asked warily, hoping that Jake was wrong. She didn't look upset as she wrote, so I was kind of surprised by her answer.

 _ **My mom died. Charlie is kind of the closest thing to family that I have left.**_

"I'm sorry," I said honestly, and she just shrugged.

 _ **It's okay, don't worry about it.**_

"What about your dad?"

 _ **Never met him.**_

"Oh."

 _ **Do you live with both of your parents?**_

"Yeah. Mom's a nurse, Dad's a doctor."

She smiled at me and relit her joint again before finishing it and snuffing it out.

"So, you're not worried about the Chief catching you stoned?" I teased. She grinned and shook her head. She said nothing else about it, though.

I felt relieved as I watched her slowly begin to relax. Every time I thought of her running away from me in the grocery store, it felt like a hit to the gut. I frowned, my stomach clenching uneasily. "Listen, I'm really sorry about cornering you and snapping at you like that. It wasn't cool."

 _ **It's okay, really. I'm sorry for running away like a crazy person.**_

I laughed. "I don't blame you after that." I snuffed out my own joint and lay back on my blanket. I just let myself get lost to the buzz, feeling like a pile of goo. After a moment, I heard her shuffle and opened one eye to see her lie down on her stomach. I smiled. "So, why aren't you in school? Did you graduate early or something?"

She shook her head. _**Correspondence. I just come in on Mondays to hand in assignments.**_

"Don't you get bored? Or lonely?" I tensed after the words got out around my filter, and worried I might have come off as an ass, but she just shook her head and wrote.

 _ **No, I work at the police station too, and I have hobbies. I keep busy.**_

"And that isn't lonely?"

She shrugged. _**It's easier this way.**_

"What do you mean?" I asked with a frown.

 _ **I make people uncomfortable, and being around them makes me uncomfortable. People usually think I'm either rude, a bitch, or crazy most of the time. This way is just better.**_

I nodded, feeling like even more of a shit because I'd thought all three.

"I'm sorry."

She shrugged. _**I'm starting to get used to it. It's no big deal.**_

"Starting to?" She tensed a little and nodded. "So this…thing, it's recent?"

 _ **Kind of.**_

"What happened?"

 _ **I'd rather not talk about it, sorry.**_

"No, that's cool. I'm nosey, feel free to remind me anytime," I said with a wink.

And I got another blush, which let me know that she actually enjoyed the attention. That made me feel pretty damn good.

"So, how'd you find this place?" I asked again, now that she was giving me answers.

 _ **I went for a walk a couple weeks ago; I don't like burning around the neighbours. I just stumbled on it.**_

"Cool. I was surprised to find someone here. I didn't think anyone else knew about it."

 _ **It's really pretty out here. I'd been waiting for a good, sunny day to enjoy it.**_

"Yeah, we don't get many of them around here. Do you miss Arizona? This must be a drastic change."

 _ **It is, but I don't miss the desert. This is a nice change**_ _._

She slid the book over, before quickly pulling it back.

 _ **Charlie has just kind of been telling people that I moved here for a change of scenery, I'd appreciate it if you didn't go telling people about my family shit.**_

"I won't," I assured her quickly. "But…well, I think some people already know. My friend Jake on the reservation mentioned something along the same lines, but he wasn't sure."

She shut her eyes tightly, letting out a soft, near-silent sigh. The smallest sound that she made seemed so loud to me, like her silence amplified everything else.

"I'm sorry; I just thought it would be better for you to know."

She shook her head. _**No, it's okay. I appreciate you telling me.**_

I nodded, watching her closely. "Do you miss it? Your voice?"

 _ **Every fucking second of the day.**_

"I'm sorry." She shrugged. "So, do you use sign language or anything like that?"

 _ **No.**_

"Why not?"

She tensed for a moment before smirking and writing.

 _ **I tried, at first, but I suck at it. Knowing my luck, I'd ask for directions to the corner store and end up in a gay strip club.**_

I laughed loudly at that, and Bella was trying to restrain her grin by biting her lip again. I wanted to groan and rolled onto my stomach carefully. It brought me only a couple inches close to her, but I saw how much she tensed from it.

She didn't move away, though.

My stomach growled angrily, and I groaned. She raised an eyebrow at me and I smiled sheepishly.

"I had to flee before I finished eating," I explained, and she smiled. "Fuck. By the way, I ate one of your yellow muffin things that the Chief brought? Fucking amazing. I went back like two minutes later for another one and they were all gone, I was so pissed."

She smiled brightly and bit her lip again before digging into her giant purse.

It was big, and sounded full, and to be honest it intimidated me a little. I forgot about the imposing bag of secrets when she took out a Tupperware container, though, opening it and setting it between us.

My smile split my face.

"Holy shit! Really? I can have one?"

 _ **Help yourself.**_

And I did. She took one, and I inhaled the other five. She didn't seem to mind, at all.

"Sorry, I get horrible munchies."

 _ **Don't mention it.**_

"And those taco things you dropped off? Also awesome. I'd had such a huge craving for tacos after seeing your basket. You made my life leaving those things for me. You didn't have to, but I'm grateful. Thanks."

 _ **You didn't need to buy my groceries either, thank-you.**_

"It was the least I could do after cornering you like that. Fuck, I'm an asshole. I'm still really sorry about that."

 _ **I forgive you, just forget about it.**_ She gave me another gorgeous smile.

"You're still uncomfortable around me, though," I pointed out gently. I hated how her face fell, looking so sad. It made my chest hurt.

 _ **I'm sorry. It's not you, really.**_

I raised a skeptical eyebrow at her, regretting it when her eyes watered.

 _ **It isn't. I try not to be, but I'm like this around everyone.**_

"Everyone?" I asked worriedly. She nodded, closing her eyes tightly. "So…it's not just because you find me intimidating or some shit? Or because I'm a guy or whatever?"

She shook her head, and it looked like she was bracing herself for something painful.

But I was just…sad. "That must get lonely," I said quietly, and she looked up at me in surprise. "I'm sorry that it's so hard for you. It must be exhausting."

She gave me a hesitant nod before looking away again, resting her chin on her arm and poking one of the little purple flowers on the edge of her blanket.

I frowned.

"Did you think I would leave or something after you told me that?" I asked worriedly, and I knew her small shrug was a yes. "Well, I'm not. So what, you're kinda skittish. I'm sure you have your reasons."

I really wanted to know said reasons, morbid curiosity maybe, but I knew she didn't want to talk about it. And I couldn't make myself ask after seeing her finally relax.

"So, have you made any other friends in the area yet? You're kind of this big mysterious ghost in town," I teased.

 _ **Other?**_

"Yeah, besides me."

She smiled shyly before shaking her head. She didn't argue, so, for now, I found it safe to think of her as my friend.

"You haven't met Jake yet? His dad and the Chief are pretty close." She shook her head. "Good, stay away from him."

She raised an eyebrow at me, and I sighed.

"He's not a totally horrible guy, but…he's a dirty fucking asshole, especially when it comes to pretty girls. You shouldn't hang out alone with him."

She watched me for a moment before giving me a hesitant nod. I wanted to tell her then that I didn't want her hanging out with _any_ other guys, but thought that might have been coming on a little strong.

 _ **So, what sort of things do you guys do for fun around here?**_

"Not a whole lot. The town is pretty big on football, but the sport honestly annoys the hell out of me. It's like they stop every few seconds and I can't stand it." She smiled curiously but didn't say anything. "Friday nights we often have fires on the beach over at the reservation. I go up to Port Angeles a lot too; there isn't much around here if you hadn't already noticed." She smiled. "So, how old are you?"

 _ **Seventeen. You?**_

"Same." I watched her for a moment as she closed her eyes with a small smile, looking so relaxed. I inched a little closer to her and it was as if she felt it and her entire body went rigid and her eyes snapped open.

That fear stung.

"So…this anxiety thing, how's that work? I'm not trying to be an ass or anything; I just don't make you uncomfortable."

She let out another soft sigh.

 _ **I just don't like people in my space bubble.**_

I grinned, that was cute.

"Okay, so is this okay?"

She chewed on her lip for a moment before giving me a hesitant nod, and I smiled. I shifted just a little closer, putting myself just within arm's reach of her, and she sat up quickly.

"Sorry…too close?"

She gave me an apologetic look, but she shouldn't have been the one apologizing.

"No, it's okay. I shouldn't have pushed, sorry. I'll behave, I swear." I shifted away a bit more, and her eyes watered before she hesitantly lied back down. "Please don't cry, I'm really sorry, don't be embarrassed."

She just rested her chin on her arms, not looking at me.

"So, how'd you get my address?" I asked, trying to distract her.

She fucking blushed again, and bit her lip.

 _ **You might think I'm creepy, or a criminal.**_

"Yeah, but I won't. Tell me, please?"

 _ **I may have looked up your last name in the database at work.**_

I laughed. "Crafty. Your secret is safe with me, though." She smiled in relief. "So how's your school work going?"

She rolled her eyes. _**It's brutal, I'm doing calculus and history right now, along with this sports history in lieu of a gym credit. That one isn't so bad, but I hate the other two.**_

"So you're just doing three credits at a time?" She nodded. "That sounds awesome."

 _ **It is, and I've gotten pretty far ahead. I'm hoping to get my diploma early.**_

"Cool," I said with a smile. "Do you ever think of coming in? Like, finishing at the school?"

She frowned. _**I have, but…I just can't deal with all that right now.**_

"Does it scare you?"

She nodded.

"What about it scares you?"

 _ **The crowds, people getting too close, sitting next to me, not being able to participate in discussions, or even hand a piece of paper to a teacher. Group projects, the whispers, and looks, people constantly asking what my story is, why I'm here, why I can't talk, or even just introducing themselves.**_

"Oh…I guess I never really thought about all of that," I muttered. The crowds I had figured, but how difficult must it be to get by, not being able to talk or even get close to someone?

Bella's response seemed to make her even more uncomfortable than it did me. She was telling me anyway, and though I was glad, it made me worry.

"So…do you still keep in touch with anyone from back home?"

She shook her head, and that was the only evidence I needed. I wonder how long it had been since she had talked to someone besides the Chief.

"Why not?" I asked warily.

She just shrugged, and the look in her eyes prevented me from pursuing the subject. Her purse made a noise and she pushed herself up on her elbows as she pulled it over.

I may have stared at her rack again.

And the temptation to reach forward and tuck her hair behind her ear when it slipped forward and blocked her face was painful to resist. It looked really soft. She slid her book over again, making me jealous as she tucked her hair back on her own.

 _ **Sorry, I should be getting back. Thanks for the company, though.**_

"Oh, that's cool," I lied. I was nowhere near finished with her. "And it was my pleasure, this was fun."

She didn't look like she really believed me, but I could see that she wanted to. She gave me a hesitant smile, and I sat up when she pushed herself up to her feet and folded her blanket before sliding on a hoodie.

"Wait, Bella?" She raised an eyebrow at me, waiting patiently. "Would you…maybe be up for hanging out again sometime?" I ran my hand through my hair, hoping I didn't look as nervous as I felt.

She chewed on her lip for a moment before hesitantly nodding, and I beamed.

"Cool. So…could I maybe get your number or something?" Shit, my hands were fucking sweating. She took her book back out of her purse, and wrote something before tearing out the page, folding it in half, and then hesitating.

I could see her trying to force herself to hand it to me. She was trying so hard that she started trembling, looking like she was going to be sick. I sat patiently, letting her work through it, and a long minute later, her shoulders slumped in defeat before she set the piece of paper down on the ground a careful distance away from me. Then she gave me a quick wave, trying to hide her watering eyes before she quickly fled to the tree line.

I picked up the piece of paper, opening it up and smiling when I found an actual phone number.

Plenty of girls had given me their numbers before, but this was the first one I'd actually had to _ask_ for. I felt a proud smile spread across my face.

It faded remembering the look of failure and embarrassment on her face when she'd left, though. Obviously, it was going to take a bit of work being her friend, but…I really wanted that. She was fucking intriguing, captivating, and despite not being able to speak, she was just a normal, lonely, teenaged girl.

But she was the most interesting girl I'd ever met. I'd dated Tanya for two months and I'd never once enjoyed her company as much as I did Bella's today.

If she was only going to make friends with one person here, I was really damn happy that she'd picked me. I hung out in the meadow for another hour, just enjoying the sun, before I figured most of the adults would be drunk enough for me to go back and swipe some liquor.

* * *

 **A/N:** So, their first real time spending time together. What did you think? Questions, comments? Thanks for reading!


	6. Chapter 6

**Okay, wow. I just wanted to say you guys are completely blowing me away with the support for this story so far. Thank you so much.**

 **I don't own Twilight, I've merely hi-jacked Stephanie Meyer's characters for my own amusement.**

 **Un-beta'd, sorry guys, you're stuck with my horrible grammar :P**

* * *

 **. . . Bella . . .**

I slowed once I was in the safety of the trees once more, gasping for breath around my tears. I tried, I tried so damn hard just to hand him that God damn piece of paper, and I couldn't. I just fucking couldn't, and I hated it so much. I hated being like this. I just wish my brain would fucking work properly. The most gorgeous, and friendliest guy I'd met since this happened, the only person my age who'd talked to me like a normal damn person had sat with me for hours, talking to me, told me he was my friend, that he wanted to hang out with me, and even asked me for my number. And I couldn't hand him a God damn piece of paper.

I sat in the woods for a good half hour, just crying, before I followed my pink string back to the house. I slipped in the back, then went and took a long shower to relax myself. Not caring how early I'd be up the next day, and needing to desperately escape my reality, I took my sleeping pills, grabbed my iPod, and curled up under my favourite fluffy, white blanket.

I woke up at two in the morning, mentally cursing my decision to crash at seven. I rolled out of bed, grabbed some shorts, and walked out to the kitchen to get something to eat.

And there was a giant piece of cheesecake sitting on the counter with a note for me from Charlie. That made me smile brightly, but it just reminded me of the Cullen bbarbecue, which reminded me of Edward.

Which made me lose my appetite. I doubt he'd ever actually use that number now.

That restless, itchy, heavy pressure set in again, making my eyes water as it got harder to breathe. Knowing no one would be up right now I went out back and smoked another joint, relaxing as I stared up at the stars. It was the first time I'd seen them since I moved here.

Then I went back inside with a rumbling stomach, washed the smell of pot off me, and took my cake to my room with me. I grabbed my lap top and went into my Netflix, and checked my phone out of habit.

My brow furrowed, seeing I had a message. I figured it would have been from Charlie, but I didn't know the number. Curiously, I opened it.

 **Hey, Bella, this is Edward. Just wanted to make sure you got home okay. Talk to you again soon! -E**

I stared at my screen in disbelief for a couple minutes, but then texted him back when I realized he'd sent it six hours ago.

 **Hey. I got home fine, thank you. Hope I don't wake you up with this. Good night. -B**

Five minutes later it vibrated.

 **You didn't, I'm usually up until four or five on the weekends. I was starting to worry something might have happened, so thanks for texting me. -E**

I grinned.

 **Why do you stay up so late? And sorry about that, I kind of took a nap. -B**

 **Lol, don't worry about it. I'd figured. And I'm just playing video games, my mom can't bug me when she's asleep. -E**

 **Ah, makes sense. -B**

 **Do you play any video games? -E**

 **You're going to laugh at me. -B**

 **Don't say Farmville, please. I thought you were cool. -E**

I bit my lip to restrain my smile.

 **No, not Farmville. Have you ever heard of Minecraft? -B**

 **You're shitting me! I'm on right now. -E**

 **No way! -B**

 **Yeah. I'm trying to build a Sphinx right now, Emmett's building pyramids. Want to join us? -E**

I hesitated, not quite sure. I was still absorbing the fact that I was getting along with Edward almost normally, I figured trying for a second person might be pushing my luck too far too soon.

 **He tells a lot of really lame, dirty jokes, but he's a cool guy. Please? -E**

I huffed.

 **Okay. -B**

He texted me the server they were on, and I logged in. My phone buzzed again.

 **Do you have Steam? -E**

I frowned, but he texted again before I could reply.

 **I get that you can't really use it, but you can hear us talk and use the texting in the server. -E**

I smiled.

 **Yeah, I do. HellsBells99. -B**

 **K, I'll add you, one sec. -E**

I got his invite just as the world finished loading, and then his voice came in through my head phones.

"Hey Bella, you there?"

 **Yup.**

"Hey Bella! I'm Emmett, nice to meet you."

 **You too.**

"Start walking north, just keep going straight, and I'll come get you, okay?"

I nodded before realizing they couldn't see me, then typed in a quick okay before I started walking. I killed a lot of chickens on my way up. It was about ten minutes later that Emmett, or Batman I should say, met up with me, and I followed him to the desert. We got swarmed by zombies and skeletons when it got dark, but Emmett was even better than I so we got through fine.

This game was one of the few things that had gotten me through the months I was locked up at the hospital. I'd gotten pretty damn good at it.

I sucked in a breath when I saw it in the distance. The sound seemed to surprise Edward.

"Bella? Was that you?"

 **Yeah, sorry. It's just impressive.**

"Don't apologize," he said with a laugh.

"It's cool, though, right? I just started the base for the pyramid, but then switched to making the river first. We're doing it to scale, cool, right?" Emmett asked excitedly.

 **Yeah, it is. But no, you're not.**

"Huh?" He asked in confusion.

 **The sphinx faces the Nile, and it's a lot further away from it. And the pyramids are more behind it, not beside it.**

"Told you, Em."

"Shit, well, okay then. Want to help me map it out, Bella?"

 **Sure**.

And, just like that, we were playing together. Completely fucking normal. Emmett didn't ask me any personal questions, but he knew more dirty nun jokes than anyone else I'd ever met. I played with them for four hours, until they were falling asleep at their desks. I said goodnight, thanking them for the invite once more, and logged out as Emmett shut down his server.

With a smile on my face, I decided to get to work on my last sports essay, this one on hockey. I had meant to finish this subject last, but I actually enjoyed it, and I was doing pretty well with the others.

. . . . .

It was a Thursday. I wasn't used to being in school on a Thursday. I needing to go in, but I think they were in between classes or on break or something because there were people _everywhere_.

I needed to write this damn calculus test.

But I couldn't seem to step away from my car.

My eyes began to water as my body started to shake.

"Bella!"

I turned at the sound of my name, seeing Edward jogging over. I was already frozen, so even though my heart rate shot up even more at the impending disruption of my comfy space, I did not run. He stopped a few feet away from me, giving me his gorgeous smile. "Hey, what are you doing here on a Thursday?"

And he stayed where he was, a respectful distance away from me, watching me with that dangerous smirk in his faded jeans, black t-shirt and black leather jacket. His hair was just…crazy.

Damn, he had to be the hottest boy I'd ever seen.

 _Stop staring! Do something!_

My paralysis seemed to melt away, and I bit onto my lip for a moment before digging out my notebook.

 _ **I'm supposed to write an exam.**_

His brow furrowed as he pursed his lips, watching me for a moment.

"What room?"

 _ **43.**_

"Cool, I know where it is. I'll walk you, let's just wait a minute for the halls to clear, 'kay?"

 _ **You really don't have to-**_

"I want to. Let me," he interrupted. Damn, that was a dangerous smile. I nodded, hating how my face heated up.

"Look, I'm sorry I haven't texted you this week. My parents kind of grounded me and confiscated my phone. And laptop."

 _ **That's okay**_ _,_ I assured him, because even though I'd had fun I still hadn't really expected him to contact me again. _**Why'd they ground you?**_

"I tried to steal some beer from the party for a rainy day. Mom found it when she went into my room to wake me up on Sunday."

I grinned, shaking my head.

"Hey, stop laughing at me," he teased, and I raised an eyebrow at him because I obviously hadn't laughed. His grin got bigger. "In your head, you're laughing at me. I can see it in your eyes."

I rolled said eyes, but couldn't stop smiling.

"Okay, it should be better now, let's go."

And he didn't give me a moment to get nervous, he just started walking, and I had to practically jog to keep up with his long legs. He pointed out things to me as we went through the halls, the science lab, art and music class, and the gymnasium.

I almost panicked when another guy about our age started running in our direction down the hall. He was much too close, and Edward was on my other side.

Before I could even halt, though, Edward switched to my other side, nodding me over, and I gratefully slid closer to the wall.

"Hey, asshole," Edward said with a friendly smile.

"Douche," he responded. "Hey, gorgeous. Shit, you're the Chief's niece or something, right?"

"Sorry, we're kind of in a hurry. Fuck off."

The guy just rolled his eyes, giving me a slow once over and a wink that made my stomach roll. Edward nodded for me to start walking again though, and I did.

"Sorry about him. Crowley's and ass."

My eyebrows raised at the name, and he stopped.

"You know him?"

I didn't get why he sounded angry about that, but I shook my head before writing a quick note.

 _ **No, but I work with his father. He's just mentioned him before.**_

"Ah, well, if you work with him, next time you see him you should tell him to tell that asshole offspring of his to get some fucking manners."

I made an embarrassing wheezing noise in lieu of a laugh, and Edward was smirking the rest of the short walk.

"Well, here you are. Are you going to be okay from here?"

My face flushed in embarrassment, but I nodded before mouthing a _thank-you_ to him.

His face lit up.

"Any time, gorgeous," he said with a wink, and I bit my lip to restrain my grin. "I mean that. Good luck with your exam." He gave me a wave, which I returned with one of my own before slipping into the room.

The teacher's assistant that was waiting for me gave me a bright smile, not seeming to mind that I was a few minutes late. She nodded me towards a desk that had my exam on it, and I took a seat, getting to work with a smile on my face, which was still flushed from Edward's flirty good-bye in the hall.

It was so much easier than I thought it would be, and I was smiling as I set the papers on her desk. I waved good-bye, and then walked out in the hall.

I froze. _This_ must have been lunch hour. Shit shit shit.

"How'd it go?"

My head whipped around at the sound of his voice, and Edward was there, leaning against the lockers with his hands stuffed in his pockets, next to this giant muscley guy with short, black, curly hair.

If he'd had a beard and was wearing a flannel shirt, he would have been my ultimate lumberjack fantasy come to life.

I gave Edward a thumbs-up, and a smile which he returned quickly.

"Awesome. Can I walk with you back to your car?"

Still smiling, I gave him a shy nod. He grinned brightly.

"Cool. By the way, this is Emmett," he said reluctantly. His friend smiled, showing off some awesome dimples.

"You're Bella?" I nodded. Obviously. "Nice to meet you! If Eddie here doesn't get his computer back on Saturday you should still come join me on the server. I usually go on around two. So, well, I guess it's kind of Sunday, even though he feels like Saturday still? Well, you know what I mean, it doesn't matter. If it's up you're welcome," he offered. Making me smile. That was some impressive rambling. It kind of went without saying, no pun intended, that I liked talkers. "Well, I need to go eat. See yah!"

And he jogged away, not giving me a weird look, asking questions, or even trying to shake my hand. Though it was awesome, it was also weird. I looked at Edward in confusion.

"I didn't really tell him anything, I just told him to keep his hands to himself," he said with a shrug. "Come on, let's go." Before I could say anything else he was off again.

I ran to catch up, and this time I was walking next to the wall with Edward at my side. His quick pace distracted me from the anxiety and helped me concentrate on moving. I knew he did it on purpose, and tried to be stealthy about it, but I did notice how he had moved three inches closer to me in between my exam room and my car, one inch at a time. And I forced myself to keep focusing on moving and drowning out everything and trying to force my mind and body to stop freaking out about Edward's respectful proximity.

He wasn't touching me, but he was close enough to reach out and touch me. But he wouldn't. I hated my brain for refusing to stop wanting to run away from him. He didn't touch me once, but I was still shaking from the tension of letting him take that proximity. But I let him, and I didn't flinch away. I also didn't see anything else on the walk, I don't remember any people, or Edward saying anything to anyone. I looked up at him when we stopped, and he had a slightly smug smile on his lips.

"So, you said you think it went well? What subject was it for?"

I dug my book and a pencil out of my purse.

 _ **It was for calculus, and I hate calculus, but the exam felt much easier than I thought it would. And now I'm done with it! Hopefully, if I did in fact pass.**_

He gave me a happy smile when he read it. "Awesome! Congrats." Damn, everything about this boy was distracting. And I found myself relaxing a little more quickly with him. I still held my ground when he moved one inch closer even though my muscles all tightened in response. "How are your other subjects going?"

 _ **Pretty good. I should be done with them in a couple weeks, I just wanted to get the worst one over with first.**_

I showed him, but was distracted when I caught a few scattered people watching us. Shit, I was really stealing his time today. I started writing again.

 _ **And thank you very much for walking with me. I'm sorry if I made you late for your class. And for keeping you from your lunch break.**_ He rolled his eyes at me.

"Trust me, I didn't miss anything important. Also, that cafeteria smells weird, and you're much nicer company."

I smiled at the compliment, not even noticing my body starting to relax once more at first. He didn't push any harder, though. He held his distance.

 _ **What's your schedule like here?**_ He didn't seem to be in any hurry to leave, so I asked.

"Ah, it's not that bad. This semester I have environment, calculus, Spanish, gym, and Biology I. What do you have left after you finish the two you're on?"

 _ **Social studies, environment, biology II and English II. I'm going to ask if I can do social and environment first, then the last two afterwards because they'll probably be my favourite. You?**_

"English and Biology are your favourites?" He asked with a smile, and I nodded. "They're mine too."

I smiled brightly, enjoying having something in common with him.

"And with those I have history, government, social studies and a spare."

A bell rang, and I felt a bit of a thrill seeing him scowl.

"I gotta go. Hopefully I talk to you again soon. I'll text you when I get my shit back, 'kay?" I nodded, trying to restrain my smile. "Bye, Bella."

I gave him a small wave, and got into my car. I had to sit for fifteen minutes, because even though they were good nerves I was still a little worked up. I concentrated on my breathing like Irina told me to, and when I was relaxed once more I made the drive home.

* * *

 **A/N** : A little bit of bonding time for B&E. And she got to meet Emmett! So, you're getting to see a bit more of Edward, what do you think of him? Also, what's your favourite video game?


	7. Chapter 7

**Once again, you guys are blowing me away with the reviews, which is why I'm posting so early.**

 **Insert disclaimer here: I don't own the characters, blah blah blah...**

* * *

 **. . . Bella . . .**

I was trembling as I sat in her office, next to Charlie, who left work for me just because I was too strung out to drive to my own fucking therapy session. He just sat there with a supportive, loving smile, not looking like he minded at all. And he had assured me he didn't, multiple times, but it didn't lessen the guilt.

"Bella?" She asked softly, making me jump and pulling me out of my head. She gave me a soft smile. "I'm ready for you, come on in."

I stood up shakily, swaying slightly and she watched me worriedly. I followed her in, and as always she stood patiently, letting me decide where I wanted to sit today. I took the corner of the big couch, picking up the white board and sitting down, kicking off my shoes, and drawing my knees up to my chest. She frowned, then took out her super-comfy white throw blanket and set it down next to me. My eyes watered as I took it, wrapping it around myself, but it didn't help. I couldn't hold it. I just started crying.

"What happened?" She asked softly, sitting in the arm chair directly across from me.

 _ **I started dreaming again. I've been taking my medication but the last two nights it started again.**_

"Tell me."

 _ **It was the same as always.**_

"Tell me any ways, it will help to get it out."

My writing was horrible, with my shaking hands and blurry vision. But I did as she asked, forcing the dry-erase marker to move.

I threw the board down as I sprung out of my seat and threw up in her garbage can before collapsing.

She said it would get easier each time, talking about it, but it didn't feel like it helped at all.

Irina sat down next to me on the floor, being careful not to come too close. She didn't say anything, she just supported me with her silence, her almost-proximity, and the look in her eyes.

I didn't even have to say anything, she saw the words in my eyes.

"I know how much you hate it, Bella. But it will get better, you _are_ getting better."

I gave her a skeptical look, sniffling, and flinching at the sound I made.

"Yes, I know it might not feel like it, but you are. You're here, aren't you? They wouldn't have released you from the hospital if you hadn't been getting better. You've come very far, and that's something you should be proud of."

She waited silently, patiently, and I'm not sure how long it took me to get up and stumble back to the couch. I just lay down on my side.

 _ **I'm so tired,**_ I wrote down lazily.

"What kind of tired?"

 _ **Physically. I'm exhausted. And I'm tired of being like this. I just want to be normal.**_

"And what does normal mean to you?"

 _ **Being able to hand someone something without having a fucking panic attack.**_

She nodded.

"Have you spoken to Edward again?"

I shook my head.

"How does that make you feel?"

I shrugged.

"Nope. Give me words," she chastised gently, and I cleared the board again.

 _ **He's a nice guy, but I don't expect anything from him.**_

"You don't, or you won't?"

I sighed. _**Either.**_

"Go on."

My stomach sank, and my eyes watered again.

 _ **I want him to call. He's the only person my age that I've had a somewhat normal conversation with since it happened. He's so nice, and…I don't want to get my hopes up. I don't want to want him to call. I don't want to let him get close just to see him run away screaming. It's easier not to expect anything from anyone. They can't hurt me that way.**_

"You really believe that he'd just tap out and leave?"

 _ **Most people do.**_

"But there are exceptions."

I nodded.

 _ **Charlie's amazing. He's like family to me, though. He loves me. He'd never leave.**_

And then I smirked.

 _ **And then there's you, but I can't really afford to pay Edward to hang out with me. Would that still be considered prostitution even if we're not having sex?**_

She laughed. I liked hearing other people laugh. Though it made me miss making the sound, I could almost feel it in my memories when I heard someone else do it.

"No, it would just be paid labour." I rolled my eyes. "Bella, you're going to have to open up to someone eventually. You need to take a chance."

 _ **I've already taken lots of chances. With every single person I knew in Arizona. I don't want to any more. Not yet. It's not worth it. Things are going well here, I don't want to screw it up.**_

She nodded, and switched subjects.

"So, have you tried handing Charlie the newspaper again yet?"

 _ **Yeah, two days ago. I passed out again**_.

. . . . .

Shit, I was fucking _high_. The new meds she started me on were _powerful._

And they hurt my stomach, but it was better than the consuming panic that had been trying to suffocate me. She told me it would take about a week to get used to them, and I could barely think straight. I couldn't focus enough to read. I couldn't even concentrate enough to drive to the station.

It was a gorgeous day, though, and I needed to get out of this house. I packed a few joints, some water and juice, and a big container of the peanut butter cookies I had made. It was cooling off, so I got changed into a pair of grey jeans, a warm, dark-blue sweater and my white scarf before walking out into the woods. I threw out my blanket when I got to the meadow, got comfy, and settled in with my joint and my book. I started to sketch, trying to capture the beauty of this peaceful place on paper. I guess I had kind of zoned out, getting lost in the scratches of my pencil, but I snapped back to reality when I heard a soft crunch.

My head whipped around, and there was Edward, staring at me in surprise before he smiled widely. I sat up, not quite sure what to do. I wasn't sure if he came here for quiet as well, and if he would want to be alone.

I was aware that he still hadn't called, and I tried not to let it bother me.

"Hey!" He said, jogging over. "I just tried texting you a little while ago. I'm glad I found you," he said with a smile. I gave him a hesitant smile back, not needing to say anything because I knew he would know that there wasn't any reception here. "How are you?"

I gave him another smile, and his own smile faded as he regarded me closely.

"No, I don't think you are," he said, answering me like I'd spoken my 'fine' aloud. "What's wrong? Did something happen?"

I flipped the page of my book to write him a note.

 _ **It's nothing, I'm fine.**_

He huffed, still watching me.

"Mind if I join you?"

 _ **Not at all.**_

He pulled a blanket out of his bag, laying it next to mine, and dropped down on it comfortably.

"Something's up with you. Please tell me? You look…off."

I sighed, wishing that the noise was louder so he could hear how much I didn't want to talk about it. I answered anyways, not wanting to push away the one person my age that talked to me.

 _ **My doctor put me on some new medication. It's just messing with my head.**_

"Oh, that sucks. I hope it don't bother you for too long," he said worriedly.

 _ **She said it should get better in a few days.**_

He gave me a relieved smile, and though it pulled at that worry, knowing it would be easier to lose him now compared to later, I was just too numb to get worked up. Edward dug in his bag, taking out a tin, and he lit up his own joint before flopping onto his stomach.

"So, how have you been?"

A pathetic, stressed-out mess.

 _ **Good, and you?**_

"Good…" He watched me carefully. "Is this just your meds zoning you out or do you not want to talk to me?"

 _ **Door number one. I'm sorry, it's kind of hard to think straight.**_

I rested my head on my arms.

"No, it's okay. I just wanted to make sure. Look, I'm sorry that I haven't talked to you in so long. I don't want you to think I was trying to avoid you or anything, because I wasn't."

I gave him a small smile. _ **It's okay, really.**_

"I got my shit back today," he said happily.

 _I_ _ **'m glad. Is your punishment over?**_

"Yup," he said happily. It was then that I remembered what day it was, and looked at him in confusion. "What?"

 _ **It's Friday, didn't you say that you usually go to the beach with your friends on Friday?**_ I kind of figured that he'd want to get back to that now that he was finally free from his sentence.

He shrugged. "Yeah, but I didn't feel like it today. And…well, I was kind of hoping to catch you here," he said, a little uneasily.

I smiled, silently cursing the heat in my face. His grin grew, though he looked kind of nervous.

"So, um…do you have any plans tomorrow?"

I shook my head. _**I can't really work for a couple of days, it's too hard to concentrate on the words.**_

"Well, I was wondering if you maybe wanted to, err…If you're free- Fuck. Would you like to drive out to Port Angeles with me tomorrow?"

I just stared at him. He was kind of flustered, and it made me wonder if he was trying to ask me out on a date or if he only wanted some company.

But he _was_ asking me to hang out with him. Really, I'd be happy with either reason.

I bit my lip to restrain my smile, and gave him a shy nod.

His smile split his face, but he quickly composed himself.

"Cool. Have you been before?" I shook my head. "Well, there are lots of stores, and a really nice book shop, but I was thinking that maybe we could like, see a movie or something too? Maybe have dinner?"

Shit, that really sounded like a date.

But why the hell would he ask me out on a date? The thought of it being out of pity made my stomach roll. Was this because he still felt guilty about scaring the shit out of me in the grocery store? Was this whole friendly act out of pity?

I needed to know.

 _ **Are you asking me out on a date?**_

He groaned, rubbing his hands over his eyes. "Yes."

 _ **Why?**_

"What do you mean, _'why'_?" He asked in confusion.

 _ **Why would you ask me out on a date?**_

"Because I…want to take you out on a date?" His statement came out as more of a question in his obvious confusion. But then his face hardened as he watched me, and his voice came out sharp. "No, this isn't some fucking pity date, Bella. I just like hanging out with you. So, do you want to go, or not?"

I nodded, because I really did, though pissing him off made me feel sick with unease. I fought back the tears that tried to fill my eyes.

"Shit, I'm sorry for snapping. I'm not mad at you," he said softly, and I looked back up at him doubtfully. His expression was pained. "Really, I mean it. It's just…I get angry thinking that people have made you believe that you're just, like, not awesome company. Because you are. I honestly just like hanging out with you."

 _ **Really?**_ He nodded. _ **I don't make you…uncomfortable?**_

"Nope," he said easily. "Would you be uncomfortable, though? Sitting in a car with me, or like, next to me in the theater?" He asked worriedly.

My eyes watered when I thought about that. I wanted to be comfortable around him. I really, _really_ did.

But I didn't know if I could.

 _ **I don't know…I've sat next to Charlie in a car before.**_

He pursed his lips, watching me carefully.

"Well…we could always, like, test it out?"

 _ **How?**_

"Could I…sit next to you here maybe?" He asked hopefully. I tensed. "I promise, I won't touch you or anything. I'll just move a bit closer."

Fuck, I really wished my body would believe him. The numbness prevented me from getting too worked up, though.

Which was awesome. And gave me a bit of hope.

I gave him a hesitant nod, and he smiled brightly.

He shifted closer, and I still flinched. He stopped, watching me, and I hoped he could see in my eyes how sorry I was.

"No, it's okay. Do you think it might be easier if you like, closed your eyes or something?"

I didn't know, but I tried anyways, resting my forehead on my folded arms and trying to relax.

And there was nothing for me to see with them shut. I jumped when he spoke.

"I'm close. I want you to remember that when you open your eyes I'm going to be just as close as I am right now, okay?"

I nodded, taking a minute to steady my breathing, trying to will my subconscious to embrace his words before slowly opening an eye.

And he was _right there_ , his elbow only an inch or so away from mine, and I sucked in a sharp breath, clenching my eyes shut as they welled with tears and a shudder rolled through my body. My pulse was pounding in my ears, and it was hard to breathe, but my muscles had locked down and I couldn't move.

But after a few minutes, as I sat in blind silence, my body started to relax again instead of snapping and passing out. I hesitantly opened my eyes again, hating the tears that trailed down my cheeks, and though my breath caught and I tensed again, it wasn't as bad.

And Edward lay there silently, unmoving, watching me. His eyes were pained, and worried, but also determined, supportive, and pretty damn happy as I started to relax a little more. Small tremors kept rolling through me, but I didn't think I was going to pass out or throw up or anything.

Looking into those deep green eyes did wonders to calm me. And then there was his _scent_.

He smelled _amazing._

When he too realized that I wasn't going to run or faint or something, a brilliant smile spread across his face.

"You okay?"

I gave him a hesitant smile, and his smile turned kind of…smug.

"Awesome," he said happily. "So, I was thinking I could pick you up at around noon?" I nodded my agreement. "Have you been to PA before?" He had already asked me that but I shook my head again anyways. "Cool. Well, I could show you around for a bit, check out a few stores, then dinner and a movie?" I smiled as I nodded, starting to get a little excited. It had been a while since I'd been on a date, and that one had been horrible.

I couldn't see Edward trying to feel me up in the back row of a movie theater. I know he knew that nothing like that was happening. And though he seemed to honestly be enjoying my company I still couldn't fathom why he would want to take me on a date that had a zero chance of a good night kiss or even hand holding. I kept those thoughts to myself, because I didn't want to see him get mad again.

"Are there any stores that you'd like to check out?"

Yeah, I needed a trip to Victoria Secret to get some new bras, but I wasn't doing that with him. It took a minute to force myself to move with him that close, and I shakily put my pencil to the open page of my book.

 _ **I'd like to go to a book store, and maybe a music or movie store too? I'd like some new books and DVDs.**_

"Done," he said easily. My stomach rumbled, and I blushed at his smirk before I took out my cookies. His eyes lit up, and I smiled before sliding the container in between us. He smiled brightly, and every muscle in my body went ridged when his hand moved to take one.

I didn't flinch, though.

And he said nothing about it.

"Oh my God, these cookies are awesome. You're a pretty good cook."

I forced my arm to move again.

 _ **I'm really not. I burnt almost half of the batch.**_

It was why I made such big batches of things, I usually ruined a good portion of it. I wasn't a bad cook per se, but I was useless if I didn't have a recipe to follow. And he didn't need to know that they were from a bag mix.

He laughed, and swiped another cookie after inhaling his first one. I tried not to eat too slow, remembering how he'd inhaled five of my six cornbread muffins.

 _ **How often do you come out here?**_

He grinned happily before answering. "When I'm not locked in my tower, almost every other day. Usually around now or later. You?"

 _ **Almost any day that it's not raining, usually around lunch time.**_

"How is that? Setting your own schedule like that?" He asked curiously.

 _ **I like it, I just feel bad sometimes over how far they all go out of their way for me. I'm really grateful, though.**_

He watched me with a curious look for a moment, and looked like he was going to ask something. But he didn't. I saw him let it go in his eyes, changing his direction.

"So what are your days like? What's your usual schedule?"

 _ **It's not very exciting. I'm usually up fairly early, do a few hours of work, drop my stuff off at the office, and then once I come back, if it's nice out I like to bring lunch out here and do school work for a few hours. Charlie works late most nights, so after I have dinner I kind of just do whatever I feel like at the time.**_

He frowned a little, though he quickly hid it.

"So how many hours do you work a week? For the police station?"

 _ **Usually somewhere between ten and twenty, depends on the week. Do you work?**_

"In the summers I work for this plant nursery about a half hour out of town, but they just closed for the season two weeks ago. I cut and sell Christmas trees for them in December as well."

I tried to block out the very distracting mental image of Edward cutting down trees. Maybe wearing a flannel jacket and a tuque, construction boots and dark jeans… Yeah, he'd make a hot lumberjack too.

 _ **Do you like it?**_

"Yeah, I love it. I love being outside. Do you like your job? What is it that you do exactly?"

I thought about that for a moment, but the papers I'd signed were to not talk about the details of the documents I read, not that I couldn't talk about what I did.

 _ **I'm making electronic copies of all their paper records. It's just a lot of scanning, typing and organizing.**_

"Oh, is it boring?"

 _ **I don't mind it, it keeps me busy and it's kind of easy. I'm just happy that I have a paying job, I didn't think I'd be able to find something that I could do right now. I got really lucky with it. I hate taking money from Charlie, and it's nice to have something aside from school work to do.**_

"And he hooked you up with it?" I nodded with a smile. "That's awesome. There really aren't that many employment opportunities in Forks."

I smiled and nodded, not being surprised by that information.

"So, is it just a temporary thing?"

 _ **Kind of? I don't think they can afford to hire a second person, and there's enough work in there to keep me busy for at least a year.**_

He laughed. "Well that's good."

I opened up my second bottle of water, and not wanting to leave him yet but starting to get a little antsy, I dug out another joint from my purse. Then, I carefully laid back down where I had been before. It was unsettling how strange it was to be so close to someone who wasn't Charlie. We weren't touching but our folded arms were only a few inches apart.

Actually, this was closer than I'd been while sitting next to Charlie in a car. The realization surprised me.

"What was that look for?" He asked curiously, copying me and opening up his own tin before cautiously settling back down. I shook my head, thinking it was a kind of sad realization. I didn't want to upset him again.

He didn't push, and after another few minutes I was relaxed once more, even more than before. I didn't care that I had to be high to do it, I was so damn happy to be next to him like this. I couldn't restrain my smile, and Edward mirrored me.

"So, how's living with the Chief?" He asked curiously. I smiled, but it took me a little while to write because my brain was a pile of goo.

 _ **Too easy, like, it feels almost too good to be true? He works a lot, and I'm usually at home so I have the place to myself most of the time. We're both pretty tidy people, and he has a cleaning lady that comes in once a week. Nights that he's home we usually alternate cooking. And then there's the fucking car he bought me so I could get around on my own, and he set up everything at the school and my job for me… He has no problem with me coming and going as I please as long as I let him know where I'm going, keep my grades up in school, and don't drive when I'm upset. And he's a really laid back guy, easy to get along with, although he can be a little blunt sometimes. I like it, though, he doesn't treat me like a child. And I've never met anyone who knows more bad cop jokes.**_

I took up almost an entire page, and rested my head back down as I watched him read it with glassy, slightly-red eyes. I smiled when he laughed at the end.

"Yeah, I've always thought he was a pretty cool guy. As long as he doesn't arrest you, then he'll make your life a living hell." My smile grew.

 _ **Have you ever been arrested?**_

"Nope," he said proudly. "You?"

I shook my head. _**What's he like around other people?**_

"I'd say same as what you said, pretty laid back. He's not on a power trip like most of the other cops, doesn't get up in your case unless you're actually doing something wrong. He's nice to like, everybody. The town loves him."

I smiled, and wasn't surprised at all. I just didn't get to see him interact with many people outside of the office and grocery store.

 _ **What are your parents like?**_

"Eh, they're not bad. My mom's a little over protective; she's a hoverer, and a meddler. My dad's a pretty laid back guy. Kind of quiet. He work's a lot." He hesitated for a moment before asking warily, "What was your mom like?"

I tensed. He probably thought it was in pain, or sadness, but I only had anger for her now.

"Sorry, you don't have to talk about it if you don't want to."

I shrugged. _**She was a delusional fucking sociopath.**_

He stared at me with wide eyes for a moment, and I sighed.

 _ **Are you and your brother close? What's his name?**_

It took him a minute to answer. "Yeah. His name is Jasper, and we're only a year apart so we grew up pretty close I guess."

 _ **Do you miss him?**_

He shrugged. "Not really, it's just kind of weird not having him in the house." He was lying through his teeth, but his attempt at nonchalance was kind of cute.

The sun had disappeared, and the wind had picked up. It was only another minute after that I felt the first few drops of rain.

 _ **I should probably get going.**_

"Yeah, I wouldn't be surprised if this picked up," he said reluctantly. "Would it be okay if I like…walked you home?"

I smiled, because he was so damn sweet.

 _ **You don't have to.**_

"I know, but I'd like to."

I felt my face heat up as I smiled and nodded. We both got up, folding our blankets and packing our stuff. The light drizzle was quickly turning into a downpour.

"Lead the way," he said with a smile. And I slung my purse over my shoulder and started walking. He easily matched my stride.

"What time is the Chief home tonight?"

I held up all ten fingers.

"Is that how late he usually works?"

I shook my head, but couldn't really elaborate or my book or phone would get soaked. I think he kind of figured that out, that I was limited to yes and no. It looked like he was having trouble finding something to say, and there was nothing I could do to help.

I wonder if he realized that this is what it would be like driving with me as well. My stomach sank.

I wasn't going to cancel on him. I didn't want to push him away, but I wasn't going to let myself cling to him either. I'd see tomorrow how well he could handle silence, and if he needed to walk away after…well, I'd just try to make the most out of tomorrow.

He looked so deep in thought. I wish I could ask him what he was thinking about.

A random smile took his face, and I raised an eyebrow at him when he turned to face me.

"Did you mark your trail with string?" He asked with a laugh, and I blushed in embarrassment before nodding. "Hey, nothing wrong with that. It's kind of comforting to know that you won't get lost in the woods." I rolled my eyes, smiling. We broke through the trees into Charlie's back yard. "Does the Chief know about the meadow?"

I nodded him over so we could stand under the awning out of the rain, and took out my book.

 **Kind of. He knows I have a place in the woods where I like to hang out, that it's not far, and that I have my trail marked. He could easily find it if he wanted to though, sorry.**

"Nah, it's cool. Just don't go getting kidnapped or something to make him go out and catch me smoking."

My entire body went ridged at his joke, and when he noticed his face went pale.

"Shit…Bella, I'm sorry, I didn't-"

I shook my head quickly, stopping his apology.

 _ **No, it was nothing, really. Sorry.**_ I gave him the best smile that I could, but I knew he didn't buy it at all. He knew he hit home with something.

"So…the Chief will be okay with me taking you out tomorrow?" He asked, thankfully changing the subject, even though it was one that he obviously found uncomfortable.

My stomach sank, and I gave him an apologetic smile before taking out my phone.

"No, it's okay. Go ahead," he said warily, combing his hand back through his hair and tugging on it. I tried not to stare at the way the movement made his bicep flex. His shirt was soaked, and sticking to him in the most delicious way.

 **Hey Charlie, can I go out on a date with Edward Cullen tomorrow? He wants to take me to Port Angeles. -B**

We both waited uneasily for three minutes before my phone buzzed again.

 **Sure, you could do worse than a doctor's son. I want to talk to him before the two of you leave though. -C**

I cringed, and held out my phone for Edward to read. His breath left him in a huff, and he gave me a nervous smile.

"Yeah, sure. Of course."

I smiled, and told Charlie he had a deal.

"Okay, so…I guess I'll see you tomorrow? At noon?"

I smiled, and nodded, and prayed that my eyes wouldn't water as my nerves set back in.

"Awesome. Well, good night Bella," he said with a soft smile, and I mouthed a _'good night'_ back to him, which really made him smile for some reason.

And the way he hesitated before he turned and walked away made me wonder if he would have kissed me if I'd been a normal girl.

I really, really wished I was one.

* * *

 **A/N:** BELLA AND EDWARD ARE GOING ON A DATE. *Coughs to clear throat* Sorry, didn't mean to yell. Are you happy or nervous for them? And it was a giant leap for Bella to let him that close in the meadow.

A lot of you had been asking about her therapy, I've thrown Irina's name around a couple times but I guess you didn't really know who she was until now. So yes, Bella is in therapy. And I know you're all curious about what happened to her, but I didn't force out her story early. It didn't fit right. Hope you don't mind waiting for a bit for the full story.

So, next two chapters are the date. It got really long and I had to split it, but they're still both fairly long chapters. Any guesses as to whose POV they will be in?

THANK YOU to everyone that has reviewed and shared my story! Please continue to hit that review button, it makes me update a lot sooner!


	8. Chapter 8

**Hey guys! I think I need to come clean with something...I suck at replying to reviews. But I adore you guys for them, I love getting to hear your theories, questions, and what you think of the characters, and am still being blown away by the response to this story so far. So please, don't stop!**

 **Now, on to the date!**

 **I'm still not Stephanie Meyer...**

* * *

 **. . . Edward . . .**

Fuck, I was being such a girl. I shouldn't have been so damn nervous.

But I was.

I really wanted this to go well, and I knew from the look in her eyes last night that she'd been skeptical and hesitant to agree. It was obvious to me that Bella was expecting me to want to walk away after this. She was worried I'd be uncomfortable around her.

I was worried about _her_ being uncomfortable though, of stressing her out. I'd originally planned on waiting a little while longer to ask her out, spend a bit more time with her first so she'd be more comfortable around me. But then she said that she couldn't really work or study for the next few days, and whatever they gave her seemed to be making her much more relaxed than the other times I'd seen her and…yeah, I wasn't a very patient person.

I smiled, thinking of yesterday. I'd only been inches from touching her, and after a while she actually started to seem comfortable. I wasn't sure how much of that was on the drugs, but I was still surprised, pleased, and even more hopeful.

It bothered me a little, that it seemed like she was by herself most of the time. That's what I got yesterday as she told me a bit more about her day-to-day.

And I thought it was a little ridiculous how self-conscious she was, but at the same time…I could see in her eyes that she was afraid of getting hurt _again_. That she had a reason for being like this, and that really pissed me off. Yeah, she couldn't talk, but she could still hold a conversation better than any other girl I'd ever met. She was funny, and kind of straight forward. Which I really liked. When she just straight out asked if I was asking her out on a date, no bullshit, I wanted to simultaneously crawl into a dark hole to hide and thank her for ripping off the Band-Aid. She was a genuinely cool chick to hang out with, the fact that she was fucking smoking hot was just an awesome perk. That someone, or maybe someone _s_ , hurt her enough to make her think otherwise was infuriating and unacceptable.

I'd find out who they were, someday when she opened up more, and then I was going to beat the shit out of them for hurting her.

She was a little shy, but she didn't seem like the type to play mind games. She evaded some things that she didn't want to talk about, but that's not something I can really hold against her. She doesn't know me well yet; of course there are things she isn't comfortable talking to me about.

And I'm thinking that the story behind her recently-deceased mother being a _'delusional fucking sociopath'_ was one of them. Those words made me uneasy, because I could tell by the look in her eyes that she had been completely serious.

I was dead set on making sure she enjoyed today. I didn't mind her silence, it was actually kind of nice. All I needed was for her not to feel so damn guilty about it.

Oh, and I kind of needed to convince the Chief not to shoot me before I took her out.

Fuck.

I pulled up in their driveway, parking behind his cruiser. He couldn't take me away in it if I blocked it in. I wiped my sweaty palms on my jeans before getting out and walking up to the door.

I knocked, and tugged my hand through my hair uneasily, trying to calm down.

When she opened the door, I forgot why I'd been nervous. I think I may have forgotten my damn name for a moment.

She was wearing black tights, and this short blue dress that made her rack looking fucking amazing. She had a little blue beaded scarf wrapped once around her neck, and her hair was perfectly straight, shiny, and smooth as water.

I had to remind myself to breathe again, and gave her an appreciative smile.

"You look gorgeous."

She blushed, and smiled.

My attention was grabbed by the gruff sound of someone clearing his throat, and my heart rate shot up as I looked over to the Chief. He was watching me with his arms crossed over his chest, leaning against the wall.

Bella huffed, sounding annoyed, and I just stared because it was the loudest sound I'd ever heard her make. She nodded for me to come in, and folded her arms across her chest as she faced the Chief, raising an eyebrow at him.

He just fucking smiled.

"Hey, Edward. How are you?"

"Good, Sir. And yourself?"

"Good, thanks." He pushed off of the wall, and walked over. "Come join me in the garage for a few minutes, we need to talk. And don't give me that look, Bells."

She gave me an apologetic look, but just blushed again when I shot her a wink.

"It's cool, see you in a bit?" She nodded, and looked at each of us once more before reluctantly walking away. I looked back at the Chief, who nodded me through a door, his smile gone and replaced with a hard expression that I'd only ever seen him use on Newton. He closed the door behind him, then went and sat down on a stool in front of a tool bench.

Where his gun was sitting, stripped, and it looked like I'd interrupted him from cleaning it. He started again.

It was a clichéd intimidation attempt.

And it fucking worked.

"So, Edward, how well do you know my Isabella?" He asked.

"Er…not very well, I guess. Yet. We've talked a few times."

"Talked?"

I think he was trying to be funny, but I was not fucking amused by that, and I glared at him despite the gun.

"I talk, she writes. Or we text. Sometimes she doesn't even need to though, her eyes are like an open book to what she's thinking most of the time."

"And how do you feel about that?"

"About what?"

"About her silence. Does it make you uncomfortable?"

"No."

He looked at me sternly.

"Why did you ask her out?" He asked in a surprisingly sharp voice. He wasn't going to scare me off; I was still pissed about the talking joke.

"Because I think she's cool, she's funny, she's a really sweet girl, and even though she's kind of shy she can hold a better conversation than any other girl I know."

"Shy?" He asked curiously.

"Yeah. Well, maybe overly concerned is a better term? I'm not talking about her space bubble, just the fact that she seems so worried about making everyone _else_ uncomfortable with her silence. She doesn't expect me to stick around."

Hah, seeing him look caught off guard felt kind of awesome.

"What makes you say that?"

"Isn't it kind of obvious?"

"Do you know why?" He asked quietly, and I shrugged.

"I don't know. I just kind of figured that some people back in Arizona gave her a reason to have low expectations."

His eyes flickered to the door quickly, and his voice remained quiet.

"And has she spoken to you about what happened in Arizona?"

"No."

He watched me for a minute, then lifted an eyebrow at me curiously. "Aren't you going to ask me?"

"No. She'll tell me when she's ready," I said with another shrug.

He nodded in approval, before he sighed.

"It goes without saying that you won't live long if you hurt my little girl." He gave me a questioning look, and I nodded quickly. "Good. And I hate to do this but…I need to make sure you're prepared in case something happens."

"What do you mean?"

He rubbed his hands over his face uneasily, eyes flickering to the door again.

"Has she ever had a panic attack around you?"

"Well, she's kind of jumpy, and a little skittish, but it's not that big of a deal-"

"No, not that. You'd know if you saw her have one," he said with a sigh, looking tired. "She can't help them, and I think that's the hardest part for her, not having control over her reactions to certain things. Just…be careful that no one bumps into her, okay? She's fainted and collapsed a few times when her heart rate got too high."

Shit. "Really?" I asked worriedly.

He nodded. "If that isn't a possibility you can handle, I can't let her go out with you."

"No, it's cool, it's just…what should I do if she passes out? I can't like, pick her up or-"

"That's what I usually do," he said with a shrug. "Just pick her up and put her down somewhere before she wakes back up. And then you call me."

"Okay," I said with a nod. She was a tiny thing; I knew I wouldn't have any trouble carrying her. "And…if she wakes up while I'm still holding her?"

He gave me a pained look. "You'll have to call me. Just try to make sure she doesn't bump into anyone."

"I will. She'll be safe with me, Chief. I promise."

"Give me your phone, I'll put in my number," he said, sounding a little relieved. He handed it back a moment later. "And Edward?"

"Yeah?"

"If it's too much for you, no one will hold it against you. Not even her. Just try not to hurt her."

"I won't," I told him seriously, but was a little taken back myself from the force of it. I'm not sure why I felt so protective of her, but I just…did.

"Good. Then I think we're done here," he said happily, standing up. I sighed in relief, and followed him back into his house as he typed away on his phone. When we reached Bella in his kitchen, her phone chimed. She took it out, read something, then smiled at the Chief and nodded before looking at me worriedly. I gave her a reassuring smile, which seemed to relax her.

She was wearing this little black Pea coat with big silver buttons now, and little brown, leather ankle boots. God, she was gorgeous.

"You ready to head out?" She nodded, smiling, grabbing that giant fucking purse of hers and coming to join me.

I had to restrain myself from wrapping an arm around her, the urge to do so was so intense, and one look in her eyes let me know that she saw it. Her face fell a little, though she tried to hide it by looking away.

I got a tight feeling in my chest, realizing that she wanted me to do it too. Or at least wanted to have the option. As I got her door for her, making her blush again, my stomach was in knots from the sudden question that popped into my head.

How long had it been since she'd touched someone? Held someone's hand, had a pat on the back, had a fucking hug? That question was unnerving. I thought she might be a bit lonely spending so much time alone, but this was a different type of loneliness all together. I couldn't even picture going a month without some sort of physical contact. I don't remember the last time I had ever gone a day without a hug from my mom or a clap on the shoulder from my dad.

I tried to push that all aside to deal with later as I slid into my seat and closed the door. Even more determined to make this date awesome. To show her that I meant it when I told her I really wanted to do this.

I turned to her and smiled, and before I could say anything she smiled brightly and quickly started to write something in her black book.

 _ **Hey! How was your night? I hope Charlie wasn't too much of an ass, how was he? What did he say?**_

I laughed. "My night was kind of boring. I went over to a buddy's place and played some video games for a bit. And the Chief was cool, nothing to worry about."

 _ **But what did you guys talk about?**_

I shook my head. "Nope, I fear for my safety if I disclose details," I teased with a smile. She grinned, rolling her eyes. "So, since I can't really read while I'm driving, and it's a bit more than an hour drive, I was thinking that we could play a little game." She raised an eyebrow at me curiously, and I took my phone back out, opened my YouTube App, and then carefully set it down on the center console.

She still looked a little out of it, but not as much as yesterday. I was glad to see that she seemed fairly comfortable sitting next to me in my car, even if she was leaning away from me, towards her door. She picked up my phone curiously after I nodded to it.

"I have a killer data plan, so you can use my phone," I told her, then started up the car before backing out of the driveway and pulling away.

"So, do you have an iPod?" I glanced over to see her nod, watching me curiously as she held my phone. "What was the last song you listened to on it?"

She smiled, waking up my phone. I waited as she typed or whatever, and a minute later the song started up on the car's speakers. I loved Bluetooth.

I'd heard the song before, but wasn't sure of the artist. I looked over, and she tilted the phone so I could read the title. Hideaway by Kiesza. It had a good beat, and a dancing video that looked kind of neat.

"Do you watch a lot of music videos?" She nodded. "What was the last one you watched?"

No You Girls by Franz Ferdinand.

"Ah, I love that video. And the song. What's your favourite video at the moment?"

Love Runs Out by One Republic.

"Oh, I haven't seen the video for that one before. It looks cool though, can you add it to my watch later list?"

She nodded, smiling. And she had such a gorgeous smile. It was distracting.

"Do you ever listen to any classical music?" She nodded. "Pick out a song."

She chose Storm by Antonio Vivaldi, and it had a pretty awesome melody. And I had a great sound system.

"Okay, a classical rock song."

Hotel California by The Eagles.

"Something with a beat that you just really like."

Heatwave by the Julian Taylor Band.

"Techno or Electronic?"

Fortune Days by The Glitch Mob.

"Oh, add that one too," I said with a smile, and she was still grinning as she nodded. "Do you listen to music when you sleep?" She nodded. "Pick something that's on your playlist."

Wish You Were Here by Pink Floyd.

"Nice, that's on my sleeping list too," I said with a smile. Her smile grew, and I felt so fucking proud that it seemed like she was enjoying this. That concerning guilt I'd worried about seeing was nowhere to be found. "Give me another one."

She thought about that one for a bit longer, and looked a little apprehensive before she played Mad Mad World by Gary Jules. And I figured from her body language that it was more than just a song to her. She was trying to show me an emotion.

And it broke my heart a little. I looked over to her, and I could see she was wary that she'd ruined the mood, giving me that little glimpse into her head.

I tried to even out the playing field, because I _wanted_ her to open up to me.

"The worst dream I've ever had was about my brother. A couple years ago, we were walking through the parking lot to his car, and someone's van skidded across some ice in the parking lot and hit him. I saw the whole thing happen right in front of me. He was in a coma for about a month, broke a bunch of ribs and his shoulder. I still have nightmares about it."

My face was warm in embarrassment, and I peeked over to see her watching me with concerned and regretful eyes.

"Give me something else."

She thought about it for a moment, but seemed less hesitant when she started Somebody That I Used To Know by Gotye.

It made me think about what had happened to her in Arizona, who had made her wary about making a new friend? I could only ask yes, no, and multiple choice questions, though. I remembered her telling me that she didn't talk to anyone from her last home.

"Do you remember Tyler Crowley from school?" She nodded. "Well, he's my next-door neighbour, and growing up he was pretty much my best friend. Until a year ago, when he slept with my now-ex-girlfriend. I still can't believe he had done that, you know? I thought I knew him, I thought I knew _her_ , but apparently I didn't."

I looked over to see her mouth _'I'm sorry.'_ I loved it when she did that. I liked seeing her talk to me, even if there was no sound. I enjoyed reading her lips.

And I'd totally learn sign language to talk to her. I bet it would look awesome on my resume, too. But she couldn't sign, and I had a feeling that there was more to it than not being good at it. I think she may have been reluctant to learn.

"Nah, it's okay. We were only together two months, and I guess it was better to happen then than like a year down the road or whatever. It wouldn't have lasted anyways. She annoyed the hell out of me most of the time."

She gave me a hesitant smile, which I returned, before looking at the clock. Ten minutes.

"So, Bella, what was the last movie you watched?"

She pursed her lips for a moment before smiling brightly, and a moment later Skyfall started playing. I laughed.

"Nice, are you a big James Bond fan?" She shrugged, which I took as a _'kind of'_ or _'not really.'_

"Favourite TV show?" She did another search, and I frowned, not knowing this song. "I don't know this one, tell me when we stop," I said, and she smirked as she nodded, not seeming surprised.

"Favourite cartoon?"

I laughed when she played a clip from Bob's Burgers.

"Fuck, I love that show. Do you have a favourite movie?"

She started playing the fucking Star Wars theme, and I felt like I'd met my soul mate.

"Are you serious?" She nodded, smiling. "Then you and I are definitely having a Star Wars marathon sometime. No one will watch them with me anymore," I said with a pout, and she laughed, even though she didn't make a sound, before nodding with a bright smile.

And I was grinning, seeing that she'd already agreed to a second date, even if she hadn't realized it.

We got close to the city then, and since she was new to the area I put on the radio and told her about the different radio stations there were in case she drove down herself some time. She seemed thankful for that, and smiled brightly before writing them down. That black book that she seemed to take with her everywhere must really come in handy. Then as we got into the city I asked her if she wanted to go to the book store first, and she nodded, and I pointed out a bunch of other stores to her as I made the way there. I found an awesome parking spot, then smiled at her as I turned off the car.

I could tell that she was surprised with how fast that drive had gone, and her smile seemed relieved.

The side walk was a little crowded, which worried me a bit, and I didn't want to give her time to possibly get worried about it too.

"Wait here," I said with a wink, loving that little blush as she unfastened her seatbelt and nodded. I got out, and walked around to get her door for her. I was going to have to thank my dad for that one when I saw her cheeks get even redder. She was a little tense, but she still had that sort of cloudy, distracted quality in her eyes that made me think she was pretty high. It made me really curious as to what she was on. It didn't bother me, though; if it helped her deal with whatever she was trying to deal with then it was a good thing.

Because her fear scared _me_ sometimes. I tried not to think too deeply about it, because it frightened me a little. I'd seen it in her eyes, her body language, her words, and I had never experienced something so intense before. That she lived with that sort of debilitating fear near-constantly…it was a painful concept to wrap my mind around.

But we made it inside fairly easily. She was very tense with me walking so close next to her, but she let me. I'm not sure if it was because of her fear of the other people, or if she was just trying to push herself. Either way, once we were inside the calmer atmosphere of the store, I gave her a bit more space. She looked around when we stepped inside and she gave me a small smile before pointing over to the washrooms.

"Yeah, sure. Would you like to sit for a bit and have a coffee or something before we look around?" She nodded and smiled. "What would you like?"

She pulled out her book and pencil, quickly scribbling two words in the top corner of a new blank white page.

 _ **Green Tea?**_

"Sure," I said with a smile, and she mouthed a 'thank-you' before walking off. I watched her inconspicuously, wanting to make sure she made it around okay. She gave all the other customers a wide berth, and I went and got a coffee and her tea before grabbing us a small table in the corner, pulling out her chair and sliding her drink over before she sat down and joined me again.

' _Thank-you,'_ she mouthed again with a smile, making me grin. Her eyes quickly flickered over the surrounding area, but she seemed in approval of our seating arrangements.

"So is there anything in particular that you're looking for?" I asked curiously, taking a sip of my coffee. She opened up her book again, dropping her purse carelessly onto the floor next to her, and I swear, the noise that thing made reminded me of a shelf being knocked over. It made me think of Hermione's magic purse and her stacks of books tumbling over inside of it. What the fuck did she keep in that bag? She turned her book around for me to read.

 _ **There's a series that I read about online that I want to get, the one that True Blood show was based on? The Southern Vampire something. I didn't care too much for the show but I heard that the books were really good. And I'd like to check their graphic novel selection and their reference section if that's cool. What about you?**_

I smiled. "I wanted to check out comics too, but the last book in a series I'm reading just came out as well. The Lorien Legacies, have you heard of it?"

She smiled brightly.

 _ **Yes! I didn't know it was out yet, I'll have to get that too.**_

"So, do you like anything specific when it comes to reading? Preferred genre or whatever?"

 _ **Kind of, when I read it's usually to relax, so I like fiction, fantasy, that sort of stuff. Easy reading, and I love stuff with magic. What about you?**_

I shrugged. "Kind of the same. I don't read a whole lot because I have trouble finding things that really grab my attention."

 _ **Yeah, I have that problem sometimes too. I read a lot of reviews online to get recommendations.**_

"That's smart. I always forget about things that I think about getting, I need to write shit down more."

She smiled. _**I use Pinterest.**_

"What's that?"

 _ **It's like, a fancy ass site for bookmarking things. You make boards, and you pin websites to them. Then you can go back and look at your boards and it shows all your links like little thumbnails. I have a board just for books. I use it mostly for recipes. There's an app for it too, all free.**_

"That sound pretty cool, I'll check it out," I said with a grin. "So what was that show I didn't know? I'd never head that song before."

She smiled. _**Outlander.**_

"Never heard of it. What's it about?"

 _ **A British woman is in Scotland with her husband when the war ends, on a second honeymoon. She visits this rock circle, and gets sent two-hundred years into the past.**_

"Oh…so it's good?"

She smiled, and bit her lip.

 _ **I'm not sure you would like it, but I do. It's a romance, based on a novel series. Lots of Scottish accents and men in kilts. What shows do you like to watch?**_

Yeah…it didn't sound very appealing. And I didn't like her apparent fondness for Scottish accents.

"All sorts of stuff. Walking Dead, Game of Thrones, Gotham, South Park, Big Bang Theory. I just finished watching Dexter and Breaking Bad, and those were awesome. Then I'm going through The 4400 and Heroes on Netflix too."

 _ **You have an awesome taste in shows, I'm watching/ have watched all of those except Gotham. Not very fond of BBT, but I don't hate it. Have you ever watched Person of Interest?**_

"No…I don't think so anyways. I've seen the title a few times. You like it?" She nodded. "What's it about?"

 _ **This computer genius named Harold creates this program that he calls The Machine. It's like an A.I. that watches everyone and everything from every street and security camera, phone, cell phone, microphone, lap top and computer. It sees and isolates threats like terrorism and acts of violence. And it splits those threats into two lists. Relevant, which is for things related to national security, and irrelevant, which is attacks on inconsequential individuals. He sold it to the government to stop something like 911 from happening again, but the irrelevant list bothered him, all of those people that could be saved but wouldn't be, so he built a back door. The show is about him and this ex-soldier who go around in secret trying to save people. My favourite aspect of the show are the characters though, because there are a lot of really cool characters in it, and the Machine herself is a big character too, it's really neat.**_

I was excited when she finished writing and turned her book around, because she easily could have gone on Wikipedia or something to get a description, but she wanted to write it out. And she had me hooked, it sounded cool.

"I'm definitely going to download that," I said with a smile, and she fidgeted for a moment, chewing on her bottom lip, before writing again.

 _ **I have the first four seasons on DVD if you wanted to borrow them, or you could like, come over to watch them sometime if you want.**_

I grinned. "I'd like watching them with you sometime."

Fuck, she had a gorgeous smile. Star Wars and Person of Interest, I felt pretty smug that she was getting so comfortable with me now.

"Shit, I forgot to ask, what time do you need to be back by?" I should have asked her before we left, I had no idea what sort of curfew the Chief would set, but there was no way I could fuck that up. He seemed to like me; I needed to keep it that way.

 _ **I don't really have a curfew, but I don't want to get back too late and have him change that.**_

"Shit, the Chief is fucking cool. You're lucky," I said with a smile. "I won't push my luck, I just wanted to make sure that we didn't need to rush for a movie or something. I _do_ happen to have a curfew, and need to be home before midnight." She nodded, still giving me that gorgeous smile, and I finished off my coffee. She looked to be finished with hers as well. "So, shall we?" I asked, and she nodded and closed her book.

* * *

 **A/N:** Yeah, had to break the date in half because it ran too long...what did you think about their drive down together, and Edward's little music game? Any guesses for what's going to happen in the second half?

And what's your favourite music video?

Please leave a review, I love hearing your guys' thoughts and theories! Thanks for reading!


	9. Chapter 9

**Damn, I love you guys. Thank you for all the awesome reviews! I'm glad that you liked Edward's music game. And for those of you who thought I would split the date into two POVs...you were wrong! Mwahaha! We're still with Edward.**

 **Want to hear something cool? Break My silence was nominated for Favourite Angst Fanfic over at The Fanatic Fanfics Multifandom Awards! I've gotten to learn about so many cool fanfic communities and talk to so many awesome people since I started sharing this story, it's been so much fun! Voting starts on April 11th, and they have some giant lists of fics over there if you're looking for something to read!**

 **Now, back to the date.**

 **Insert standard disclaimer here.**

* * *

 **. . . Edward . . .**

We took our time exploring the entire store. It was partly because when there was someone close to where she wanted to look she would just wait until they finished and wandered away. I didn't mind, I was enjoying the relaxing quiet. Bella seemed less self-conscious about it now, and the silence didn't feel awkward. We were both just doing something we liked, browsing book spines, and the company was nice. We each got a pretty good haul, though Bella's was bigger because she bought a fucking box set of those vampire books.

I caught her scowling at the set before she reluctantly picked it up with a determined expression, and I didn't really get it. Why would she buy books that didn't want to read? Though she had said she _wanted_ to read them.

That was our only hiccup in the store, when she picked up the big box, and I offered to carry it for her and reached out. It was obvious that I caught her completely off guard by it, when she took in a sharp breath of surprise and jumped back, hitting one of the hard shelves with what looked like a painful amount of force. It took her a long minute to start breathing again, and her eyes watered.

But I was learning, and the worst part of these moments for her seemed to be her embarrassment and guilt for worrying _me_. So instead of apologizing a million times like I wanted to for doing something so stupid, I only said it once, assured her gently that it was okay, that she was okay, and helped her calm down again quietly. I told her not to be embarrassed, then told her to set the box down. I picked it up once she let go of it, and gave her a mischievous smile when I picked it up, loving how her face heated up.

When we finished, I waited in line with her, slightly behind her as she left a good space between her and the man in front of her. Some asshole tried to take the spot and cut in front of her, but I quickly told him where the end of the fucking line was. He was scrawny, and I'm pretty sure he could tell by the look on my face what I'd do if he opened his fucking mouth.

She was still really tense, or was possibly worse than she was earlier as I walked with her up to the cash, setting her box down so that she could go first. The cashier gave her a dirty look when she asked how she was and Bella merely nodded, not saying anything. She held up her card when the woman finished scanning her things, and I saw that she was shaking slightly.

"Debit or credit?" She asked curtly, making my hands ball up in fists as I glared at her. Bella held up one finger, and the woman looked at her dubiously.

Fucking idiot.

"Debit," I said. Bella let out a relieved breath, and the woman told her to insert her card. When she finished I told her she could go wait over on the less crowded side if she wanted, and she gave me a grateful smile before dashing away with watery eyes.

I turned to the woman.

"I want to talk to you manager," I growled, and she stared at me for a long moment, making me repeat myself before she nodded and left, coming back two minutes later with a middle-aged woman with blond hair and grey eyes. She gave me a friendly smile.

"Hi, I'm Samantha, what can I do to help you?" She asked sweetly.

"I just wanted to tell you about your shitty customer service. My _recently mute_ girlfriend came in here with me, and practically left in tears because your cashier here treated her like shit."

The woman paled as she heard this, and her boss glared at her, telling her to go wait for her in the back with a sharp tone. I was glad, I hope that bitch got fired. She turned to me then, her face concerned. "I am so sorry about that, she will be penalized for her behaviour, I assure you. Is your girlfriend okay?"

Shit, I _had_ called her my girlfriend, hadn't I? I was fucking glad she hadn't stuck around. Jesus.

"I don't know, I'd like to pay for this so I can get back to her, if that's cool."

"Yes, of course," she said, quickly scanning my things and apologizing again. I jogged over and met Bella where she was waiting anxiously, and gave her a bright smile as I walked up to her.

"Sorry about that, are you okay?" I asked worriedly. She nodded, and held out her book for me to read.

 _ **I'm really sorry for getting worked up like that. It was stupid. I should have tried doing that before coming out with you.**_

She fidgeted while I read, then I looked up at her.

"You have nothing to apologize for, and I didn't think it was stupid," I assured her, but the last sentence of her apology confused me. "Try doing what, though?"

 _ **I've kind of been working up to using my card with a cashier**_ , she told me uneasily. I frowned.

"How long has it been since you've done that?"

She shrugged, not looking sure. I guessed that meant before whatever happened to her.

I had no idea how long she'd been like this, she purposely avoided anything related to it. Only that it was kind of recent. I had wondered why she didn't want to tell me how long it had been since she lost her voice, and suddenly, the answer clicked in my mind.

She didn't want me to know the date, because she didn't want me to know what happened. I'd bet money that she was worried I would look it up online, which tells me that there was a story that must have been covered.

And I was horribly tempted to do that, try to hunt down answers on the internet, which made me feel even more like shit. I shook off the thought.

"What about groceries, gas or whatever?" How did she do anything? I knew she had issues handing things to me, I'd never even thought about how that would hinder her in everyday life.

 _ **The gas pump has a card reader, I don't have to go inside. I usually go grocery shopping with Charlie. I tried to do it once on my own, but it didn't really work out.**_

"What happened?" I asked worriedly, because I really couldn't see her trying to go through that alone.

She looked away from me and shrugged, but it was the worry in her eyes that made it click.

" _I'm_ what happened," I stated. Fuck. I still can't believe I did that. "I'm so sorry Bella, I really am."

 _ **It was nothing, really. Forget about it. I'm sorry I even brought it up.**_

And I could see to her that it really was okay. She didn't blame me.

She just treated it like it was fucking normal, and I guess to her it was. But to me, it just made me as bad as all those other assholes that I hated who had made her doubt herself so much.

If I kept apologizing I was just going to make it worse. Fuck. I needed to say something.

"So, is there anywhere in particular you'd like to check out? Forks doesn't really have much to offer, if there's anything you wanted to pick up."

She chewed on her bottom lip for a moment before writing.

 _ **Do you know if there are any art supply stores around here?**_

"Yeah, there's one about a block away," I said with a smile. "Let's just drop this stuff off in the car and we can walk over."

She was wound tight as we made the walk, her hands clenching and unclenching into fists, breathing heavily. It wasn't easy, walking that line of trying to comfort and protect her without getting too close to her. I didn't know she was into art or whatever, but when we walked into that store she visibly relaxed and looked right at home. She got two sketch books almost identical to the one she always had with her, a pack of special pencils, and some charcoal. She was ridged once again going up to the check-out, but the cashier here was much friendlier, and kept chatting away happily even though she remained silent. He did fine reading her lips when she mouthed the word 'debit,' and he also barely took his eyes off of her rack. We went back to the car, and drove to another store when she told me she was fine going wherever. I needed a new coat, and Bella ended up buying a few scarves, a tuque, and some gloves. It must have been a lot cooler here compared to Arizona. She was getting a little better each time waiting in line for the cash, rigid but not shaking as much. After that, I took her to a nice little Italian restaurant. We got seated in a booth right away and the waitress asked us what we wanted to drink. Bella wrote down her request for water, and the server just gave her a friendly smile and asked nothing of it.

I may have stared for a moment when she took of her coat. That was her fault for wearing that fucking dress though. Unfortunately she left her scarf on, obstructing my view. I already knew what I wanted, because they made the best chicken parmesan here, and when our waitress came back Bella pointed to the mushroom ravioli, and our server wrote it down with a bright smile. She was going to get an awesome tip.

I went on my phone and looked up the show times for the theater, and when I asked if she wanted to see the new Jurassic World movie, she looked really excited when she nodded in agreement.

"So how has your school work been going? You said that you were almost done with your history and sports credits a couple weeks ago."

 _ **I just finished with them. I'll be handing in the rest of my essays to the coach on Monday, and I'll do my history exam whenever she has it ready for me. Hopefully they give me the material for my next two credits on Monday too.**_

"Cool. Will you be okay to drive on Monday?" I asked worriedly.

 _ **Charlie is off, he said he'd drive me.**_

"Good," I said in relief. "So, when's your birthday?"

She smiled. _**September thirteenth, and yours?**_

Damn, I just missed it. "March twenty-sixth. Did you and the Chief do anything exciting?"

 _ **I didn't really want to do anything, but he ended up taking me out to the firing range and taught me how to shoot. It was so much fun! And then he baked me a cake, just like he does every year. He makes the best black forest cake in the world.**_

"He always bakes you a cake?" I asked curiously, trying not to laugh at the image of the Chief in an apron. She nodded. "And brings it to you all the way in Arizona?"

She let out a breathy sound almost like a laugh.

 _ **No, he'd come down and bake the cake once he got there,**_ she wrote with a roll of her eyes. I laughed.

"Yeah, that makes a bit more sense," I said with a groan. "I didn't know the Chief was a baker."

 _ **Don't you dare tell anyone,**_ she wrote with a glare, and I held my palms out in surrender with a smile.

"No, my lips are sealed," I said, still trying not to laugh.

 _ **He's who taught me how to cook. We'd always do it together whenever he came down to visit.**_

"Not your mom?"

 _ **No, she wasn't a horrible cook, but she wasn't good at following directions on recipes. And she was always going on these weird trend diets. I didn't really trust her cooking unless I could see what she put into things.**_

"Oh." I paused, because I was trying really hard not to push her too hard about her mom, though I was dying for details.

 _ **Do you cook?**_

I laughed. "No. I can make Kraft dinner, Mr. Noodles, bacon, and grilled cheese. That's about the extent of my culinary skills though."

She smiled, and moved her book to her lap as our waitress brought over our plates. She inhaled deeply, smiling.

I had skipped lunch, and had to physically restrain myself from inhaling my food. Watching Bella wrap her red lips around her fork and smile in appreciation was really fucking distracting though, so she still had my complete attention.

 _ **So, do you have any hobbies besides video games and reading?**_ She set her book down on the table again.

"Well, in the summer when I'm not working I like to go camping, fishing, hiking, that sort of stuff. And my parents usually take my brother and I up to BC to go snowboarding after Christmas. I have a ski-do, but it's rare that we ever get enough snow to use it. I have a four-wheeler too, and I like to go mountain biking. Oh, and I play the guitar. That's fun."

She was watching me go on with wide eyes, and was grinning when I stopped.

 _ **It seems that you are a man of many talents Mr. Cullen, I'm impressed. Are you on any sports teams or clubs at school?**_

"No." She raised an eyebrow at me, surprised. "I don't play very well with others," I explained with a shrug. She grinned. "What about you?"

Her face flushed. _**If I told you, I'd have to kill you.**_

I snorted. "I'll take my chances."

 _ **You have to promise you won't laugh at me.**_

"No," I said with a smirk. "Come on, please?"

She watched me for a long moment, pursing her lips, before she sighed and put her pencil back to the paper begrudgingly.

 _ **I was co-captain of the cheerleading squad and the dance club at my school, and I did a few plays in our drama club as well.**_

I stared at her in disbelief, and it was possible that my mouth may have been hanging open.

"You're shitting me."

She shook her head, and then hid her face in her hands when I started laughing.

"You were a _cheerleader_? Seriously? Pom poms and everything?"

 _ **Fuck you, cheerleading is fucking hard. It's not funny.**_

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have laughed," I said, lying and trying to stop laughing. "What sort of uniform did you have to wear?" I asked excitedly, my voice teasing, and she threw her napkin at me.

She smirked.

 _ **I don't know if you could handle that information, Edward.**_

"I don't care, I want pictures," I said, dead fucking serious. She rolled her eyes, and took out her phone.

She was right, I couldn't handle that information, and was happy that our table had a table cloth to hide my situation. The picture was of Bella, doing a high kick in this tiny blue and white pleated skirt, white sneakers, and a blue and white top that left her stomach completely bare. She had her hair tied up in a high pony tail with a blue and white frilly scrunchie that matched her pom poms.

I cleared my throat, and set her phone down before slowly sliding it toward her. She was grinning.

 _ **Are you okay Edward? You look a little…uncomfortable.**_ She cupped her chin in her palm, smiling proudly.

"Yeah, I'm good," I said in a strained voice. My ears were burning, realizing that she fucking knew the situation I was having. For such an anxious girl, she really wasn't very shy. I quickly tried to change the subject. "How's your ravioli?"

 _ **Delicious, and your chicken?**_

"Great." Actually, it tasted like sandpaper now. "So, cheerleading…did you enjoy it?"

 _ **It was fun. The girls annoyed the hell out of me most of the time, but I loved gymnastics. I was really clumsy as a kid, and one year when Charlie came down he got me ballet lessons for my birthday. I hated it, but they were teaching Salsa dancing across the hall, and that looked fun, so he had me do both. They recommended gymnastics to help with my balance as well, and it did. I still suck at sports, though I'm a danger to anything living, including myself, while holding any sort of ball.**_

I smiled. "So you can salsa?"

 _ **Yup. And waltz, tango, jazz, contemporary, and I know a bit of hip hop as well.**_

"Wow, very cool," I told her seriously. "And you were in some plays?"

She nodded. _**Wicked, The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe, Grease, Cinderella and Snow White.**_

"Neat, did you like it?"

 _ **It was fun I guess. I just thought it would look good on my resume to be honest.**_

"What do you want to do? I mean, after school. Is theater something you're interested in pursuing?"

Her face fell a little, though she tried to hide it.

 _ **I wanted to be an actress, now I don't know anymore.**_

A sharp pain went through my chest, seeing the longing lingering in her eyes.

"You don't want to do it anymore?"

 _ **I**_ _ **can't**_ _ **do it anymore, it's kind of hard to read lines when you can't talk.**_

I winced at that, regretting my question, and her eyes watered.

 _ **I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that, I didn't mean to be sharp, I just…I still get angry about it sometimes.**_

"No, it's okay. It was an insensitive question, and you have every right to be angry." She swiped carefully at her eyes. "So…you're really never going to get it back? Your voice?" She shifted around her dinner on her plate uneasily. "Because you know, they're making new, giant advances in medicine every day, you never know-"

I stopped when the first tear escaped her eyes and she started writing frantically.

 _ **Could we please just talk about something else?**_

"Yeah, of course," I assured her, kicking myself for asking. What the hell was wrong with me today? I'd been ten seconds away from giving her my dad's phone number. "So, your shrug about liking about James Bond, was that a 'not really' or a 'kind of' sort of shrug?"

She relaxed a little though her eyes were still watery.

 _ **Not really? I don't hate them or anything, but it's not necessarily something I'd get excited to see. Are you a fan?**_

"I could take them or leave them." That was a lie; I fucking loved James Bond.

 _ **What's your favourite movie?**_

"Return of the Jedi," I said with a smile, and she grinned.

 _ **Least favourite Star Wars movie?**_

"Episode one I think, every time Jar-Jar makes a noise I want to punch him in the face." She made that near-silent laugh once more, and she flipped her page to a new one to start writing again.

And as I watched her write in that book, I got the biggest craving for it. I'd love to get my hands on that book. It was filled with her words, all of our conversations. What else could be hiding in it?

 _ **Are you looking forward to the new movie Disney is doing?**_

I groaned. "I don't know. I can't even bring myself to look up the trailers, I'm dreading it being a disappointment. Have you seen any?"

 _ **No, and for the same reason. I'll see it when it eventually starts invading commercial breaks.**_

"My thoughts exactly. So what sort of hours does the Chief work?"

 _ **He works a five-day week, though he takes his weekends on Monday and Tuesday. He gets called in a lot too, and he usually works ten-hour days, and a lot of over time. I worry about it sometimes, but he actually likes it, he loves his job, and I know he gets a lot of vacation time because of it too. He only works like three-day weeks in the summer during fishing season. He's married to his boat. And he would always come down for my birthday and Christmas too. What about your parents?**_

Shit, so she really was alone in that house most of the time it seemed. But the idea of her house being adult-free on weekends would be nice for that show she wanted to watch with me. The Chief was cool and everything, but it was pretty damn obvious that he loved _'his Isabella.'_ I didn't really want to hang out under his scrutinizing gaze for an extended amount of time.

Not that I'd be doing anything with Bella that he could possibly find upsetting. I've never even held her hand.

"My dad works ridiculous hours, but right now it's just because the hospital is short staff, he gets called in a lot. My mom only works part-time. She's like, always at the house. She loves gardening, and cooking, and throwing parties. It makes it impossible to do anything, like, fun there. It was rare that my brother or I ever got a chance to throw our own party."

 _ **It gets old after a while, and it's always a pain in the ass doing clean up the next day.**_

I groaned. "I never think of the clean-up until afterwards, and then I swear to never do it again. But I'd just get excited and forget," I admitted. "Were you big on throwing parties then?"

 _ **I had a few, but then once I just had a small get together, there were maybe eight of us. And one of my friends brought his buddy with him. He was a really sweet kid, built props for my drama group. He was drinking Smirnoff coolers, but he only had about one and a half before he started feeling sick. He just got worse, and I kind of panicked and called his parents because I didn't know if there was something else wrong with him. Everyone else bailed. They came and got him, had to carry him out, and rightfully flipped out on me. I called in later to check on him though still, and they'd had to take him to the hospital and he had his stomach pumped. He had alcohol poisoning, and they just yelled and yelled at me, and kept asking me what I'd given him, because they wouldn't believe me when I said he hadn't even finished two drinks. They didn't press charges or anything, but I never invited anyone over to drink at my house after that because I didn't want to be responsible for something like that again.**_

Her eyes were glassy when she turned her book around, and my heart broke for her. She really blamed herself for it, but to me it was shitty for someone to go out and do something like that and not know their limit, to put someone in that situation. I doubt she'd forced him to drink.

It could happen to anyone, but it had never happened to me. She just made the possibility more real to me. What if that had been Ben at my place? The thought made me uneasy.

"That really sucks, I'm sorry you had to deal with that. I doubt I'd want to after something like that either."

 _ **Do you go to a lot of parties? Are you a big drinker?**_

"There aren't too many opportunities to have parties in Forks, they're too easily spotted, and then reported to parents by nosy neighbours. And I wouldn't really say I'm a big drinker, but I usually have a few beers on the beach on Friday nights. What about you?"

 _ **I haven't had a drink in a really long time, and I'm not really supposed to with my medication either. Even before, it wasn't too big a thing for me. I never really needed liquor to have fun, though I did enjoy a few drinks every now and then.**_

I caught a glimpse of my watch, and was surprised to see that we'd been in the restaurant for over an hour.

"Did you want to get desert?" I asked, seeing our waitress coming back around. Bella smiled and shook her head. I was very fine with the idea of getting dessert at the movies. "Cool, I think we should make our way over to the theater then." She nodded her agreement, and smiled with a bit of a blush when I got the cheque. If she had thought I'd be letting her pay for our date she was dead wrong. I would have gotten her books too if I thought she would have let me.

I barely touched my allowance that I got from my parents, and I didn't like to talk about it either. It didn't sound cool, but it was nice to have a decent cushion for emergencies. I got by mostly on what I made from my summer and winter jobs. Crazy hours under the table at a good wage. It was great.

After I paid we put our coats back on, and made our way back to the car. I kept a close yet inconspicuous eye on her, but we got by without incident.

I should have known that the day had gone by too well to be true. The theater was busy but not overly so. I wished I could just wrap my arms around her to shield her from everyone else, but I couldn't. The only plus side was that she seemed, maybe subconsciously, to prefer the proximity with me over the possibility of getting too close to someone else. She was barely inches away from me, and I don't think it bothered her much.

It was when we got to the counter that I noticed it. I took my hands out of my pockets to rest them on the counter and she immediately moved further away.

I got our tickets, two bottles of water, and then three different types of candy.

I put my hands back into my pockets and a short moment later she moved closer to me again.

"Pick one, all three are my favourites and I can never choose," I said with a smile. She grinned, and bit her lip for a moment before taking the Sour Patch Kids. I took my hands out to stuff the Twizzlers and M&Ms in my pocket, and she shifted away again.

She'd had no problem sitting next to me in the car, while both of my hands were busy holding the wheel and shifting gears.

She couldn't reach out to take something from someone's hand, or reach out to give them something.

She didn't mind being close to me, it seemed more like she was just scared of my _hands_.

Shit. I wasn't quite sure if this was a big discovery or not, but I liked the fact that the knowledge might make it easier to make her comfortable around me. When we went to wait in line for the doors to open, I kept my hands in my pockets and stood in front of her. And she seemed much less tense than I had anticipated her being in this small crowd while I had her pretty much trapped against the wall. I was grinning like an idiot when she signalled that she was going to run to the bathroom quickly. We still had ten minutes, so I didn't have to worry about handing her ticket to her so she could get in.

Thirty seconds, that's how long she'd been gone when they found me. I groaned when I heard the familiar throat clearing sound, and turned around reluctantly.

"Edward! What are you doing here?" Jessica asked sweetly, and I nearly choked on her perfume. I took in the little hoard of blondes. Jessica, Tanya, Lauren and Rose. "Are you seeing this too? We should sit together!"

"Err, thanks, but no thanks. I'm kind of on a date, I'll see you guys around," I said, looking around them to watch for Bella again.

"Oh, really? With who?" Tanya asked with a scowl.

"That's really not any of your business." Bella stepped out, and I prayed to the Higher Powers that they would just fucking leave.

"Why are you always such a jerk to me?" She whined.

"Yeah, just tell us," Jess added.

"You make me a jerk, now can you all please just fuck off?" I groaned, but it was too late. Bella spotted me again, and made her way over, eyeing my company warily.

"Are you that embarrassed that you don't even want to say?" Her laugh reminded me eerily of a cackle.

"No, I just don't enjoy talking to any of you. Actually, I don't mind you Rose, even though you have shitty choice in company." Bella looked hesitant to come back, like she was worried of interrupting almost, and I nodded her over reassuringly. She took a deep breath and cautiously made her way over. I shifted so she could slip back into her old spot, and I turned to the others to find them staring dubiously. I sighed.

"Bella, this is Rosalie, Tanya, Jessica, and Lauren. They go to school with me. They were just leaving, and having some issues taking a hint."

She grinned, and bit her lip for a moment. She lifted an eyebrow before mouthing _'skank squad?'_

I laughed loudly at that and nodded.

They still hadn't left.

"Bella is it? You're living with the Chief, right?"

Bella gave her a small nod, stuffing her hands in her pockets and leaning against the wall. She didn't seem bothered by them at all.

"Well, it's nice to meet you." Tanya's expression conflicted greatly with her words.

Bella just nodded.

"Why don't you go to school?" Lauren asked, and I didn't like the way they were all looking her over. Bella just shrugged indifferently, looking bored.

"Are you just like, not going to talk?" Jessica asked in annoyance. Bella smirked, and shook her head.

"Whatever, freak. Let's go," Tanya said, turning, and was followed closely by Jessica and Lauren. Rose stayed, and looked Bella over before giving her a smile.

Seeing Rose smile was rare, seeing her talk to someone was even rarer.

"It was nice meeting you. I like your boots. Enjoy the movie."

And she turned and walked away. I was a little stunned; Rose wasn't into the whole being-friendly thing. It was weird.

"I'm sorry about that; those girls are so fucking nosey."

She shrugged, giving me a small smile, and took out her phone to text me instead of writing.

 **It's fine, and not your fault. Teenage girls are mostly bitches no matter what state you're in, they don't really bother me. Did you and Tanya date or something? I thought she might start shooting lasers out of her eyes.**

"Yeah, she was the one I told you about, with my friend Tyler?"

She scowled at her phone as she typed. _**Well, she looks like a bitch. She's pretty though. Do all of your blondes travel in packs like that here?**_

I snorted, then laughed loudly. I couldn't hold it in. "I think they do. And I guess she's pretty, I don't know, she just kind of grosses me out now. Besides, I prefer brunettes."

She blushed, smiling shyly as she looked down, and I wanted to kiss her so fucking badly that I couldn't breathe.

The doors opened up, and we made our way down to the seats. I had Bella go in first, telling her which one to stop at, and I took the seat next to her.

She didn't need to know that I bought the seat on the other side of her as well, but I really wanted this to go well. I fucking loved reserved seating. Bella took off her coat, folding it and setting it on the chair next to her. Then she opened her candy with a smile, setting it in the cup holder before taking out her phone.

 _ **Thank you very much Edward, for all of this. You're very sweet.**_

I felt my ears heat up a bit, but wasn't exactly sure how to respond to her thanks. I just shot her a wink and smiled. I noticed the Bitch Posse when they came in and sat down three rows in front of us.

We ignored them though as the lights went out and the volume went up.

I stuffed my left hand in my pocket, the hand that was closer to Bella, and when I rested my elbow on the arm rest she didn't even flinch. I was barely an inch from touching her and she didn't seem to mind at all.

And the movie was great, despite the looks from the three turning heads we were getting. My biggest pet peeve in the world had to be people who talked through movies, which is why I didn't go out to see them that often.

I obviously didn't have that problem with Bella. And she didn't seem to mind it either. She looked very comfortable, and I felt pretty fucking proud of it. I was so sorely tempted to brush my elbow against her arm or something, just touch her in the slightest bit. I wanted to feel her, and I really wanted to see what would happen, but I didn't. I couldn't take the chance, not here.

The movie was great, and we waited together in our seats until the credits were finished, and she texted while I spoke, going back and forth about our favourite parts. When the theater was almost deserted we made our way back to the car. It was only ten, so I knew I'd get us back in plenty of time.

"So, I had something different in mind for the ride back," I said, digging through my pockets for my iPod and hooking it up to the audio jack before setting it down on the center console. I nodded for her to take it, and pulled out of the parking space. "I want to know more about your taste in music. Put it on shuffle, skip through, but stop for every song that you have on yours as well." She smiled, and nodded before she started going through.

So, she didn't like ACDC, Slipknot, or Nine inch nails, but she liked Zeppelin, Floyd, Imagine Dragons and Red Hot Chilli Peppers. We didn't really talk, but it was comfortable. We just enjoyed the quiet ride and listened to some music, and it seemed Bella had gotten comfortable enough around me not to feel so self-conscious and guilty about her silence. The drive went _too_ quickly. It felt like ten minutes later I was pulling up into her driveway.

The cruiser was gone.

"Where's the Chief?" I asked curiously, and she mouthed _'work,_ ' making me smile. She raised an eyebrow, and I shrugged. I'd like to tell her that I liked it when she spoke like that, that I enjoyed reading her lips, but the words felt too weird. "I'll help you carry your stuff in," I told her, and she smiled before getting out with me. I got her books for her because those were the heaviest, and followed her up before she unlocked the door, nodding me in as she ran over to disable her alarm. I took more time taking in my surroundings this time, and the Chief had a pretty awesome place. It looked a lot bigger inside than it did from the outside. I followed behind Bella through the living room and kitchen before she got another door.

And then I walked into Bella's room.

"Shit, your room is awesome," I said with a smile, setting her stuff on her bed and looking around. She had a blue queen-sized bed with this black wrought-iron headboard against one wall, and directly facing it was a large flat screen with a glass shelving unit underneath it. It was loaded with DVDs, games, her PS3, 4, and a WiiU. Then there was her desk in the corner, with two laptops, a large second monitor, scanner, printer, and then shelves on either side loaded with books and other random stuff. She had one corner of her room cleared out that had a yoga matt, an elliptical, and two medicine balls.

Bella shrugged, dropping her shit down in her computer chair and taking out her notebook.

 _ **I sold most of my mom's crap when I moved, but kept a few choice things. It's kind of nice having all this stuff in my room, though, like a home away from home. Half of my nerd station is from work, I have to use a secured laptop and the scanner is on loan too.**_

I laughed at her 'nerd station' comment, walking over to check out her games. She had a lot of dancing ones, but a few racing games, first person shooting games, and some RPGs. And an extensive DVD collection.

I really hope she'll still invite me over sometime. Her room was like a bat cave. And there was no pink, at all.

And her window was very large, and there was only one floor.

"Does your window open into your backyard?" I asked curiously. It would be so easy to climb through. Bella smirked, and wrote.

 _ **Yes, but the alarm beeps whenever I open it. Charlie has a very thorough security system.**_

I could see in her expression that she knew exactly what I'd been thinking, and I cleared my throat quickly in embarrassment.

"Okay, well I should probably get back," I said, and she nodded, walking me back to the door. She started writing again as I slipped on my shoes, and I waited patiently, not in a hurry to leave in the slightest.

 _ **Thank you so much for today, I had a really great time.**_

Fuck, that smile was going to be the death of me.

"So did I," I said with a grin. "So would it be safe to say that you'd be up for a repeat?" She blushed when she nodded, still smiling. "Good," I said happily, and as I watched her for a moment, I saw her face start to fall.

She knew that I wanted to kiss her, I could tell. It's not like I was trying to hide it. But instead of getting upset, I smiled.

Because I could see that she _wanted_ me to kiss her. But she couldn't, and even though it sucked, the fact that she wanted it made me feel pretty awesome. I didn't doubt that she liked me in that way anymore, and even if nothing could happen between us right now, I didn't think it would stay that way. A month ago she was running away at the sight of me, and now she wished I could kiss her. She's been comfortable with me barely an inch away from touching her. She was getting better around me every day, and I was pretty confident that things would change.

For now, this was fine with me, because even though I wanted there to be more I still just really fucking liked hanging out with her.

"Goodnight, Bella. I'll talk to you again soon." She nodded, mouthing a 'goodnight' back to me, and I hated to see that regret and disappointment in her eyes.

But I smirked at her, reaching into my coat pocket, and took out the single chocolate kiss I'd brought with me, setting it on the little table by the front door with a wink. She looked at me and then the chocolate in confusion for a moment before her face flushed red, and she gave me a shy smile back. I left without another word, and made the short drive home with a smile the whole way.

* * *

 **A/N:** There! The date is done, what did you think? Any what did you think of Edward's good-bye? You got to learn a bit more about each of them this chapter.

And I'm curious, which POV do you prefer; Bella or Edward? I think the story is about half and half, but I'd like to know which you like best!

Please hit the review button! And thank you for reading, take care!


	10. Chapter 10

**Hello beautiful readers! I'm thrilled that you liked Edward's version of a 'goodnight kiss' last chapter :P And the majority of you seem to enjoy his POV the most! It's good to know, but unfortunately I can't/ don't want to change my story, and like I said it's about half and half. Though Edward's chapters do tend to be longer. Most of this story is already written.**

 **Okay, on to the chapter, SM owns the Twilight universe!**

* * *

 **. . . Bella . . .**

I woke up, stretching lazily in my bed and smiling within seconds. The first thing I thought of had been last night, and it was impossible _not_ to smile while thinking of yesterday.

Even with my current handicaps, it had been the best date I'd ever been on. It was so completely opposite of what I'd been expecting, but Edward was just…amazing. He made me so comfortable, and I hadn't had a panic attack or passed out the entire evening.

I couldn't wait to talk to Irina.

I hadn't used my debit card with a cashier once, but _three_ times. Yes, the first one had been horrible, but Edward had come to my rescue with one simple word.

And then he let me flee to wait before I could completely freak out, and he didn't say anything of it. But I saw him tell her to get him her manager, and I could tell he reported her to her boss.

Which was really…sweet. And chivalrous. He seemed very protective of me the entire day. I wasn't sure how much of that was on Charlie, and I'm not sure how I felt about him doing it. I hated that I needed the help at all, but I liked that he cared.

He knew about my issues, and didn't seem to care about them at all. He still liked me despite my problems and handicaps.

And I really fucking liked him too. A lot. Yes, he was ridiculously good-looking, but he was also really sweet, caring, courteous, respectful, generous, and interesting. He also had decent tastes in games, TV shows, movies and music.

And he wanted to see me again, I didn't doubt his sincerity it that. And now I was excited for it instead of dreading it. He was such an easy person to be around. He made me feel almost normal, but special at the same time.

And then there had been the kiss. That had to have been the cutest thing any guy had ever done for me, because I knew he must have carried that thing around with him all afternoon. There's no way I could have carried chocolate around all day and not eaten it. I didn't eat the one he gave me, though, and not because it had been in a boy's pocket all day. I hid it away carefully in my dresser.

I realized that it had been a while since I'd thought about Demetri. My best friend, my ex, and the only reason I was still alive right now. It made my stomach twist guiltily. I was grateful for what he'd done, but it was for the best that we weren't speaking any more. I was itching to text him at that moment, but was a little relieved that I couldn't. The ties were severed. No one had my new number, and I'd deleted all of theirs. He didn't need me anymore, he'd made that obvious.

But I didn't need him anymore either, and was surprised that I had no resentment towards him at all. I'll always be thankful for what he did, but I told myself that it was okay to forget about him, Heidi, and the fact that my best friend of nearly my entire life had dropped me and moved on while I'd been in the hospital, and the fact that he couldn't handle what my mother and her fucking cult had turned me into.

I had waited until Edward left before taking my sleeping pills, and was up a little later than usual. When I got up I jumped in the shower before getting dressed in some jeans and a dark-grey turtle neck. I was picking pieces of egg shell out of the mixing bowl with a scowl when Charlie came out, and he laughed, alerting me of his presence. I smiled and waved at him before grabbing my book.

 _ **Can you show me how to make French toast? I really want French toast**_ , I wrote, giving him my best pout. He agreed instantly, making me smile, and he started cooking up some sausages while I finished fishing out the pieces of shell. He told me what to add, showed me how to coat the slices of bread properly, and what temperature to set the griddle to. We sat down together with our plates once everything was ready, and as usual I was a little intimidated by the amount of food he could eat without exploding.

"So how was your night last night?" He asked curiously. I could see a hint of wariness in his eyes.

 _ **Really good, I had a lot of fun. And I used my debit card with a cashier.**_

His face lit up. "Really?"

I nodded. _**Three times**_.

"I'm so proud of you," he said with a slightly watery smile. "How was it?"

I frowned. _**The first lady was a jerk, but Edward kind of came in and helped me out. I think he even reported her to her manager too**_ , I admitted in embarrassment. He was grinning. _**The second and third times weren't too bad though. I even ordered at a restaurant, and our waitress was really nice.**_

"Wow, that's just…I'm so proud of you," he said once more, making me smile.

Because I was a little proud of me too.

"So…tell me a little bit more about Edward."

I shifted uneasily under his scrutinizing gaze.

 _ **He's really nice. I've run into him a few times on my walks, he likes mountain biking.**_

It was so much easier to lie on paper, but I tried to give him as much truth as possible. _**We've sat and talked a few times. My writing doesn't really seem to bother himl. He's very respectful, and kind of careful around me, but he makes me feel comfortable. We like a lot of the same TV shows, movies, and music.**_

Charlie gave a small nod, but I think it was one of approval.

"Do you think you'll be seeing him again?"

I bit my lip and nodded, because Edward seemed different than the others, and now, having a little bit of hope didn't seem as reckless.

Charlie went and got ready for work while I started cleaning up the disastrous mess we'd made, telling me that he was stopping off at his friend Billy's for a bit before his shift. It was pouring out, and very cold, so once I was finished cleaning I made some muffins. Just a bag mix, because the oatmeal chocolate chip were my favourite, and once I was done I brought a plate of them into my room. It was the only way to guarantee their survival when Charlie came home. I finished off the bit of work that I had left, then did a few hours of studying for my history exam while watching YouTube videos.

But then, I had nothing else to do. It was impossible to fit any more knowledge of the subject into my brain, all my essays had already been proofread twice, and I had no work. I knew I was still a little too groggy to drive to the station to get some more.

So I put in a load of laundry, did an hour work out with my dancing game on my WiiU, and had another shower. I smoked a big joint just past the tree line in the back yard with an umbrella, then put on a movie and did my nails.

. . . . .

Monday morning Charlie came out to the school with me. When he offered to come inside with me I accepted, only because I knew there might be a lot more talking today. We walked over to the administrative building, and met with the vice principal who I usually dealt with. She was the one who was pretty much coordinating my individual learning plan. When we sat down across from her, I cautiously set down the large folder of completed work with my note attached to the front, telling her I'd finished all the material for both of them, and was ready to write my exam as soon as I was a little more clear-headed. I also asked if I could start my social studies and environmental sciences credits.

"Ah, yes. I have your social studies here," she said, turning to one of her shelves and taking out a large bundle with three books and a fat manila envelope that I assumed was the work material. She handed it to Charlie for me automatically. "And I know Mrs. Briggs has your package ready, but she still has it. Do you remember her?" I nodded with a smile. She was sweet. "She has a class right now, but I know she wouldn't mind if you went down to ask for it."

She and Charlie watched me patiently, waiting. I knew this was a little test, to see if I could, but I also knew neither of them would judge me if I declined.

But I wanted to try. I'd ordered dinner on Saturday, and paid at a cashier three times. I could handle getting a package from the classroom.

I nodded, and both of their faces lit up with their smiles.

"Excellent!" She said excitedly, and wrote me a note. She slid the pad towards me on her desk, and I tore off the paper. "I'm just going to go over a few things with the Chief, we shouldn't take more than a half hour." I nodded, and wrote down a _'thank-you'_ for her on her pad of paper, turning it back around before getting up. She gave me another smile, and I ducked out of her office, leaving the two of them alone.

The hallways were deserted as I wandered through the school, searching for the room number that was written on the top of the page. It took me almost ten minutes, and the room sounded fairly silent. I took a steadying breath, straightening out my shoulders before I knocked on the door.

"Come in!" She called, and I cautiously opened the door to find her and twenty-something other pairs of eyes watching me curiously. The teacher looked surprised to see me, but when I held up my note, giving it a little wave as I stood in the door way, she smiled brightly. "Ah, Bella! Please come in, just close the door behind you, we're writing a test." She turned on her class. "Eyes on your papers, people! Fifteen minutes."

I closed the door as I stepped in, trying to ignore the curious stares of the students as I walked across the room to her desk and sat the note down for her to read. She read it quickly, and grinned.

"Ah, this is much sooner than I expected, I didn't think you'd be ready for another month or so," she said, and I just gave her a small shrug with a smile. She pulled a flash drive out of her desk drawer before getting up and taking a few textbooks off her shelves. She stacked them in a neat pile and sat the drive on top. "This seemed more environmentally friendly than printing it all out. The files are numbered in order, and there's a full summary and outline in the first file that should make it all pretty straight forward, and if it's easier for you, you can contact me and send me your work through e-mail. I only need you to come in for your written tests. How does that sound with you?"

That sounded fucking awesome. I gave her a bright smile and a thumbs-up, making her laugh.

"Excellent. The principal said you couldn't start for a few days, but look over that first file when you're able and contact me, and we'll set up a deadline for your first unit." I nodded, and mouthed a thank-you to her. I froze when I went to grab my stuff, and heard her speak.

"Mr. Cullen, finished already?" She asked, and I turned to face him. He gave me that charming, lopsided grin, making me smile.

"Yes, I am. Is there any chance I could be excused early? I could walk Bella back to the office," he offered, turning his powerful smile on the teacher. She was putty in his hands.

"Of course, how very thoughtful of you. I'll be talking to you again soon," she told me, and I nodded.

"Here, I'll get those," Edward said, grabbing my books off her desk with a wink, and I blushed before following him out, purposely not meeting the eyes of the class.

 _ **Thank you, you didn't need to do that,**_ I wrote with a smile, turning my book for him to read. He chuckled.

"I think I did, actually. You need to be careful wearing something like that, I feared for your safety walking through the halls. I'm sure you came close to giving a few of the guys a heart attack," he teased. I looked down, but it wasn't like I was dressed slutty or anything. My denim skirt was a little short but I was wearing tights under them. And my shirt wasn't revealing, it was just kind of form-fitting, I rolled my eyes at him, smiling.

"So, how was the rest of your weekend?"

 _ **Not very exciting. I watched movies and played some video games for most of the day. The rain was horrible. What about you?**_

"My mom dragged me out into the rain to help her wrap up her shrubs. Then my buddy Ben came over with his girlfriend Angela and we played some Call of Duty. Nothing too exciting. My mom made steak for dinner though, which was awesome. So you're starting your new classes today? How'd your meeting go?"

He stopped with me in the office, getting me there in less than two minutes compared to my ten. It was sorcery.

 _ **It went well, I handed my stuff in and she told me that she would set it up so that I could take my exam sometime next week. She's in there talking with Charlie right now.**_

"So, environment and social studies?" I nodded. "Well, we're almost done with the class, if you ever need any help with anything just let me know," he offered with a smile. I nodded, mouthing a thank-you.

And it surprised me once more how comfortable I was around him. He was leaning against the wall next to me casually with his hands stuffed into his pockets, so close that I could smell his soap, or shampoo, or whatever. He always smelled so good.

And the craving to reach out and touch him was so fucking powerful, but I couldn't. It was getting easier each time to be close to him like this, but no matter what I just couldn't force my body to reach out to him. It was like there was this invisible wall blocking me.

I liked being next to him like this though, and I would take what I could get. It was already so much more than I had let myself hope for.

"So how are you feeling? You look a little more alert today," he asked softly, and it still surprised me how comfortable he seemed talking about my issues like this. Like he was asking about a scratch or something. I smiled.

 _ **I'm feeling better, I just get dizzy.**_

"I'm glad," he said with a smile. "Do you have any plans for the week yet?"

 _ **Nothing out of the ordinary, just getting started with my new school work. You?**_

"I have a few tests, but nothing outside of school yet."

I chewed on my lip for a moment before forcing myself out there. He'd done it, and I didn't want him to do all the work. I wanted him to at least know that I _wanted_ to hang out with him.

 _ **Well, if you want, maybe you could come over and hang out sometime this week? We could watch that show or something.**_

I fidgeted uneasily while he read, before he smiled. "I'd like that. When were you thinking?"

 _ **My schedule is pretty flexible,**_ I teased. _**What would work best for you?**_

"How about Wednesday? I could swing by after school."

I nodded happily, and he was still smiling at me, watching me in a way that let me know that he wanted to kiss me. Or touch me. Or something.

I wanted to move, to shift closer. I wanted to touch someone else with an intensity and loneliness that made it difficult to breathe. That irrational, debilitating fear was just as strong, though.

I tried so hard to push through it, to beat it down, and my heart stopped when my finger twitched forward.

And Charlie walked out, laughing, and I sighed in defeat, closing my eyes as I fought off the urge to cry in frustration.

So I didn't notice Edward lean in closer to me.

"I'll talk to you again soon, gorgeous," he whispered, so close I could feel his breath on my skin, and I pulled in a sharp breath as my eyes shot open.

He was grinning mischievously at me, and shot me a wink and a wave, saying hello to Charlie as he handed him my books before strutting off. When I turned to look at Charlie, he was watching me with a teasing grin, and my face went up in flames as I realized he'd caught me watching him leave.

We stopped off to get groceries on the way home, and Charlie told me to have at her. He only had two nights off, so he only cooked dinner maybe once a week. He grabbed the things he wanted for his meal, then our usual staples, and I got some baking ingredients, stuff to make a big batch of spaghetti sauce, and the stuff to make my taco rolls again since Edward had liked those so much. When we got home he went on and on about how proud he was of how well my grades were doing. He was impressed by how hard I'd been working, but he made it so easy. It was the least I could do, and I figured if I kept up the good behaviour he would continue to be so lenient with me. It had seemed even more appealing now that I had the possibility of… _something_ with Edward.

He was stuffing stuff in the fridge, and I saw that the eggs would be just out of his reach from where he was kneeling on the floor.

The urge to reach over and hand it to him was startling. It was what any _normal_ person would do, what I would have done a year ago.

I moved before I could think of it, before my muscles could lock down. Charlie didn't even notice me come up, and just thanked me automatically when I handed it to him.

He hadn't touched me, but it felt like he'd burned me and I pulled in a sharp breath. That seemed to alert him to what we had just done, and he shot to his feet.

But I didn't collapse. I struggled to regain control of my breathing again as I leaned back against the counter, closing my eyes tightly against the images that flooded my mind. Of the feeling of all those hands, the memory of their fucking smiles.

But I didn't faint, or collapse, or black out.

My breathing started to slow back down, and even though the tremors that started to roll through me made me dizzy I stayed upright. I slowly opened my eyes to find Charlie watching me worriedly, his eyes pained, and I hated that I'd just forced that on him. I think he started to realize that I was okay, though, and a slow smile stretched across his face until he was smiling brightly at me.

"That was amazing, Bella! You did great," he said proudly. "And don't you dare fucking apologize."

I gave him a hesitant smile back, and he just laughed happily.

"I'm going to get started on dinner, why don't you go lay down for a bit, I'll call you."

I nodded, feeling grateful because I was suddenly exhausted, and really dizzy.

"Oh, before you go, I was wondering if it would be okay with you if Billy and his son came over for the game tomorrow?"

Shit, Billy's son was the one Edward told me to stay away from. Jake, I think he said his name was. I realized then that in all the time I'd been here he'd never invited anyone over, and my heart sank. I hated that he was altering his routine because of me, this was _his_ home.

And Charlie wouldn't let anything happen to me, I knew that. I gave him a thumbs-up, and his face lit up. I walked over to my room, leaving the door open and dropping into my bed. I didn't fall asleep, my mind was too uneasy, but it was a relief to just be horizontal for a little bit.

* * *

 **A/N:** Well, she's making progress! It amazing what positive reinforcement, or simple high-school crushes, can do to the mind. Have to admit, I do wish I could erase most of my memories of high school crushes. I'm sure everyone has a few of those :P All of those emotions and hormones can make kids do stupid things... _-laughs ominously-_

And I've been throwing out hints, are you catching them?

Thanks for reading!


	11. Chapter 11

**Hey guys! I'm super excited, because I have my awesome Beta again! Frannie cleaned the hell out of this chapter, thanks hun! Glad to have you back!(Any mistakes are due to mine own constant tampering!)**

 **And thank-you to everyone who has left a review! Each one of them puts a smile on my face, and I LOVE hearing your theories! Some people have gotten pretty darn close, picking up on all the hints I'm leaving, and I love hearing your opinions!**

 **I'm keeping this short today, on to the chapter! And I don't own Twilight, at all.**

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 **. . . Edward . . .**

It took everything in me not to text Bella before Wednesday. If I wasn't worried about coming on too strong, I might have caved. The rest of Monday after she left and the entirety of Tuesday crawled by at an agonizingly slow pace. Yet somehow I managed to wait until lunch before finally letting myself text her.

The weather wasn't great, but I figured she might have gone out to the meadow when she didn't answer right away. I knew there wasn't any reception there.

When school let out, and there still hadn't been any word from her, I grew uneasy. I couldn't really call her, but I sent another message, still making my way over. There was no way she'd be out in the meadow now, it was pouring.

She didn't answer the door, though, but through the window, I could see that her car was in the garage so I knew she was home.

But she didn't even come to the door. I got that she had anxiety issues, but if she changed her mind, a fucking courtesy text would have been nice. This fucking radio silence was just immature. I put out a lot of effort to make her comfortable, but if she wasn't even going to try then what was the point?

So, I said fuck it and left feeling beyond pissed.

And I told myself that when I did go out to the meadow to burn when I got in two minutes later, it was for that purposely only. I felt pathetic when she still wasn't there, though.

. . . . .

Two days and she hadn't even texted to apologize, let alone reply to the message I'd sent Wednesday night asking what the hell her deal was. I was so pissed off that I could barely think straight. So Friday night I went out with the remainder of the twenty-sixer of Smirnoff I had stashed away, a two-liter bottle of Coke, and a few joints. I biked down to the beach, where Mike, Ben, Quill, and Embry were, along with Leah and Rose. Leah moved around to drop down next to me with a big smile, and though I really didn't want to talk to anyone, I still smoked her on a joint. I wasn't sharing my vodka, though. After doing a few shots, and when I had enough room in my pop bottle, I emptied the liquor into it.

Every time I handed Leah that joint and our fingers touched I got more and more pissed. It was normal. She didn't have any hesitation. It was too much of a contrast to…

I tried to shake off the irritation, but couldn't.

I couldn't share a joint with Bella like this, she'd likely knock herself out with a panic attack or some shit.

Jessica, Lauren, and Angela came by with Eric later, and Jake was the last one to join us, not getting there until almost eleven.

"What took you so long?" Embry asked, and he dropped down next to him, swiping one of his beers.

"I had to wait until my dad fell asleep, he fucking grounded me," he mumbled in irritation. I laughed, feeling better seeing someone who was in a shittier mood than me. Everyone else laughed too.

"What did you do?" Leah asked, still eye-fucking my bottle of pop. Wasn't happening, though.

"That little fucking freak that lives with the Chief, that's what happened. She's hot, but that girl has fucking _issues,_ man. I think she's milking it or whatever, but the Chief fucking buys it."

"What the hell are you talking about?" I practically growled, instantly sitting up rod straight.

"I went over to watch the game with my dad on Tuesday, and it was the first time we'd been over since she moved in with him. It was almost as if he was just hiding her away or something. Anyways, I thought I'd ask her out to dinner or something, just being fucking friendly, you know? I put my arm around her, and she just freaked out; she fucking fainted or whatever, and well…she smoked her head on the oven and had to go to the hospital. But they both freaked out on me like it was _my_ fault! I barely touched her, it was ridiculous."

I gaped at him, having trouble believing his words, but then they clicked.

"What the fuck is _wrong_ with you?" I practically shouted, and everyone went dead silent, staring at me. "You fucking _touched_ her?"

"Dude, what-"

"You don't know a fucking thing about her, don't you _dare_ talk fucking shit about her like that! You fucking _idiot_." I was too drunk to beat the shit out of him but sober enough to know I was too drunk to take him. And I was heavily outnumbered, but I wanted to smash his fucking jaw. "If I ever hear you even fucking _breathing_ in her direction again, I'll make sure you regret it," I swore, and stormed off before I could lunge over the fire at him.

I got on my bike and got the hell out of there, knowing that I may have lost my cool a bit. I wasn't sure where I was going, and I stopped at the meadow, coming to a fork in the road.

I wouldn't blame Bella for wanting nothing to do with me, but I _had_ to apologize to her, and as soon as possible.

But I was also drunk, and would likely do more harm than good if I went to her now.

So, I sat out in the blackness of the meadow and finished off my pop as I wrote, re-wrote, and then wrote again, another hundred times, a text message. When I got home and had reception, I read it one last time before sending it.

 _ **Bella, I'm so sorry. I assumed the worst and flipped out on you. I was wrong. I just found out from Jake tonight, and came close to attacking him for it. I wanted to come see you, but I'm drunk and didn't think it would be cool to show up in the middle of the night while smashed. I'm so sorry. I'm coming by tomorrow, and if you don't want to answer I'll understand, but I really hope you do.**_

. . . . .

I can't believe I bought her flowers.

Not even from the grocery store, I went to a fucking _flower store_. I tried to convince myself it was because she hurt herself and it was normal to buy flowers for someone who was hurt; _not_ because I was quickly becoming addicted to her.

The Chief's cruiser was in the driveway when I parked, and my nerves increased ten-fold. I forced myself up to the door, though, and when I knocked, it was the Chief who answered. He frowned but didn't look murderous, almost as if he'd been expecting me. "Edward," he said, his mustache twitching as he pursed his lips. "I actually thought I'd see you a little sooner if I'm being honest."

"I just heard last night that Bella hurt herself?" I asked, trying not to wince.

His face hardened.

"She didn't hurt _herself_ , that punk-ass, handsy brat of Billy's crossed the line."

"Is she okay? What happened?" I asked, my voice shaking in both anger and worry.

"She has a bad concussion, and had to get stitches on her head." He sighed. "I'm sorry kid, but this is not the best time for visitors. She's not doing too well right now, but I can let her know you came by. She'll be happy to hear it."

"No, Chief…please. I really fucked up. We were supposed to hang out on Wednesday, and I thought she just stood me up and…I really messed up, and I need to fix it."

He glared at me, and my life flashed before my eyes.

"If she didn't seem to like you so God damn much I'd make you fucking disappear, _boy_ ," he said in a sharp voice.

"I wouldn't blame you," I said quietly.

He sighed irritably. "I have to wake her up again in a bit, you can come in and wait," he said begrudgingly. I thanked him profusely, and uneasily entered his house.

"You…said she's not doing very well?" I asked warily, and his anger seemed to fade into pain.

"No…I fucking told that kid to go nowhere near her, but he didn't listen. She hit her head, and got hurt, and that was bad enough, but having to go to the hospital was even worse than the fall. And she was doing so fucking well…"

Sudden understanding hit me a minute after he spoke, and my stomach rolled.

 _How do you give someone stitches without touching them?_

You can't.

Shit, there's no way I could imagine Bella sitting through someone giving her stitches. They would have likely had to sedate her or something.

Fuck.

The memory of my father's face on Tuesday night when he'd gotten home from work, pale and almost haunted-looking, came to my mind. I wondered if he had been the one working on her.

"Fuck, I shouldn't be telling you this kid, please don't-"

"Telling me what?" I asked, giving him a meaningful look. Because I obviously wouldn't say shit. I appreciated, and probably needed a bit of his help with her. I knew I was no expert, even with the hours I'd spent on Google reading about anxiety. I didn't even know what had happened to her.

"Thanks."

"So, have you guys figured out she's afraid of hands?"

"What?" He asked in surprise. He had helped me, I wanted to do anything I could to help him too.

"She's more afraid of people's hands than actual people. If I have my hands in my pockets, or if I'm driving, I can be almost touching her, and she's practically comfortable with it."

His eyes were wide as he took in my words, and I knew by his surprise that he hadn't known, but something clicked in his eyes.

"How'd you figure that out?"

"I just noticed it after a while on Saturday. I started to see a pattern."

"Thank you for telling me this, you have no idea how much that may help."

"Good," I said happily, and the Chief no longer looked like he wanted to start cleaning his gun once more.

"Can you just wait here for a bit while I wake her? She doesn't care for surprises."

"Yeah, sure," I said with a smile.

I waited inside his living room shifting from foot to foot until he came back out about five minutes later. "She's just in the washroom, you can go sit in her room if you want," he said, dropping into one of his recliners. "But watch your fucking step boy, I've got my eye on you."

Shit.

That was not good, but I kind of deserved it. I nodded and made my way to her bedroom. I sat down in her computer chair and jumped when she came out of another door. It appeared as though she had her own washroom. Lucky. Well, I guess I had my own washroom too, but it wasn't attached to my room.

Her eyes looked so sorry when she walked out. She was wearing a baggy t-shirt that almost completely hid the tiny pair of shorts she was wearing. She had her hair in a braid, and though her face was pale and she had dark circles under her eyes, she still looked fucking gorgeous.

I could have kicked myself for the first words that came out of my mouth.

"Are you wearing make-up?"

She looked at me in both surprise and confusion, and my heart leaped into my throat when she swayed dizzily where she stood. She grabbed her notebook off her desk and managed to get back into her bed without falling. I kept myself firmly seated to avoid startling her. She wrote something down, blinking hard a few times at her paper, before holding it out to me to read. I rolled across the floor in her chair so I was next to her bed.

 _ **No, why would you ask something like that?**_

"So you're just naturally this gorgeous?" I asked giving her a teasing smile to hide how completely fucking serious I was. She just rolled her eyes. It was taking her a really long time to write, and it was obvious how hard it was for her to concentrate. Her writing was pretty messy today too, slightly crooked compared to her usually straight script.

 _ **Thanks, you're sweet, but I'm quite aware that I look like a walker right now. I'm so sorry I didn't text you, they just let me leave last night, and I can barely see straight. I should have asked Charlie to call you. I'm really sorry.**_

"No, fuck. Bella, that wasn't your fault," I said quickly. "I-" Sudden realization hit me as her words sank in, but they didn't end up helping. "So, you haven't read any of the texts I sent you?"

 _ **Shit, sorry, no. I haven't checked my phone yet; the screen is too hard to read.**_

I sighed and anxiously rubbed my sweaty palms against my jeans before ripping off the Band-Aid. "Bella, I…I'm sorry. When you didn't answer or come to the door on Wednesday, I assumed the worst and thought you were just like…Trying to blow me off. I'm so, so sorry, I feel like such an asshole, and I wish I'd never sent it, but…the texts I sent you weren't very nice. I get it if you don't want to hang out anymore, but I needed to apologize for it still. I'm really sorry."

She watched me with wide eyes, and her face fell before they started to water, and she looked down at her lap.

I didn't know what else to do, but I couldn't leave. I wouldn't. Not until she told me to. So I just sat there silently, waiting for her to do _something_.

A few minutes later, she looked over at her cell phone, where it was blinking away on her nightstand. With a sigh, she reached over and picked it up, and I tensed as she stared at it in her hand for a moment. I was so surprised when she tossed it to me that I almost didn't catch it. I looked at her in confusion as she wrote something in her book.

 _ **You didn't mean it?**_

I shook my head, unable to find my voice. I'd give anything to take them back; I didn't want to lose her.

I couldn't.

 _ **You can delete them.**_

I stared at her in shock.

"What, are you serious?"

 _ **You said you wished you could take them back. If you didn't mean them, then I don't want to know what they say.**_

"You…you'd really be okay with that?" I honestly couldn't imagine doing that, I'd _have_ to know.

 _ **I'm hurt that you could think I would do that to you. I know I have some issues opening up, and that I haven't told you everything about me, but there's shit I'm just not ready to talk to you about. I'm trying, though, and I would never just cut you out like that. I like hanging out with you, and if a message you didn't mean and regret is going to change that, then I don't want to read it. Just please don't do it again.**_

My eyes fucking watered in relief, shame, and regret.

"I won't, I promise," I swore to her, and one tear escaped her eye as she sadly nodded to the phone and looked back down at her hands in her lap.

I felt bad about taking the easy route like this, but if I had the opportunity to fix a mistake that had been eating me alive and made me risk losing or hurting her, I _had_ to take it. I deleted all my still-unread messages on her phone, before sitting it back down on her nightstand and plugging it back in for her.

"Thank you, Bella, and I'm so sorry."

She gave me a small smile.

"How are you feeling?"

She grimaced.

"I'll take that as horrible," I said, gently teasing, and managed to get a reluctant smile out of her. "I just found out last night from Jake, I almost fucking killed him. I would have come over then, but I was kind of drunk and thought I might have just made things worse." Another smile, but she looked exhausted. "Hey, I'm going to let you get some rest, and no, don't you dare fucking apologize," I warned before she could pick her pencil back up. "I want to know what happened but it looks really hard for you to write and I don't want you to do it anymore. I want you to tell me the next time I see you, though, okay?" She didn't reply, and just watched me warily. I smirked. "I'll get it out of you," I said confidently because I could tell she didn't like keeping things from me. "Would it be okay if I dropped by after school on Monday to see how you are?"

She chewed on her bottom lip for a moment before giving me a hesitant nod, and my heart flew.

It was then that I remembered that I was still holding her fucking flowers like an idiot. I'd gotten a vase for them already because I couldn't picture the Chief having any in his house. "Oh, um, yeah. These are for you," I said lamely, sitting them on her nightstand. She bit her lip again, trying to restrain a smile as she wrote.

 _ **Are these 'I'm sorry' flowers or 'get well' flowers?**_

Fuck, she really didn't beat around the bush.

"I'm honestly not even sure anymore. Can they just be 'I wanted to give you flowers' flowers?"

She smirked, nodding, and I grinned back.

"I'll come by on my way home Monday, and the only reason I'm not texting you is because you can't read them," I said, needing to make sure she wouldn't think I was trying to blow her off.

Waiting the day and a half to text her last Monday and Tuesday just felt ridiculous right now but I knew I would drive myself crazy waiting for a reply that would be hard for her to make. And she would, after this, no matter how hard it was for her, I was fairly certain of that.

She nodded, looking a little relieved, which settled me.

 _ **Thank you very much for the flowers, they're very pretty. And for stopping by too.**_

I shook my head. "Thank _you_. Get some rest, okay?" She nodded, and then smiled when I set another chocolate kiss on her nightstand. She mouthed a goodbye, and I gave her a tiny wave before closing her door behind me as I left.

The Chief took one look at me and sighed.

"You're fucking lucky, kid."

"I know. Looks like I'll be seeing you around Chief. Bye!"

He rolled his eyes at me, and I let myself out. I made my way home with a giant smile and got to work on my homework right away so I wouldn't have as much to worry about Monday night.

* * *

 **AN:** Yeah... Edward has a bit of a temper, but what teenage boys don't? (Or teenagers in general, sorry kids. Wait, what are you doing here? I told you in chapter one that this story wasn't for kids! You're not supposed to be here!) He does try to make up for it, though.

Do you think Bella let him off too easily?

Take care till next time, and please hit that review button!


	12. Chapter 12

**Beta'd, preread, and whipped into shape by the wonderful SunFlowerFran! Any mistakes are of my own doing!**

 **I'm not going to waste anytime, let's get to it.**

 **SM owns Twilight! (Still not her!)**

* * *

 **. . . Bella . . .**

I felt so weird. I'd had a concussion once before from falling off a pyramid during a cheerleading practice, but it hadn't been anywhere near this. I hadn't needed _stitches_.

I shuddered, and my eyes welled with tears.

I didn't want to cry anymore, but it was impossible to stop whenever I thought of waking up in that hospital…with someone touching my head. And when I tried to move, they held my head just like _they_ had, and then there were multiple sets of hands on me again, holding me down…

The sob that escaped my lips was the loudest sound I think I'd made in ten months.

I couldn't stop crying, and I was already exhausted and dizzy. I didn't think I was going to make it for a moment when I ran to the bathroom to throw up. I was cold, but too tired to get up, so I yanked down my clean towel from the rack and curled up with it, praying for the nausea to pass. It just got worse when I thought of Jacob. He'd stared at me like I was a piece of meat throughout dinner, and when he asked me out and I shook my head while mouthing a _"no thank-you,"_ and turned to leave, his arm had just shot around me and yanked me against him.

I don't think it will ever feel normal, trying to scream yet making no more than the whisper of a soft hiss. Barely more than air. I'd passed out before I'd managed to thrash out of his hold, and when I woke up, the stitches…

I threw up again, wishing I could just block out the memory and never again remember it.

And then there was Edward.

I still wasn't sure how I felt about him. I didn't regret letting him delete his messages. Even though I was obviously curious, I think I was happier not knowing the exact words. I just know that he said some things he regretted and knows he was an ass to say them.

I didn't want to be mad at him, so I gave him a pass. He'd apologized for fucking up, multiple times. I just didn't like the fact that he could doubt me so easily.

I now realize that he has a bit of a temper and that he obviously doesn't trust me completely. I would be lying if I said I trusted him either, though, I guess we're still getting to know each other.

I'd felt so much calmer when he'd been over. It was weird, and I missed it. My brain was being a fucking jerk right now and making all this shit worse.

I dozed off for a bit on the floor and felt slightly better from the sleep, but horribly worse from the taste in my mouth. I then started a bath, not trusting myself to stand for a shower confidently. I brushed my teeth while I was waiting, and instantly felt a great deal better when I sunk into that warm water.

When I crawled back into bed, Charlie came in not long after with a smoothie for me, telling me that he was just running into work for a few hours. I refreshed my Netflix again for something to break the silence, praying that I would feel better before Edward came over tomorrow.

. . . . .

I started to get a little nervous as three o'clock rolled around, not necessarily because of Edward, but because I knew that he wanted to know what happened, and it was fucking humiliating. He already knows I'm messed up; he really didn't need any more ammunition. He'd already spoken to Jacob, who probably thinks I'm some sort of freak now. I wasn't sure how well they knew each other, or how close they were, but I didn't want Edward to think I was a freak too.

At least I did feel and look a bit better than I had on Saturday. The house was very warm, and after a shower, I got dressed in a pair of black shorts and a blue tank top before wrapping my cute, beaded blue scarf once around my neck. Too tired to do much with my hair, I just put it into a braid, being careful not to brush over my stitches.

I froze.

Jesus, I hoped that Doctor Cullen doesn't talk to his family about his days at work, or about his patients. I'd never see Edward again if he knew about my breakdown in the hospital. But even if he didn't…if this thing with Edward somehow progressed, I'd probably have to meet his parents one day.

I doubted that they wanted their son dating a crazy person. My heart sank. It was a slim possibility because I could come to terms with him wanting to be my friend and that he had some feelings for me, but I wasn't girlfriend material. It sucked knowing that even if my best-case scenario came to fruition, it would likely be short-lived.

Fuck my life.

After that revelation, the doorbell rang. It was a reflex of mine to mumble a _'fuck'_ before I got up, but time I froze.

Because I had _heard_ it.

Not in my mind, I swear. It was barely a word, more of a breath than anything of substance, but I'd still heard the distinct qualities of a word to it.

Holy shit.

Holy fucking shit.

It took me a minute to calm down, and when I did my happiness instantly dissolved. I'd stopped trying to speak a long time ago while I was still strapped down in that white room, but even if I had made the noise, I'd never be able to get close enough to try it out on someone, and my happiness just shattered as my eyes watered.

The bell rang again, and I quickly swiped at my eyes as I made my way over to the door.

And there was Edward; wearing dark jeans slung low on his hips, his signature black t-shirt that fit him ridiculously well, his black leather jacket and his completely chaotic and sexy copper hair.

It was his crooked smile, and dark-green eyes that trapped me, though, and the tightness in my chest started to dissolve.

"Hey, gorgeous," he said happily, making me blush and smile. "How are you feeling today? A bit better?"

I nodded, giving him a small smile as I stepped aside for him to enter. He wasn't very subtle in checking me out, but I kind of liked it.

"I'm glad," he said looking genuinely relieved. "Where's the Chief? I thought he had Mondays off?"

Edward took off his shoes and followed me back to my room. I left my door open, obeying Charlie's rules. It's not like there was anything to hide from him, though. No matter how much I would have loved to have a steamy make-out session with Edward Cullen, I knew it wasn't going to happen. I shifted my books on my bed as he hesitantly sat down in my computer chair, rolling it over next to where I sat just as he had done on Saturday.

I picked up my book.

 _ **He ended up having to take time off last week, so he's in today**_.

He frowned but hid it quickly. "And how's your head? Were you doing school work?"

 _ **I was just looking over it, I like to make lists of what order things needed to be completed. Sort of like a schedule-checklist-hybrid to follow. My head's starting to feel better; I've just been getting some killer headaches.**_

He watched me worriedly, and almost anxiously, and I knew what he was going to ask.

I tensed.

"Can you tell me what happened?"

I sighed. _**It really doesn't matter; it was stupid and pretty embarrassing. I'm sure Jacob already told you.**_

"Yeah, well, Jake is a fucking idiot who needs a thorough ass-kicking. Please tell me? I highly doubt it's stupid, and you have nothing to be embarrassed by in front of me."

Oh, but I do. I could see in his eyes that he wasn't going to take no for an answer, and my eyes watered in humiliation as I started writing.

 _ **He came over with his dad to have dinner with us and watch some game. He kept hovering around while I tried to clean the kitchen, and when he asked me a question, and I told him, no. I tried to leave, and he grabbed onto my wrist, and pulled me against him as he wrapped his arm around me. I guess I kind of freaked out, and blacked out or whatever. I woke up in the hospital.**_

Fuck, as soon as I wrote the world hospital I started crying. No, I didn't want to think of that. I distracted myself by concentrating on his expression.

And he looked _murderously_ angry.

"That piece of shit, I'm going to break his fucking arms," he growled, tugging his hands through his hair. "This is why I didn't want him anywhere near you," he said in frustration.

 _ **I'm sorry, I know you told me to stay away from him, but I really didn't think anything would happen with Charlie there.**_

"Fuck, don't even say that. I know it wasn't your fault. I just wish I broke his arms as a precautionary measure when I met you."

He sounded completely serious, and I couldn't help a small laugh, feeling a little lighter. Relaxing a bit.

He wasn't upset with me, only Jacob, and it felt really nice to have him on my side. He still looked a little uneasy, though, and I should have known it was going too well to be true.

"Can you…what happened at the hospital?" He asked worriedly.

I shook my head, my eyes watering.

"Why not?"

 _ **Because you're going to think I'm crazy,**_ I admitted.

"I highly doubt that."

 _ **I don't.**_

"Bella…I know you have problems, I get that, but they don't make me think any less of you. I still think you're amazing, I love spending time with you, and I want to know you. _Really_ know you. I just…I don't want you to be self-conscious about talking to me. I just want to understand, and I really doubt that there is anything you could tell me that could make me change my mind about you."

His voice was so soft, and he didn't break eye contact with me once while he spoke. It was one of the qualities that I liked most about him. He always looked me in the eyes when he talked to me.

People have a lot of trouble doing that when they're uncomfortable around you.

Maybe it would be better for him to see the reality of how fucked-up I was now, instead of later when I might get too invested. That still didn't make it any easier to tell him.

 _ **I woke up when they were doing the stitches on my head. I tried to scream I guess, but that didn't really work, and then all these people came in and had to hold me down so they could sedate me. They didn't quite believe Charlie when he told them that it was, like, normal for me. I'm grateful that he got my psychiatrist to come in and speak to them because they wanted to strap me down 'for my own safety.' They insisted on keeping me under observation for a couple days, though, because I still kind of freaked out after waking up in the hospital. I'm not really good with them.**_

I was all gross and crying by the time I finished writing, and it was making my headache so much worse. I tried to dry my face on one of my throw blankets inconspicuously while he read.

And he didn't look freaked out when he met my gaze again. He just looked sad.

"I really wish I could give you a hug," he said quietly, and I wasn't sure whether that made things better or worse, but it was a sweet sentiment.

 _I wish you could too_ , I mouthed, not wanting to write it down. He gave me a sad smile.

"And…I know that you're not ready to talk about what happened to you, but I want you to know that when you are ready, I'd want to hear it."

I nodded, grateful that he wasn't asking yet because I wasn't ready to talk to him about it. I couldn't even talk to Irina about the dreams without throwing up yet.

"So, aside from the obvious, how was your week? Anything else interesting?"

He stuffed his hands in his pockets as he leaned back in his chair, propping his feet up on my bed. His leg was like, barely an inch away from touching my knee, but I was a little shocked to find that it didn't bother me.

And I loved how he could change from such a fucked-up topic to something as normal as 'how was your week?' so easily. I was still having some trouble adapting to how comfortable he seemed to be around me.

I smiled. _**I passed Charlie a carton of eggs.**_

His face lit up. "Shit, really?"

Man, my life was sad. I was still proud of it and nodded.

"Could you pass _me_ something?" He dared, smiling, but I felt the blood drain out of my face. I really wanted to, but I didn't want to have a panic attack in front of him a hell of a lot more. His expression instantly turned worried. "No, it's okay, really," he assured me.

 _ **I'm sorry.**_

He shook his head. "It's okay, it's just…what exactly about it scares you? Because, and feel free to correct me if I'm wrong, but you look like you actually _want_ to."

Shit, he could read me like a book. It was unnerving. I felt like I didn't need my book half of the time. I didn't know how to explain myself this time, though.

"What happened when you passed them to Charlie?" He asked curiously.

 _ **I still had a panic attack; I just didn't pass out from it that time.**_

He nodded. "Well, still, it sounds like an improvement?" His voice turned up at the end, making it almost a question. I pulled my knees up to my chest, nodding as I rested my forehead against them. This was just embarrassing. "You're worried about having a panic attack in front of me." It was a statement, not a question, but I nodded anyways. "Because you're afraid of scaring me?" Another nod. He sighed, and my room went silent for a long minute.

"Pass me your textbook."

I looked up at him in confusion, but he was just watching me patiently, calmly. He lifted an eyebrow at me. "You're not going to scare me off, and I don't really know how to prove it to you besides showing you. I hate seeing you look like you're waiting for me to run away screaming at any moment. It's not happening. If you pass me that book, I'll prove it to you."

He was right, that was exactly what I was waiting for. Having him say it aloud didn't make it any easier for me to move, it just made my eyes water as I started shaking. My muscles had already locked down just considering it.

Worry flashed in his eyes again.

"Shit, I'm sorry, that really didn't come out well…I don't want to push you Bella, and it's okay if you don't want to, I swear. I just…I just want you to know I'm not going anywhere. I don't want you to ever be afraid around me."

And the way he looked at me, that was what changed my mind. The fear in _his_ eyes. I hated feeling it, but I hated seeing it in him more. He was worried about me, worried that maybe he'd pushed me too far.

Edward wasn't like the others, not at all. He really cared.

I didn't want to lose that. I didn't want to lose _him_.

I didn't want to scare him, or hurt him, but even more, I didn't want to push him away.

And Edward didn't make me as uncomfortable as other people did. I was calmer around him, maybe it wouldn't be so bad. Besides, I was already sitting so I couldn't fall down.

I swallowed loudly, and saw him tense out of the corner of my eye when I picked up my textbook with trembling hands. The trembling gave way to dizzying tremors as my heart rate shot up, and it got hard to breathe. I was just holding a fucking book. I hadn't even done anything yet, and I couldn't breathe. My eyes started to water as I broke out in a cold sweat, and my vision began to blur.

"Bella?" Edward asked softly, his voice laced with concern. But I couldn't meet his eyes. I felt like I'd already failed. I felt pathetic, and I didn't want Edward to think I was too.

I just moved, I didn't think. I practically shoved the book into his hand, but once again, though I didn't even touch him it felt like he'd burned me, and I flinched away.

And I still couldn't breathe. I gasped, but no air would come in.

My lungs were burning …

My ears were ringing …

And my blurred vision …

Faded to black.

* * *

 **AN:** Hey guys! There were a lot of questions about Jacob's part in the accident, and Charlie's lack thereof. I really wanted to keep this story just Bella and Edward POV, because honestly, it's a pet peeve of mine when I'm reading a story and a random POV detours it. Long story short, Jacob ignored all the warnings he was given and Charlie was wrong to give the kid the benefit of the doubt because she was doing so well with Edward, and wanted to provide the chance for a normal interaction with another kid her age.

Quick random question; do you wear shoes in your house? Is that an American thing? People in TV shows are always leaving them on, but I like having clean floors, tyvm. That's what slippers are for, and mine are purple.

Thank you to everyone that's left a review! I'm still being blown away by the response to this story, it's making this whole posting experience a ton of fun, and I appreciate you taking the time. Please hit that review button again and give me your thoughts! Take care lovelies


	13. Chapter 13

**YAY! We passed 500 reviews! Thank you so much to everyone that took a few minutes to share their thoughts :) And a huge thank-you to my wonderful Beta, Frannie! Any mistakes are mine :P**

 ***sigh* I still don't own Twilight.**

* * *

 **. . . Edward . . .**

I saw her start to shake before she even reached for the book.

Shit.

I really didn't think she would do it. I tensed in anticipation, watching her, but she didn't look at me. She stared at the book in her hands, and I could see the internal battle in her eyes. I don't think I had ever seen someone try so hard to do _anything_ before.

But she didn't move. It was as if her muscles had locked down. Her trembling got worse, seeming to almost roll through her in waves, and her eyes began to water as her breathing sped up. I saw her forehead bead with sweat in her effort, and her face became impossibly paler.

Shit.

I was all for a little pushing, but she looked as if she was about to have a fucking heart attack.

"Bella?" I asked softly, but she didn't react. I was worried about her breathing, now closer to hyperventilating. "Bella, it's okay, just take a break," I tried to persuade, but I don't think she could even hear me. I started to panic, sitting up. "Bella? Really, it's-"

And then she moved, as quickly as a striking snake, shoving the book into my hands before flinching away from me with a force that must have given her whiplash. I just dropped the book on the floor, not knowing what to do as she tried gasping for air, tears streaming down her face.

She went limp, and would have fallen right off the damn bed, but I lunged forward and caught her.

And then I was _holding_ her.

She was so small, and soft, and warm, and she smelled like cherries and vanilla. I was frozen, having difficulty coming to terms with the fact that I was actually touching her.

Letting go was the most difficult thing I'd ever had to do, but I carefully laid her back on her bed, moving some of her books out of the way.

I can see now, why she'd been afraid of worrying me. My heart was still pounding in my chest. Aside from Jasper's accident, that had to be one of the most frightening things I'd ever witnessed. I knew it would be bad, but I'd never imagined _that_.

It broke my heart, thinking that she had to live with that on a daily basis.

But more than frightened, I was impressed. And kind of proud, to be honest. She knew what was going to happen, how bad it was going to be, but she was still able to force herself to do it anyways.

She still looked like she was out cold, and unable to resist the urge, I reached forward and gently swiped away the tears on her cheeks. Fuck, her skin was really fucking soft.

It was surreal almost, touching her like this. And near-impossible to stop. But when her eyes shifted behind her eyelids a few minutes later, I quickly moved away. I watched as her breathing sped up, and she clenched her eyes shut, a near-silent sob escaping her throat as she seemed to curl in on herself.

"Bella?" I asked softly, and her eyes flew open when she flinched. I gave her a gentle smile. "You almost looked surprised to see me here," I teased.

But by the look in her eyes, I knew I'd hit the nail on the head. She sat up carefully, sniffling and wiping at her face.

"Are you okay?"

She nodded, wrapping her arms around herself and shivering.

"I'm sorry, for pressuring you to do that," I admitted. I shouldn't have done it, not today when she'd already been so upset. She just shrugged.

We sat there silently, and I waited until she was able to look up and meet my eyes. She watched me expectantly, and I lifted an eyebrow, daring her to ask. She looked at me, seeming a little confused.

"I told you, I'm not going anywhere," I said easily.

All this did was make me want to be there, to be the one to catch her. That sounded a little too Hallmark to say aloud, though. She picked up her book, and she was still shaking.

 _ **I'm sorry.**_

"You have nothing to apologize for," I assured her. If it was anyone's fault, it was mine.

 _ **I didn't think it would be that bad with you. I didn't really think it was possible to faint while sitting down either.**_

I couldn't help a small laugh at that statement, and one corner of her mouth twitched into a smile.

"You didn't think it would be as bad with me?" I clarified, curious. She nodded. "Why?"

She gave a small shrug before she wrote.

 _ **You don't make me as nervous as most people do.**_

I smiled brightly. "Really?"

She grinned. _**I thought that was kind of obvious?**_

I shrugged. "Doesn't make it any less awesome to hear aloud," I said with a wink, and she smiled, looking down at her hands in her lap.

"But how are you feeling, really?"

She sighed. _**I'll be fine, I just feel kind of nauseous. I'll be right back, okay?**_

"Sure." I watched her worriedly as she shakily got to her feet and disappeared into her washroom. I was spinning around in her computer chair when she came back, and it was hard not to stare at all that skin. Fuck, I really liked her in those shorts.

Though they weren't as awesome as that plaid skirt…

I looked up to find Bella sitting in her bed again, watching me with a curious smile, and my ears felt like they were on fire. She raised an eyebrow at me, and I cleared my throat.

"So, what were your plans for the afternoon?"

 _ **After I had finished up with this stuff I was just going to have dinner and watch a movie or something**_ , she wrote and then fidgeted uneasily. _**Charlie's working late and I was thinking of ordering a pizza, would you like to join me?**_

"Really?" I asked, a little surprised, and then grinned when her face heated up. "Sure, I'd love to; I'm just going to text my mom first." She nodded, smiling excitedly, and she started moving around her papers again and then opened up her laptop.

 **I'm staying over at a friend's place for dinner, I'll be home before curfew. -E**

I set my phone down and looked up at Bella. "I've got some homework in my car, would you care if I worked on a bit of that while you're finishing up?"

She smiled and shook her head, and I got up, looking at my phone when it buzzed.

 **Which friend? Did you ask their parents first? What are you eating? -Es**

Jesus.

I went out and grabbed my stuff from my car, and still didn't know what to say to her when I got back to Bella's room. If I told my mom I was with Bella, then I would have to tell her who Bella was and then face the attack of a thousand questions. But if I didn't tell her, she would ask me a _million_ questions until I did.

She was a horrible gossip; she definitely already knew who Bella was. I sighed.

 **I'm at Bella's place, we're ordering a pizza. Love you, ttyl. -E**

I stuffed my phone in my pocket, ignoring it when it buzzed twenty-seven seconds later. I took out my notebook and calculus textbook, sitting them on her bed and using it as a desk. I didn't bother moving further away from her because I didn't want to. She didn't seem to mind me invading her space, either.

 **Do you like the** _ **Black Keys**_ **?**

She sat the book down just above mine, surprising me.

"I think I've only heard a song or two, I can just remember that _Lonely Boy_ one, but I liked it."

 _ **Would listening to music be too distracting?**_ She nodded to my textbook.

"Not at all," I said with a smile. I usually had my headphones in when I worked, I just didn't want to seem antisocial. She smiled and started up some music on her laptop before she once again began flipping through her papers.

She was much more distracting than the music. My eyes kept flickering over to her, and she was fucking adorable to watch as she read. Her face was so expressive, the way she would purse her lips, frown, and furrow her brow. I didn't know what she was reading, but it was easy to tell when she had to think hard to figure something out. You could see the bright light in her eyes when she did, and when she read something that was amusing. It was captivating to watch. So much more than math.

But it gave me an excellent excuse to just sit and enjoy her peaceful company. That had to be the best word to describe it; peaceful. She made me feel calm, and didn't aggravate me nearly as much as any of my friends did. Emmett and I couldn't go two hours without getting pissed off or arguing about something. We had fun, but it wasn't _relaxing_ like this. I didn't have that with anyone. Not Mike, Ben was kind of quiet, but we weren't close, and definitely not Jake-

Fucking Jacob.

I can't believe he'd just do something like that. Well, I can believe it because he's an idiot, but fuck. He never was good at taking no for an answer.

He'd fucking asked her out. I wasn't expecting the sudden rush of anger that came with the thought of someone else asking her out. She said no to Jake but…What if she said yes to someone else? My hand clenched into a fist around my pencil.

 _ **Are you okay?**_

Her book bumping into mine yanked me out of my head, and I looked up to find her watching me with a mixture of concern and amusement.

"What? Yeah, why?"

 _ **I hate calculus too, but you're glaring at that book like it keyed your car.**_

I laughed at that. "My bad. I'm good, though, math just isn't very exciting."

 _ **Writing all of those equations out is time-consuming and tedious**_ , she wrote with a nod, and I smiled.

"Very. How did you finish this and two other subjects in two months?"

 _ **Well, when you think about it, you do five hours of the class a week, and then maybe five of homework or studying? That's ten hours a week. For three subjects, that's thirty hours a week, maybe less. You're doing five, and I don't have to sit through the lectures, copy notes, and deal with substitute teachers, group projects, all of those little things that waste time. And where you would spend two hours a subject in one day, I probably spend three or four depending on how I'm feeling.**_

"That sounds much more appealing than going to school, to be honest," I said with a smile.

 _ **It's efficient, but being able to go to school looks much better on transcripts and resumes.**_

Hmm, I'd never really thought of that. I nodded, fiddling with my pencil. Then there was the social aspect, but I guess, for her, she would see it as more of a plus. Sometimes I hated the whole social scene, but I think I would get lonely without it.

The thought of her going to school though and being around douchebags like Tyler or Mike, made me clench my jaw in irritation. She wouldn't last a day without getting cornered by one of them.

She startled me when she got up and walked over to her desk. She started digging through the drawers, and I may have just stared at her ass while she bent over. It wasn't my fault; any guy would have done the same while she was in those shorts. I think she may have huffed in irritation and the rare little sounds that she made never failed to make me grin. She started combing out her braid with a scowl before her eyes lit up with her smile and she dashed over to one of her shelves. She reached up as high as she could, using a book to slide a little black box off the top shelf, and caught it as it fell.

I was smiling in amusement as she walked back over and crawled onto her bed, once again sitting down in her spot. She took a black pencil out of the box and picked up her book. She wrote something, and then sat the book back down with the pencil in the crease of the spine.

 _ **If you want to keep practicing that death grip on a pencil**_ _ **,**_ _ **these are more fun to use.**_

She handed me one, and I grinned when I saw the little white ninja face on it. It had Chinese characters on one side, and then _'Hi-Ya!'_ written on the other. She set the box down in front of me, and I picked it up.

 _Set of 12 Super-Trained and Stealthy Ninja Black Wood Pencils._

"These are so cool, where did you get them?"

 _ **I think they were a Christmas present or something one year, not sure.**_

"Well, thanks," I said. It was definitely the coolest pencil I've ever owned. She gave me a bright smile.

 _ **What do you like on your pizza?**_

"I'm not really picky, though I'm not big on onions or like, pineapple. What do you usually get?"

 _ **Pepperoni, Bacon, mushroom and tomato.**_

Shit, she really was my soul mate.

"Extra cheese?"

 _ **Is there any other way to have it?**_

I laughed. "Do you want me to call for you?"

 _ **That's okay. I just order online. They may think I'm a little weird; I usually leave a note on the order asking them to leave it on the chair outside.**_

I snorted, and tried to hide it with a cough, but she didn't seem offended.

"Well, you're resourceful, I'll give you that," I teased, making her laugh. "What time is the Chief working till?"

 _ **Around nine, he just texted me. When's your curfew?**_

"Same, nine." On school nights. They were crazy strict about it, but they gave me more freedom on the weekends at least. It was annoying as hell, but they wouldn't budge an inch.

 _ **Would you like to go for a walk before I order?**_

"Sure." She was a damn mind reader. I'd already taken one in from my car with me, and she asked me to just give her a second to get changed. She came out of her bathroom five minutes later wearing the hell out of a pair of dark jeans and a purple _Billabong_ hoodie over her tank top. She lent me a big golf umbrella, and since it was starting to get dark we had to use our phones to light our path once we got into the trees. We didn't walk all the way to the meadow, just far enough that no one would be able to see us.

"So how many seasons are there of that show?" She held up five fingers. "Do you have all of them?" She shook her head, only holding up four, and took her phone back out. She didn't text me; she just let me read off her screen.

 **Season five isn't out on DVD, but I have all the episodes downloaded.**

"Who's your favorite character?"

She shook her head. **It's way too hard to choose; there are a lot of strong personalities. Shaw and Bear are probably at the top, but I really love how personified the Machine is as well. And I love Mr. Reese of course. I found it started off kind of slow, but I started watching in the middle of the third season and then went back. I hate cop shows like NCIS and shit, and I thought it might have been something like that, but it's fiction.**

"God, my mom lives for those shows. It's like all she watches, besides American Idol."

She grinned. **My mom was the same. But every episode was like, the same thing, just different scenarios. This at least has a back story and plot. And awesome fight scenes.**

"Then I think I can be patient and give it a chance," I said with a smile. "Do you miss her?"

 **Sometimes, but not often.**

Her answer kind of took me by surprise, and she gave me a sad smile.

 **I get that it sounds like a horrible thing to say. She was my mother, and I probably should love her no matter what. But she loved herself enough for the both of us. She wasn't a mother in the real sense of the word, and that makes it hard to miss her.**

I don't know how I didn't see it sooner, I was an idiot.

"Is she…the reason you lost your voice?"

She nodded, and I saw her eyes water before the light of her phone went off.

Jesus.

"Then I don't blame you for not missing her," I told her honestly. I couldn't see her very well, but I could practically feel her relax next to me. We made the walk back to her house quietly, slipping in through the back door. After she had finished in the washroom, she waved me through when I asked if I could use it.

Her bathroom smelled like fruit punch; it was awesome. It was smaller than mine but really nice, with powder-blue walls, a white tiled floor, and a decent-sized vanity and bathtub. And it was a hell of a lot cleaner than mine. I'd have to fix that before I invited her over. Her soap smelled kind of girly, but also mouth-watering. It smelled _edible_.

My stomach growled, and I fled before I could attempt to read the list of ingredients.

Bella's things were cleared off her bed, replaced with a big bowl of chips and a couple cans of Coke. I smiled brightly. She was fiddling with her PlayStation, and when it started she skipped over to her bed again with her controller and remote. She shrugged off her sweater before opening her can of pop.

 _ **Do you like Coke? I have Ginger ale, juice, and water too.**_

"No, Coke's awesome, thanks," I said with a smile.

I don't think she would have minded if I went and sat on her bed with her. Actually, she was probably purposely leaving that space there so I could. It was too much of a temptation, though. I didn't think I could handle lying next to her in her bed and _not_ touch her. So I just slid around so I was next to her but still in my chair, propping my feet up on her bed next to hers. We both relaxed, and just vegged out, watching the show, filling up on chips until the doorbell rang. Bella got up and went to get it, and came back three minutes later with the giant pizza box, a couple plates, and some napkins.

I got so sucked into that show. We watched three, forty-minute episodes before I had to get going to make my curfew. But I left on a much brighter note than I had the last time, and with a guarantee that we'd pick up on the show again soon.

My mom was in the garage before I got out of my Volvo, and I groaned. She waited impatiently until I got out and walked over to her.

"Why didn't you answer your phone?" She asked sharply, arms crossed over her chest.

"Because I knew you were just going to ask like a gazillion questions that I really don't want to answer." She pursed her lips, and I knew I was right. "You did, didn't you? I haven't even looked at my phone, but let me guess. How did I meet her? How close are we? What do we do when we hang out or what do we talk about? Why haven't I mentioned her before and how long have we known each other? Or all of the above?" The anger started to fade out of her eyes, turning into embarrassment. I took out my phone and saw that I had seven messages from her. I sighed. "I haven't said anything because you make too big of a deal about things like this, and I don't want to ruin sh-stuff with Bella right now, okay?"

She nodded after a moment, looking deep in thought, and I hoped she might start trying to rein herself in a little more. I gave her a kiss on the cheek and wished her goodnight before fleeing up to my room.

* * *

 **AN** : Hi guys! So, they're still getting to know each other, but it seems like she's getting more comfortable around him every day. What do you think will happen next? Theories? Questions? Speculations? Hopes? You got yet another hint today, but I'm pretty sure y'all knew that it was Renee's fault that Bella's like this. Now Edward does as well.


	14. Chapter 14

**Almost split this into two chapters, but you're just getting a long one instead. Because you're awesome. And so it my Beta, Frannie, thanks Frannie! She continues to school me in sentence structure and teaches me something new pretty much every chapter :P Any mistakes are my own :P**

 **And thanks to Maplestyle for reccing my story over at the Lemonade stand! There are lots of awesome stories over there, and if you haven't been before you should definately go check it out!**

 **I still don't own the characters of Twilight.**

* * *

 **. . . Bella . . .**

The headaches were annoying, but they were tolerable. I could think straight again, though, and was happy to come in and finally write that exam. It took a little longer than I expected it would because of my painkillers but the teacher knew, and I was given as much time as I needed. I thanked her with a note on my test, and when I finished and placed my papers on her desk, I gave her a smile **.** Walking out of the room, I felt pretty confident.

Now it was all done, I just had to concentrate on my environmental and social studies classes. The halls were quiet and deserted, just like I preferred them, and as I walked, I wondered what Edward was doing, somewhere in this school.

I jumped nearly a foot in the air when a booming voice bounced off the walls in the hallway.

"Bella!" I turned at my name, and gave Emmett a friendly smile, tensing a little as he ran over. He was wearing a football uniform, and was covered in mud, but he filled it out _very_ well. I gave him a small wave, making his smile grow. "What are you doing here today?"

I opened up my notebook to a fresh page.

 _ **I just came in to write an exam. What are you up to?**_

"We have a big game next week; we got excused from class for practice. So, why haven't you come back on my server yet?" He asked with a grin.

 _ **Sorry, I've been a little under the weather for the past while.**_

"So does that mean you'll come on Saturday?"

 _ **Sure,**_ I wrote, not seeing the harm in it. It was kind of nice making plans with someone, and talking via online messaging didn't intimidate me.

"Excellent. So, speaking of Saturday…I'm not usually on until about two, but there's a big Halloween party at my buddy Mike's place that night. Would you like to go with me? I could introduce you to more classmates of mine. I know a lot of people are really curious to meet you."

 _ **Thank you for the offer, really, but I'm not very big on crowds. I'll check and see if your server is up at night, though.**_

"Awesome. Hey, I got a few minutes, I could walk you to your car if that's cool?"

I was fucking lost, so it seemed like the smart thing to accept. The bell rang, and I nodded urgently as the classrooms emptied into the halls. I was desperate to get out of there.

I could barely breathe, weaving through and avoiding the bodies of the crowd. My pulse was pounding so quickly that it made me dizzy, and my eyes started swimming with moisture when the panic and shaking set in. I tried to keep up with Emmett and make sense of his words.

"Bella, stop," I heard _his_ voice say gently, and my body obeyed instantly though I could barely see him through my blurry eyes. Someone stepped in front of me and it was automatic for me to take a step back. And then another, and another, and the sound became a muffled, faint background noise. I swiped at my eyes with trembling hands to find myself in an empty classroom with Edward and Emmett.

"Dude, is she okay? What's wrong with her?" Emmett asked quietly, as if I wasn't even there. The wave of embarrassment was crippling, and I wrapped my arms around myself, willing my body to calm.

"She's fine, don't fucking talk about her like she isn't right here," he said shortly, and then his voice turned gentle. "Bella, are you good?" I nodded. "Just need a minute to regroup?" I bobbed my head again quickly in relief.

"Okay, well…I have to get back to practice, if I'm late the coach will kill me. I'll…see you around, I guess," Emmett said with a weak smile. Mine in reply wasn't much better. When I turned to Edward again, he was watching me with a frown.

"I'll wait with you until it's less hectic out there. Okay?" I nodded, thanking him. "What were you doing with Emmett?"

 _ **He found me in the hall when I was heading back to my car. We just talked for a minute, and I was kind of lost so he was walking me outside.**_

"…and what were you guys talking about?"

His fists were clenched, and though his tone was disinterested, his body language told a conflicting story.

I think he was jealous and decided to test the theory.

 _ **He asked me to come on his server again on Saturday, then invited me to go with him to some Halloween party this weekend.**_

His jaw clenched, and his eyes narrowed, and I fought back my smile. I liked Edward, but the truth was he wasn't my boyfriend. I didn't need his permission to do anything, and he didn't own me. I could have said yes to Emmett. Or even Jacob, but I didn't want to.

"And what did you say to him?"

 _ **Yes to the server, no to the party.**_

He visibly relaxed, making me smile. Then he started fidgeting nervously.

"Would you…did you want to go? I can take you if you want, did you have any plans for Halloween?"

I smiled. _**Thanks, but as you know, crowds aren't really my thing. I was just going to hand out candy, Charlie will probably be working.**_

"Oh, okay," he said, sounding a little disappointed.

 _ **Thank you, for inviting me, though.**_ I added a smile when I turned my book, and he relaxed a little more.

"No problem. We should be good now; I'll walk you to your car."

I smiled in thanks and walked out with him. There were still some people, but Edward was always so careful with me and safely got me outside.

I ignored all the people who stared at us as we walked.

"So, what are you up to tonight?"

 _ **Work and homework. You?**_

"Lots and lots of homework," he said with a sigh. "Would you like some, er, company? To study?"

I smiled excitedly. _**Sure, you can come over anytime.**_

"Awesome, is six okay? I can head over after dinner."

I nodded in agreement, and he gave me an intoxicating smile that turned my brain to mush. He even got my car door for me, giving me a wink as he said goodbye, saying he'd see me later before running back to the school.

I went to the gas station on my way home, and my happy little bubble was popped too quickly.

"Hey, you're Bella, right?"

I turned to the voice, meeting the eyes of someone who looked only faintly familiar. I nodded. "I'm Tyler," he said with a sickeningly sweet smile. "I'd been hoping for a chance to say hi. You're always in such a hurry."

I put the gas nozzle back on its rest, pressed for my receipt, and closed my gas cap with trembling hands. I didn't like the way he was looking at me. I was kind of used to Edward checking me out, that didn't bother me, but it felt almost degrading coming from Tyler. "So, how is Forks treating you so far?" I just gave him a small nod. "Oh yeah, you're like, mute, right? Why can't you talk?" I just shrugged nervously, wanting to dive into my car. "That's cool, it's kind of refreshing, to be honest. It's rare to find a girl who can keep her mouth shut for more than five minutes."

Did he seriously just say that?

"So, what are you doing Saturday?"

You've got to be fucking kidding me.

"Nothing? Cool. You should come with me to this party, I managed to get a full two-four and- hey, wait, where are you going?"

I just got in my car, started it up, and gave the misogynistic asshole the finger before driving away.

We had missed grocery shopping on Monday, and there was no food in the house. So with a sigh, I rerouted to the grocery store. I got some stuff for sandwiches, some fruit, and snacks, and I didn't even start to panic when I went up to the cashier alone.

I'd done it plenty of times with Edward. I could do this. I kept telling myself that there was nothing to be nervous about. Unlike Port Angeles, I'm pretty sure every single person in this town already knew I couldn't talk.

"Hey, you're Bella, right?"

Fuck my life; I was not in the mood for this shit. I turned around at the male voice looking into yet, another unfamiliar face. I nodded.

The security at Forks High sucks. I wonder if the principal knew that half her students didn't go to class.

"I'm Mike, Mike Newton. My parents own the sporting goods store?"

I nodded, not seeing where he was going with this. I had no business being in a sporting goods store. "It's nice to meet you," he said with a friendly smile.

My anger started to fade because he was merely being friendly. It wasn't his fault that I was having a shit day. I mouthed a _'you too,'_ making him smile.

"Are you enjoying Forks? You must get restless, not coming to school." I shrugged, still wanting to just go home. "Well, if you want, I'm having a party on Saturday. You could come as my date if you want, I could introduce you to some more of the people in the area."

 _ **Thank you, but no thank you,**_ I wrote tiredly. He seemed surprised, and then scowled, his friendly demeanor dissolving in a second.

"Fine. You'd probably just freak everyone out anyway," he sneered, making me wince. "You know it's fucking weird how you hide away from everyone. People say shit you know. Are you like, traumatized or something? What's your deal?"

I couldn't even pick up my pencil to write to him. I was shaking, and my eyes watered as his words hit me like a slap in the face.

"What, got nothing to say? Why am I not surprised? Jake was right, you are a freak. No wonder you don't have any friends."

I looked away and fought to ignore him as I hastily paid for my groceries, and fled back to my car.

Then I broke down and just started crying. I couldn't stop, and ended up calling Charlie for a ride. He was obviously worried, but I couldn't give him more besides, _'stupid boys'_ and assuring him I would be fine. He told me he was proud and pleased that I called him instead of trying to drive, and returned to work reluctantly after he dropped me off. I unloaded my bags, still sniffling before I went out to the meadow with a thick blanket.

. . . . .

"Bella?"

The voice jolted me in surprise, and my eyes flew open to meet Edward's concerned ones.

I fell asleep outside. Shit. My face went up in flames as I slowly sat up, and Edward gave me a worried smile.

"Are you okay? Why are you sleeping outside?" He asked in amusement.

 _ **I didn't mean to. What are you doing out here?**_

"I saw your car at the grocery store on my way over, but you weren't there. When you didn't answer your door or phone, I figured you'd be here."

 _ **Shit, I'm so sorry; I really didn't mean to be out here long-**_

"Hey, calm down. It's fine," he assured me gently. His face looked so worried, though. "What happened?"

 _ **What do you mean?**_

"You were crying, I can tell. Did you have to call the Chief to pick you up? What happened?"

It was scary how well he could read me.

 _ **It was nothing, really. Stupid. The universe was just trying to fuck with me today.**_

He smirked. "You should know by now that most of the things you think are stupid, I don't find stupid in the least. Tell me, please?"

Fuck. He was going to get angry, and I didn't want that, but it was impossible to say no to that face.

 _ **Two words; Halloween party.**_

"I want more than two words," he pushed.

 _ **Tyler Crowley and Mike Newton?**_

His face hardened.

"Keep going."

I sighed and felt my eyes water.

 _ **Tyler wasn't too bad; he just seems to be an asshole in general.**_

"What did he say? And where?"

 _ **Gas Station. He said it was kind of refreshing and rare to find a girl who can keep her mouth shut for more than five minutes, before asking me to go to that party with him. And he seemed surprised when I just jumped into my car and drove away.**_

"And Mike?" He asked through clenched teeth. My eyes watered.

 _ **Grocery store. He seemed nice at first but when he asked me to go to that fucking party, and I said no, he just turned into a complete jerk.**_

"What did he say?"

 _ **That I probably would have just freaked everyone else out anyway, that it was weird that I didn't talk to anyone, and that people were talking about me. He asked me if I was like, traumatized or something.**_

I tried not to cry, but I couldn't help it.

 _ **I'm fine, though, really. I'm usually good at brushing this sort of shit off, I'm just tired. Sorry.**_

He sighed softly, his anger seeming to dissipate. "You apologize way too frequently, you know. And for the most ridiculous and unnecessary things." He gave me a gentle smile, slightly teasing. "You know none of any of that is true, right?"

I lifted an eyebrow at him, and he sat down next to me, very closely, and stuffed his hands in his pockets as he leaned nearer to me.

My heart raced, but it wasn't in fear.

"Your silence is not a _relieving_ quality. It doesn't bother me, but I always want your words. I'm always wondering what you're thinking. And you do talk to people, in your own way. You just don't bother with it if it doesn't appeal to you. You're not desperate for some sort of attention to prove your self-worth, which is what all these immature fucking assholes are constantly trying to do. _That_ is something I find refreshing, that you know who you are, and don't feel the need to pretend that you're something you're not."

Jesus, take me now.

I could get drunk off his words, or even just the way he was looking at me. He was so close, five inches and my lips would be on his. I was blown away by the fact that this didn't bother me too much. I was getting increasingly more tense and dizzy, but at the same time, I didn't feel like I was going to panic.

"And though he's right, that people do sometimes talk, it's not so much in the reason he implied. People are just curious about the gorgeous, quiet brunette that they catch rare glimpses of. There's a reason people stare, and that all of these idiots are rushing at you the moment they have an excuse to do so."

My face flushed, and I smiled at him. Fuck, he was smooth. Which made me wonder how many other girls had fallen prey to his dazzling smile.

 _ **You know, you asked me too,**_ I teased.

"Oh, I know I'm an idiot. I just like to think of myself as the preferred one," he said with a lop-sided smirk. I bit my lip, trying to restrain my smile.

 _ **You are.**_

"Be my girlfriend," he blurted out, his voice cracking a little. I would have laughed if I wasn't in shock.

I didn't have to write down my _'What?'_ He must have seen it clearly on my face. And shit, he was adorable when he got shy or embarrassed. The tips of his ears turned red, and his eyes were big with nervousness and vulnerability. It was completely disarming.

"I really like you, Bella. And I know we're just getting to know each other, but I don't want you saying yes to one of these other assholes. Just the idea of it drives me crazy. I want you to be with _me_. And I know what you're thinking, and I don't care about it. I know what I want."

My eyes started to water because I really believed him. And I liked that he seemed to want me so much that he didn't want to beat around the bush or take the chance of someone else stepping up first. He knew my problems and still wanted me. I think I finally believed it now, and God, I wanted him so damn much.

"Please be my girlfriend?"

I gave him a shy smile, nodding, and his face lit up.

"Thank fucking God," he said with a relieved sigh, making me chuckle, though it sounded like no more than a breath. "I'll make you a sign or something so you can just tell those assholes to fuck off."

Okay, my entire body was shaking with my laughter at that, and couldn't stop smiling. Edward was grinning as he watched me.

And I didn't let myself worry about it anymore. He knew about my issues, he'd seen the extent of my episodes of panic, dealt with me in public, and he made me hopeful. Because a month ago, sitting next to someone like this would have been unimaginable.

"So, how about that study date? You must be freezing," he said worriedly, and I smiled before getting up. I _was_ cold, though, and damp. We made the fifteen-minute walk back to Charlie's house, and I went and threw the dirty blanket in the wash as Edward set up his stuff on my bed.

I was hungry, so I brought a big bowl of grapes with me to my room, and then got changed. I put on our show before lying down on my bed, with my feet by my pillow.

I chewed on my lip for a moment before writing a note.

 _ **You can sit with me on my bed, if you want.**_

He watched me for a long minute, and it worried me that he seemed to have to think so hard.

But he smiled and slid his books around before lying down next to me. My bed was big, so we weren't too close, each having plenty of elbow space to work.

And it was so easy and comfortable. It was relaxing, just doing homework with him. I didn't worry about not being able to fill the silence. I'd found out a while ago that it was a rarity to find someone who didn't feel the need to always fill quiet with some sort of chatter. But like me, Edward seemed to be one of those few people.

We were on our third episode when Charlie got home, but we weren't doing anything inappropriate, so we didn't move. It wasn't something Edward and I had to worry about.

"Oh. Hey, Edward," he said when he stepped into my room, looking a little surprised.

"Hey, Chief. How was work?"

"Good…thanks. How you doing Bells?"

I gave him a thumbs-up and a smile, waiting for him to go into guardian mode.

"And what are you two up to?"

"Just doing some homework, and watching this show Bella introduced me to. It's pretty cool."

" _Right_." He continued to stare, and my face heated in embarrassment. He leaned in my doorway, crossing his arms over his chest, and I wanted to groan. "So…you two seem fairly comfortable."

I hid my face in my arms. Oh dear God, why wouldn't he leave?

"Chief, I'm dating your Goddaughter," Edward deadpanned, and I choked before looking up at him in disbelief. "I'm sorry! I couldn't help it, he was giving me that cop look," Edward said warily, looking between Charlie and I.

I grinned, rolling my eyes as I looked over at Charlie, before raising an eyebrow at him.

"Oh. Well then."

"Yup."

I snorted.

"Well, I guess that's that. Have fun kids."

And he turned around and left.

 _ **Was it just me, or was that extremely, fucking awkward?**_

"No, it definitely was. Sorry for just blurting that out. He has like, magic powers of interrogation or some shit."

I smiled. _**No, it's cool; it just caught me by surprise. I wouldn't have tried to hide it from him. This whole honesty thing we've got going on right now is working out pretty well.**_

He looked a little relieved and turned back to his book with a grin. We finished episode six, and then he had to get home before his curfew. He packed up his stuff, and I walked him over to the front door. He left me with his usual chocolate kiss and a wink, telling me he'd text me. I was grinning like an idiot when I locked the door, but froze when I stepped into the living room, and Charlie was looking at me with a teasing smile.

"Come, sit."

I let out a defeated sigh as I walked over and sat in the recliner next to his.

"So, a boyfriend, huh?"

I nodded warily. He sighed.

"Did you have any, er, boyfriends back in Arizona?"

I nodded again, making him cringe.

"Sweetheart…you just turned seventeen, and though it might not feel like it, that is very young. I just…do I need to have the talk with you?"

I shook my head quickly, looking around for something to write with, my face on fire. Charlie's house was littered with pads of paper, though; I think it was specifically for this reason. I picked up the legal pad that was on the small table in between us.

 _ **No, you don't. Please don't.**_

He laughed uneasily, in relief.

"Okay, so your mom, she…?"

Fuck, was he seriously making me do this?

Jesus.

 _ **Gave me way more details than any child should have heard. If I ever decide to do…that, I'm covered. Can I go crawl under a rock and die now?**_

Charlie's face looked redder than mine felt, and he cleared his throat uncomfortably.

"Er, yeah. Go do whatever it is that you do in there." I didn't hesitate for a second. "And no sleepovers!"

I closed my door quickly yet quietly and dropped face first onto my bed. I was seriously surprised I had survived that interrogation of sorts. When my humiliation dimmed enough for me to function again, I rolled over and immersed myself in homework once more.

. . . . .

The next time I looked up, my clock read almost one in the morning. I rubbed at my dry eyes with my hands before putting away my stuff and jumping into my shower. It was way too late to take my sleeping pills, and I didn't want to wake up Charlie with the alarm, so I just kind of puttered around my room. Halloween wasn't until Saturday, but I picked out something to wear to hand out candy. I had this huge witch's hat with a big purple satin bow, and a pair of black and purple striped knee-highs, so that made things pretty easy. I had a lot of little black dresses and figured the short lacy one would look the cutest. It's not like I'd ever have any other occasion to wear it here.

I loved Halloween, and my mom and I had always made a big show of it. That didn't make me like it any less now, it wasn't something tainted with bitterness. The last year I'd ever gone trick or treating we'd made a huge thing of it, and we went to enough houses to get us _each_ a pillowcase full of candy. Then we watched scary movies until the sun came back up because we were too afraid to fall asleep when it was dark. I think Charlie could take it or leave it, and I know he usually worked the holidays and most likely still would. I couldn't see him caring about me wanting to decorate and hand out candy to kids. I could totally handle dropping candy into a bucket, I wouldn't have to touch a single person.

I started making lists of stuff I still had to do. I needed to get some candy and decorations, and then pumpkins. And then I had to carve the pumpkins. And maybe I could make some treats for Charlie to bring to work with him. I had a ton of recipes for candy that I wanted to try making on my Pinterest.

I made a shopping list and then started Googling cool stencils. I fell in love with a Darth Vader one, and then the Storm Trooper looked fairly easy as well. I think two was my limit, though. Then I checked my Halloween Board for treat ideas and decided to go with some cool brownies, fudge, and truffles.

I left my room and had a bowl of cereal at seven, and Charlie was still sound asleep. I had another shower, and then took my time blow-drying and straightening my hair. After getting dressed in some black tights, my favorite, gray plaid skirt, and a cute black turtleneck, I grabbed my purse and went out to find Charlie sitting with his paper and coffee.

"Hey, what are you up to today?"

If he wanted to pretend like nothing happened yesterday, that was more than fine by me. I sat down at the table with him, taking out my notebook.

 _ **I want to get some Halloween stuff, and pick up some more work.**_

He saw my list and motioned for it, and I slid it across the table. He read through, and his face lit up.

"I always feel like an asshole never being here to hand out candy. I usually just leave a basket outside. And I'm pretty sure the first little shit that comes just takes the entire bowl," He grumbled. He took out his wallet and slid over his credit card. "And I know we skipped groceries yesterday, get whatever you want," he said easily. I smiled brightly, already knowing his pin. "And I'm going in at eleven if you want to come in with me."

I mouthed a _thank-you_ , blowing him a big kiss and fleeing the house.

This was the best time to go shopping, early in the morning on a weekday. The stores were always deserted. I took my time filling the cart, stocking the house up in both food and baking supplies. I also got some tea-lights and combed through their Halloween section. I got a bunch of fake spider webs, loot bags, way more candy than I should have, pumpkin carving stuff, and a few packs of decorative, mini-muffin cups. They didn't have much of a selection of pumpkins left, but I found two decent-sized ones that I thought would do the trick.

I went to the same cashier I always did with Charlie, because Shelly knew me, and knew that I couldn't speak. She chatted easily while she scanned through my things, and waved goodbye with a big smile.

I guess after yesterday, I was just waiting for something to go wrong. But I loaded up my Bug, got back to Charlie's, went in to work with him and went back home all without incident.

It was an awesome day. I took a break from my school work, did a few hours of regular work, then spent four hours hollowing out and carving my pumpkins because I didn't want to wait. It took forever to wash all the gunk off the seeds, but I loved pumpkin seeds so it was kind of worth it. I covered a large section of the counter in paper towels before dumping them out to dry. I cleaned up my mess and decided to go for a walk since it was so nice out. And by nice, I mean not raining. It was cold, so I got my boots and a sweater and then packed up my purse, grabbed a big blanket, and ventured outside.

It was windy and overcast, but I loved it. If you stayed still, you could see how fast the thick dark clouds were rolling and sliding across the sky. I found that I really enjoyed the cool weather here, much more than I ever thought I would. And I loved this meadow. It had to be the most relaxing place I'd ever been to.

And the only person that ever crossed my path here was Edward.

I was bundled in my blanket, lying on my back, looking up at the dark gray sky when I heard the snap.

I smiled.

"Are you sleeping again?" He asked in a teasing voice, and I shook my head.

I watched him come up beside me and throw out his blanket next to me before lying down. I took out my phone because it was a little too dark to write.

 **How was your day?**

"Ugh, long. And boring. And my mom hasn't stopped trying to drill me with questions about you for a damn minute. I had to get out of there."

I laughed, and it was so quiet out here that he could probably hear the soft sound.

 **It can't be nearly as bad as what I suffered through with Charlie last night after you left.**

"Shit, what happened?" He asked, sounding genuinely worried. I shook my head, smiling.

 **He attempted to give me 'The Talk.' I'm traumatized.**

He laughed loudly. "Was he really that bad?"

 **No, I'm sure it could have been much worse. My mom did that forever ago with my first boyfriend, which had to be the single, most traumatic conversation any child has ever had, so his talk was nothing in comparison. She didn't really have any barriers or filters.**

Instead of laughing, he tensed, frozen with his joint hovering in front of his mouth, unlit.

 **What's wrong? What did I say?** I typed quickly in panic.

"No, it's nothing," he assured me. "It's just…your first boyfriend?" I nodded in confusion. "Er…how many ex-boyfriends do you have?"

 **Two,** I answered cautiously. He watched me, waiting for me to go on, and I sighed. I don't see why he wanted to know when it obviously bothered him so much. **My first boyfriend, Felix, and I dated for two months, and my second boyfriend's name was Demetri. We were together for about a year.**

"Why'd you break up?"

 **Once we started dating, Felix just turned into a controlling asshole, and Demetri…that's a little more complicated.**

Please, don't push. I really didn't want to talk to him about this.

"A year?" He asked in surprise, and I tensed as I nodded.

And then he was quiet. I sighed in relief.

 **What about you? Any exes besides Tanya?**

"Er, yeah. Two. Jane and Kate."

 **And what happened to them?**

"Jane, well…we got along okay at first, but that didn't last long at all. She just got extremely bitchy, and I couldn't stand her. We were just together for a couple weeks. I was with Kate for a month, but it went the same way."

Damn, either he had bad choice in girlfriends, or he was easily annoyed. Neither of those scenarios bode well for me. It made me uneasy because I was already much too attached to him.

"You're not like any of them, though," he said quietly after a moment of silence, surprising me. "Not even close. We've only been dating for a day and already I feel closer to you than I had ever did to any of them. And I've known them all my entire life."

 **So you don't think you're going to be fed up with me in a few weeks**? I wrote worriedly, wishing that my eyes would stop watering. There weren't many new arrivals to this town, maybe we only got along so well because I was a novelty.

"No, not at all," he said softly. He rolled onto his side, propping his head up on one bent arm. He still seemed uneasy, though. I could see a question waiting on the tip of his tongue, but it looked like he was having a difficult time voicing it.

 **What are you thinking?**

He sighed. "You and…Demetri were together a really long time."

Well, I guess compared to two months, it was a fairly long time.

"So you two were…close?"

 **We grew up together. He was my next-door neighbor. We were really good friends beforehand.**

"So…exactly how close were you?"

I frowned because I just told him. What else did he want me to say?

Then it clicked, and I grimaced. It felt weird to talk about something like this, but he _was_ my boyfriend. Of course, he would want to know.

My face burned in embarrassment.

 **Are you trying to ask me if we slept together?**

He watched me for a long moment before nodding hesitantly. My stomach clenched uneasily.

 **No, we didn't. I've never done…that.**

He actually sighed in relief, and I wasn't sure how I felt about that. Did I give off a slutty vibe or something? Or was this just his jealousy again?

I didn't like shouldering all this embarrassment alone.

 **Have you?**

He tensed, and it was an extremely uncomfortable long moment before he spoke.

"No."

I was a little relieved too, and I don't know if that made me a hypocrite. Edward didn't seem like the man-whoring type per se, but he was extremely good-looking, charming, and had the whole bad-boy look going on without being an asshole about it.

 **Well, that's one awkward conversation out of the way** _ **,**_ I typed, hoping to break the ice, and he snorted.

"Yeah. So, what did you do today?"

 **Some shopping, picked up some more work and did that for a while, and then I carved some pumpkins.**

He shifted uneasily. "Are you sure you don't want to go to that party on Saturday?" His voice sounded so hopeful, it was obvious that he wanted to go.

 **No, sorry.**

"No, that's cool. What did you want to do?"

I looked at him in surprise. **Edward, you can still go to your party. You don't need to sit around and do nothing with me just because you're my boyfriend.**

He smirked but was trying to hold it back. "No, it's okay. It's not that big of a deal."

 **No, I mean it. I don't want you to miss out on hanging out with your friends because of me. I really don't mind, this isn't some trick question.**

"Seriously?" He asked warily.

 **I mean it. You want to go, I can see it. I want you to.**

He sighed, still looking unsure. "Okay. If you change your mind, though, just tell me. Please? Because I really don't mind."

 **I will.**

"And maybe I could leave early and stop by or something? I don't have to be home until midnight on Saturdays."

 **Sure, if you feel up to it. I'll just be handing out candy, and probably eating most of it, with some bad horror movies.**

He grinned. "Will _I_ get candy if I come by?"

 **Only if you're wearing a costume** , I typed back, grinning. I would be giving him candy either way; it just might be the home-made kind depending on how late he gets there. Halloween and Christmas are the two days a year I let myself go on chocolate. There would be no leftovers.

"Will the Chief arrest me if I come over after a few beers?"

 **I doubt he'll be home before one, they do road-side stops on Halloween, I'm pretty sure. You won't be driving, will you?**

"No. Mike's house is only about a block away from here, I'll be walking." I gave him a relieved smile and then yawned. "Tired?"

 **Yeah, I got kind of absorbed in a school project last night, ended up pulling an all-nighter. I'll sleep like a baby tonight. I'm going to head home, I'm starving.**

"Okay, can I walk you back? It's getting dark."

I smiled and nodded. He was so damn sweet sometimes. He packed up his blanket as I folded mine, and we made our way into the woods.

* * *

 **AN:** Awh, they're 'official' :P

There's one thing I feel I should go over, because there's been a lot of confusion. Bella's lack of a voice isn't a mental handicap; she physically can't speak. She is slowly discovering that she can make a few soft sounds again, but her silence isn't a choice. I can see where there may be confusion, there are a lot of fics out there where Bella chooses not to speak, but that is not the case here. You're going to get a lot more info in a few more chapters...And when she 'laughs,' she's not actually making any sound. It started sounding ridiculously repetitive after a couple chapters writing "and I was shaking with silent laughter..." again and again.

Thank you for reading!


	15. Chapter 15

**Big thank-you to Sunflowerfran for putting up with and fixing my horrible repetitiveness, both in words and repeated errors. She's a saint, and I was not surprised in the least that she won 1st place for favourite Beta Reader in the 2016 Fanatic Fanfics Multi-Fandom Awards ;)! (She doesn't get to read these ANs that I always put in at the last minute, so hi Frannie! You're awesome! Okay, gushing fangirl rant ending now.)**

 **And thank you to everyone that leaves a review. It's what we writers live for, and makes actually taking the time to write and post these things worthwhile :P**

 **I still only own the plot, we all know who owns these character. If you don't, well...**

 **As a precaution, I am putting a CONTENT WARNING on this chapter for violence.** **I did put a giant disclaimer on the first chapter about the types of subject matters that would be in this story though, just sayin'...**

* * *

 **. . . Bella . . .**

I was carefully curling my hair, taking my time since I had that in spades, when Charlie knocked on the door. I nodded him over, and he entered my bathroom uncomfortably.

He had no problem going into my bedroom, but he seemed intimidated by my washroom. I didn't get it, because it's not like it was overly girly or anything, but it never ceased to amuse me.

 _What's up?_ I mouthed since my hands were busy.

"I…" He paused, and then his mouth snapped shut before his face fell. "When you're done come out and join me in the kitchen, I want to talk. Okay?" I nodded uneasily, and he saw my worry. "Everything is fine, though," he said, his expression a mixture of assurance and determination.

Of course, I was just panicking the rest of the time I rushed through my curling process. You can't just say shit like that to someone and not expect them to get worked up. I found him in the kitchen, sitting at the table with an envelope, notepad and pen.

That was usually my role. I gave him an amused smile as I sat down across from him, setting down my book and raising an eyebrow at him to start.

He didn't look amused, his face was strained.

 _ **Nothing to worry about my ass.**_

That got me a laugh, though it was short-lived.

"Everything is fine, it's just…I need to show you something, and it's most likely going to upset you. I know you'll be fine, but it's still something I hate doing."

 _ **Well, let's get this over with before you give me gray hair.**_

He sighed, opening up the envelope, and I tensed when I saw that it was a photograph. He slid it towards me.

"Is this one of the men that you drew?"

My breath stopped, and every muscle in my body seized. My eyes began to water as I started shaking, not just in residual fear but crippling anger. I flipped it over as I nodded, sliding it back to him.

"He's one of the men who held you down?"

I nodded, my tears spilling over.

I wasn't panicking, though; I didn't think it was escalating.

"They found him in Texas and have him in custody. They're transferring him to Arizona. I'm sorry baby girl, but you have to go in and identify him."

I knew this and hated it. But I'd done it before, and I knew it would only take minutes. Charlie always ensured that.

I gave him a small nod, and he sighed.

 _ **When are we leaving?**_

"Tuesday. We don't even have to stay at a hotel if you don't want to, I can arrange the flights so that we're only there for a few hours."

 _ **I'd like that.**_

"Okay, then that's what we'll do. We'll be leaving the house at about five in the morning. You can sleep in the car and on the plane if you want, but I don't want you up late."

I nodded, just waiting until he was done so I could go hide in my room. I could really go for some _Foster the People_ right now.

"Okay. Well, I'm heading to work in a bit, but, well I could call in or go in late if you want-"

I shook my head. _**No, I'll be all right, really. Just let me finish setting up that tray for you before you go.**_

He nodded hesitantly, and it looked like he had nothing else to say so I got up and finished arranging the little muffin cups and wrapped candies in a big container before snapping the lid shut.

 _ **Have a nice night at work, and be careful,**_ I wrote because it worried me when he worked these busier shifts. People could be terrifyingly crazy, I knew that very well.

"You too, and text me anytime, for anything, okay? And keep the bat behind the door. Look through the peephole before answering when it gets later. Don't let-"

 _ **I know, I'll be careful too,**_ I wrote with a smirk. Once he left, I decided that staying busy was the best course of action for the moment, so I packed the Tupperware container I was keeping for Edward. I made homemade Twix bars, almond coconut truffles, and three different types of fudge. I tied that up with some orange and purple ribbon, put all my leftover candy on a plate on the counter, and then cleaned up the kitchen. Once that was done, I had fun putting up the fake spider webs before I set up my pumpkins. Then I emptied the ridiculous amount of candy I'd gotten onto the table and started doing up loot bags. I kept my music playing loud the whole time and succeeded quite well at not thinking for the entire morning.

Then, just because it was fun getting dressed up, I did my make-up really cool with a lot of black eyeliner, sparkly purple eyeshadow, and a lot of mascara. Then I put on my cool stockings, and not wanting to risk ruining my cute dress, I just put on a black skirt, a pretty purple shirt, and one of my better black scarves. It looked nice outside, a rare sunny day, yet very windy, so I decided to pack up lunch, my iPod, and a blanket before I buttoned up my jacket and ventured out to the meadow. I got myself settled and comfortable, put in my music, and then took out my book.

I was nice and baked, calm, lost in the drawing of the dragon I'd been detailing for the last little while. I was so used to him being at school at this time of day that I screamed when Edward threw out his blanket next to mine. Of course, it just came out as a forceful breath. I took out my headphones as I waited for my heart so slow down. He was grinning brightly.

"Boo," he said with a wink, and I laughed. "Fuck, you look gorgeous today. And hi."

I grinned, flipping to a blank page in my book. It was starting to get full, so it took a few tries.

 _ **Hey, and thanks. Sorry, I'm just not used to seeing you at this time of day.**_

He smiled and shook his head. He settled on his side, propping his head up with one arm, and had his other hand stuffed in his pocket.

"That was really good, by the way. Can I see?"

I smiled and looked for the page again before sliding it over.

"Shit, I didn't know that you could draw." I just shrugged. It was a convenient hobby. "Do you just open to a random page each time or something?" I nodded. "Why don't you just like, go in order?"

He sat it back down, and I found my page again. _**I don't know, I guess I just liked doing it like this.**_

He laughed. "Fair enough. So how's your day going?"

 _ **Fine, yours?**_

I was doing my best not to think about it, not to let Tuesday ruin the days in between for me. I just wanted to pretend this morning's conversation hadn't happened until I touched back down in Arizona.

But Edward apparently could read me too well for me to just shrug it off.

"Okay, I just woke up two hours ago," he said with a weak smile. "What's wrong? Did something happen?"

 _ **I'm fine, really.**_

"Bullshit, why are you evading?"

 _ **Because I don't want to think about it, let alone talk about it. Please, just let it go.**_

He sighed, sounding irritated, and I kept my eyes on my book because I couldn't bring myself to look at him.

"Well, it seems as though there are lots of things you don't want to talk to me about." I flinched at his harsh tone, but I'd just been waiting for this.

 _ **Not really. Only one.**_

"And what's that supposed to mean?"

Now I was pissed. He said he wouldn't push me, that he could wait, and here he was in all his irritated glory. I glared at him, and he flinched back in surprise.

 _ **It means I don't want to talk to you about that fucked up night. But since you insist on fucking pushing, I found out this morning that I have to fly down to Arizona on Tuesday to identify one of the people that attacked me. You know, I was trying my best not to let it ruin today, to just fucking function around it, but thanks. Have a nice night.**_

I stuffed my shit into my purse, got up, and just tossed him the book before walking away. A part of me quickly knew I would regret it; I had never given my book to someone before, but I was just too damn angry.

I didn't even make it halfway back before the tears broke through. And when I got to my room, I dropped onto my bed, crying into my pillow. I fucking hated this. Was it asking too much to be fucking normal for a little bit? To want to forget about that night?

My phone started to vibrate, but I ignored it. I tried to anyways, but as soon as it would stop it would start again. I got fed up, and looked at it. Edward was _calling_. What the fuck did he expect me to do?

I decided to find out and picked up.

"Bella?"

A part of me was curious if he actually expected me to answer. I obviously didn't say anything.

"Bella, I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have pushed-"

I hung up. Damn right he shouldn't have. I cursed when I saw the black smudges all over my pillow and went to the washroom to wash my face.

I probably should have left it, given the kids a _real_ scare later. When I walked out, someone was knocking loudly on the back door. I knew who it was, and I didn't want to answer.

"Bella, please open up."

Hah, yeah. Not likely.

"I'm really sorry, I was an asshole, and it was a shitty thing to snap at you like that. Please, just talk to me."

I didn't want to talk to him, because if I looked in his eyes, I would probably forgive him, and I didn't want to. I'd never been a pushover before all this shit happened, and he probably thought I was one.

Well, he was wrong.

"I'm not leaving until you talk to me."

Then you'll be there for a long time.

"And I don't care if I'm out here forever."

Seriously, this guy has creepy psychic powers.

"I'll start singing, I swear. I'll sing until your neighbours call the Chief to arrest me."

He wouldn't-

Then the music started, and he did start to sing. At the top of his lungs.

" _I met her in a club down in old Soho, where you drink champagne, and it tastes just like cherry-cola, C-O-L-A Cola!_

" _She walked up to me and asked me to dance. I asked her her name and in a dark brown voice she said Lola. L-O-L-A LOLA!"_

Jesus.

I ran to the back door and ripped it open, and he was holding his iPhone over his head like a boom-box. He grinned triumphantly, but it fell when I glared at him.

"Bella, please, I fucked up, and I'm really sorry. I didn't know-"

I walked away, getting even more pissed off because I couldn't even yell at him. He followed me to my room, and I picked up my phone.

 **No, you didn't know. But you jump to conclusions and lash out every time you get upset, and I'm not going to put up with that shit.**

His phone buzzed, and his face looked pained.

"You're right, you shouldn't have to. But I'm trying Bella, really, and I'm really sorry. I was worried, and I get frustrated because I hate seeing you upset, and I hate even more that I can't do shit about it to help you. I'm not mad at _you_ ; I just hate feeling so fucking useless."

His hands were in his hair, tugging on it in frustration. His pain was obvious in his deep green eyes, and I hated him for crumbling my resolve so easily.

But he _didn't_ know what he was pushing; he hadn't known he was breaking his word.

He just knew something upset me, and I could see the desire in his eyes to tear apart and destroy whatever it was.

He must have seen the anger simmering in my eyes because I watched the hope swell in his.

He took a step forward, like he was going to hug me, but stopped himself quickly.

And I wanted that hug so badly that I just started crying again. The dam broke, and I leaned against the wall, sliding down to the floor and hiding my face in my arms. I couldn't think around this shit, my brain was fried.

And then I heard Edward walk over. He didn't touch me, but he sat down next to me, so closely that I could feel his warmth. I thought about shifting closer, about how easy it would be to just rest my head against his arm, but my muscles locked down at the mere thought.

Then Edward did the best possible thing he could for me. He turned on his iPod, breaking the silence, giving me something to cling to besides my thoughts. I concentrated as hard as I could on the words until I started to calm.

My mind relaxed, and my sniffles faded. I was so exhausted and didn't see the harm in closing my sore eyes, just for a minute.

. . . . .

I rolled over, burrowing deeper into my blanket against the chill.

But then I realized I was in my bed, and I had definitely not fallen asleep there.

Shit, I fell asleep.

While Edward was over.

My eyes flashed open, and my breath halted in my throat.

Edward was still here. _Right there_. Lying next to me on my bed, his head resting on one of my pillows. He was snoring gently, sound asleep.

I guess I must have fallen asleep in the kitchen…which meant he most likely carried me to bed. My face flamed at the thought, and I bit my lip to restrain my smile.

I might not have been conscious while it occurred, but I still touched him.

And seeing him lying there, sound asleep with a small smile on his face, I couldn't find it in myself to be wary of his proximity. I felt very comfortable.

Hesitantly, I shifted a little nearer; it was impossible to resist. As was the urge to be closer. I have no idea where my courage came from, but I didn't fight it. I reached out slowly, cautiously, and lightly traced my index finger along his jaw.

I yanked my hand back, pulling in a sharp breath of surprise from the shock that jolted me, and Edward's eyes flew open.

He stared at me in surprise.

"Did you just touch me?"

My face burned, and I mouthed a quick _I'm sorry_ , my eyes watering.

"No, no, no," he said quickly, softly, looking worried. "I didn't mind, really, I was just surprised." A wide, crooked smirk took over his lips as he looked deep into my eyes. "You can touch me anytime you want, I won't mind at all," he assured me.

 _Really?_ I breathed, but he was good at reading my lips. His smirk grew.

"Of course. If you're going to practice on anyone, I want it to be me."

I grinned, I couldn't help it. He really was the sweetest guy I'd ever met, even with his asshole moments.

"How are you feeling?" I didn't have anything to write with, and went to get up, but he shook his head, inching the tiniest bit closer. "No, I like reading your lips, try without the book," he asked softly.

 _I'm sorry for falling asleep on you._

I didn't just mouth the words, I spoke them. I knew it was too quiet for him to hear, though.

"I didn't mind," he said with a gentle smile.

 _And I'm sorry for getting so mad._

That took him a little longer to work out, I had to repeat myself again, but I was enjoying this. I'd gotten into such a habit of writing or typing everything, I'd really missed it.

"No, you were right. I was pushing, and I shouldn't have."

 _But you didn't know. I lost my temper, and I'm sorry._

"It's okay. I lost mine as well, and I'm sorry too."

 _It's okay._

"So you're leaving on Tuesday?" I nodded. "How long will you be gone?"

I did the math on my fingers. Two, four-hour drives, two, five-hour flights, waiting times in between.

 _Only about a day or so, we won't be staying long._

He couldn't get that one, and frowned before reluctantly giving me back my book, taking it out from behind him.

 _ **Only for a day or so. Charlie said we don't have to stay overnight. He usually makes these things move pretty quickly. Cop perk.**_

"Usually? So you've had to do this before?" He asked warily. I nodded. "What do you have to do?"

 _ **For them to hold him, I only have to go in and identify him in person. I go in, look through a one-way mirror, pick him out of a line-up, then write a statement.**_

I kept speaking as I wrote the words, not wanting to stop. I liked the sensation of the air vibrating in my throat.

I wished so badly that I could just lean in and whisper into his ear.

"Are you going to be okay?"

 _ **I'll be fine. It's just…stressful. I'd rather not think about it until I have to.**_

"Okay," he said softly trying to give me a small smile. Then his expression turned curious as he watched me. "You didn't have a panic attack when you touched me, you seemed fairly calm," he stated with a grin, making me blush. "How was it? How do you feel now?"

I was shocked to find out that he was right; I had been comfortable with it.

 _ **I don't know where that came from, but I feel fine.**_

"Did you want to try again?"

I chewed on my lip, but once again, that nervousness had set in. I didn't understand why it was so come-and-go with him. I tried to force my hand to move forward, but it was like I hit an invisible wall, and I dropped my hand in defeat.

"That's okay. Maybe I'm just less intimidating when I'm asleep?" He teased. I let out a breath of relief, seeing that he really didn't seem to care that I couldn't do it again. He was right, though, it was easy when he was sleeping. Maybe my subconscious was more settled knowing he couldn't do anything. I needed to talk to Irina.

"So, what did you do today?" He asked casually. He was so good at switching topics.

 _ **Nothing really, it's been a lazy day. I had fun covering the front patio in spider webs. What about you?**_

"Mine was even lazier, I woke up at like, eleven, had a shower, ate lunch, and then ran into you when I went to get some fresh air."

 _ **Why'd you sleep in so late?**_

He shrugged. "Because it's Saturday?"

I grinned, and then looked over at my bedside clock. It was only four.

 _ **What time are you heading over to Mike's?**_

He looked at me in surprise. "I'm not. I'm not leaving you alone after that."

I frowned. _**I'm fine. I don't want you to cancel your plans. That's very unnecessary.**_

"I don't care; I don't want to leave you alone."

I sighed. He wasn't making this easy, which forced me to break out the big guns. I batted my lashes at him, pouting, and I saw him melt.

Too easy.

 _ **Please? I'd feel so guilty if you missed your party because of me.**_

He sighed, and I had to fight not to smile triumphantly. "Okay, I'll swing by his place for a couple of hours later," he said reluctantly. Then he grinned. "But then I'm coming over to rob you of leftover candy. That party is just going to be fucking boring without you there." I bit my lip to restrain my grin. "And you're really sure you don't want to come?"

I nodded reluctantly. I couldn't deal with walking through the hallways at the school, there's no way I'd be able to handle a bunch of drunken teenagers packed into a small house.

"I know why, and I'm sorry I keep asking. I just want to make sure that you know that I would _want_ you there," he said shyly. I grinned again.

 _ **I know, thank you for that.**_

God, I wanted to touch him so badly. I tried to give into the craving, to let it take over my body, but once again I reached out, and even though I got further, I still hit that invisible wall, making my eyes water.

"I know, gorgeous," he said softly, making me look up into his eyes. "Me too. We'll work it out, though, and once we do, I'm never going to be able to let you go."

My face flushed with my smile, making him grin.

 _ **So when are you heading over?**_

"Around eight I guess."

I chewed on my lip for a moment.

 _ **Do you have to go home for dinner? Or would you like to eat here?**_

He grinned. "I don't have to go home. What were you thinking?"

 _ **Do you like fajitas?**_

"I fucking love fajitas," he said with a smile. I grinned, and got up, and Edward followed me to the kitchen. I put my _Foster the People_ CD back on, and Edward helped by cutting up peppers and lettuce while I cut the chicken and tomatoes. We didn't really talk, but it was a lot of fun, and he had a goofy smile on his face the entire time. He helped me clean up while the skillet was in the oven, and once it was done, we assembled our dinner and brought our plates back to my room.

He kept checking his phone, and then looking at me uneasily, like he wanted to say something but couldn't quite do it.

I waited him out, and once we finished, I just rolled onto my side, lifting an eyebrow at him curiously. He sighed.

"Would you…I was wondering if you could come over for dinner at my house sometime. My…ugh, my mom really wants to meet you."

I froze. He wanted me to meet his parents?

I dated Felix for two months, and he never introduced me to his parents. I knew Demetri's because they babysat me a lot growing up, but once we started dating he rarely brought me around them. I had kind of figured that I just wasn't one of those girls that guys wanted to bring home to meet their parents. It hurt, because I really had no idea what I'd done wrong.

But here Edward was, inviting me over for dinner so I could meet his mom. I gave him a big yet shy smile, and nodded. He grinned brightly, sighing in relief. "Awesome. That should get her off my back for now," he said with a laugh. "I know you've got…stuff to deal with right now, though. Maybe sometime after you come back? If you're feeling okay?"

I nodded in relief, because though I did want to meet his mother, I was already dealing with too much shit in my head right now.

"Awesome," he said, looking so damn happy, which made it impossible for me to stop smiling. We finished watching our episode, Edward grabbing seconds, and once we were done, he helped me clean the kitchen.

It was starting to get dark, and I knew kids would start coming soon. So once we finished, Edward grabbed his bag saying he'd stop by later on his way home from the party. I told him he could come by anytime.

And even though we couldn't, just seeing how much he wanted to kiss me in his eyes felt nice.

Once he was gone, I fixed my make-up once more and slipped into my dress. My curls were chaotic from sleeping on them, but it had a nice effect, and I pinned my hat in place. I smiled at my reflection after wrapping my black, sparkly scarf around my neck.

I looked pretty damn good. This dress was awesome.

I lit my pumpkins outside, moved my giant bucket of loot bags, and then, in an attempt to not 'weird' out the kids with my silence, I made a sign. I cut it in the shape of a speech bubble, just writing "Happy Halloween, have a nice night!" on it.

I taped it to a wooden ruler, leaving it by the front door.

And I had a lot of fun. I didn't get nervous once, dropping the bags into their buckets and pillow cases. And most children seemed more scared of me than I was of them. A few kids ran to get their parents because they couldn't read my sign and wanted to know what it said, and I tossed them loot bags too.

I didn't think this many kids even lived in Forks. I was glad that I bought so much candy; I needed it. Around eight-thirty, it started to slow down, and then it was just older kids fucking around. Some not even wearing costumes. I had one person straight out ask if they could have the rest of my leftover candy.

As if.

I brought in my pumpkins as a sign that business hours were over. Then I went out back, just inside the treeline to burn one, and then settled in on the couch to watch some horror movies that were playing on TV.

And I totally destroyed that candy. It was gross how much I ate, but it tasted so damn good.

It was about ten-thirty when the doorbell rang, making me jump, and I cautiously went over to look through the peephole. And there was someone, a guy, wearing a Freddy Kruger mask.

It didn't seem like Edward, though. He was too short.

Curiously, I dialed his number instead of texting, but the man just stood there in silence. It wasn't Edward, because Edward answered.

"Hey gorgeous, is everything okay? You've never called before," he asked worriedly. I tapped on the receiver so he'd know I was there, before I hung up and texted him.

 **Sorry, there's just a creepy guy dressed as Freddy Kruger on my front step, I just wanted to make sure it wasn't you.-B**

 **Is he still there?-E**

I checked again, and he reached out to knock loudly just as I leaned forward, making me jump back.

 **Yeah. He's too old to be a trick-or-treater, I'm not answering it.-B**

He kept knocking, and it was making me uneasy. I wish I could just tell him to go away.

My phone rang, and it was Edward. I answered curiously.

"Hey, put me on speaker phone," he said quickly, his voice tense. I complied. "Tap if I'm on, gorgeous." I tapped on the phone, grinning. "Hold me up to the door." I did as he asked. "Who is it?" He asked loudly.

The man ran as soon as he heard Edward's voice, and I sighed. "Hello?"

I tapped on the phone before hanging up and texting.

 **He ran at the sound of your voice. Thank you for that. I'm sorry for bugging you.-B**

 **You never bug me. This party is fucking lame. I'll be over in a few, okay?-E**

 **Okay** , I typed back excitedly.

And he was knocking on my door ten minutes later. I looked up through the peephole and grinned before opening. Edward was dressed in his usual attire, jeans and a black t-shirt with his leather jacket, but this time, he was also wearing a pair of black cowboy boots and the hat to go with it. I gave him an amused smile while he just blatantly stared at me. He was ogling my legs, and I had to snap my fingers to snap him out of it, and he quickly met my eyes as I raised a brow at him.

"That wasn't my fault. If you wear something like that I'm going to stare," he said with a shrug, not looking regretful in the slightest. I grinned. "So, is this enough of a costume? Do I get candy?" He teased, and I waved him in, locking the door. He followed me closely to the kitchen, and I slid his container closer to him, making his face light up.

 _ **Would you like something to drink?**_

He looked a little tipsy, and smelled like beer and cigarettes, but I didn't really mind. He'd be gone before Charlie got home.

"Water would be great," he said, fighting with the ribbons on the container. I set down a bottle of water, and he followed me back to the living room, dropping onto the couch next to me. Still fighting with the ribbons.

"This is cruel. I'm holding food, it's in my hands, and I still can't eat it," he whined. I laughed, and picked up my bucket of left-over candy, sitting it between us. His face lit up, and he sat down the container before grabbing one of the bags and tearing it open excitedly.

"Shit, you give out _good_ candy. I think my mom was giving out trail mix bars this year," he mumbled over a mouthful of chocolate. "What are you watching? Holy shit! Your pumpkins are awesome!" He said excitedly, just noticing them. I was waiting for the candles to burn out, enjoying them for the night.

I mouthed a _'thank you,'_ then hit the info button on the remote so he could read the title, and he nodded.

 _ **How was the party?**_

He squinted at my writing, trying to read it.

"It was boring. And Mike is probably going to be under house arrest until Christmas, his place was trashed. I wouldn't be surprised if someone called the cops on them, and I'm glad I left when I did." He gave me a slow once over, making me smile because I loved seeing the obvious admiration and lust in his eyes when he looked at me. It made me feel really damn good. "I'm sure I would have enjoyed myself much more here," he said in a low voice, making me shiver.

God, the way he was looking at me, I knew I was going to be spending a good while in the shower with my detachable shower head once he left, picturing him in nothing but those boots and the hat…Jesus.

"Bella, can I try something?" He asked quietly, and I bit my lip.

 _ **What?**_

"I just…I just _really_ want to touch you," he whispered, leaning in. "I know what might happen, and I feel like an asshole even asking, but…can I try?"

I debated, my heart racing, as I watched his hopeful, wanting expression.

He knew what might happen, and if he was okay with that, then I could let him try. Besides, maybe it wouldn't be so bad. I had touched him the other day when he was sleeping, and I know he's touched me before when I'd been unconscious. That hadn't scared me when I found out.

Knowing he would do it now, though, while I was awake, having a warning first, made me sick with nerves. I hated it. I hated this fucking wall.

Even though it scared the shit out of me, I _really_ wanted to touch him. My hand was shaking badly as I wrote.

 _ **Charlie will be home around one. If I…don't handle it well, you need to leave before he gets back. He won't let me hang out with you if he sees you smelling like beer and cigarettes.**_

He nodded warily, though it was obvious he wasn't fond of the idea of leaving me.

 _Okay_ , I mouthed nervously.

His eyes lit up in excitement, and he inched closer to me, making my body tense.

"Close your eyes," he whispered, and I did so warily. My breathing escalated. I wasn't sure if not being able to see him was making it better or worse.

"Relax," he breathed, his voice so close. But I couldn't relax my muscles.

Then I felt it. I jumped when I felt his finger lightly graze my thigh, but he stopped as soon as I flinched away. He waited patiently for my breathing to settle again, to see if I had enough.

I pulled in a shaking breath and again closed my eyes. I willed myself to calm, and a minute later, I began to smile when it was working. I didn't pass out. He touched me, and I was still here.

Then I felt his finger trail down my arm. I jumped, but I kept my eyes closed tightly, wishing for my body to just believe that nothing bad would happen. Edward would never hurt me. This felt worse, though, his fingers on my arm. I really didn't like it, but I didn't want to stop him yet. I started to shake as he hesitantly trailed his finger up and down, slowly, and breathing became increasingly difficult and painful. He kept working himself lower with each pass, and when he reached my wrist, I flinched away, violently gasping, but I couldn't pull in any air. I couldn't hear anything over the pounding in my ears, and all I could feel were the hands, everywhere, holding me down, and my head thrashed from side to side, knowing what pain would come, and not wanting the memory to return.

But I could still feel the cold metal on my throat, piercing, the almost-snapping feel of the blade sinking in, breaking through the layers of skin and muscle, the warm stickiness that flowed down my neck…

And her eyes; excited, smiling, like it was the best thing she'd ever done in her life.

I gave up, letting it pull me under. Unconsciousness was better than memories.

 **. . . . .**

I woke up in my bed again, but this time, Edward was awake, lying down next to me and watching me with pain-filled, regretful eyes. He was close but had my book open in between us.

"I'm sorry, I went too far."

I shook my head. _**I like that you care enough to keep trying. I'm sorry that you have to deal with any of this.**_

"You're more than worth it," he said with an adoring smile. God, he had such a handsome smile. "Are you okay?"

I nodded. _**You carried me to bed again.**_

"Err, yeah. I'm sorry. Does that bother you?"

I shook my head, and he smiled in relief.

 _ **I'm just sorry you had a reason to.**_

"Don't be, I probably enjoyed it much more than I should have." He was teasing, and not regretful. I liked that about him, how he could speak his mind like that. "You're getting so much better," he said proudly a moment later, and I could hear his smile.

And I agreed with him. I'd let him touch me, and though I still passed out, I'd tolerated it for a while. I grinned.

"I still have fifteen minutes before I need to go. Can we just … sit here for a bit?" He asked, sounding shy. It was adorable, and I nodded happily.

Because I was so comfortable with him here, like this. Edward took out his iPod and put on a cover of _No Quarter by Tool_. I inched a little closer, as close as I could tolerate, and let my mind drift with the notes.

* * *

 **AN:** So, a lot of stuff happened in this chapter. You're getting more details as we get closer and closer to finding out the full story.

Do you understand Edward's frustration and reaction? Or do you think he was an ass? Or do you think Bella was a bitch for lashing out the way she did? I hope you understand that she's dealing with more repressed anger, fear, and stress than any kid should have to deal with, and I think she's handling it quite well. And I dunno about you, but his persistence to just be able to apologize properly would have won me over.

Oh, and how about her giant milestone of actually letting Edward touch her? If only briefly. Isn't she coming far?

Please please please leave a review, I want to know what you're thinking!


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter Beta'd by the Lovely Frannie :) It's my own fault when I don't listen or change things after she reads it for me :P**

 **Still don't own the Twilight Characters!**

* * *

 **. . . Bella . . .**

Edward was sitting next to me on my bed while I played Duck-Hunt on my Wii. We were taking turns, and I was kicking his ass. He wasn't watching me, though. For the past two hours, during my turns, he'd been bent over my black book with the most adorable, concentrated look on his face. I didn't care that almost every conversation I'd had with anyone since I'd come to Forks were in that book or that my drawings were on display, as well as many of my random thoughts and personal notes.

He was the only person I'd ever let look through one of my books before, and it was weird how comfortable I was sharing it with him.

I was really damn curious about what he was doing in it, though. He wouldn't tell me, and would just give me a mock-glare every time he caught me trying to peek.

He was succeeding in keeping me distracted, though, which he seemed to have made his goal over the past two days. Even with his hangover on Sunday, he still got up early to come over, just to fall asleep again on my bed. I didn't mind, his presence alone was enough to distract me.

And when he slept, I could touch him. It was the most thrilling, liberating sensation I had felt in so long. It had been over ten months since I'd been able to touch someone like that, but I'm sure I'd never felt the sort of electric sensation that made my fingertips tingle when I touched his skin. After the initial shock of it, I was addicted.

I just wish I could do it when he was awake. I hated that I was only brave enough to touch him when he was asleep and that I could only tolerate his touch for any length of time when I was unconscious. It wasn't fair, and I couldn't make sense of this barrier, the hurdle in my mind that I couldn't get over.

He had come over directly from school, and we studied together until he had dinner with Charlie and me.

I was very grateful that Charlie seemed so fond of my boyfriend; it was a big relief. They talked together easily, and when Edward mentioned his love for fishing, I thought Charlie might go down on one knee. I could easily tell what his favourite quality was in Edward. It was the effect that he had on me. He made me feel calm, and happy, and just lighter.

And being with him was as easy as breathing.

It left me with a fear that tomorrow I would no longer be able to breathe. But for now, I would not think of it. I wouldn't even let myself look at the clock because I knew that our time was almost up.

I got a game over, and sighed before setting the controller down for him to take.

"Just a sec," he mumbled, his brow furrowed as he scribbled furiously for another moment. Then he smiled brightly and closed the book with a snap. I reached for it but flinched back quickly when he went to stop my hand.

He didn't look guilty or worried when this happened anymore, he took it with a grain of salt, and I loved that he treated my little moments as if they were completely normal.

"Sorry, just…wait until you're gone first, 'kay?"

I frowned but nodded reluctantly, and he gave me a bright smile before snatching up the controller. He leaned back against my headboard, and I saw his smile grow when I inched a little closer to him. I was working on it, near constantly, trying to desensitize myself. It hadn't made much of difference yet, but he was nothing but supportive.

God, I was going to miss him. It was only one day, though; I was not going to go all emotionally crazy on him. He was already more stressed out about this than I was.

"Shit, why are you so good at this game? Is hunting a secret hobby of yours that I don't know about? Or are you working as an undercover spy during the day?"

 _ **Paintball.**_

"Shit, are you serious?"

 _ **Yeah, we had a couple awesome courses back in Arizona. Have you ever tried it?**_

"No. I want to, though. There's just nowhere to do it around here."

 _ **You should try Googling for a place around Olympia, Port Angeles or Seattle maybe. I'm sure there's one somewhere.**_

"Yeah, I will. You'll have to come too, show me your skills," he teased, and I rolled my eyes. Charlie knocked on my door, and my stomach turned.

"It's getting late, kids," he said cautiously, and I nodded. He smiled before walking away. Edward had to leave to make his curfew anyway. He was tense as he packed up his bag, and I walked him over to the door.

"You know you can text, or even call me anytime, right? Even if it's for no reason." I smiled and nodded. He just watched me worriedly.

 _I'll be fine,_ I told him silently. He nodded.

"I know…just remember that I'm here if anything happens, though."

 _ **I'll send you a message when we're back.**_

"You better," he warned with a smile. The concern in his eyes was putting me on edge. He inched closer. "Close your eyes," he whispered pleadingly, and I obeyed.

I sucked in a sharp breath when his lips gently brushed against my cheek, but it barely lasted a second before he moved away, his stance all but shouting that he was waiting to catch me should I go down.

But I didn't. My face just flushed red as I smiled at him shyly.

He had triumph written all over his face.

"I'll see you soon," he assured me, and I nodded, mouthing a good-night before he reluctantly walked over to his car.

Then too soon, he was gone. I leaned against the door and the reality crashed down on me. Edward couldn't walk me through this. I knew he'd be with me in spirit, and will probably drive me crazy with messages, but it wasn't the same.

His presence made me calm, but I couldn't bring that with me. The panic started to set in, and I could feel Charlie watching me worriedly as I walked back to my room. I couldn't meet his eyes, though.

I'd be seeing _him_ within the next day. I didn't want to, but this was the best of options. Because even though it was painful for me, I know it would only be worse if I didn't identify the crazy asshole and he was able to use his fucked-up shit on some other poor girl. I needed to make sure no one else was hurt the way I was.

I took my sleeping pills, struggling to keep my breathing somewhere close to normal. I had a long shower, braided my hair, and then laid out my clothes for tomorrow. I emptied out and re-packed my purse, making sure I had everything I might need while travelling for an entire day. Hairbrush, toothbrush, deodorant, moisturizing cream, hand sanitizer, and a change of clothes and my medication. Extra pencils and pens. I plugged in both my phone and iPod, and then crawled under my blankets.

The pills didn't work that night.

I was glad I was mute because otherwise Charlie would have had to deal with waking up to my screams. I still couldn't bring myself to take one of those other pills, though; the ones that I knew could, and would, make the memories go away for a while. Because even the memories of that night were still better than feeling disoriented and completely helpless.

* * *

 **AN:** Hey guys! Shorter chapter, I know, but soon enough I have some ridiculously long chapters coming up, so forgive me temporarily? It may feel like filler, but it had a purpose.

And I'm not talking about the kiss. Did you like that? Bella's still making progress.

And what do you think this trip may do to said progress? Do you think it will go well or not? Edward's POV next.

Please hit that review button! Thank you for reading!


	17. Chapter 17

**Thank you to all the awesome people who have left reviews, I love hearing your thoughts on these guys :)**

 **Chapter Beta'd by the lovely Frannie, and I don't own Twilight!**

* * *

 **. . . Edward . . .**

I moved through school like a zombie all day Tuesday. A highly irritable zombie. The irritation wasn't my fault, though. Tanya had just been fucking weird over the past two weeks. Always asking how I was, trying to walk with me in between classes. She kept sitting at our fucking lunch table too. I don't know why, she knew I couldn't stand her.

"What's up with you today?" She asked, and my eye twitched.

"Nothing."

"Bullshit."

"Let me reiterate. It's none of your fucking business."

"What's your problem?" She asked, sounding hurt.

"Oh, I don't know. How's Tyler?" She flinched, and the table was suddenly dead silent. "Yeah, that's what I thought."

She got up and left, finally.

"That was a little harsh," Emmett said cautiously.

"Yeah, well, if she didn't want to have it rubbed in her face, she shouldn't have fucked Tyler in the back of his van for anyone to stumble upon."

"Is something up with Bella?" He asked knowingly. I sighed. This is why I hadn't wanted to tell him about Bella, I didn't like people asking about my personal shit. But it was better than him asking her out again and me having to kick his ass.

"Yeah, I guess. I can't really talk about it, though."

"That's cool. I'm here if you need to, though," he said awkwardly.

"Thanks."

"So…how are things going with you two?"

"Good," I said with a smile because that was fucking true. I was addicted to her, and I'm pretty sure she felt the same.

"How do you deal with it?"

"With what?" I asked sharply.

"You know. Her…issues."

"She doesn't have fucking issues," I bit back. I knew the words were a lie because she did, but I didn't like people talking about her like she was fucking defective. She was just…skittish.

"I'm not trying to be a dick, man. You know I think she's cool, and you know what I mean."

I sighed. "We're good, Emmett, we just kind of go through things in a…round-about sort of way. Still, she's really fun to hang out with. Her room is even cooler than mine," I said with a grin. I checked my phone again, but there was still nothing. I knew she was on the plane. She wouldn't land until after I got home.

Emmett didn't press anymore. We didn't work like that. Instead, he prattled on about football statistics and shit I should have known more about by now. I tried to concentrate on his words, but they were lost to me.

I hoped she was looking through her book. I must have left a good fifty notes in that thing for her, most of which were embarrassingly cheesy shit; like all my favourite things about her. There were lots of those, and some random jokes and funny stories that I hoped would put a smile on her face.

I didn't go to the meadow after school because there was no reception there. It was just after four when I got her first text.

 **Just got off the plane. Thank you for all of your notes, every one I've found so far has made me smile. -B**

 **I'm glad. How are you feeling? How was your flight? -E**

 **Uneventful. And I'm fine, just anxious to have this over and done with. -B**

 **When does your plane leave Arizona? -E**

 **Nine PM Washington time. We won't be back in town until around seven or so tomorrow morning. -B**

I sighed. I was going to go mad until I saw her with my own eyes and knew she was okay. I knew she wasn't nearly as fine as she tried to let on. I knew she was worried about worrying me. It drove me crazy that she was always trying to censor herself around me because she was afraid of scaring me off. But then again, everything about this girl drove me crazy.

 **How long until your appointment? -E**

 **An hour. I'm sorry, I have to try and navigate through this clusterfuck. I'll text you in a bit. -B**

I grinned, reluctantly slipping my phone into my pocket before going to get something to eat. Something smelled amazing, and I smiled brightly when I walked in to find my mom making roast beef.

"Hey mum," I said sweetly, walking up and looking over her shoulder. She smiled brightly.

"Hey sweetie, how was school?"

"Boring. When's dinner going to be ready?"

She rolled her eyes. "Forty minutes. So, when are you bringing Bella over?"

I bit back my groan. "I don't know yet…soon."

She frowned. "And what was she up to today?"

"Um, she's gone down to Arizona for the day."

Her head whipped to the side to look at me in surprise, then worry, and her eyes flickered to the door when I heard my dad walk in.

"Honey, I'm home!" He called cheerfully, and I rolled my eyes. He walked over, leaning in and kissing mom on the cheek, then pulled away with a frown. "What's wrong?"

"Noth-"

"Yeah Mom, what's wrong?" I asked curiously. Why'd she look so worried about Bella being out of town?

"It's nothing, really," she said with a forced smile, and I sighed before walking out of the room, then quickly hid around the wall and listened intently.

"What's really wrong?" Dad asked her quietly.

"Edward said that…well, that Bella was out of town for the day. She isn't-"

"Please, love, don't ask. You know I can't talk about it," he said pleadingly.

"So she _is_ your patient?" She asked warily, and that's when it clicked, though he didn't answer her aloud.

Dad was Bella's doctor. That was kind of messed up, but I was aware that there were only two doctors in this tiny town. But for some reason, he knew Bella was travelling. Maybe he gave her a prescription to help with the stress or something. Still, there was something about this whole tension thing with Mom that made me uneasy.

 **For some reason, I always feel as though I've done something wrong when I get put in the back of a cop car. -B**

I snorted. **Hey, it must be more efficient than a taxi at least? -E**

 **Yes, that is very true. Taxis creep me out. -B**

 **I think they freak out most people on some sort of level. I'm always worried about smells before I go into someone's car. It sucks getting stuck in something that smells weird for a prolonged period. -E**

 **Your car smells like laundry detergent. -B**

 **I keep bounce sheets on the back seat. I've never been in your car before. -E**

 **Yeah, sorry about that. I tried once to drive with Charlie, though, and it was too distracting to concentrate with someone else in the car. -B**

 **That's cool. I like driving you in my car anyway. And mine isn't a senior citizen. -E**

 **Hey, don't hate on the bug. I love my car. -B**

 **You're right, I'm sorry. I should be more respectful of the elderly. -E**

 **You're such an ass. We're almost at the station now. I'll text you again as soon as I can, okay? -B**

 **Of course, good luck gorgeous. -E**

I sat back on my bed uneasily. I really didn't have a good feeling about this thing. I was restless and worried. I did my best to concentrate on getting some homework done; just getting more uneasy as time went by and I heard nothing. I sent a message to her at eight-thirty, half an hour before her flight, but still, I heard nothing, I knew something must have happened. I didn't know what to do. There was nothing I _could_ do.

Until I remembered that there _was_. I went through my contacts and found the Chief's number.

 **Hey Chief, it's Edward. Bella hasn't gotten back to me yet, and I know that you're supposed to be boarding soon. I just wanted to make sure everything went well. -E**

I sighed in relief when he got back to me five minutes later.

 **We ran into a complication, but she'll be okay. We're going to have to take a later flight. I'll let you know when we get another. She'll be happy to know you asked about her. -C**

I ran my hands through my hair in agitation.

Something was wrong if she wasn't even able to text me herself, and I couldn't do shit. I knew the Chief wouldn't give me more than what he had, and now I didn't know when or if she'd even get back to me.

. . . . .

I guess I eventually fell asleep, still in my jeans and t-shirt. My mom came and knocked on my door, jolting me awake. The first thing I did was check my phone, and I quickly opened the message I had from the Chief twenty minutes ago.

 **We booked another flight. She's okay, but she's a bit under the weather. She might not be able to text you when we get in. Just wanted to let you know so you wouldn't worry. -C**

Yeah, like that would stop me from worrying. I was close to tearing my hair out but was grateful that he was keeping me updated at all.

 **Thanks, Chief. Let her know I said hi, and have a safe flight. -E**

I was rigid and tense the entire day, and it just got worse and worse as I got pissed off by the fact that I was getting so obsessed with her. No one had ever gotten in my head like Bella had, and it was off-putting how she seemed to fight her way into my every thought. I nearly knocked out my Spanish teacher when she confiscated my phone during second period, and I didn't get it back until school let out. I sat through her speech about the importance of concentration and distractions during class with gritted teeth and clenched fists.

Neither of my parents said a word about my mood all throughout dinner. Dad was tense, and mom just watched the both of us with worried glances. As soon as I was excused, I packed my bag and went out to the meadow trying to get too baked to give a shit. I stayed there until my curfew because it was the only place I could sit and not look at my phone for five minutes like a clingy girl.

It was five after nine when I got into my room, and my messages came in from while I was out. One was from Emmett, asking me to join him on the server, one was from Mike, asking what the homework for Environment was since he skipped, and then my heart stopped when I saw that there was one from Bella.

 **I'm really sorry I didn't get back to you, Charlie told me you texted him. I didn't mean to worry you, I was just deterred. We're driving right now; I think we should get in around eleven. I miss you, have a good night. -B**

Fuck, I really wanted to know what happened to her. I knew from her words that she was skirting around the issue, but she was always reluctant to talk about things she thought might upset me. Still, reading that she missed me seemed to erase most of the irritation that had been building inside me throughout of the day.

I realized I had missed her too, obviously. So much in merely two days that it turned me into an asshole with my worry. It made me reluctant to say the words back, but instead of getting irritated again by the hold she had on me, it made me nervous.

 **It's okay, I'm just glad you're safe. Are you okay? What happened? -E**

I wasn't sure what time she had sent her message, but it could have been a few hours ago. I didn't get a response, but I didn't panic. The Chief's words echoed through my head, saying that she probably wouldn't be able to message me. I found myself just being grateful for a few of her words. I knew something was wrong, but I also trusted him when he said she'd be okay. I was able to relax a little more and got some homework done before falling into an uneasy sleep.

* * *

 **AN:** Another short chapter, but the next is more than twice as long. Also EPOV, and he'll be spending some time with Bella and Charlie ;)

What do you think of their texting conversations? I have a lot of fun writing them, but personally, I prefer talking on the phone. (It obviously isn't an option for Bella, but in the real world, I find it unfortunate that talking on the phone has almost become a faux-pas.) I'm not good at reading people's tone in text, I'm good at deciphering vocal-cues. What do you prefer, text or talk?

Please leave me some love! Your reviews motivate me to write faster, give me something fun to read at my desk, and I just love hearing your guys' thoughts! Thanks for reading!


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter beta's by the Lovely SunflowerFran. Any errors are mine, as sometimes I just don't listen :)**

 **(I still don't own Twilight.)**

* * *

 **. . . Edward . . .**

In an effort to not lose my phone for the day again, I left it in my locker. When I retrieved it at lunchtime, there was a message waiting for me.

 **I'm sorry, I meant to reply, but I keep falling asleep. I'm fine, just really tired. How are you doing? -B**

The message was from two hours ago, and I cursed, dropping down onto my seat in the cafeteria next to Emmett. I sent a quick reply, hoping she was still awake. I had a feeling that my dad must have given the Chief something for her in case anything happened while they were away. And it didn't slip past me that she skipped over what happened.

 **No, it's okay. I hope I don't miss you again. And I'm okay. Just the usual, boring monotony of high school. How are you doing today? -E**

 **I'm fine, just tired. Monotony sounds pretty awesome right now, tell me more. -B**

I grinned.

 **I stopped buying lunch at the cafeteria two years ago. Even though bag lunches might not be as 'cool.' But everything they sell here is just different variations of seasoned cardboard. I pity the masses and their need to conform. -E**

 **Are you eating lunch right now? -B**

 **Yes, ma'am. Leftover Chicken Alfredo. -E**

I quickly typed another message just as I sent that one, worrying.

 **Have you eaten yet today? -E**

 **No, I forgot. I'll make a sandwich or something in a bit. Do you guys have to like, eat in a cafeteria? -B**

 **Seniors don't, but it's raining, so it's either here, the study hall, or my car. I just normally sit wherever Emmett's sitting. -E**

"Who ya talking to?" Mike asked teasingly. Nosy bastard. "New girlfriend?"

"Yes, actually," I said with a grin, and a bit of a shrug.

"Really? Who?"

I looked up to find the entire table, aside from Emmett, staring at me with wide, intent eyes. I groaned internally, realizing Emmett was the only one I'd spoken to about her yet.

It would probably be better just to tell them, or they'd start prying. Besides, they'd find out eventually.

"Bella."

Cue awkward silence.

"What, are you serious? You're actually dating that fr-"

I had the collar of his shirt in my fist in the same second. His words cut off in his throat when he saw the anger in my eyes.

"Yes, I am extremely fucking serious. And if you ever talk about her like that again, or if you ever talk to her the way you did last week, I'll break your fucking jaw to ensure it doesn't ever happen again. You got that?"

He nodded quickly. God, he had no backbone whatsoever. I was tempted to knock him out anyways but knew that I would likely be expelled for that since we were in the cafeteria. I gave him a bright smile instead; just watching him so close to pissing his pants was kind of satisfying. "Good," I said easily, dropping my hold as I sat back down, looking around the table. Ben, Ang, Tanya, Jess and Lauren were all staring at me with wide eyes. "Anyone else have something they want to say?" Everyone closed their mouths. "Good." I took another bite of Mom's fucking awesome pasta and went back to my phone.

 **Do you have a large group that you usually sit with? What's your cafeteria like? -B**

 **It changes by day. The majority of my table today is made up of idiots. Ang, Ben, and Emmett being the only exceptions. I just usually ignore the others. Our gymnasium is attached to the cafeteria, and they have these big folding tables with attached stools that they slide out of storage and fill the gym with for the lunch hour. I can show you if you want to come in just before lunch next time you have to stop by the school. -E**

 **I think I'd like that. -B**

 **What are you up to now? -E**

 **Nothing. Just lying in bed. I think I'm going to go back to sleep for a bit. -B**

I frowned, uneasy once more. What did they give her?

 **Eat something first? Please? -E**

 **I will. -B**

 **I'm coming by after school. -E**

 **I don't think I'd be very good company right now. -B**

 **I don't care. I'll see you in a few hours. -E**

I waited a long, tense minute before I got my reply.

 **Okay. -B**

I sighed in relief. **Have a good nap gorgeous, I'll see you soon. -E**

I sighed, reluctantly slipping my phone into my pocket before getting back to my lunch. I could still feel the looks from the others, but I'd never cared about their opinions before, and I didn't now. They had no fucking idea how amazing my girlfriend was, and it really wasn't any of their damn business.

. . . . .

I was practically vibrating by the time I pulled into her driveway. The Chief's cruiser was gone, and I jogged through the rain up to her front door. I didn't hesitate before knocking.

It took her a few minutes to answer, and I grew uneasy with every second that passed.

She was wearing an over-sized t-shirt, and if she was wearing shorts underneath they were too short for me to tell. I'd just woken her up, that was obvious. Her hair was in a messy ponytail, and she still had crease marks on one of her cheeks. And, as always, she had a scarf wrapped around her neck. I tried not to spend too much time thinking about that.

She stared at me in confusion for a moment, swaying slightly on her feet. There were dark circles under her eyes which looked clouded and distant.

She mouthed my name, and to me, it seemed as though she'd forgotten that she couldn't speak for a moment.

"Hey," I said quietly.

 _Hey_ , she mouthed back, making me smile.

"I woke you up, sorry."

She shook her head, her eyes drooping, but she stepped to the side to let me in and I wasn't physically capable of refusing the invitation.

"You look like you're about to drop, let's go sit down," I said worriedly since she seemed a little disoriented. She bobbed her head in a small nod, and I walked close to her as we made our way to her bedroom, ready to catch her at any second. She made it to her bed without incident, though, dropping down face first onto her mattress.

Okay, she was wearing something under the t-shirt. A pair of tiny, dark blue, plaid shorts that were my new favourite piece of clothing on her. I crawled up onto the bed, not getting too close because I couldn't get a proper read on her demeanor. She turned to face me, and her eyes looked apologetic. She slid her book to me, careful not to get too close, so I knew it was one of those days and got comfy in my current spot. I curiously took the book, and there was a little sticky-note in the shape of a cat that had a little speech bubble. My name was written in it, and I shot her a smile when I looked up at her.

"You have the coolest random crap, where'd you get these?"

She gave me a small smile, shrugging as I opened it up.

 _ **I feel horrible for not replying to your messages, and I'm really sorry. I don't remember exactly what happened. Charlie gave me something, and I keep falling asleep.**_

"It's okay, really. I'm just worried about you," I told her honestly.

 _I'll be okay,_ she mouthed, attempting to give me a reassuring smile.

"Can you tell me what happened?"

She watched me for a quiet minute, looking very reluctant, but took her book back to write.

 _ **I kind of freaked out.**_

"Tell me," I asked pleadingly, quietly. She shut her eyes tightly for a long moment, looking pained, but continued to write once more. Her writing was a little sloppy and slow; it looked difficult for her to concentrate on the page.

 _ **He wasn't supposed to see me. But after I finished with my statement and walked out, they were moving him, and he did**_ _ **.**_ _ **He lunged at me and started yelling and I just kind of…I don't know. I freaked out, and Charlie…**_

I'd been watching her pencil move, eagerly drinking in every word so I was surprised when it just seemed to slip from her hand. I looked up to her face that was resting against her arm, and her eyes were closed, her face relaxed, and her lips slightly parted. She had fallen asleep mid-writing.

But my theory turned out to be right. The Chief had to have given her something, and it was obviously powerful shit. I can see why she was worried she might be bad company, but just sitting here like this was a relief in its own way.

What had this guy yelled at her? And how could the Chief let something like this happen?

I inched a little closer, and carefully brushed a stray strand of hair from her face before lightly tracing her jaw. She didn't move, so I knew she was out. Little bumps started to rise on her arms, and I pulled the white fuzzy throw blanket over her before draping my arm over her waist. I'd prefer Bella awake, looking into her eyes and getting her words, but these rare times where she slept while I was here and I was able to touch her were also amazing. Sometimes it made me feel creepy, but it wasn't as if I was feeling her up or anything. She knew I did this and it didn't seem to bother her.

And for the hundredth time, as I lay there admiring her peaceful face, I wondered what had happened. I wondered how she lost her voice, how her mother was connected, how the man she testified against was connected, and why she had to do something like this before. I wondered how long she'd been this way, why the hands of others seemed to frighten her so much, and what her friends had done to make her feel so unworthy of company.

And I wondered how long I was going to have to wait to get the answers I wanted. I was afraid to push her, though; I couldn't let that happen again. I didn't realise what I was doing on Halloween, but for the first time, I saw a glimpse of what it was like to piss off Bella. She was usually so shy, gentle almost, but that afternoon enlightened me to the fact that her timid attitude stemmed mostly from her condition. She wasn't as meek as she let on, and even though I knew she really liked me, I did not doubt that she'd dump me if I ever again pushed her too far.

After a little while, when I felt more relaxed, I flipped through her book curiously. She had the most interesting things in here. Random, but cool. I felt a little privileged that she let me look at all. It was a door into her mind. One-sided conversations with the people she chose to speak to, random notes and her thoughts, some almost similar to journal entries, reminders and lists such as songs to download and appointment dates, recipes, lyrics.

And then there were her drawings. She could fucking draw, like, amazingly well. To my own pleasure, I'd found a few sketches of me that looked surprisingly realistic. There was one of my face, my least favourite one of myself, where I'm scowling in anger. I knew from the date that it was from the day I'd cornered her in the grocery store. Then there was a partial one that she'd never finished, but I'm pretty sure those were my eyes, and then the best one. Me smiling, lying on my side in the meadow. There were sketches of other people too. Charlie, a woman who I think may have been Bella's mother, and then some random people who I had no clue about. And one I was not too fond of; a guy that looked close to my age who I think was her ex. But then there were cooler pictures, abstract drawings, some similar to collages. Then there were her fictitious ones, pictures of dragons, griffons, phoenixes. It was really cool.

And now, she had pieces of me, my words, in it as well. Mixed in with our conversations. I really liked that. Her writing made mine look pathetic, though.

As I was perusing the pages, I found one that I hadn't seen before.

 _ **I'm not fond of planes, but they're better than the airport. I feel as though I can't breathe when I'm inside crowds like that, I'm still a little shaky. And I'm sitting too close to Charlie on this plane, though I'm grateful to have a window seat and not be jammed in between him and a stranger.**_

 _ **I think it's weird, though. I'm comfortable sitting like this with you. It makes me feel guilty, because I've known Charlie my entire life, and I just don't understand why my mind goes into alert while I'm around him still. I know he'd never do anything to hurt me.**_

 _ **I'm going through your notes, and probably enjoying them much more than I should. Do you have any idea how amazing you are? It's frightening really; I keep waiting for you to disappear.**_

 _ **You gave me reasons; I think you deserve the same. It's not enough merely to say that you're amazing, you need to know why.**_

 _ **First, I'm not one of those girly girls that writes poetry and love notes and shit. But I know you're not either, so it's only fair that I give you the honesty that you've given me. If you repeat this to anyone, I'll break into your house, scratch all of your CDs and DVDs, and scribble in all of your comic books. Cool? Cool.**_

 _ **So. Here we go.**_

 _ **An Embarrassing List of Reasons Why Edward Cullen is Awesome.**_

 _ **No.14. You have great taste in music, for the most part. The same can be said for your selection of movie preferences as well. I'd love to get a peek at your bookshelf, do you have one? Or are you more of an e-reader type? I'm curious about what your room looks like.**_

 _ **No.13. You don't let me win at video games. I can tell when you just suck. And you're not a sore loser or a bad winner.**_

 _ **No.12. You're honest about your thoughts and feelings, for the most part. I like your blunt honesty, it's refreshing.**_

 _ **No.11. I like your style. You've got this hot bad-boy thing going on without being an asshole about it.**_

 _ **No.10. You admit when you're an asshole.**_

 _ **No.9. You're unashamed of checking me out. I know you do it, and I like that you seem to like what you see. Despite my issues, I want you to know that goes both ways.**_

 _ **No.8. You love your mom, and I think it's cute that you try to hide it by complaining about her. She sounds amazing.**_

 _ **No.7. I like it when you eat the food I make. You make me feel like I can actually cook, and I am aware that I'm no expert.**_

 _ **No.6. You have the sexiest smile I've ever seen. I'm addicted to it.**_

 _ **No.5. You're confident and know who you are. Never change for anyone, especially not me. I would never want you to.**_

 _ **No.4. You make me feel more at ease with who I am. I'm not good at conforming, never have been, and it's nice being around someone who doesn't make me feel like they wish I were different.**_

 _ **No.3. You treat me like I'm normal, even though it's obvious to both of us that I'm not.**_

 _ **No.2. You honestly don't seem to care that I'm not.**_

 _ **No.1. You're different. In one month, you've been a better friend to me than everyone I knew in Arizona combined. I'm trying not to push you away, I don't want to. But you have to understand that this is weird for me. After what happened, none of them could deal with how I was. They all left because of it, and you came and stayed despite of it. I still have trouble believing it, but I'm grateful.**_

 _ **Edward, you're the only person I've ever let look through my book before. I don't share this sort of stuff, and maybe it's weird, but I just feel comfortable with you. I'm not going to show this to you, but if you go through my book again and find this, I'm hoping it's not too much. Would it be cool if we just like, didn't talk about it? I don't think we need to. None of this is a secret, but after reading your words, I needed to write my own. We don't need to make a deal about it, do we?**_

 _ **A part of me is hoping you don't find this, because I'm kind of freaking out right now. I want to tell you what happened, I wish I could, but I can't even talk to my therapist about it without throwing up yet. It's not that I want to keep it from you; I'm just not capable of telling you yet. Please be patient with me. I don't want to go to Arizona, I never want to see any of these crazy assholes again, but I have to. I need to. I hate that they still have the power to scare me like they do. I know it will be fine, I know Charlie would never let anything happen, but I can't shake off this fear.**_

 _ **Thank you for giving me your words to help me through this, they've already done more than you could know. I feel a little calmer just knowing I have a piece of you with me.**_

 _ **Holy shit, you've turned me into such a girl. I hate you for it. Ass.**_

I must have read through it five times. Smiling, laughing, cringing, and worrying. That letter had more of herself, and her feelings, than anything she'd ever given me before. I'd been embarrassed as hell for writing some of the things that I did, but this, seeing that she put herself out there, in the same way, it didn't bother me so much anymore. She'd just gone and evened out the playing field.

And God, her words. They killed me and made me the happiest damn guy in the world. She liked me a hell of a lot more than she had let on. I couldn't deny how fucking good that felt.

I'd respect her need to leave this alone, though and not make a big deal out of it. Just knowing she thought it was enough for me. But I wanted to give her one more thing in return. I picked up her purple mechanical pencil and left a note on the bottom of her page.

 _ **Every single thing about you drives me crazy; you've worked your way into my every thought. I've never craved anything as much as I do your company.**_

I closed her book and set it back down with a smile. I went to wrap my arm around her again, but her eyes started to flutter behind closed lids, and I shifted away reluctantly. The cutest scowl scrunched up her face, and then she made a soft humming sound in the back of her throat that I enjoyed way too much. I'd never heard that before, and my mind started racing with possible ways to make her do it again.

Her eyes slowly opened a couple minutes later, and she looked at me through half-closed eyes and gave me a sleepy grin before rolling onto her back and stretching.

Her shirt lifted up with the movement, though, showing off her flat, smooth stomach and a sparkling silver belly button ring. Shit. I looked away again quickly, and it looked like she was almost out again before her eyes flew open, and she looked at me in surprise.

I grinned sheepishly.

"You never said I had to leave, I thought I'd just let you nap," I said with a smile.

 _Sorry_ , she mouthed.

"Don't be. Even when you're asleep, I still really enjoy your company."

She gave me a shy smile.

 _I missed you._

"I missed you too, gorgeous."

She bit her lip shyly, and that little blush made me grin.

But when I shifted closer she tensed, and I wanted to kill the motherfucker who had made her backtrack. I wasn't going to let her beat herself up about it, though, and gave her an unapologetic smile before taking my previous spot and getting comfortable again. Letting her know it was okay.

"You fell asleep mid-sentence. I guess the stuff the Chief gave you is pretty potent?" She gave me an apologetic nod. "That's okay; I just wanted to make sure. Do they make you feel sick or anything?"

She grimaced, and pinched her fingers together in a _'just a little bit'_ sort of gesture. I frowned.

"How long do you have to take them?"

She frowned, squinting and looking for her book. She opened it up, searching for a blank page, and her writing was messier than usual, but still leagues beyond my own.

 _ **I don't know. I don't even remember taking whatever he gave me, but I don't like how messed up I feel. I know I'm seeing my doctor sometime soon, though, and it's kind of fucked-up, but that happens to be your father.**_

"Yeah, that is kind of weird."

 _ **I already tried switching, but the only other doctor wouldn't take any new patients.**_

"Do you not like him?" I asked curiously.

 _ **Not any more than I dislike doctors in general. It's not him, though; it's just the fact that he's my boyfriend's father.**_

I grinned. "If it makes you feel any better, the Chief has access to my police records."

 _ **So do I, and you don't have a police record.**_

"But if I did, he'd know in a second."

She rolled her eyes at me, making me grin. She told me she'd be right back, rubbing at her eyes as she rolled off her bed and made her way uneasily over to her bathroom. She was in there for a few minutes, and when she came out her hair was much neater, and she looked a little more awake. Though still exhausted. She slid back into her bed next to me, watching me with those big, sad, gorgeous eyes.

 _ **I'm sorry I'm so boring right now.**_

I scoffed. "I'm not even going to acknowledge that. Want to watch a movie or something? Take it easy?"

She gave me a hopeful, relieved smile as she nodded.

 _ **Do you want to pick something out?**_

"Sure." I got up and went through her impressive DVD collection. I froze when I came across one blank case, and opened it curiously.

The immediate urge to practically beg her to let me watch them was staggering. Home movies. Christmases, Thanksgivings, cheer practices, her plays. Even a talent show? Jesus, it was the holy grail of everything that was Bella's life before Forks, and her voice, the sound I wanted more than any other in the world.

But obviously, I couldn't ask her to watch any of these. Her life in Phoenix was such a touchy subject; I knew she wouldn't want to go for a visit down memory lane. I debated just swiping them and hoping that she wouldn't notice, but I couldn't do that either. Hopefully, someday, she would show them to me.

I settled for the second _Thor_ movie. I slipped it into her _PlayStation,_ and then went to join her on her bed. I frowned, though, seeing a sandwich on her nightstand. There might have been like two bites taken out of it. I had no doubt that that was her lunch.

"Where's the Chief?" I asked casually, keeping the irritation out of my voice because I was fairly sure that Bella should _not_ be on her own right now. She'd been so out of it when she answered, she could have let anyone in.

And Bella wasn't even capable of screaming for help if something were to happen to her. The thought made me sick, and absolutely furious.

My anger just dissolved though when she inched a little closer to me, looking all adorable and sleepy. Fuck, I really wanted to hold her. She wasn't nearly close enough.

 _Work_ , she mouthed, her eyes fluttering again.

"When will he be home?"

She just gave me a shrug.

"Hey, are you hungry?" She shook her head, and I ran my hand through my hair, unsure of what to do. But Bella drifted off again quickly, and when she cuddled up next to me in her sleep, I resigned myself to wait it out until I could talk to the Chief. I just held my girl while I could, not paying any attention to the movie. Her hair was much more interesting, and it was like, crazy soft. When I heard the front door open about an hour later, I reluctantly moved away from Bella, settling back casually against her headboard.

The Chief looked surprised to find me there. He looked over at Bella, who was still out like a light.

"Edward, hey. How'd you get in?"

"Bella answered the door. She was kind of…out of it, though." I gave him a curious look, wondering if it had ever even occurred to him what might have happened. Bella was still dead to the world when I glanced at her before speaking cautiously. "I didn't want to leave her here alone, just in case she let in someone else."

His face paled as the realization that she may have let anyone in occurred to him as well. Good. He should be scared; I sure as hell was when it occurred to me.

He still hadn't said anything, so I went on.

"When was the last time she ate something?"

He rubbed his hands over his face in irritation. "She hasn't had much of an appetite," he evaded, both his face and his voice pained. He saw my dubious look and sighed. "I know what you're thinking, but I can't force-feed her, and she's much better like this that she had been."

"She said that he saw her when he was being moved or something?"

His face went an angry shade of red that honestly scared the shit out of me.

"That shouldn't have happened…and those idiots are going to lose their positions because of it-" He froze, and looked at me in surprise. "Wait, she told you that? When?"

"When I came over. She kind of drifted off mid-paragraph, but I got that much out of her."

"Has she been up since?"

"Yeah, about an hour ago, she was up for almost twenty minutes."

"Shit, I really didn't think she could stay up that long."

"She was up this afternoon too; we were texting for almost half of my lunch hour. She said she'd eat something, but she apparently didn't make it far into that," I said, nodding to her sandwich. The Chief looked at me in disbelief.

"You got her to eat? Through a _text message_?"

"Well, not much, obviously."

"And how was she? Talking to you when she was awake?" He asked hopefully. The expression on his face kind of put me off for a minute.

"More or less fine, aside from whatever Dad gave you to give her. She's regressed a bit, but that's it."

"Your Dad told you that?" He hissed in disbelief.

"Of course not. But I'm not an idiot, I was able to figure out as much."

"Sorry," he said regretfully. It was obvious that he didn't like explaining himself to a seventeen-year-old. "I'm just…a little stressed. I don't know what to do; I'm kind of flying blind here. And I have to admit, I'm a little jealous that you could convince her to make a fucking sandwich when I can't get her to eat a fucking banana."

I grinned. "Well, she hates bananas, first off, unless it's in like, a muffin or something."

His mustache twitched, which I think was indicative of a smile. I wanted to ask him what else happened when she saw the guy, but knew that even though the Chief helped me out every once in a while, he was very selective of what he told me about her. He wouldn't go behind her back like that.

"You said she…regressed? How?"

I shrugged. "She just wanted a bigger space bubble today."

Bella went and contradicted me immediately by reaching out for me in her sleep, lightly grasping onto my t-shirt. The Chief looked at me in disbelieving shock.

"Really?"

I shook my head. "It doesn't count when she's asleep. It's the same as picking her up when she passes out, she doesn't know." He was watching her with pained eyes, and I sighed, my next words feeling awkward as hell. "And I think you're doing fine with her, for what it's worth. She loves you like crazy, she really respects you, and I know she appreciates that you don't treat her like a child."

Cue awkward, heavy silence.

"Thanks," he said in a strained voice. I just nodded.

"Um…would it be cool if I just hung out here for a bit longer?" I asked hopefully. "Just to see if she wakes up again soon so I can say goodbye?"

He watched me for a long moment before giving me a surprisingly gentle smile.

"Sure, kid. Just…let me know if you need anything."

I nodded gratefully, and he gave Bella's sleeping form one last pained look before getting up and walking out of the room.

When the movie stopped, I restarted it. It was almost eight when she stirred, and I quickly and carefully removed her hand from my shirt before she could tell. She once again seemed surprised to find me, but not as much this time. Then she fed my addiction, giving me that gorgeous smile before her face turned worried.

"I swear, if you apologize one more time I'm going to lose my mind," I teased with a grin, and she blushed. "Hey, I wanted to wait so I could say goodnight, but I'm going to head home, okay?" She nodded and went to get up. "No, you just stay here, get some rest, all right?" She nodded, looking wary. "And I'll talk to you tomorrow?" She bobbed her head, her eyes drooping already. "Okay. And the Chief just got in a little while ago too. Have a goodnight, gorgeous."

 _You too. Thank you._

I laughed. "I didn't do anything."

 _You don't even have to._

I grinned brightly at that, and so badly wanted to lean in and kiss her, even just her cheek. But I knew right now she wasn't ready for me to try that again.

"Goodnight."

 _Goodnight_ , she mouthed back, and I smiled at her before reluctantly getting up and walking out of her room. I waved good-bye to the Chief as I passed him in his recliner.

"She's up, but I doubt she will be for long. Goodnight, Chief."

"Goodnight, Edward. And thanks."

I just gave him a small shrug as I left.

I was expecting my parents to flip out on me when I got home, realizing I'd completely forgotten to even call, but they both just smiled at me from the couch in the living room when I walked in from the garage.

"How's Bella doing?" Mom asked worriedly. I shrugged because I couldn't exactly say she was fine, and I wasn't going to talk about her and tell them that she was pretty fucked from whatever drugs she was on.

"I'm sorry for not calling, I just forgot," I said warily.

"That's quite all right dear; just try not to make a habit of it please."

"I won't," I said, kind of in shock that I was getting away with only that.

"Okay. There are leftovers in the fridge if you're hungry."

"Thanks, Mom," I said, kissing her cheek.

And I really wanted to talk to my dad, but I knew he wouldn't tell me shit about Bella, so I didn't bother. I said goodnight and brought a big container of leftover stir-fry up to my room with me. Then, I crammed homework until I couldn't keep my eyes open another second.

* * *

 **A/N:** Heyy, so you got a bit of bonding time between Charlie and Edward. Uncomfortable, but they seem to be getting along well, don't you think? Also got to see some of Edward's temper at school with Mike. It took a lot of restraint on his part not beating him up for the way he'd upset Bella before Halloween, and now his friends know about her...

Thanks for reading!


	19. Chapter 19

**Hey guys!**

 **These next three chapters are going to be kind of angsty, and a little graphic as you (finally?) find out what happened to Bella (tsk tsk to all you impatient ones!) I don't like putting giant disclaimers on each chapter, I hope you paid attention to the one in the first chapter, but I'll give you a heads-up that things get kind of dark. If you have some triggers that you're worried about me hitting just send me a PM, cause I don't want to give anything away. Some have you have gotten way too close to guessing already!**

 **Stephanie Meyer owns the Twilight characters! This plot belongs to Moi.**

* * *

 **. . . Bella . . .**

I ignored it for as long as I could, but it was the most horrid-sounding alarm clock that had ever been created. And it wasn't the one next to my bed; it was the one on my desk that Charlie would set every time he needed to wake me up for something. It was easier for both of us this way. I felt hung-over as I stumbled over to my desk, unplugged the demon, and then rested my head against the wall and closed my eyes. It just made the spinning worse.

"Hey baby girl, how are you feeling?" Charlie asked gently.

I turned my head slightly to look at him, my eyes watering, because I hated this shit. I wasn't sure what day it was, or which of my memories were real or a dream. I couldn't think, and I really wanted the spinning to stop.

"I'm sorry," he said quietly, and I shook my head quickly, for the hundredth time. It wasn't his fault, and making him feel bad made me feel worse. I hated whatever he gave me, but it wasn't his fault that I reacted like I did. I know he was only trying to help me, to protect me from myself. "We'll have to leave in an hour for your appointment. I wanted you to have time to get ready."

 _Thank you_ , I mouthed. He attempted to give me a smile, but it didn't reach his eyes.

I was scared that I would fall down in the shower, but I made it through unscathed. After drying my hair I changed into some comfy grey jeans, a nice blue blouse and a comfy black hoodie. I could already feel the panic seeping in, today was definitely a hoodie day. I'm not even sure why I was so nervous and jumpy today, but I hoped Charlie wouldn't notice.

I attempted to eat some cereal because Charlie looked concerned, but my stomach was in knots and it went down like sand. Then I brushed my teeth again and we headed over to the hospital to see, firstly, Irina. Her previous appointment ran long, so we started ten minutes late. I grabbed the white board and curled up in the corner of her couch.

"I was told that there was an incident on Tuesday, how are you feeling?"

 _ **I'm not sure, what day is it?**_

"Friday," she said in concern, and I frowned.

 _ **My head feels really messed up. I don't like this stuff Charlie gave me.**_

She nodded. "I hope the side effects lessen soon," she said softly. "Can you tell me what happened on Tuesday?"

 _ **He saw me.**_

"And then what happened?"

 _ **He started yelling at me.**_

"And what did he yell?"

 _ **That I ruined everything, that it was my fault she died. That I was a selfish bitch and that if I'd just died like I was supposed to then everything would have been perfect.**_

"And do you believe that?"

 _ **No, they're crazy fucking assholes. I never volunteered, I never would have. I didn't do anything and they took me against my will. It wasn't my fault that they did what they did. The cops shot her because she was crazy and was trying to kill me and I'm glad it was her and not me.**_

I stopped there, but she saw I was holding back. She could read me almost as good as Edward could.

"What else? What's really bothering you?"

 _ **That I could have prevented it all from happening if I hadn't been such a…prude, or tease, as Demetri used to put it.**_

"You mean if you weren't a virgin?"

I nodded.

"Are you afraid it will happen again if you don't?"

 _ **No. There's only one left out there, and I know he can't reach me here, not with Charlie. They can't touch me.**_

"So you don't feel the need to have sex for that reason?" Hmm. She was pushing this.

 _ **No.**_

It was why I never had. My mom stressed to me often, even before she went nuts, that the first time was important. Not to do it just to do it. That for it to be good I had to want to be with someone more than I wanted to breathe. That had always stuck with me, and I wanted to wait until I was crazy in love with someone before I ever did. I wanted magic and fireworks and world shattering emotions. And though I had really cared about Demetri, he had been one of my closest friends before everything went to hell, I never really felt that I was in _love_ with him. It wasn't the consuming, intoxicating craving that was described in my books. So we never had, though we'd done plenty of other things.

"Okay. So what happened after he yelled at you? What triggered you?"

I sighed, and my hand was a little shaky as I wrote.

 _ **It was his voice, and his face. Yelling, but smiling. And then I was just there again, with the chanting, and them looking down on me. I got stuck there, and then someone touched me and I just…I couldn't get back out again, and I passed out. Charlie said he gave me a needle. When I woke up I panicked and I think he gave some pills. I don't really remember it.**_

"Are you feeling any calmer today?"

 _ **Yes, please tell him not to give me anymore. I'm fine now, really.**_

"No, you're not. You're on edge, you're curling into yourself and you keep flinching. You're more nervous than usual. You were shaking before you came in here, and it hasn't stopped for a second. You don't look like you've eaten in days either. I'm just waiting for you to snap."

 _ **It's because I don't want these pills, taking them again makes me nervous. They hurt my stomach and mess with my head. I feel like I'm stuck in some dream and I just want to get out. Please?**_

"How many attacks have you had since?"

 _ **I don't know, I can't tell what's real or fake.**_

"Do you remember having any?"

I frowned at my lap, I didn't want to tell her. She wouldn't take me off them. She sighed.

"This morning?" I frowned, shaking my head, and she wrote something down. "And last night?"

My eyes just watered, and I shut them quickly. She sighed.

"Bella…I agree with your doctor that you need them. Your other medications obviously aren't enough for you to still react like this. The level of stress that you're trying to cope with is unhealthy, that's the whole point of them, to reduce that stress." A quiet, choked sob escaped my throat. "But it's obvious that they seem to be doing more harm than good right now. We'll discuss our options with Doctor Cullen, okay?"

I looked up at her hopefully, swiping at my eyes. Anything would be better than this. It reminded me too much of the beginning, of the months locked inside that damned hospital. I couldn't stand it. I wouldn't take any more of them, they couldn't force me. We finished off our hour, talking of other things. Charlie, work, school, and, of course, Edward, before she came down with me and Charlie to talk to Doctor Cullen.

Neither of us had ever spoken of Edward before, but this was the first time I'd seen him since we had started dating. It was awkward as hell. He had renewed by birth control prescription, and I'm sure it had been a memorable appointment for him as I had refused to let him anywhere near me. Without those pills I had horrible cramps and an even more horribly unpredictable period, though. And I was kind of pissed at him for giving Charlie whatever he gave me.

"Good morning, Bella, how are you feeling today?" He asked gently. He was one of those doctors that tried way too hard to make you think that they cared, and I didn't appreciate the bullshit.

 _ **Like I'm sleepwalking.**_

He raised an eyebrow, looking at Irina, who sighed. Whatever, I'd prefer he talk to her instead of me anyways.

"Bella doesn't want to take any more of the medication she's been on for the last few days. It makes her too disoriented." The doctor frowned.

"And how have your stress levels been while on them? Have they helped?"

I shrugged. I just wanted off; I'd prefer the anxiety to be honest.

"She had a hard time leaving the house this morning, and had an attack last night when she woke up," Charlie informed them.

He looked at me regretfully, and my eyes watered as I started to shake my head.

"Bella, I know the sedatives make you dizzy, but you need this. Your body will start getting use to them and the effects will lessen, I assure you. The amount of stress you're trying to deal with could be dangerous to your body-"

I ripped my book out of my purse, scribbling furiously while squinting through my tears.

 _ **They don't make me dizzy. They make all the days blur together, they make me feel sick, I can't think, I can't eat, I can't stay awake and I keep forgetting where I am. I won't take anymore, you can't make me.**_

I didn't care if I sounded like a child. If they wanted me to take them they were going to have to hold me down, and everyone knew how that would turn out. One-way ticket back to crazy town. And I tried to look tough, but I knew it wasn't working because I couldn't stop crying.

But he didn't argue with me after that, he only sighed. "We'll try starting you on something milder to take regularly, and I'll give you something more powerful for your more severe episodes, but you're going to need to come in more often so I can monitor you."

I shuddered, because I hated coming in here, but nodded because it was the better of two evils. They were taking me off them. Doctor Cullen tapped his pen against his lips for a moment in thought.

"If you'd prefer, I can always make a house call?" He offered, and I stared at him in shock. Charlie spoke up again then. He liked to let me fight my own battles with these guys, but he stepped in when he deemed it necessary. I had wanted him here today, as a second opinion of how much that shit had messed with me. I just hadn't expected it to backfire like this.

"Isn't that a nice offer, Bells? Would you prefer that to coming in?"

I bit my lip for a moment, stepping into the grey area that I didn't want to.

 _ **Wouldn't that be weird?**_

"How so?"

I narrowed my eyes at him. _**You know why, let's not beat around the bush here Doc.**_

He didn't look upset, he just chuckled.

"I assure you Isabella-"

I flinched at the name, jumping away from him. I knocked something over; I have no idea what, in my haste to get away from him. Away from the name, the memory, because I wasn't in that triage room anymore, I was in the little white room, strapped to the table, with the doctors looming over me with their needles. Calling that stupid fucking name, trying to get me to react. I curled in on myself, rocking, just trying to get away from it, praying for the blackness to take me and being grateful when it did.

* * *

 **AN:** So, I'm curious, are disclaimers necessary? Am I going to have to warn you if this story gets dirty? Because I don't want to. If you guys want more disclaimers though I'll give them, because I love you guys. I am curious where you stand on the whole excessive disclaimer thing though.

Thanks for reading! Please hit that review button!


	20. Chapter 20

**So, you know how I was like "Oh, I'll give you two chapters next week before I leave and you'll finally have all of Bella's story about what happened to her"?**

 **Well, I obvious suck at updating, and underestimate life in general. I'm at work right now, won't get home till eleven, still have to pack, and am leaving at six in the morning.**

 **But I told you I'd give you her story before I left, so I just made those two chapters into one. As you can see, it's really long. So Please forgive me? I hope it's worth the wait!**

 **Beta'd by the lovely SunFlowerFran! Thanks Frannie! Any mistakes are my own fault, because I'm always changing shit. (Sorry!)**

* * *

 **. . . Bella . . .**

I woke up in my own bed, but it felt more like a dream. This isn't what being awake was supposed to feel like.

My arm really hurt, and when I looked down at the inside of it, there was a cotton ball taped to my skin. They gave me a fucking needle again.

I started to cry and fought to remember what happened. I thought I was at the hospital-

I sucked in a sharp breath of fear. Which hospital had I been in? I could still feel phantom straps on me, and I shot upright in my bed, my heart already racing in panic as I tried to rip them off.

But there was nothing there.

Was this really my room? Or was this just another room at the hospital?

Was I even if Forks? Did Charlie ever come for me?

It looked real, but it didn't feel real. I reached for my lamp with a trembling hand, and when the soft light flooded the room, I watched it warily. It was still dark outside.

Outside!

They didn't have windows in the white hospital. I flew out of my bed, falling to the floor in my haste, but I pushed against the vertigo I was feeling and looked outside into Charlie's back yard. I put my palm against the cool glass, worrying it would disappear, but it didn't, and I sighed in relief as I rested my forehead against it. The dizziness was too much for me, though, my legs couldn't seem to hold me up, and I just sank to the floor.

No, I didn't want to go back to sleep. What if they gave me something else? I crawled over to my desk, reaching blindly for a pen and paper, and sighed in relief when my hand found something.

 _ **You said I didn't have to take them again. Please don't give me anything else**_

I couldn't keep my eyes opened anymore, and fell asleep right there on the carpet.

. . . . .

"Bella, sweetheart, I need you to wake up." His voice was distant, but I worked to pry my eyes open. "I need you to drink some water, okay? You need it."

I nodded, not really understanding his words. But my mouth was so dry, and I really wanted that cold glass of ice water on my nightstand. I downed it and felt exhausted afterward. Charlie said I could lie back down, and I fell asleep almost immediately as I curled up in my fluffy white throw.

. . . . .

I woke up again in my bed, even more disoriented, and I knew my plea had been ignored. Or maybe I had just dreamed it.

No, I swear I'd woken, and he had given me something anyways. I didn't take any pills; I had no more needle marks. All I remember having are the drinks on my nightstand.

I couldn't really believe that Charlie would put something in my drinks, but I couldn't think of another explanation.

They were not going to fuck with me anymore. I didn't care that I wasn't eighteen; _I_ should be able to decide what was best for me.

It was black out again, and I turned on my light, freezing when I saw the bouquet of white tulips on my nightstand. I had no doubt they were from Edward, and my eyes watered.

How long had it been since I'd seen him?

A plan formed in my mind, and I went to work. It was near impossible to stay awake, but somehow I managed to first move my vase of flowers to my bathroom, then my iPod and phone with chargers, my notebook, and pencil, and then my pillows and comforter.

The hardest thing to move was my nightstand, but I did it. I wedged it in behind my bathroom door and then used my metal broom to lock it in place. It looked like it would hold.

Then I made myself a comfy bed in my bathtub, curling up with my phone. The exercise woke me up a bit, and my eyes watered when I saw my text messages from Edward.

 **Do you think it's creepy that I come visit you when you're sleeping? I hope not, because I still need to see you. I wish I could ask you what happened at the hospital today, no one will tell me shit.**

 **Hey beautiful, just wanted to see if you're up at all today. If you get bored and read this get back to me.**

 **I'm stopping by after school to see you.**

 **Bella, when you read this, I need you to look in your book.**

That message worried me, and I grabbed my book, but I fell asleep before I could find what I was supposed to.

. . . . .

I woke up to a pounding on my door, much less disoriented than I had been last night.

I grinned, seeing my barricade had held. Good.

"Bells? What are you doing in there? Can you open up for me, please?"

I texted him.

 **No. Please go away.**

"If you think I'm going to leave you in there then you're sadly mistaken," he said firmly.

 **If you think I'm going to come out after you let them give me those drugs, then you're dead fucking wrong.**

"Bells…" he said in a pained voice. "I'm sorry; I was only trying to do what was best. We just want to help."

 **If any of you wanted to help me, you would have listened to me.**

I stuck in my headphones, shutting him out. I still had my black book opened, and remembered what I'd been doing before I fell asleep. I found Edward's note.

 _ **Bella, something is fucking wrong, I know it. But no one will tell me shit. What did they do to you?**_

 _ **I think you might be disoriented when you wake up. That first day back you woke up every so often, but you haven't since. So, here's what I know.**_

 _ **Charlie let me come in today and once I'm done writing this I'm going to send you a text message telling you to look for it. You'll have to reference the date on your phone to see how long ago that was.**_

I did as he had instructed. It was eight in the morning right now, and he had sent it last night at about six. Fourteen hours ago.

 _ **Today is Saturday. You went to Arizona Tuesday morning and were supposed to be back on Wednesday morning. The Chief got you a later flight after the incident at the station in Arizona. You got back to Forks really late on Wednesday night.**_

 _ **Thursday, we texted for a while during my lunch hour, and I came and visited after school. You were out for most of it, but you woke up a few times, and we talked.**_

 _ **Friday, you had a doctor's appointment, and no one will tell me what happened. Something fucking happened. You didn't wake up once. And it was the same thing when I came over today, on Saturday. You didn't wake up, and the Chief said you needed this, that it was for your best interest in the long run, and his words have made me uneasy.**_

 _ **I have a feeling that you told them, no, and they're giving you something anyway. Please tell me I'm wrong gorgeous because I'll kill every last one of them. I hope that you can wake up and read this because I don't know what to do, and I'd do anything in the fucking world to help you in any way I can. Text me or call me at any time and I'll answer.**_

 _ **If you don't contact me before Monday, I don't care what they say. I'll get you out of there. We'll do something, because I just can't believe that this is what's best for you. I know adults think they know everything, that they know what's right and wrong, but sometimes they don't listen to reason. But Bella, talk to me, and I swear that I'll listen to you, to every word, I promise.**_

My eyes watered, and I debated calling him.

However **,** I knew he would come running, and I looked and smelled horrible, so I had a shower first, then cleaned and dried my bathtub before again making a tidy nest. I curled up in my blanket, in my housecoat because I'd forgotten to bring clean clothes, and then picked up my phone and dialed his number with trembling hands.

He picked up before the second ring.

"Thank fucking God. Baby, are you okay? Tap once for yes, twice for no, three for other," he said urgently.

I tapped three times, and he cursed.

"Did you find my letter?"

One tap.

"What I right?"

One tap.

"Those fucking…I'm coming over, okay?"

I gave him three taps, and he paused.

"Did something happen?"

One tap.

"Do you need to text me?"

Another one tap.

"Okay gorgeous, hang up and text me. You won't fall asleep, will you?"

I tapped twice, and he sighed in relief.

"Okay, I'll talk to you soon," he said quietly, and I hung up to send him a message.

 **I kind of locked myself in the bathroom. They told me they wouldn't make me take them again, but Doctor Cullen hit a trigger, and I don't know what happened. I woke up in my bed, and I knew they gave me something. I wrote them a note before I fell asleep again not to do it but they did anyways. I know it's childish, but I didn't know what else to do. -B**

 **I don't think it's childish, I think you're standing up for yourself and did the only thing you could. I'll be there soon. -E**

 **I'm sorry. -B**

 **I'm not, I'm just fucking angry. -E**

I smiled, my eyes watering in relief.

Because if anyone would take my side, it was Edward. I hated having to depend on him for this, but it was the only option I had left since my guardian, my therapist, and my doctor all seemed to think I was incapable of making my own decisions. Charlie was yelling at me, but I just covered my ears and tried to block it out as best as I could until Edward got here. He had texted me before he rang, and I listened intently as Charlie answered. I listened to his faint voice as it came closer.

"-To open the door, I think she barricaded it or something. Just get her to open it."

Edward laughed. "Oh, she most definitely did barricade it, but you're nuts if you think I'm going to tell her to take it down."

I smiled brightly, pressing my hands against the door in an effort to get closer to his voice.

"Er, what?"

"I'm not here to help get you inside. I'm here to help _her_ , not you."

"What are you talking about?"

"Why would I help you get to her if you went behind her back and forced her to take something that she didn't want to? Against her will, Mr. Swan. She asked not to be given them anymore, but you did. She doesn't trust you; I doubt she'll trust any of you after that. What were you thinking?"

"Listen, boy, you weren't there-"

"I didn't need to be. So what, she had another panic attack? She has them all the time, and she's fine, she works through them. Drugging her seems kind of unnecessary."

"But it came out of nowhere-"

"I doubt that. They always happen for a reason. You just didn't bother to ask what is was, did you?"

I knocked once on the door.

"That means yes, by the way," Edward said, and I could easily picture the lop-sided, cocky smile on his face.

"Bells? Can you tell me what triggered it?"

I got my book, ripping out a page. I hated to write this, but if it got them to leave me alone, I'd do just about anything.

 _ **He used that name. It's what the other doctors always called me before you came. And then I was there again, in that fucking white room, and I could feel the straps on me again, and I couldn't breathe.**_

I folded it in half, crying, and wrote his name on it before sliding it under the door.

It was dead silent for a long minute before I heard a pained, choking sound.

"Oh God, Bella, I'm so sorry. I didn't know, I swear, I just…we thought…I'm so sorry. We didn't know."

 _ **You never even asked me, Charlie. You took the choice away from me and took their side over mine.**_

"I know baby, I'm so sorry. I promise it will _never_ happen again. I swear you're off the medication, no matter what. We can even switch doctors; go to someone in Port Angeles if that's what you want. Just please open the door."

I debated for a few minutes, but he sounded sincere.

And I wanted to see Edward.

It wasn't easy, and it took me a while to move everything because I was so exhausted. Just before I unlocked the door, I remembered to grab my scarf and wrapped it securely around my neck before cracking open the door.

And what I saw floored me. I'd never seen Charlie cry before, but looking into his eyes now, I had no doubt that he meant what he said and that he'd never do something like that again.

I was still so angry with him, though. I'd trusted him and Irina, and they'd both failed me. I'd never trusted the doctor, so I wasn't exactly surprised by his actions.

Edward was the only one who listened to me.

"I'm so sorry," Charlie whispered, and I wrapped my arms around myself uncomfortably. I didn't know what to say because I wasn't sure if I was ready to forgive him yet, no matter how sorry he looked.

Edward was concerned, but more so, he looked very damn proud of himself and was giving me the sweetest smile. He was better with my silence today than Charlie was.

"I can start looking in Port Angeles today, whatever you want," he said pleadingly. Waiting for me to give him something.

I took out my book.

 _ **You don't have to do that, but I get to decide what I take, nobody else.**_

"Yes," he said, looking desperate. It was only fair that I told him the rest.

 _ **They made me feel like they did at the hospital in Arizona. They scared me and made me feel trapped. I hated it. I don't want to feel like that again.**_

Another choked sound escaped his throat as he nodded, and Edward was watching us curiously. I know he wanted to know what we were talking about, and I really owed it to him to tell him.

"So, are we…okay?" He asked hopefully, and I gave him a reluctant nod, not meeting his eyes. It was the best I could do right now. "Bells, I promise you nothing like this will happen again. I was afraid of what would happen if you just…stopped taking them, though-"

I sucked in a sharp breath, but it was Edward that finished for him.

"He's not going to give you them, but you need to talk to a doctor to make sure that there aren't any adverse side-effects. It's dangerous to stop taking certain medications cold turkey," he said softly. Charlie looked at him in surprise, and he shrugged. "I want to be a doctor, I Google a lot of shit," he said casually, making me grin.

"Oh…right," he said awkwardly, then looked at me. "We can do a house call; Doctor Cullen said he wouldn't mind. Please?"

I shuddered at the thought of seeing him again but nodded reluctantly because I knew Edward was right. I Googled a lot of shit as well.

"Can I stay?" Edward asked hopefully, pleading with his big green eyes, and I bit my lip uncomfortably. "Not for your appointment or anything, and I'm sorry if I overstepped, but I talked to our environment teacher the other day to see where you were in the material. I thought maybe we could just study or something for a bit?"

A slow smile spread across my face as I nodded. God, something as boring and normal as homework sounded fucking awesome. Edward's smile was brighter than my own.

And I saw his eyes flicker, but he was trying really hard not to check me out right now. My blue silk robe was a little short, I admit.

"Awesome. I'll just…let you get dressed," he said quickly, walking out of the room, and I bit my lip with a grin.

Charlie watched where he had disappeared to in shock, then looked at me.

"I don't know what he's on, but that kid is way too well behaved for a seventeen-year-old." I let out a breathy laugh, nodding.

He was amazing.

"I'm going to call the doc, okay?"

I grimaced, but nodded, and he also walked out of my room. By now, said room was spinning and dipping as I made my way over to my dresser, and grabbed some stuff before going back to my bathroom. My favorite pair of blue jeans felt a little looser on me, as did my black cashmere turtleneck, but I tried not to think about it.

I don't remember the last time I ate, but I had no appetite. I pulled my hair back into a neat ponytail, and stepped back out into my room. Edward was sitting on my bed, smiling.

"Can I help you disassemble the war zone?" He asked with a grin, and I blushed as I nodded. I think I enjoyed watching him lift that heavy nightstand much more than I should have. It was hard to look away from the way it made the muscles in his arms flex, though. I threw my blankets into the wash, grabbing some new ones from my closet, and Edward had that goofy grin on his face again the entire time he helped me make my bed. Then he grabbed his bag and dropped down on my bed patting the spot next to him. I crawled up, hating how my body hit a wall much sooner than it usually did, but he assured me before I could apologize.

"It's okay; you had a fucked-up week. We'll work on it," he said gently, making my eyes water.

I didn't have my notebook, but he slid his over to me hopefully. It was weird, but I picked up the pencil and wrote anyways.

 _ **I'm sorry that you got pulled into this; it's really not fair to you.**_

"I'm not. I'm just sorry that it's taking so long for you to figure out that I _want_ to be here. And no, I still don't think you're crazy, and I'm not going anywhere. So don't even go there." My eyes watered as I nodded.

 _ **Thank you, for helping me.**_

"Thank you for letting me," he whispered. "How are you feeling?"

 _ **Tired, and kind of dizzy. Still a little disoriented.**_

"When did you lock yourself in?"

 _ **Sometime last night. It was dark. I fell asleep again before I could find your letter.**_

"You know, I think it's pretty impressive that you were able to make a stand; to stand your ground, even when you were that messed up."

 _ **You don't think it was juvenile?**_

"Not at all. It was self-preservation. I'm so proud of you. Never take any shit from anyone."

I gave him a relieved smile, feeling a thousand pounds lighter.

This week was fucked, and he was still here. He still wanted me.

I didn't even have to say anything; he saw the thought in my eyes.

"This changes nothing, Bella. This wasn't your fault. I'm not going anywhere." And then he sighed dramatically. "But seriously, my mom is driving me up the wall. You need to come over for dinner soon before I lose my mind."

I grinned brightly, nodding, but then I grimaced.

"My dad makes you uncomfortable, doesn't he?" I nodded, mouthing a _sorry_. "No, it's okay. I was just curious. I'm sorry he broke your trust like that."

 _ **He didn't. I never trusted him in the first place, so I wasn't exactly surprised**_ , I wrote out reluctantly.

"Why don't you like him?" He asked curiously, inching a little closer. I closed my eyes, forcing myself to calm, because I _wanted_ to be closer to him.

 _ **It's not really him. I've just had a lot of bad experiences with doctors and hospitals. They make me uneasy. And none of them ever listen to me. They usually think my opinions are too skewed to matter much.**_

"That's fucked up," he said angrily. "I'm sorry, that you had to go through that."

I knew he wanted to say more, a lot more, but he stopped himself as he always did.

I needed to tell him, I had to before this went any further.

"What are you thinking about?" He asked quietly.

 _You_ , I mouthed. And he looked uneasy.

"Nothing bad I hope?" He asked nervously, and I shook my head.

 _ **No, nothing like that**_ , I assured him. He watched me closely for a minute, then spoke hesitantly.

"I want to ask you a question, but I want you to know that I won't mind if you don't want to answer it."

I nodded uneasily, holding my breath, but it was nothing like I was dreading.

"What's the real reason you're not learning to sign?"

I watched his curious, worried eyes for a long moment before I got up and grabbed my book. I needed to write this in _my_ book, anyone could look through his. His eyes lit up, eager and hopeful when I lay on my stomach and began to write.

 _ **At first, it was because I couldn't while I was in the hospital. I wasn't able to do much for a long time. The medications they had me on were really similar to what I'd been on this week. Once they started taking me off them, and the idea was broached, it just felt too…final. Learning it just made the realization that I wouldn't speak again too real, and it was too much for me. And then everyone left. All I had were the doctors I hated and Charlie's visits, letters, and calls. I didn't really see the point in learning if I had no one to actually use it with.**_

I gave the book to him hesitantly, watching his face carefully to see if I gave him too much information.

He just looked understanding, though, and sad. I hated making him sad. He looked up at me.

"Let's learn together," he asked hopefully, and I looked at him in shock. "Please? I'm here now, and I _want_ to learn with you. Even if no one else knows, it could just be ours. Like our own language. It could be fun."

 _ **You seriously want to learn how to sign?**_

"Yeah, I do," he murmured, and my eyes watered.

I gave him a hesitant smile, and then bit my lip before sitting up, and doing something I'd never done with anyone else.

I formed my right hand into an 'O' before flattening it out and splitting my index finger and middle finger in a 'K' down on my left palm.

And Edward's face lit up instantly; it was awesome.

"Okay?" He asked hopefully, and he nodded. "You already know some?"

I pinched my fingers together, showing him that it was just a little bit.

"Show me? How did you do the 'K' again?"

I grinned and then sat back against my headboard, motioning for him to do the same. He'd be able to copy my movements better this way than if he were facing me. He pushed his books out of the way hastily and eagerly watched as I made the motion again, nodding when he got it right. I picked up my book to write.

 _ **I know the alphabet, and a few words, but that's it. And it could be wrong, everything I know, I learned from YouTube.**_

"That sounds like a lot, though," he noted.

 _ **I figured with the alphabet, I could spell out any word. It seemed like the most useful. Do you want to start with that?**_

"That sounds as good a place to start as any," he said excitedly. His enthusiasm was contagious.

So, I started with A, a closed fist with the thumb parallel to the folded fingers, and he asked me to mouth the letters while I did them, so I did. He caught on quickly, and we were on N when someone cleared their throat from my doorway, making me jump and gasp in surprise.

Charlie was watching us with the happiest fucking smile, but my eyes were trained on the doctor.

I didn't want him in my room, and Edward jumped in with his weird telepathic powers.

"I'll wait in here if that's cool?" He said, reaching for my book. I nodded, then grinned, turning my back to the others as I signed him a _thank-you._ "Okay, too fast, you're just going to confuse me," he said with a laugh, and I grinned before crawling out of my bed and walking to the others. We went out to the living room, and we all took seats.

"The Chief and I have been talking," Doctor Cullen said quietly. "And I'm sorry. I didn't know I hit a trigger, I just thought that it was…spontaneous? I understand now what happened, and I'm sorry that we took away your choice like that. I don't want you to think that your opinion doesn't matter."

I nodded because that was all I wanted. To be treated like an adult and to have some say in my life; a little bit of control.

"Bella, we won't give you anything like that again; our intention was never to make you feel trapped. Nevertheless, you need to take something now to help you because this stress is going to make you ill. We don't want that, all we want to do is to help to ensure you can heal safely."

I picked up a pad of paper from the coffee table.

 _ **What was wrong with what I was taking before?**_

"Those only help you sleep. We want to minimize the severity of your attacks. This has nothing to do with your sleep." He took two bottles out of his briefcase and sat them down on the table. "These are inhibitors. I want you to start off taking one in the morning when you wake up, and then one at lunch for one week. Then I want you to double it to two, twice a day."

I'd been on them before, temporarily. They had clashed with another medication I'd been on, and though I didn't like them, I understood why they were necessary so I nodded reluctantly.

"I take it you already know the side effects? These aren't happy pills-"

I scowled, nodding. I wasn't an idiot, I knew they would dim _everything_ , and I hated it. I didn't want to be a zombie, but at least I'd be awake.

Would Edward still want to be with me if I turned into a robot? My stomach rolled. The doctor tapped on the small bottle. I knew what those were too.

"Ativan. I need you to take one when you feel an attack coming on. I get that you're used to them by now, but they're dangerous; you know that. I don't want you coming in for stitches again."

I shuddered at the memory and nodded. I didn't want that either.

 _ **Are the inhibitors really necessary? Can't I just stick with the Ativan when I need it?**_

He sighed. "Yes, they are necessary. The goal is to get you to a point where you won't need the Ativan. I'm only giving you them now because it can take weeks for the inhibitors to start working properly. You should have been on them sooner."

 _ **I don't think I need them. Can't we just try to go without for a couple weeks to see?**_

He sighed. "Bella, I'm aware that you lied through your tests to get out of Arizona; we both are. But we both also thought it was best for you, in the long run, to get out of there, to be in a calmer environment. I'm trying hard to meet you halfway here; can you please try to do the same?"

And he didn't look like a doctor anymore. He was looking at me just as Charlie was; pleading, hopeful, and concerned.

My eyes watered as I nodded reluctantly.

"Thank you. I want you to continue to take your sleeping pills with these as well. I'll be coming by in another week to check on you, but you can call -er, text- me anytime you want if you have any questions."

 _Thank you_ , I mouthed, looking at my lap, desperate to get out of here.

"You're very welcome," he said sadly. And after a long moment of no one talking, I figured they were done, so I grabbed the two bottles of pills and fled to my room. I ran right past Edward into my bathroom, blowing my nose and washing my face.

Then, I reluctantly took one of the pills and swallowed it down with water before going back to my room. Edward was watching me worriedly, and I went and joined him on my bed.

"Are you okay?" He asked quietly, and I nodded.

"I don't believe you."

 _ **They're giving me something different.**_

"That's good, right?"

I shrugged. _**I've been on them before. They turned me into a zombie**_. I looked up at him worriedly, and his face softened.

"I'll still be here, Bella. You'll still be you. Please don't look so worried."

 _I'm sorry._

"Don't be. Just have a little more faith in me, okay? I'm not going anywhere."

I nodded, and then lay down; my head spinning. He mirrored me, putting a comfortable distance between us. We didn't talk; we just enjoyed the silence for a few minutes, and the company.

His presence made me feel calmer than any pill ever had.

He gave me a boyish grin and picked up my book.

"I drew you a picture," he said happily, and I smiled before picking it up. I thumbed through looking for a new addition and froze when I saw it.

I snorted, and Edward broke into a deep laugh from the sound. I couldn't help it, though; I'd seen five-year-olds draw better than this. It was a dinosaur, I think. A circle with an almost Pacman head, a triangle for a body, round things that were supposed to be arms, and big round feet. A tail and little triangle spikes. I flipped the page once I stopped laughing.

 _ **Thank you, I'll treasure it always.**_

"You better," he teased, making me laugh again. "So, can we hang out today?"

 _ **I'd like that. I really missed you,**_ I told him shyly. He smiled happily, seeming pleased.

"I missed you too, gorgeous."

 _ **Charlie is probably going to call in and hover all fucking day, though.**_

He smirked. "I already have a plan," he said. "So, M and N, I only have to move my thumb down one finger?"

I nodded, rolling onto my back and doing the two letters again, and then asked him to start from the top. He got D and E mixed up, but I was a little intimidated by how quickly he learned. Knowing my luck, in a week my boyfriend, with his perfectly functional set of vocal chords would be better at signing than me. About fifteen minutes later Charlie came and knocked on my door, making us stop quickly.

"Hey…I'm going to call in today, I don't want-"

I shook my head, and he stopped, but Edward spoke for me.

"She'll be fine if you want to go in, Chief. We have more than enough homework to keep us busy today," Edward said with his charming smile. He was giving Charlie a strange look, though, something secretive that piqued my curiosity, and Charlie nodded reluctantly, also looking hopeful.

"Okay. I won't be working late, though; I'll be home before it gets dark. Just…text me, if anything's wrong, at all. Please."

I nodded, hating how hurt he looked. I needed more time, though. He said goodbye and changed before heading out.

 **. . . . .**

We played with our alphabet for an hour, before Edward looked over at the clock hopefully. It was almost eleven, and he had a hopeful smile on his face.

"Let's go get baked in the meadow," he said with a grin, which I mirrored before nodding and getting off the bed. We bundled up in our coats, grabbed some water and a blanket, and then ventured out into the cool November air. I was out of breath and tired by the time we reached our destination, and Edward teased me about having a lazy week, saying my lungs needed some exercise. We both lay out on my blanket on our stomachs, and I had to pull my hood up because my ears were getting cold.

I really wanted to tell him. To tell him everything. For him to know that I didn't want to keep it from him, that I _wanted_ him to know me and understand _why_ I was fucked up like this.

I also didn't want to dump on him. He had told me that he wanted to hear it, though, as soon as I was ready to share. As the weed mellowed me out, I opened my book, and my hand hovered for two long minutes before I could force it to move.

 _ **Do you still want to know?**_

"Yes," he answered instantly, not even asking what I was talking about, and I let out a soft sigh.

 _ **Have you ever heard of the Eternal Servants?**_

"No," he said in confusion. "What's that?"

 _ **I think the best term for it would be a cult.**_

"Okay…" He said confusion. I hated how hard this was for me to talk about, and I wasn't even talking. All I had to do was move the damn pencil, and I despised that they still had this power over me. That the mere memory of what they did that night, what they brainwashed Mom into doing that night, forced these horrible reactions out of me for the stupidest reasons.

I must have been stuck in my head for longer than I thought, and Edward's voice made me jump when he spoke.

"And what do they have to do with your voice?"

 _ **They recruited my mother.**_

"Recruited her?" He asked, sounding even more confused. "Why?"

 _ **Because they wanted me.**_

"Wanted you…for what?"

The memories came, and with it, the tremors. The meadow got colder, and I tugged on my scarf out of habit, making sure it was still secure, that he couldn't see the evidence of that night. He waited patiently while I got my bearings, hating how my tremors made my words nearly illegible.

 _ **The Servants, they're obsessed with Vampires.**_

I looked up to make sure he was reading, and he nodded for me to continue.

 _ **Well, the whole point of their…Cult, was to like gain power as a group or whatever to achieve their goals.**_

"What goals?"

 _ **To become Vampires.**_

"You're kidding," he said with a slight chuckle. I knew how ridiculous it sounded. I shook my head, and he laughed. "Gain power? How? Are they having séances and sacrificing virgins or something? How do you become a vam-" His words stopped immediately when my breath caught in my throat with a choking sound, my eyes welling with tears. Yeah, my life was basically a horribly-cheesy horror movie.

"Bella?" He asked warily, and I could hear the panic in his voice as the tears raced down my cheeks. I just nodded my head, because he was dead right. No pun intended.

"Yes, what?" He asked quietly.

 _ **Yes, they thought sacrificing a virgin in their fucked-up rituals would work.**_

He froze, looking at me in horror and disbelief, and I pushed on.

 _ **I knew they were a bunch of nut jobs when my mom first started to talk about them. I told her as much, but she kept coming, every single day, telling me how much she loved their support group, their family. She just wanted me to come to one…sermon, or whatever. I kept saying no, and she started getting angry.**_

 _ **And then one night, she brought some ice cream with her when she got home and sat with me in my room. I practically inhaled it, she knew I was crazy for strawberry ice cream, and I guess I just kind of ignored the weird taste.**_

 _ **Then, I collapsed. I didn't pass out, but I couldn't move. My mom changed me into some weird white dress, and all these people came into the house, picked me up, and put me in a van. They drove out to a secluded area somewhere. They held me down on some ceremonial table when whatever drugs they gave me started to wear off, and I tried to get away.**_

 _ **They told Mom that she had to be the one to do it. She gave me life, and she had to take mine or some shit so she could live forever. She didn't even fucking hesitate before sticking that knife in my neck, but the police had gotten there at the same time, and shot her in the head.**_

 _ **I still think it's a little poetic. How she had wanted to watch me die, but I ended up watching her instead.**_

I looked up at him then, too numb to be proud of getting through it without getting sick or passing out. Or anything. He was watching me in disbelief with wide, horrified eyes. This time, it seemed he couldn't find anything to say, and I sighed before resting my chin on my folded arms.

"She…Your mother actually…" He couldn't believe it. I nodded, though. "You said they held you down?"

I nodded.

 _ **I'm not sure why they didn't just tie me up or something. Someone was holding my head, and all these people had their hands on my arms, wrists, ankles. They were like, chanting and shit.**_

"So that's why," he breathed, sounding like he just solved some big mystery. I don't think he meant for me to hear.

 _ **Why what?**_

He turned his head to look at me, and watched me for a moment, debating something. "Why you're afraid of hands."

I looked at him in confusion. _**What are you talking about?**_

He gave me a sad smile, sitting up, then shuffling forward awkwardly with his hands stuffed in his pockets. I tensed a bit, but as usual, it didn't bother me too much. I knew he wouldn't just try to touch me. I looked at him in confusion, and he gave me an apologetic look before taking his hands out of his pockets and resting them in his lap.

And I don't know what came over me. My heart rate shot through the roof as my breathing halted in panic, and I shifted away, trying to regain my space bubble.

"You're fine being close to me most of the time. I kind of figured it out a couple weeks ago, on our date. I thought it was curious how you were fine sitting next to me when I was driving, and then at the movies you relaxed when I put my hands in my pockets. You get nervous whenever they're out, though. And you can't hand anything to someone without panicking. I tried it again, and the theory held."

I stared at him in shock, trying to absorb his words.

Was he right?

"I'm sorry I didn't say anything before, I didn't think it was my place. I was just happy to have a way to make you more comfortable around me," he said sadly, looking worried.

 _ **It's okay. I'm just…really?**_

He gave me a gentle smile, stuffing his hands into his pockets again, and the calm that was almost instantaneous made my eyes water in embarrassment.

 _ **I feel like an idiot**_ , I admitted.

"Well, I don't think you're one. I think your mind is only trying to protect you from being able to get hurt again," he said softly. "Can you tell me what happened after?" He asked pleadingly, hopefully.

Well, it was better to just get this over at once.

 _ **The time in the hospital was worse than that night. I woke up, and doctors were touching me, checking me over, and I panicked. They held me down, and that made it worse. They sedated me, but it happened again. And again. I couldn't speak, and I was too doped up on pain medication to communicate. After the third time, I woke up strapped to a table, and that was even worse. I had no way to talk to them, I had tried a few times, but I guess I just kept tearing out the stitches, and no one seemed to want to listen anyway, so they just continued to do what they thought was best, 'for my own good.' That went on for almost two months until Charlie found me. He hadn't known what was happening because my Mom had taken him off my files as my secondary caregiver a few months earlier. So he couldn't find me, and it was a while before he tracked me down and found out what happened. He came down, and he had to fight for weeks for them to let him see me. I don't really remember much of it. Those first few months were just a scary blur to me. But one day, I woke up, and I wasn't tied down. I was fine until Charlie tried to hug me, and then all the nurses came in and held me down and sedated me again. He didn't give up, though, he called specialists in since the doctors wouldn't listen to him. Finally, everyone was convinced that they were making me worse. They took me off the meds, didn't tie me down, and didn't touch me or get too close, and I was fine. Charlie gave me my first black book, and asked me to talk to him, to tell me how I was and what I was thinking, and I told him everything.**_

 _ **Once the courts made it official that he was my legal guardian, Charlie was able to get me out of that white hospital. I had to stay in another place for almost two months, though, to be monitored. They were much more accommodating with me and treated me more like a person than a patient. They let my friends come in to visit, but I was different. Some people came in twice, but not many. They just moved on. I still got better, and after two months I was released, and Charlie brought me here.**_

My hand was cramped by the time I finished writing, and I slid him the book as I rested my head on my arms again. I watched him read. I watched as his face paled in horror, as he glared in anger, and I saw his eyes shimmer with sadness.

"Bella, I…I don't know what to say," he whispered in a tortured voice. I gave him a reassuring smile.

 _ **You don't have to say anything. I just…I know my life is fucked up. I know I have issues, baggage, whatever you want to call it. And now that you know, I just want you to understand that I wouldn't blame you if you needed to walk away. I would never hold it against you. I'd never want to pull you down with me.**_

"You think this changes anything?" He asked angrily. "Well, it doesn't. I'm pissed off, Bella. Why? Because you're the most amazing person I've ever met, and it fucking disgusts me that there are people who are actually fucked up enough to have done all of this shit to you. I want to hunt down every single fucking one of them. This doesn't change how I feel about you. I am _not_ like any of those assholes. I don't look at you and seem some anxious mute girl. I look at you, and I see a strong person who had to deal with too much shit. I see someone who knows who they are and doesn't feel the need to change for the whims of others. I see a sarcastic nerd who is bluntly honest, funny, interesting, intelligent, independent and resilient. That's present tense, not past tense, and I'd appreciate it if you would stop trying to convince me not to be your boyfriend because the idea of that happening makes me a little fucking crazy."

Jesus.

I was crying like a baby as he went off on his rant, and it was the sweetest, angry rant that had ever been spoken.

 _ **I don't want to push you away. I just can't stand the thought of you staying out of guilt.**_

His face softened, as did his voice.

"I promise you that is _not_ why I'm here. Okay?"

I nodded, sniffling, and Edward grinned before pulling a tissue out of his pocket and setting in on the blanket next to me. I took it with a thankful smile, cleaning my face and blowing my nose.

"Thank you, for telling me," he said quietly. "It means a lot to me."

 _ **Thank you for listening. It was easier than I thought it would be.**_

"Yeah, you didn't even throw up," he teased, and I grinned as I rolled my eyes. Edward lit up again, and I did the same. That conversation had kind of killed my buzz. We were both quiet, Edward watching as I sketched my memory of all the beautiful little wildflowers that had once covered this meadow. He told me they usually opened up again in May.

Edward rolled onto his back with a groan.

"Oh my God, I have such a craving for Chinese food right now. Would it be weird if I ordered food to be delivered to your house?"

I shook my head.

"Awesome, what's your favourite?"

 _ **Sweet and sour chicken balls.**_

"Fuck, me too. Let's go," he said excitedly. I was fixing my scarf and hood; shoulders hunched against the cold breeze, and jumped when Edward draped my blanket over my shoulders instead of folding it. He did it too quickly for me to panic, though, and was grinning mischievously as he made me blush before he led me back to the house. I wrote down the address for him, and he glared at me when I tried to take my wallet out of my purse so I quickly put it away.

Our food got there around two, and it was a feast. He got a big box of my favourite chicken balls, along with egg rolls, and this sort of stir fry that had chicken, peppers, mushrooms, carrots, celery and onions in this hot sauce with steamed rice along with an order of crispy beef.

And it was embarrassing how much I ate, but I was ravenous. Edward looked pretty smug and after a while it clicked that he had done this on purpose, to make me eat.

And I wasn't mad, I didn't feel played. I think I just loved him for it.

I couldn't tell him that, though, because we've barely been dating a month yet, and I refused to be one of _those_ girls. I didn't need the words; I'd just do whatever I could to show him how important he was to me.

We both fell asleep on my carpet in a food coma as we watched the Hunger Games, homework strewn across the floor around us.

* * *

 **AN:** So, please leave a review? There's lots to talk about! Aside from what her mother did, you also learned why she hasn't been signing. A lot of people asked about that, and that's why I didn't answer. Didn't want to spoil it or tease it.  
Or how about the way Edward came to her rescue with Charlie?

Thank you for reading!


	21. Chapter 21

**Hey guys! I'll leave my rambling for the end. Except for this; HOLY SHOOT! We passed 900 reviews! Thanks so much for everyone that reviewed the last chapter!**

 **A very big thank-you to the wonderful Fran, who beta'd this crazy fast for you guys!** **Any mistakes are my own!**

* * *

 **. . . Bella . . .**

I waited anxiously in my room, staring at my phone, and trying not to expel the butterflies in my stomach.

I wasn't sure which made me more nervous; the unknown Esme Cullen, or the well-known Doctor Cullen.

Nevertheless, Edward wanted me to meet his parents, and that was amazing. I needed to do this, and I needed not to be a complete spaz about it. It didn't help that after missing a few pills, I got my period a week and a half early and felt as though I was bleeding to death and being beaten from the inside. Knowing my luck as soon as I'd step into his house I'd probably get a horrible case of IBS.

He said I didn't need to bring anything, but I broke out one of my better recipes. I'd ruined two batches before getting my apple turnovers perfect, but no one needed to know that.

When I heard the knock, I pulled in a shaking breath as I opened it. The wave of calm that settled over me when I saw his smiling face was euphoric.

"You're totally freaking out, I told you not to freak out," he teased, and I laughed nervously. "Are you ready to go? Shit, what's that?" He asked, inhaling deeply.

I smiled before leading him inside and his face lit up as he swiped one off the plate in the kitchen. He took one bite, and then stuffed the rest of it in his mouth. I worried that he might choke, but he didn't seem to care and took another one. I shook my head with a smile, sliding the closed container away from his grasp. He reached for it, his hand stopping in mid-air when I gave him a warning look, and the most devastated look took over his face as he gazed longingly at the closed container. I slipped on my coat, then my boots, and looked up to find him staring at me. I lifted an eyebrow in response.

"Sorry," he said with a grin. The fucking liar. "You look gorgeous today."

I bit my lip before mouthing a _thank-you_. I relaxed a little too because I had no clue what one was supposed to wear to meet their boyfriend's parents. I settled for a warm, knitted, sweater dress in a pale gray color paired with tights. I left my hair straight. It was getting long, but it wasn't as if I could go to get a haircut. And I wasn't desperate enough yet to cut it myself. My black, sparkly scarf completed my outfit.

I grabbed my purse and walked out to the car with Edward. He got my door for me again, making me grin, but hesitated before closing it.

"Close your eyes," he said. It got easier to trust him every time he asked this, but I knew it was usually for tiny things that he thought would only make me panic if I saw them. And sure enough, all he did was sit my container in my lap, knowing he couldn't hand it to me. It was over before I could react, and he shot me a wink, looking pleased, before closing my door and walking around to his. He sat in his seat but didn't start the car.

"You know, if you don't want to do this we don't have to," he told me gently. "I hate seeing you look so nervous."

I shook my head quickly because I _did_ want to do this. I didn't want to tell him I was feeling sick because of my period, not his parents. And I was more excited than nervous, I think. It had been a long time since I'd been in someone else's home besides Charlie's. The last house I'd been in before his, was my own when I packed up my things.

"Okay, but you're sure? Really?"

I nodded with a smile, and he gave me a bright one in return before starting up his car and backing out of my driveway.

"Okay, so, you already know my dad, and I hope that's not too weird. But he's a pretty quiet guy. My mom makes up for his silence in spades. It's rare that she's not talking, and she's kind of easily excited. And nosey. You don't have to answer anything you don't want to, and don't feel bad for it. For everything you don't want to answer, she'll just have two more questions. And if you need her to back off, just let me know. Okay? Don't feel bad about it."

I grinned. Apparently, I wasn't the only one who was nervous, but I knew he was just worried about me.

I brought my Ativan, though I really didn't want to take it. It felt too much like what they'd given me before, but it felt better taking it on my own terms. I hadn't taken any yet, I just remembered them. Besides, the majority of my episodes came on too quickly for me to even bother.

It only took minutes to get to his house and for the second time I just kind of gaped at his Mc Mansion. Who needed that much space?

"I know, it's kind of ridiculous," Edward muttered, making me grin. He parked his car in a spacious garage that had a black Mercedes and a silver BMW inside. Jesus. He cut the engine and looked at me nervously. I bit my lip to restrain my grin as I took out my book.

 _ **I swear, if I can't figure out which fork to use, I'm leaving.**_

He read it and then laughed loudly, looking much more relaxed.

"I'll be leaving right with you if that happens, don't worry," he said with a smile. He got out and frowned when I opened my door and got out as well.

I froze.

 _What?_ I mouthed.

"No, it's nothing," he said, his ears turning red. Was he upset that I didn't let him get my door for me? I didn't know whether to laugh or blush at the thought, and just shook it off.

"Do you want me to take those for you?" He asked carefully, and the idea of having to hand them to Mrs. Cullen almost had me reaching for the pills. I bobbed my head quickly in a nod, and he gave me a reassuring smile before waiting expectantly.

He never made me feel weak having to do this, it just seemed completely normal to him. But I closed my eyes again, my heart stopping for a second when it was plucked out of my hands. It took me a minute to calm down, and when I opened my eyes there was nothing but pride in his.

My accomplishments just felt fucking sad to me, though. I returned his smile anyways, before following him over to the door, and he waved me in ahead of him.

I froze, sucking in a sharp breath when I stepped inside. Not because of his ridiculous house, but because of the woman who was waiting excitedly, practically vibrating and looking like she was going to lunge at me.

Edward definitely took after his mother. They had the same dark green eyes, the same copper-coloured hair, and even her smile reminded me of his. She was tall, gorgeous, and curvy, her shoulder-length hair was in artful waves, and she was wearing a beautiful silver blouse with a black pencil skirt, and had a frilly white apron on over it all. And pearls, she was wearing a fucking pearl necklace.

Every single thing about this woman screamed _'Mom.'_

Edward sighed as he closed the door behind me, and instead of tensing when he moved closer to me, I relaxed.

"You seriously had to wait here and ambush us as soon as we walked in? You're being creepy, Mom."

"Oh, hush. I heard the door open, I was just walking by." Even I saw that she was lying. "Bella! I can't tell you how happy I am to finally meet you!" She said happily. She still seemed to be vibrating and looked like she wanted to pounce.

But she didn't. I had no doubt that Edward gave her a heads-up about my…issues, and I was grateful.

 _ **It's nice to meet you too,**_ I wrote, turning my book to face her. She didn't read, though, she reached for it, and I automatically dropped the book as I pulled in a sharp breath, taking a quick step back.

She froze, looking at me in horror, and my eyes watered in mortification. Jesus, I didn't even last five minutes.

Edward acted like nothing happened, though, just picked up my book, found my page, and smiled in triumph when he did. He held it out to his mom, and her eyes watered too.

"Don't you dare apologize, either of you, or we'll be here for an hour in a constant loop. Mom, Bella doesn't like to be handed things, or vice-versa."

Esme stared at him in shock, but I was quite fond of his no-bullshit approach to things, and I smiled. She gave me a hesitant smile back.

"Mom, Bella made these for you," he said, stuffing the container into her hands. Her face lit up when she opened it.

"Oh, that is just too sweet! Thank you, dear, they smell delicious. And they're Carlisle's favorite! He's absolutely crazy about anything with apples in it."

 _Well, that was a nice fluke, I guess_.

"Come, let's go sit in the kitchen, he should be home in a few minutes," she said easily.

"Here, give me your coat," Edward said, and I noted then how different his voice was when he spoke to me. It was softer, gentler, and he had that faint smile on his lips. I slipped off my coat, and he watched his mom walk around the corner before turning to me. I knew what he wanted me to do by the look on his face, and I took a calming breath before closing my eyes.

It was getting easier every single time, and I knew by his grin that he knew that too.

I looked around as he hung up our coats, taking in the polished, pale wood floors, the marble tiles, the tall white walls and stunning paintings. It was a little ridiculous in a place like Forks. Edward looked a little embarrassed, so I made no comment, just smiled at him. He led me over to a gorgeous kitchen that belonged in a cooking show on Network television.

And it smelled amazing.

"What's for dinner?" Edward asked, pulling out a stool for me before sitting down in the one next to it. I smiled, once again curious about how today it felt more relaxing to be closer to him than further away. I wasn't complaining, though, our arms were almost touching. I set my book and pencil down in front of me and hung my purse off the back of my seat.

"Chicken Kiev and roasted veggies," she said, and saliva pooled in my mouth. "Can I get you something to drink dear?"

"We have Coke," he said knowingly, and I smiled as I nodded. I'd been so drowsy lately; I needed the caffeine and sugar.

Mrs. Cullen smiled happily, and she added ice and a lime wedge too. It was very sweet, but it reminded me a lot of my mom too. She'd gotten excited like this whenever I'd brought friends over as well.

"So, what were you up to today, Bella?" She asked curiously.

Well, I wasn't going to tell her I wasted over four hours trying to perfect those damn pastries. _**Just some schoolwork and regular work. And baking. Nothing too exciting.**_

"Oh, you go to school?" she asked curiously, and I fought against the urge to wince.

 _ **Correspondence.**_

"Oh! That must be nice. I know Edward would rather work from home if given the choice. What are you taking right now?"

 _ **Environmental Sciences and Social Studies. After those, I only have two more credits left before I can get my diploma.**_

"Wow, that's great. And you work as well?"

 _ **I work from home for the Police dept. I'm converting their old paper records to electronic files.**_

She froze for a moment, no doubt wondering if I had seen the report of her citation for public urination. Looking at her right now, I couldn't believe she had it in her, but I guess when you've got to go, you've got to go. I wasn't going to say shit to her, though, no pun intended.

"Oh, well, that must be convenient," she said, her face glowing red, and Edward looked between us in confusion. She looked panicked for a moment, looking at her son, then at me, and I gave her a subtle shake of my head to reassure her.

 _ **It is. I only do a couple of hours a day, but it pays well. It was a little crazy how many non-disclosure forms I had to sign before I started.**_

She relaxed, going back to busying herself with her food.

I heard a door open and tensed. Edward felt it of course and gave me a reassuring smile.

"Honey, I'm home!" He called, and it was a little too ' _I Love Lucy'_ for me. I tried to hide my snort with a cough. Edward's face lit up with his smile.

"We're in the kitchen!" She called, and he walked in, only freezing for a moment when he saw me before giving me an easy smile.

"Hey Bella, how are you doing today?"

I gave him a hesitant smile and a thumbs-up. I worried for a brief second that he'd go all 'doctor' on me, but he didn't.

"Excellent. Dinner smells lovely dear," he said with a smile, kissing his wife's cheek.

"Thank-you. You have twenty minutes to wash off that horrible hospital smell," she teased, and he grinned sheepishly before ducking out of the kitchen.

Huh. Well, that was painless. I relaxed.

"Are you cold dear?" Esme asked, pulling my attention back to her. I shook my head in confusion. She opened her mouth, and it snapped shut quickly as she nodded, eying my scarf.

I felt my face pale as I tensed, but she didn't say anything else.

"And how was your day at school today, sweetie?"

I grinned, seeing how uncomfortable he was with the affectionate term. His ears turned red as he scowled, and it was absolutely adorable.

"Fine, the usual," he muttered, playing with the condensation on his glass. "I can't wait until this semester is done, my calculus teacher is still out to get me, and now my Spanish teacher is hovering like a hawk."

"Well, you shouldn't have been playing with your phone in class," she chastised gently, and he just grumbled in acknowledgment.

 _ **Why is your math teacher out to get you?**_ I asked in amusement. He pulled a pen out of a drawer beside him, taking my book and writing.

 _ **Because I'm smarter than she is, and giving me shit makes her feel better about herself.(E)**_

I made a wheezing sound with my laugh to my own embarrassment, clapping my hands over my mouth, and Edward was grinning at me in amusement.

 _ **It's true. She's horrible at trigonometry. I proved her wrong once in class like two years ago, and she still hasn't let it go.(E)**_

 _ **You broke her confidence, how else is she supposed to build it back up without trying to find some sort of flaw in you? (B)**_

 _ **Maybe you could help her? And then this feud will finally come to an end.(E)**_

 _ **No, I couldn't help even if I wanted to. I've yet to find one.(B)**_

 _ **Bullshit. I can be an asshole, you're well aware of that.(E)**_

 _ **Everyone has asshole moments, yours are nothing special,**_ I wrote with a grin, making him laugh.

"Well then, it seems as if I must suffer through without resolution until the end of the semester," he said dramatically, making me smile.

Esme sighed, and I jumped, because I had completely forgotten about her. She was watching us with the happiest smile, and I felt like my face would just melt off.

"Ugh, cut it out, Mom. You're acting weird," Edward said uncomfortably, and she laughed before ducking out of the room again. "She likes you already," he said with a grin. My face was starting to hurt. "Are you okay?"

I nodded because I really was. He opened his mouth to say something, but changed his mind. He took my book, looking for a new page, and wrote something before closing it.

I reached for it.

"No," he said, shaking his head. "Later."

I nodded warily. I did _not_ care for suspense.

Doctor Cullen strolled back into the kitchen wearing a pair of jeans and a khaki pullover. It was weird seeing him dressed so casually, but relieving at the same time.

"Ooo, what's this?" He asked curiously, finding the container I brought over. He opened it, and his face lit up as he smiled excitedly. "Did you bring these?" He whispered, taking one out almost reverently. I nodded warily.

"Carlisle! You better not be eating any of those pastries, you'll ruin your appetite!" Mrs. Cullen called, and then I was blown away as he stuffed it into his mouth and booked it out of the room. Esme came in a few seconds later, saw the open container, and sighed in irritation.

I couldn't stop laughing; it was so strange seeing my composed, serious doctor running away like a five-year-old after stealing a cookie.

"God, they're so weird. I'm sorry," Edward said, pinching the bridge of his nose in irritation.

 _ **No, they're awesome, really,**_ I assured him, bumping his elbow with my book. He sighed in relief.

"Want me to show you around a bit before dinner?" He asked shyly, and I nodded excitedly. I wanted to explore this museum.

He took me out of the kitchen, and we passed through a dining room where Esme was setting the table. That giant table made me nervous, but it was gorgeous. He pointed out his father's office, where he grinned up from his desk, wiping crumbs off his sweater and telling me that the turnover was the best he ever had. I blushed before running after Edward to keep up. They had a giant living room that had this huge, luxurious, white leather squared-sectional. A big glass coffee table, a huge fireplace, and an even bigger flat-screen above it. A fancy-looking bar, and more artwork.

What really sucked me in were the pictures, though. School pictures in particular. There was one of Edward in every grade, and holy shit, he was an extremely cute kid.

As was his brother. Whereas Edward took after his mother, Jasper took after his father. Blond hair, blue eyes, and kind of lanky. He didn't have the same lean, yet strong build that Edward did, but he was still very handsome.

"Oh God, don't look at those," he pleaded, but I shook my head with a grin and ran over to inspect more closely. The whole wall was filled with pictures. Them as a family, them separately, holidays and other seemingly random pictures. It was amazing to see their entire lives out on display like that. I looked at Edward with a grin.

 _ **What, no naked baby pictures?**_ I teased.

"Hell no. She tried, and that shit was not going on the wall."

I grinned, looking back.

"She's always been a little trigger happy with her camera, she loves taking pictures," he said quietly, and I nodded.

 _ **Must be a mom thing, mine was the same. She reminds me a lot of Renee.**_

Edward tensed, and I cursed.

 _ **I meant that in a good way. The hovering, pet names, over-accommodating. She was a great mom, before she lost her marbles. I didn't mean it as an insult, sorry.**_

"No, it's okay. You just don't talk about her often."

I nodded, not knowing what to say.

 _ **I hate her a lot, which makes it hard. I haven't forgotten what she was like before everything happened, though. She was trigger-happy with her camera; she loved taking pictures, making videos. Either she or Charlie had recorded every single show or play I've ever done, and the amount of photo albums and scrapbooks she made are ridiculous.**_

I was kind of hoping he'd ask to see one of them. I'd seen him checking out the case of some of my home movies the other day, but he just put it back without saying anything. I was having a lot more fun than I thought I would, trying to learn sign language with him. I was relieved he'd wanted to try that, and not one of those stupid voice apps like Charlie had tried getting me to use when I was still in the hospital. The other girls had mocked me in that robot voice every chance that they got.

But, most of them had been mentally unstable, and it was the only voice of mine they knew. I tried not to begrudge them for the brief entertainment I'd given them in that white prison.

I wondered how Edward imagined my voice used to sound. I'd love to show him, but at the same time, I didn't want to seem conceited by making him watch a bunch of videos of me.

He just gave me a sad smile, looking kind of uneasy, and I felt bad bringing it up at all. Luckily the moment was broken before it could get awkward when his mom called us for dinner. He nodded me along, and my nerves kicked back in as he pulled out my chair for me at that intimidatingly large table.

I had one of the ridiculously long sides all to myself. Edward was sitting across from me, and looked even more displeased about that than I felt. But the food looked amazing, and it was hard to be upset while my stomach was growling. I was a little relieved that they weren't one of those families that said grace, because all religions just seemed like big, fucked-up cults to me now and I wanted no part of it.

There were two forks, and I gave a mock glare to Edward. He laughed, ducking forward and swiping one of my forks.

 _W-H-A-T?_ He signed, and I rolled my eyes. His mom gasped.

"Edward! I didn't know you could sign," she said gleefully.

"Err…yeah. Just the alphabet so far. We're kind of learning together," he said with a shrug.

"That's lovely. How long have you known how?" She asked me curiously.

 _ **I don't know much besides the alphabet either.**_

"Oh," she said in surprise. "How long have you been without your voice?"

" _Mom!"_ Edward hissed, and Esme paled.

"Shit- I mean shoot. Damn it. I'm sorry dear, I didn't mean to be insensitive," she said worriedly. I gave her a reassuring smile, shaking my head. I held up all ten fingers. "Since you were ten?" She asked curiously, and I shook my head.

 _ **About ten months.**_

"Oh…so that's fairly recent," she said softly. I shrugged. "So, what sort of things do you like to do in your spare time?"

I sighed in relief, glad that the previous topic had been exhausted.

 _ **I'm trying to get my diploma early so I spend a lot of time studying. And then there's my work. I like to read, though, and draw.**_

God, I sounded boring. I missed my old hobbies like crazy, but I couldn't sing without a voice, and I couldn't cheer or dance when I couldn't touch someone else.

 _ **What about you?**_ I asked, hoping to get the ball out of my court.

And it worked. Mrs. Cullen was a talker, and she easily filled the silence as she told me about her job, which led to how she and Dr. Cullen had met. Then her hobbies; home renovations, gardening, and cooking. Her book-reading club, the pottery class she was taking. Then it was talking about her other son's classes, who was studying in Washington to be a psychiatrist. All she needed were a few encouraging nods, and she just kept going.

But Jesus, the apples didn't fall far from the trees. I'd walked into a family of doctors. A surgeon, a nurse, a psychiatrist, and I knew Edward wanted to be a pediatrician. It was kind of intimidating.

And when we all finished eating, I thanked the higher powers for the timing. Because I'd seen the question on her lips after Edward's college applications came up, and I had no answers for her. I thanked her politely for the lovely dinner, making her smile brightly before Edward cut in with a, "We're going upstairs," giving me a look that pleaded urgency.

I followed after him.

"Keep your door open!" His father called, and I swear his face was even redder than mine.

"Jesus. I seriously thought they made all that angst up in TV shows. The Chief wasn't anywhere as bad as she was."

I looked at him in confusion but waited until he stopped on the third floor to write. _**She wasn't like that with any of your exes?**_

He scoffed. "Like I would have brought _Tanya_ over to my house? No. I don't think she even knows I have exes."

I looked at him in surprise, and he shrugged. "What about yours? What was it like meeting that other fucker's parents?"

I grinned. It was kind of cute how jealous he was about Demetri, and totally unnecessary.

 _ **I wouldn't know. No one has ever introduced me to their parents before.**_

He looked at me in shock. "Seriously?"

 _ **This seems to surprise you?**_

"Well, yeah. You're kind of like, the golden unicorn of girlfriends. A mom's dream. You're all fucking polite and shit. I'm surprised they didn't use that to their advantage," he said with a grin.

 _ **How would that be an advantage?**_

"Now that my mom sees how good of an influence you are on me, she'll _want_ me to hang out with you more," he teased, and I rolled my eyes. "Seriously, I thought she might try to trade me in for you for a bit there, she's crazy about you."

 _ **I barely said anything.**_

He snorted. "Yeah, I noticed. You played her too easily."

I smirked. _**You weren't exaggerating at all when you said she was a talker.**_

"Nope."

I finally took a minute to look around the room we were in, and a bright smile split my face.

Edward's bedroom.

It was probably any teenage guy's dream room. Movie and band posters covered the walls; he had shelves of video games, CDs, books, and trinkets. Action figures, trophies, those sorts of things. He had a decent sized, flat-screen with an X-Box, and a few beanbag chairs. It was fairly clean too, much more than I'd been expecting.

 _ **I like your room,**_ I told him, and he seemed relieved.

"Thanks," he said, dropping down into one of his beanbag chairs. I went to browse his shelves like I'd been wanting to for so long. He had no problem looking through my stuff, so I didn't feel rude. He didn't have many books, they were mostly comics, and I made a mental list of ones he might like based on what he did have.

I grinned when I found his Star Wars movies. The first three were on fucking VHS. I laughed, pointing to them, and he shrugged with a grin.

"I have them downloaded too. But that's what started the craze, I had to keep them. Dad was going to toss them out."

I was getting all sorts of Christmas present ideas and then chastised myself for maybe planning a little too far ahead. It was hard not to with the way he smiled at me.

* * *

 **A/N:** Hey guys! So, Bella finally got to meet Esme, what did you think? She also got to see a different side of Carlisle.

Don't forget to hit the review button! Thanks for reading, lovelies!


	22. Chapter 22

**Hey guys!**

 **A really big thank-you to Frannie who beta'd this forever ago for me, and to everyone who has followed, fave'd and reviewed. Your support keeps this story going ;)**

 **Still not owning Twilight!**

* * *

 **. . . Edward . . .**

I couldn't stop smiling as I watched her, inspecting the crap on my shelves and looking like she was having so much fun. I'd pictured her in my room too many times to count, and even though most of those moments had been rated R, it didn't change the fact that I just really liked seeing my girl in my room.

And Mom was fucking in love with her. I'd been uneasy about them meeting for the sole reason of my mom's prying. She doesn't always think before she speaks, and I thought when she asked Bella how long it had been since she lost her voice that something bad might have happened, a panic attack or something, but she'd been fine.

Ten months. The number shocked me because I hadn't asked her the actual date before. I knew the story now, in all its fucked-up glory, but I'd never asked the date. It was easy for me to forget that she hadn't always been like this because it was all that I knew, but it really hadn't been long. Less than a year. It worried me because it was obvious that she was still healing in so many ways, but I was also awed by her strength. After everything that happened, and less than a year later, I thought she was doing amazingly well. She'd been through a lot of shit, and here she was, alone in my room with me, smiling as she browsed through my meager collection of literature.

I did like my room, I used to be able to stay in here for days, but I was much fonder of hers. She had cooler stuff. And it was always clean. It had taken me almost five hours to get my room in shape last night.

Her face lit up when she found my old Nintendo, Duck-Hunt controllers, and everything. She grabbed her book and dropped down in the beanbag next to mine.

 _ **You have the original? There really is no excuse for your lack of skills.**_

"Oh, ouch! You know how to kick a guy where it hurts," I teased, and she rolled her eyes. "It's never worked, though. I just like collecting the old systems. My dad had most of them before, we'd get a kick out of finding them at garage sales and seeing if we could get them working again." A big smile lit up her face at that.

 _ **Which are your favorite games?**_

Tanya asked me that question once, but Bella looked like she was actually interested in my answer. "I've been into first-person-shooter games, war, apocalypse stuff lately, but it changes and varies I guess."

She didn't look bored, or even confused. But then again, this was coming from the only girl I'd ever met that knew what Minecraft was. She just waited expectantly for me to go on, so I did. "Recently it's been mostly Fall Out and Call of Duty. Those are the only two I really play with right now, and a little bit of GTA. I don't know, I guess I'm kind of picky."

 _ **Well, what have you liked in the past?**_

"I'm a big Mario fan. Super Mario, Mario Cart, Super Mario Party. Super Smash Bros. I had like every game there was for the N64, but it broke forever ago."

 _ **So you're not a team player in reality, only in virtual reality?**_

I laughed. "Yeah, I guess you could say that. What about you? You seem to like RPGs?"

She shrugged. _**I'm extremely picky, mostly vintage games. My mom wasn't big on video games so all I had for the longest time were emulators I got from my friend's older brother to play on my laptop. I like FFVII, and FFX, but I'm not big on any others. Have you ever heard of Dark Cloud?**_ I shook my head. _**Well, I loved that. Kingdom Hearts too. I like puzzle games, I fucking love Tetris. I was really big on Super Mario as well. And I went crazy for the Walking Dead Telltale games, those were awesome. All-time favorite games, though? Zelda. Ocarina of Time and Majora's Mask. Nothing else has ever even come close.**_

Jesus, I was in love with this girl.

The words froze me. Holy shit. Love? That was a little…extreme. We'd barely been dating a month. But still…

"I'm awesome at Tetris," I blurted out because it was true. "I could pass hours playing that game."

She took out her phone, showing me she had an app on it, mouthing that it was free. I grinned and took out mine before I forgot about it. Why hadn't I looked for one earlier?

 _ **Do you like Mah-jong?**_

"I don't know, what is it?" It sounded somewhat familiar. She gasped, opening up a game and showing me. "Oh shit, yeah, I've played that before. Had no idea what it was called. What other apps do you have?" I asked curiously, and Bella's phone was like a treasure chest of mostly free apps. It was a good, thorough distraction, which I needed. I'd need to wait until later to dissect my earlier thought for analysis.

I regretted sitting in these beanbag chairs. You couldn't inconspicuously move in them, and that's what worked best with Bella. Gradual desensitization. And I had a little bit of work to do after everyone fucked with her for a week. She wasn't nearly as bad with me as she was with others, though, and it was obvious that it bothered the Chief. But Jesus, they'd messed up bad. Fucking adults think they know fucking everything.

My eyes flickered to her scarf again. They obviously didn't.

I hadn't been able to stop thinking about it since Mom almost mentioned something. However, it was now impossible to ignore any longer. I'd never once seen Bella's neck. Ever. She always wore either a scarf or a shirt with a high collar on it. And I knew why. Her mom stabbed her in the fucking throat. She was hiding some sort of scar.

I regretted my earlier note and was glad that she seemed to have forgotten about it. Now that I thought about it, there was no point in saying anything. We both knew it was there, and it wasn't like I was going to demand that she show it to me. Yes, I didn't want her to be self-conscious around me, and I highly doubted a scar could make me feel any different about her, but I think it would do more harm than good to call her out on it. She was already dealing with enough.

My phone buzzed with a message as I stared through it, snapping me back to reality.

 **What's wrong? You look like you're thinking much too hard.**

I looked up to find Bella watching me worriedly, and I gave her a bright smile.

"Absolutely nothing is wrong," I told her honestly. Because really, my life had never felt so fucking perfect before. She grinned.

 **It's starting to get late, I should probably head home.**

I was surprised to look at the clock and see that it was after eight.

"Oh yeah, I was wondering if you wanted to walk? If you're up for it, I could show you my route to the meadow."

Her face lit up with her smile, and she nodded, seting her book on the floor.

 _Can I use your bathroom?_ She mouthed, but it was an easy sentence to read.

"Sure, when you go out it's the first door to the right of mine."

She nodded and got up, bringing her purse but thankfully leaving her book. As soon as she walked around the corner, I grabbed it, quickly found my page, and ripped it out. I stuffed it under my chair and dropped the book back where she'd left it.

I sighed in relief, feeling a lot lighter. She came back out a minute later, picking up her book before we made our way downstairs.

Mom and Dad were cuddled up on the couch, whispering with smiles that I did not want to think much about. They jumped in surprise when I cleared my throat.

"I'm walking Bella home," I said uneasily, herding her towards where her coat was. It was much easier than one would think, without being able to touch her. All you had to do was move towards her, and she automatically moved back in the same direction. Not that I'd ever point that out to her.

Mom looked like she wanted to jump up and hug her, but Dad was smarter and held her in place.

"It was very nice seeing you Bella, I hope you come over again soon," Dad said. "And, you know, if you want to bring some more of those turnovers-"

Mom smacked him in the stomach with the back of her hand. "Don't mind him, but you come over again soon! It's was lovely meeting you. Don't be a stranger, dear."

Bella nodded, still grinning, and mouthed a _thank-you_ to them that made them smile back brightly. She waved as we walked around the corner. I grabbed her coat out of the closet and paused.

Taking things from Bella was one thing, giving her things was a different story.

She bit her lip, though, and her expression turned determined as she held out a shaking hand.

I'd never fault her for trying, and I'd never miss in catching her. I held out the coat, not quite reaching her hand just in case she couldn't, but she quickly snatched it away from me, sucking in a sharp breath as she shuddered. She gasped as she leaned back against the wall, trying to calm herself, and I moved closer to her, my arms out on either side of her in case her legs gave out, but she was doing well. She kept eye contact with me this time, and I'm sure she could see how fucking proud of her I was as she looked in mine.

"Is everything all right?" My dad asked. She looked panicked for a moment, but I kept eye contact.

"We're fine," I told him, wishing he'd go. She had this.

"Are you sure? Bella, maybe you should-"

"I said _she's fine_ , Dad," I hissed. "Just give us a minute." Fuck, he was ruining this. "You've got this gorgeous, just breathe. Nothing to worry about."

She nodded, and her breathing started to slow after a minute as she calmed, and then she just looked humiliated and embarrassed as her face glowed red and her eyes watered.

Then I saw the words on the tip of her tongue and cut her off.

"Don't you dare apologize," I whispered, leaning in carefully, and she shivered.

It was a good shiver, and I reluctantly leaned away, grinning. She bit her lip.

"You good to go?" She nodded, and I grabbed my coat as she slipped hers on.

Then I noticed that Dad was still there, watching us, looking a little shocked. I was a little pissed off about his hovering.

"I'll be back in a bit," I said, ushering Bella through the door before she could get embarrassed about being watched too. We went out the side door of the garage, and I led her over to the far right corner of the back yard, taking out my phone to light the way so she wouldn't trip. It was two minutes before I realized that I hadn't spoken since we were in the house, and looked up to find her watching me worriedly, but she looked away quickly.

"Sorry, and no, I'm not upset with you," I said quietly. "I'm still just…irritated with my dad."

She took out her phone, writing, and mine buzzed.

 **He was just doing what he thought was right.**

"Now you're defending him?" I asked in disbelief, and she sighed.

 **No, because I think he was wrong. I just don't like being the reason that you're at odds with him.**

"Well, that's his fault, not yours."

She didn't say anything else, and she tried to hide it, but I knew she felt guilty as hell. I didn't know what to do; I couldn't just turn it off even if I wanted to. Emotions didn't work like that, not mine anyways.

"He was the reason I wanted to be a doctor," I started, holding back a branch for her. She ducked under my arm. "He was my hero growing up as a kid. I saw how people looked up to him, how they respected him, and I saw the difference he could make in people's lives. He worked with a lot of kids, and the ones that I talked to…they called him the _good_ doctor, one of the few that they liked, that didn't treat them like defective merchandise. I've heard so many horror stories about bad doctors. I've seen my dad take down a few of them. I guess I just always saw him as the exception to the norm, you know? That's what _I_ wanted to be. But I never even tried to see if there was anything contrary to what I was told. Because he _really_ fucked up, Bella. Even if it wasn't with you, it's something that I can't just look around. It bothers me, and if _he_ can't do it without screwing up, I don't think I can either."

 **No one's perfect, Edward. However, out of everyone I've met, you're about as close as it gets.**

And with those two sentences, that pressure in my chest stopped building and started to fade.

Because if someone as amazing as Bella thought that, then I couldn't be all-bad.

"Thanks," I said quietly, and then she fucking winked at me, and I laughed.

We broke into the meadow, and it was obvious to me that Bella was very happy to know my route to our place. Because that's what it's been since the first time I found her here. That's when it stopped being _my_ place. I liked it this way much better. We cut over to her path, and I watched Bella carefully as she texted while walking.

 **I'm coming in tomorrow to take a test.**

"What time?" I asked excitedly.

 **Ten.**

I grinned. "If you want to wait for me when you finish, I can show you our _awing_ cafeteria," I teased, but she nodded excitedly. I laughed. "Why do you find this so interesting?"

 **I don't know. It's probably silly but…I just like trying to picture it in my head sometimes, what your days are like. I miss it sometimes, the whole social aspect, the annoying clichéd dramas, and cliques, all that other ridiculous stuff.**

I grinned. "Then I'll give you the whole walk-through," I promised because I liked the idea of her thinking about me. "What was your school like?"

She was still typing by the time we broke into her back yard, but we walked around to the front door.

 **It was huge compared to this place. Like, at least four times the size. Our cafeteria didn't get put away, it was a permanent fixture, and was probably about the size of two of your gymnasiums. Circular tables and chairs, plants. And by the sounds of it, we had much healthier food. I'd stop in to get a smoothie every morning after practice before I'd go to class.**

"Sounds like something out of The OC."

She snorted and laughed. I didn't find her silent laugh weird anymore; I loved watching how it transformed her face.

 **Are you telling me you watched that show?**

"No," I lied, but she saw right through me, shaking her head in disbelief.

 **Well, I haven't, so I'll take your word for it.**

I sighed. "So I'll see you tomorrow? Text me which room you're writing your test in. Class lets out at a quarter to twelve."

She nodded with a smile.

 **Thank you for walking me home. I had a really nice night.**

"So did I," I said, clenching my fist to resist the urge of taking her face and just kissing the hell out of her. "Good night, gorgeous."

 _Goodnight_ , she mouthed, looking like she wanted that kiss just as badly. We both knew she wasn't there yet, though, so I ended the tension, stepping back and watching her as she went inside. I walked back on the street because it was shorter and the walk wasn't nearly as enjoyable as it was with her.

* * *

 **A/N:** So, Edward got a little freaked out by his own thoughts. Pretty sure you all saw that coming, though. What do you think he's going to do with that little epiphany? And he's still pissed with his dad, but can you blame him? Do you think it was good that he got rid of his note, or do you think he should have talked to her about the whole scarf issue?

Thanks for reading!


	23. Chapter 23

**Holy shit. Excuse my french, but you guys are pretty damn amazing. Break My Silence passed a thousand reviews! I admit, I got a little teary, and danced around my house like an idiot for a bit, but it was kind of like a bit of a dream-goal to hit a thousand reviews. So I want to say thank you, a million times, for everyone who has taken the time to leave their thoughts, comments, advice and encouragement, and the same to everyone who has faved, followed, or shared this story. You're all truly amazing.**

 **My biggest thank you goes to Fran though, who not only puts up with my ridiculous schedule but has helped shaped this story and my writing into what it is. If you haven't checked out her facebook group you definitely should, because I get most of my story recs from her as well.**

 **Okay, sorry about this long ass note, but I heart you guys. Now I'm going to tell you the same thing I told Frannie when I sent her this;** **this is where the story starts actually moving forward, and I apologise if I'm coming at you kind of hard and fast with this one ;)**

* * *

 **. . . Edward . . .**

Jesus, I thought she'd never let me out of there. I felt Bella's text but hadn't been able to check it. Seriously, you were supposed to hold students back after class for failing tests, not for acing them. I ripped my phone out of my pocket as soon as I was free, running down the hall, then turned around when I realized the room she'd used was in the opposite direction.

Shit, the halls were fucking packed. It made me uneasy for her because she never did well in these busy hallways. I jogged through the crowds until I made it to the right corridor.

I couldn't see her, but I could see _them_.

The little fucking pack of blonds.

I ran.

Bella came into view, and though she looked annoyed, she seemed fine.

That was until Tanya stepped up in her personal space. I shoved people out of my way, there was some sort of audience for their conversation as Jess and Lauren flanked my ex. They scattered when they saw me, though, smart fucking move.

But Tanya grabbed her right before I reached her, and Bella dropped. Thank God, I caught her in time; I couldn't even deal with the thought of her having to get stitches again.

Tanya screamed, and my head whipped around in time to see her hands fly to her face. Blood started seeping through her fingers as she stood, looking up at Rosalie with frightened, shocked eyes. Rosalie turned to me.

"Is she okay?" Rose asked, her eyes trained on Bella worriedly.

"Yeah, she'll be fine," I told her quietly.

"What's going on out here?" The VP called, running down the hallway. She blanched when she saw Bella in my arms, though. "Mr. Cullen, what in God's name- what happened? Is she okay?"

"She'll be fine," I assured her, turning Bella around carefully, draping her arms around my shoulders so they didn't flop around, and then scooping her up. "She got cornered by these idiots while she was waiting for me. That one grabbed her, and I wouldn't be surprised if the Chief wants to press assault or harassment charges."

They looked at me in shocked disbelief and fear, but I wasn't going to let this shit slide. They'd just fucking come at her again.

"He's telling the truth," Rose said, sounding bored and looking at her perfectly filed nails.

"…And why is Miss Denali bleeding all over my hallways?"

Rose looked up. "Oh, yeah. I think I may have broken her nose," she said with a shrug. I snorted at the VP's disbelieving expression.

"All three, no, four of you, in my office, _now_ ," she ordered.

"Wait-," I said quickly, and Tanya looked at me hopefully. "That book isn't yours."

She huffed angrily, tossing it on the floor before she walked away, and Miss Mills picked it up. I reached for it, and she hesitantly put it in my hand. I placed it in Bella's lap. "Mr. Cullen-"

"Look, I need to put her down before she wakes up, and I need to call the Chief to come and get her too," I said quietly. People were staring, and right now, I was holding a ticking bomb. I hated to put it like that, even in my mind, but it would kill me if she woke up while _I_ was holding her and she freaked out.

"You can bring her to the nurse's office," she said.

"It would probably be better for her to be in her car, she doesn't really care for hospital-like setups."

"I take it you two are…acquainted?"

"She's my girlfriend."

"Oh…really?"

"I really need to go, Miss Mills, like two minutes ago," I said worriedly.

"Yes, yes, okay. I'll be calling the Chief too."

"Okay. Well, we'll only be in the parking lot," I assured her, walking out the nearest door into the rain. It was better than the watchful crowds inside.

I didn't make it more than a few yards though when she stirred, then went rigid in my arms.

I froze. No no no…

But she didn't freak out. Not really. A soft breath, almost like a whimper, escaped her lips, and her face turned into my neck.

And her arms wrapped around me, clinging to me as a violent tremor rolled through her body.

And she started crying.

I let out a relieved, grateful sigh, and started walking quickly.

"You're okay, I got you," I whispered, and her hold tightened. My body was vibrating in shock, adrenaline, and excitement. She was fucking holding me. And she was _awake_. Yeah, she was crying, but still. I almost couldn't wrap my mind around it. I got to the parking lot and spotted her car parked in the back right next to mine. Instead of digging through her pockets for her keys, I shifted my hold on her and took out mine, sitting with her in the back seat of my Volvo. She didn't let go of me for a second.

Hesitantly, I wrapped my arms around her too, and slowly started to rub my hand up and down her back. She shuddered again, and I grabbed the blanket that was conveniently folded on my back seat next to me, wrapping it around her. Then I just kept rubbing her back, not knowing what else to do and hoping I wasn't making it worse for her. But she slowly started to relax. I carefully took out my phone, and texted the Chief, letting him know what happened, and that Bella was sitting with me in my car, which was parked next to hers. I doubted he would have had any trouble finding me, I'm sure that he had my license plate memorized.

Even as she relaxed against me, her hold never loosened. I might have been grinning like an idiot as I started combing my fingers through her hair.

And she hummed against my neck. Jesus. It was the second time I'd heard her do that, and it hit me even harder than the first. I just prayed she hadn't felt it.

"Bella?" I whispered quietly, not wanting to break our bubble but needing to know she was okay. She hesitantly leaned away from me, sniffling quietly and looking up at me nervously. "Are you okay?" I asked gently, not letting go of her and praying that she didn't remove her arms from around my neck. I really liked them there.

After a minute, she gave me a hesitant nod.

Then I couldn't restrain it anymore. My smile split my face.

She smiled shyly back at me.

"You're touching me," I stated unnecessarily. She nodded, apparently as shocked by this as I was. I carefully wrapped my arms around her again, hugging her to me, and she hugged me right back, shaking with the strength of her grip. I couldn't help it; I laughed. It was part disbelief, but mostly overwhelming joy. I wasn't foolish enough to believe she was magically cured, I knew this likely wouldn't last, so I just soaked it in while I could. "I can't tell you how fucking happy I am right now."

She shook slightly with her quiet chuckle, but it actually sounded like a laugh since her lips were so close to my ear.

"What did they say to you?" I asked quietly, and she sighed, shaking her head. "Can you tell me later?" She nodded, snuggling closer, and I decided then that knowing wasn't worth letting her go. I just rested my head on top of hers, content to hold her as long as she would let me.

Or until the Chief showed up.

He walked up to my car, freezing when he saw Bella clinging to me. He just stared in shock, his mouth hanging open in disbelief. I sighed.

"Gorgeous, the Chief is here." She tensed. "And if I have any hope of seeing you tonight I have to go to class, as much as I'd rather stay here with you." She nodded against my neck, and I sighed. I opened up the door, and she still didn't let go. She was pretty small, though, and it wasn't hard to get out while holding her. I set her on her feet.

"I'll be over by three-thirty," I whispered, and she nodded, letting go of me. Before she moved away, though, my hand went around her waist, and I left a gentle, lingering kiss on her cheek. "I'll see you soon," I told her, tightening the blanket around her shoulders. She could keep it; I didn't like seeing her shaking like that.

She looked up at me, and the fear in her eyes was more than enough to make me reconsider. She looked just as afraid of losing this as I was.

But then again, she probably was. I didn't doubt that mine had been the first hug she'd had in almost a year, and the thought made my stomach clench in worry.

She stepped away, not putting the decision on me. Maybe she saw that I wouldn't be able to do it, I wasn't sure.

"Bells, the car is unlocked. Why don't you go sit? I'll only be a minute." She nodded, giving me one last painful look before walking away. I turned to the Chief, and he raised a brow at me. I sighed.

"She was writing a test and waiting for me to meet up with her. She wanted me to show her around the school a bit more, so I was going to do it during my lunch hour. My teacher held me back, though, so I was late meeting her. By the time I got there, a few girls had her cornered. One of them grabbed her, Tanya, and she dropped. The VP came along, and I told her what happened. Then Bella woke up while I was carrying her to her car."

"You were sitting in _your_ car," he pointed out.

 _That's all he picked up on?_

"Yeah, I didn't want to like, search her pockets for her keys," I said as if it wasn't glaringly obvious. Holding her was one thing, giving her a pat down? Yeah, I wasn't going to sink to that level. He watched me disbelievingly. "Did you already talk to Miss Mills?"

"Yeah, and that Denali girl's story was completely different from yours."

"You know I'm not lying."

"Yeah, I know," he said with a sigh, looking over at his cruiser. "And neither was Miss Hale," he remarked quietly, and I swear he smiled. I knew I did. That mustache gave him quite the poker face, it was intimidating. "How is she?"

"I'm not quite sure," I answered honestly.

"I guess I'll be seeing you later," he said, a little begrudgingly.

"Yup."

"And Edward?" I turned to face him, his sharp tone surprising me, and I paled when he had the collar of my shirt in his fist faster than I could think, throwing me back against my car.

"Yes?" I cleared my throat when my voice cracked embarrassingly.

"You get my baby girl pregnant, and I'll ensure it's the _only_ child you _ever_ have. You got me?"

My voice was completely gone, and I just bobbed my head quickly.

"Excellent." He dropped his hold on me, brushing off his hands with a smile.

"Bella made spaghetti sauce this morning; that's what we're having for dinner. See you later!" He said cheerfully, practically skipping back to his cruiser. I just stood there, frozen, with the sound of my heartbeat thundering in my ears.

He drove away before I forced myself to get to my class.

* * *

 **A/N:** Okay. so, that just happened. Thoughts? Think it will last or think it will be two steps back? I know a lot of you were asking if you'd see Rose again, but I didn't want to ruin that. How do you think her and Edward handled the situation?

And what do you think of Charlie's...warning? Yeah, he's a little protective of Bella, but he's only trying to protect his little girl.

Thank you for reading!


	24. Chapter 24

**Hey guys!** **Loved** **your reactions to the last chapter. A lot of people saying Charlie jumped the gun, was out of line, was a bit over protective, and you know what? You're totally right. But it was exactly what it looked like; he saw Bella touching someone for the first time, a teenage-boy who is obviously very attracted to her and viceversa, and he panicked and wanted to scare him away from having sex with her. He never had to worry about that before.**

 **Thank you Frannie for making my documents so pretty and always pimping my story in your facebook group, and to all you other beautiful people who have as well :) ! I really appreciate it**

 **Now let's see how Bella's doing without Edward to keep her calm anymore...**

* * *

 **. . . Bella . . .**

As soon as I got in the cruiser, I started to cry. I couldn't help it. That was the first time someone had held me since…well, that night.

I didn't want to let him go.

And I felt cold now, really, really cold.

And empty.

Lonely.

And tired; I was so tired, and I couldn't stop shaking even though I was still wrapped in the blanket.

And I didn't even get to see his cafeteria. I don't know why it was so Goddamn important to me, but I really wanted to know what that fucking cafeteria looked like. My tears came harder, and I didn't even look at Charlie when he slipped into the car. I just fastened my seatbelt and leaned my head against the cool glass of the window.

Stupid, fucking, jealous, vindictive ex-girlfriend. I wanted to break into her house and put blue, raspberry Kool-Aid powder into her conditioner. Nothing she had said really bothered me because I knew it was all bullshit. I knew Edward hadn't actually fucked her. I just couldn't see a guy lying about being a virgin. And I knew he'd never actually been in love with her, let alone _still_ be in love with her. And I most definitely knew that he had not stayed at her house Saturday night because Sunday morning he came over directly from home. Even when I was unconscious he still preferred to hang out with me, and he did write me that letter Saturday night. I knew he never missed curfew because his mom checked his room at night, all the time.

And I knew without a doubt that he wasn't going to 'leave me for her.' Jesus, she was desperate, and it was pathetic. Edward couldn't stand her, and he couldn't look at me without smiling.

He was _mine_. Her words hadn't meant shit.

I'd been doing fine when the trio of bleach-brains cornered me. Teenage girls didn't scare me, and I used to be very good at bossing them around. I wouldn't put up with their type on my squad or in my clubs, I didn't tolerate bullying. Her words were meaningless.

She had seen that in me and didn't like it. But then she had to go and grab my arm.

It was like a switch, and it scared the life out of me. It was terrifying. It was as if I had no control over my body, everything just…stopped.

And then I woke up, but I was moving. There was someone holding me. _Edward_ had been holding me, and after my initial moment of surprise, the panic didn't come. It was just… _need_. A need to be closer, to be actually touching someone and it wasn't scary anymore. It was just Edward, and his soft hair, his subtle, intoxicating cologne, his strong shoulders and his protective arms. And warmth, he'd been _so_ warm.

I shivered again, and my eyes watered with a new wave of tears. The thought of giving that up again was terrifying. Of going without that sense of closeness and safety for another ten months. I didn't want to.

But now that he wasn't touching me, the idea of doing it again was terrifying. Nauseating. I couldn't breathe.

I smacked my hand on the dashboard and Charlie came to a screeching stop on the side of the road. I flew out of the car and spilled my guts on the wet gravel. I still couldn't breathe, and whimpered, flinching away when he again draped that blanket over me.

I looked up at him apologetically, but his face was nothing but concerned, pleading.

He set the bottle of Ativan down next to me on the ground after opening it, and I reluctantly took one, swallowing it down dry. I couldn't move, though, I couldn't unlock my muscles, I couldn't stop crying or shaking.

Eventually the numbing calm slowly started to set in, and I closed my eyes gratefully letting it take me.

 **. . . . .**

I woke up in my bed, squinting at my clock. I must have fallen asleep on the road. It was just after three.

And my mouth tasted like something had died in it. Unsteadily, I got up from my bed, grabbing some dry clothes and a new scarf before slipping into my bathroom. I half-assed it in the shower after thoroughly cleansing my mouth, but it did nothing to wake me. I changed into some shorts and a tank top, because it was much too hot, and wrapped my scarf around my neck before dragging my feet back to my bed and dropping down on it face first.

I didn't move. I couldn't. I was sore everywhere and exhausted. Even when the doorbell rang, I just lied there.

My bed dipped a few minutes later, and I knew without looking that it was Edward. I slowly turned my head to face him, and he was lying next to me, watching me worriedly.

"Hey, gorgeous," he said quietly.

 _Hey_ , I breathed. I hated that I made him look like that so often. He deserved so much better. My eyes watered. I didn't know what to do.

I wanted him to hold me again. God, I wanted it more than anything. But I didn't know if I could, and I didn't know if that would hurt him. He was observing me, probably trying to get a read on me, but even _I_ don't know how I felt, aside from the panic that was starting to set in.

He ultimately lifted his arm in invitation, and my breath caught. I wanted to, I tried to. I even managed to lean toward him a little, but my muscles locked down painfully. Everything, except for my heart, had turned to stone. I couldn't breathe.

I just cried, hiding my face in my blankets. I couldn't do this anymore, I couldn't stand it, I couldn't go another ten months without feeling _something_. I didn't want to. It wasn't worth this much pain. I just wanted it to turn off.

Then I remembered that I had a way to do that.

Edward's face was tortured as he watched me sit up, and I mouthed a quick apology before grabbing my purse and ducking into my washroom. I somehow managed to open the bottle with my trembling hands, popping one pill and filling my glass, then draining it, choking slightly on the water. I splashed cold water on my face before gripping onto the counter, trying to breathe and fight against the spinning and dipping of the room around me. I yanked my hand towel off the ring, drying my face, then slumped against the vanity as my legs gave out. I was so dizzy. I let myself slowly slide down until I was sitting, because it seemed much more enjoyable than standing.

"Bella?"

" _Yes?"_ I answered, but the words were so quiet that I couldn't hear them over the sound of my own pulse right now. Oh, right. I tried to stare at the door, to use my telekinetic powers, but the door just glared back at me, looking all weird. I sighed and closed my eyes.

"Bella, I'm coming in."

" _Okay."_

The door opened carefully, I heard it, and I pried my eyes open again to look up at him.

" _I'm sorry. I know this is way too fucked up for any seventeen-year-old guy to really handle."_

I didn't know how to describe the look on his face, but he sat down next to me on the floor. "I'm sorry, I didn't quite get all of that, but you have nothing to apologize for."

I let my eyes close again, still using the cupboard as a pillow. I couldn't seem to lift my head. _"I have a lot to be sorry for. I hate seeing you hurt so much, and I hate that I'm the reason for it even more."_

He was quiet for a long time. When I opened my eyes his face was close, his position mirroring mine.

"Seeing you suffer is the most painful thing I've ever felt," he said quietly, ripping my heart in half. "But it's because I've never cared about someone else like I care about you. I never want to let you go, and I'd never give you up for something like this. It changes nothing. Eventually, you're going to start believing me when I tell you I'm not going anywhere."

" _I really wish I could. This hurts so fucking much,"_ I said, clenching my eyes shut.

"I wish I could just read your mind," he said inaudibly. "I wish I knew what to do."

I could feel that he was closer, the heat of his face was radiating against mine. I didn't know just how much, though. I barely leaned forward, and felt his forehead against mine.

But I didn't freeze, or freak out. I was too numb to care. I kept my eyes closed, because it was easier, and then brushed my forehead against his. I brushed my cheek against his softly, and I kept leaning forward. My eyes remained closed as my arms came up, and my hands slowly moved over his strong arms before wrapping around his shoulders.

God, he was so warm. Goosebumps broke out along my skin when one of his palms moved gently up my back. We were both at a weird angle, though, leaning in over our legs towards the other. My limbs felt lifeless, but I still managed to move, pulling myself closer and just straddling his lap. I sighed, feeling my body pressed up against his warm, strong one. I melted against him in relief, even though he felt tense under me. I brushed my cheek against his again, and my lips brushed against his ear.

" _Please don't let me go again,"_ I begged drowsily. Edward sucked in a sharp breath, his hold on me tightening. _"I don't want to lose you."_

" _Never_ ," he swore, his arms wrapping around me tightly as he hugged me firmly against him. "You'll never lose me, I promise."

I sighed in relief. _"You're so warm."_

He shivered as if to contradict me. "You're freezing. We're going back to your room, okay?"

" _I don't think I can move. I'm dizzy."_

"That's okay, you don't have to," he said, and I tried to hold tighter when he shifted, one of his hands grasping the back of my thigh to keep me steady. My spins increased ten-fold, and my muscles ran out of energy. I just went limp against him.

But then we were lying down on our sides, and Edward's arms still held me securely against him after he pulled a blanket over us. I smiled groggily as he placed a lingering kiss on my cheek before his cheek brushed over mine affectionately.

"You took something in the washroom?" He asked gently. I hummed. "It's okay if you need to sleep."

" _I made spaghetti sauce,"_ I murmured, then felt his chest vibrate against mine with his laugh. _"If you're hungry."_

"Thank-you," he whispered. "Get some rest."

I snuggled closer to him with a smile, letting myself drift off.

* * *

 **A/N:** So, a lot of stress for Bella, but a lot of surprises for Edward as well. She's never been able to get close enough to someone to try using her voice before. Even with the few steps she had to take back she still ended up in his arms, though. What do you think will happen when he's stuck alone with the Chief after Bella falls asleep?

I'm horrible at replying to reviews, but I just want you to know that I read and appreciate every single one that you leave :) A lot of people are asking about Charlie's relationship with Renee though and I just wanted to assure you that you will find out more about them eventually, but it won't be for a while. Just cause the only POVs in this story are E&B, so it's not just going to be randomly thrown in :P

Thanks for reading!


	25. Chapter 25

**Hey guys! Very short chapter, and it is not beta'd. On to the things!**

* * *

 **. . . Edward . . .**

She spoke to me.

I heard _Bella's voice_.

It was so soft, barely a whisper, and even though the individual words were a little difficult to figure out because they kind of faded into the other, it was the most beautiful sound I'd ever heard.

I didn't need to ask why she'd never told me, why she'd never told anyone. I wouldn't have heard it if her lips hadn't been brushing against my ear and her room hadn't been completely silent. It was for that same reason why I never broached the subject of medical procedures, advancements in technology and the possibility of getting her voice back to her again. Bella couldn't even be properly examined, because she couldn't tolerate touching someone else. I had no doubt that had been the reason she'd gotten so upset when I'd brought it up on our date; she wasn't able to even find out if it was an option with her current handicaps.

Her fear was a crippling disability. It was painful remembering what had happened when I'd come over. When I'd given her a silent invitation to join me. She'd wanted it so badly, but her body refused to let her. She looked in physical and emotional agony, being denied by her own mind to be close to me again. I'd felt her pain like a knife to my chest.

She couldn't cope with it, and I saw her break. I saw her defeat and desperate need for relief when she left me, and I found her twenty minutes later, sitting on the floor of her bathroom and leaning against the cupboard of her vanity.

I had so much hope for her, though. Even if she'd needed medication to do it, she'd reached out and touched me. I shivered at the memory, of her slowly working her way into my lap, straddling me, wrapping her arms around me, feeling her small body flush against mine. I'd felt like an asshole getting turned on by that when she'd been all fucking drugged-up. Luckily, I don't think she'd noticed.

She just asked me not to let her go again. Even then, I heard the fear in her soft voice, felt it in her body. She didn't want to lose this; she couldn't. She didn't want to feel that pain anymore, and I didn't want to let her. She could touch me like this, though. We'd find some way to figure it out, maybe working up to it while she was medicated could be a good first step. I'd have to see.

And I really wanted to know what medications she was on. I was scared, when she left, and when I saw the open bottle on her counter. I didn't know what she'd taken, or how much, and for a brief moment I worried about her stress getting to a level where she might try to take all of them. At once. If I could barely look at her while she'd suffered through that pain, I couldn't imagine living with it…And I couldn't picture wanting to keep living with it either.

The thought made my chest constrict, my eyes water, and I tightened my hold on her. She sighed in her sleep, but it was a peaceful sound.

I had started getting used to her sleeping around me, and being able to touch her when she did. I had to admit, having her hold me _before_ she fell asleep made me feel a lot less creepy. I was worried about the Chief, but this was completely innocent. Her rack looked fucking awesome in her tight little tank top, but I'd resisted the urge for this long. I wouldn't sink to that level.

Even if I really, _really_ wanted to. One little squeeze wouldn't hurt…no, nope, not doing it.

I groaned, leaning my forehead against hers. But then my lips were so close, our noses touching, and I had to drop my hold on her, running my hands through my hair in frustration as I rolled onto my back. Even asleep, the girl drove me fucking crazy and it was fucked-up. And then she was all sweet and adorable, moving closer to me again and burrowing into my side. She had the cutest little grin on her lips, and I wrapped my arms around her again.

Someone cleared his throat, and my ears turned red as I reluctantly let go of her and turned to face the Chief. I wasn't sure if he was going to kill me or wanted to give me a hug. Either way, he was uneasy.

"She took something again, she just fell asleep," I said regretfully. I hated being the cause for her attacks. His face immediately turned to worry.

"What happened?"

"She couldn't touch me," I said in a pained voice. "I guess it was too much for her."

He nodded me to follow him, and I did so reluctantly. I joined him in the kitchen, saliva pooling in my mouth from the smell of that spaghetti sauce. It smelled like chili, and I just wanted to take a spoon to that big weird pot.

"I think it would be too much for anyone. It hurts not being able to hug her when she needs it, I can't imagine how much worse it is being the one not able to accept it."

"Her fear is much more than anxiety, isn't it?" I asked quietly, already knowing. "PTSD?"

He nodded warily.

"She told me what happened to her," I admitted, and his eyes went wide. "Everything, I think. She even told me about the hospitals. Her friends…"

"Her friends?" He asked in surprise. "What happened with her friends?"

I raised a dubious eye-brow at him, didn't he already know?

"They couldn't handle how much she changed I guess. They just cut her off. Every single one of them."

He sighed, and we were both quiet for a long time. I started to fidget under his gaze, and his intimidating mustache just choked the words out of me in fear.

"What you said, today at the school, it's not like that. I'd never take advantage of her like that I swear, I just really like hanging out with her."

"Good," he said, unregretful. Fuck, he had a good poker face. If one had a reason to be wary you couldn't help but get anxious when he looked at you. How did Bella cope with living with _that_?

He sighed. "Are you staying for dinner?"

I looked at him in confusion. "Bella's probably going to be out for a while…"

He shrugged, getting up. "I'm kind of getting used to you loitering around my house. Besides, she already made it, and I just eat her sauce like chili."

Okay, he was awesome. "That sounds awesome, thanks."

I knew where the bowls were, and Bella had gotten fresh rolls and grated a big bowl of cheese. The Chief said I could eat in her room if I wanted, and I don't think he wanted to deal with an awkward silence with me either.

So, I did what I usually did when Bella was out, and just put on a movie while I did some homework after eating some awesome chilli. I got a lot more work done in her room than I did in mine. I'm not sure what it was exactly, but I could concentrate better here. Maybe it was just the assurance, knowing that she was okay and seeing it with my own eyes.

* * *

 **AN:** Random question; I know the US celebrates Thanksgiving later in the year, but are there other places besides Canada that are having Thanksgiving this weekend? If so, what's better, apple or pumpkin desserts?


	26. Chapter 26

**Happy Thanksgiving to all my fellow Canadians! I tried to post yesterday, I swear, but between the Turkey and like 5 different types of wine, I fell asleep in my reading chair, laptop on lap mid-proof reading. Only a** _ **little**_ **bit of drool though, we're good. And I'm sorry, I had a bit of a blond moment last chapter when I asked if other countries celebrated Thanksgiving. I forgot about the whole pilgrim thing for a minute. Thank-you for letting me down gently ;)**

 **This chapter is un-beta'd**

* * *

 **. . . Bella . . .**

I woke up feeling extremely groggy, and though my throat hurt from being so dry, it felt like forever before I could finally move to do something about it. I was stuck in my bed for a long time, drifting in and out of consciousness while I tried to work towards getting up to go to my bathroom. I was both shocked and pleased when I made it there without collapsing. I drank straight from the tap before the urgency faded enough for propriety and I filled my glass. Again and again. Then I washed my face, brushed my teeth, used the washroom, and washed my face again. I tried to keep moving, to get my blood flowing, to wake up enough to take a fucking shower safely. I let the water run cold first, and that finally yanked me into the land of the living. By the time I finished with everything and walked into my room, I was exhausted. I still attempted to make myself decent, slipping into a pair of torn, grey jeans, and this really cute dark blue shirt that I had. The collar went halfway up my neck, and it was sleeveless and form fitting. I couldn't stand long enough to blow dry my hair, and put it in a half-assed braid when I gave up and dropped back into my bed. I'd fallen asleep on top of it with a throw, so at least it was already made.

God, I didn't want to go back to sleep. But I really fucking wanted to sleep. I grasped blindly on my nightstand for my phone and pulled it over, squinting at the screen in front of me as I propped my chin up on my mattress. It was just after three. Shit, Edward said he'd come over after school. I can't believe that bitch made me pass out.

I frowned in confusion, feeling like I was missing something. I had a vague recollection of talking to Charlie, but for the life of me I couldn't remember what we spoke about. Just that it had something to do with Tanya. And…Edward.

Edward.

Shit, he _did_ come over. And I freaked out again. And then I was in the bathroom, and he came in…

My eyes welled with tears as I realized I'd been asleep for almost an entire day. Well, minus however long it took me to get out of bed and have a shower. Fuck.

How many times had I done this to him now? I was too messed up to even know. I had no idea why he came back for more. Except…I'm pretty sure he told me, but I can't remember. I just remember that he keeps telling me I have nothing to be sorry for and that he wants to be with me.

I can't bring myself to believe it will last, as much as he says he likes me. And I wish I could at least be awake to enjoy it while it does.

I had touched him, though, after the meds kicked in.

Shit, I'd fucking _straddled_ him.

My entire body went ridged as I remembered more.

I _spoke_ to him. He'd heard me, we _talked_. My head snapped up, and I looked around quickly to see if he'd left me a note or something, because I didn't have any texts.

My book was lying next to me on my bed, and even though there was nothing marked I knew he would have left me something. He probably just didn't want Charlie reading it. Sure enough, I found a new addition.

 _ **You never answered me before, when I asked if it was weird that I still enjoy hanging out with you, even while you sleep. I've realized that just being near you makes me calmer. It's addictive.**_

 _ **And after you held onto me, it was near-impossible to let go of you. Bella, I need you to believe me when I say that it's okay. I get it, you just don't have control over your own body sometimes. If you can't touch me, it's okay. We'll work up to it. We will find some way. I know it won't be easy but I'm not going to give up on you.**_ _ **You**_ _ **can't give up either. Whether we need to start with medication or not, we'll figure it out. Together. You're not alone any more.**_

 _ **You make awesome chili. Yes, I ate a bowl of your spaghetti sauce, and I won't apologize. The Chief did it too. I'm just sorry that we ate without you, but we didn't think you'd want it to go to waste. And it smelled really good.**_

 _ **Can you text me when you wake up? I'm going to go home after school so my parents stop bugging me, but I can come by after dinner if you want? Just let me know. I hope you have a good sleep, and I'll talk to you again soon.**_

 _ **I need to. Your voice is the most beautiful sound I've ever heard, and I have to hear it again.**_

I wiped at my face, sniffling as I picked up my phone again. His school had just let out, and I sent him a message.

 **Hey, how was your day at school today?-B**

I started to drift off as I waited for my reply, which came about fifteen minutes later.

 **It was…interesting. Tanya was suspended, but I think she's a little relieved. I don't think I got to tell you about Rose's awesome right hook yesterday. How are you feeling?-E**

 **Right hook? What are you talking about? And I'm okay, I just found your note. I slept most of the day.-B**

 **Rose kind of broke Tanya's nose when you passed out yesterday.-E**

What the hell?

 **What? Why?-B**

 **I think she likes you.-E**

Oh. Well…that was sweet, I guess. And kind of awesome. It felt nice to add a third person to my _'Non-Asshole Kids at Forks High'_ list.

 **Well, that was very nice of her then. I think.-B**

 **Lol, from Rose, that's the equivalent of a hug.-E**

And now that I was thinking about it, I think that's what Charlie had been talking to me about this morning. Something about Tanya pressing charges on Rosalie and wanting me to press charges on Tanya. We'd made a compromise because I really hadn't wanted to deal with the whole process.

And he'd told me that I wasn't allowed to go to the school by myself anymore, not even if it was to meet Edward. My eyes watered in frustration.

 **Would you still like to come over later?-B**

 **Sure, I can head over after dinner if that's cool?-E**

 **Sounds good. I'll see you then.-B**

I lay in my bed for a while, wishing for the spinning to subside a bit. I knew Charlie was at work; I'd t told him he didn't need to call in sick every time this happened. All I did was sleep. So I had the quiet house to myself. I decided to bake some chocolate chip cookies, trying to stir up some sort of appetite, but it didn't work. Still, after I cleaned up I started taking stuff out to make a smoothie, listening to some _One Republic_ and dancing around my kitchen. I took one of my pills, remembering that I'd missed both doses today, and was just running back to the kitchen when the doorbell rang.

He was early. I went to the door, and froze for a moment when I looked through the peephole.

Huh.

I opened the door, giving Rosalie a curious look.

"Um, hey."

Unsure of what to do, I just lifted my hand in a small half-wave.

"I just wanted to make sure you were like, okay. After yesterday."

I gave her a tentative smile, and nodded her inside. After closing the door I grabbed my book and a pen.

 _ **I'm fine, but thanks for asking. How's your hand?**_

She smirked. "You heard about that, huh?"

 _ **Yeah, Edward sang your praises. Thanks for that.**_

She shrugged. "She kind of needed it to be honest."

 _ **I couldn't agree more.**_

We stood there awkwardly for a moment, and I took in her appearance. Her hair was a little messed up, like she'd been out in the rain, her bottom lip looked swollen, and her eyes were a little puffy. When all you can really do is watch, you notice the little things more easily. Something had happened, it kind of looked like someone had hit her, and she'd ended up on _my_ door step. I didn't quite buy the whole 'coming to check in on me' story completely.

I don't think she had anywhere else to go.

 _ **Would you like to come in for a bit?**_

She deliberated for a long minute, carefully, probably weighing her options. But she didn't intimidate me as she watched me with her scrutinizing gaze. I knew for a fact that I also had a pretty mean right hook, even if I couldn't really use it. If she tried anything I'd probably pass out before she could hurt me, so what was the point in being afraid?

"Um, sure. Thanks." She took off her shoes, and followed me inside to the kitchen. "Where's the Chief?"

 _ **He works late. I was making a smoothie, would you like one?**_

"Sure."

She was still on edge, but I was like, always on edge. So I didn't fault her for it. I was worried that she might not have eaten, though. I finished throwing stuff into my blender, pulverized the shit out of it, then poured two glasses. I slid hers toward her carefully, but she waited until I'd retracted my hand before taking it, to my relief. I saw her eying the cookies, and washed my hands before plating them on two plates and sitting one down by her. I nodded for her to help herself, and she took one with a small smile.

"You know, you're a lot more normal than people make you out to be," she mused, and I snorted.

 _ **Well, I prefer to wait until the moon comes out before I start dancing around naked outside.**_

She laughed, making me smile, and I finished tidying up the kitchen. Once I was done I grabbed my drink and one of the plates of cookies, and nodded for her to follow. She did so quietly. When I sat down on my bed, she sat in my computer chair.

"So, are you enjoying Forks so far?"

I shrugged. _**I guess, I don't really get out too much.**_ Edward and Charlie were the highlights of this town, so I considered my home nice, not necessarily Forks in general.

"Have you like, always been like this?"

I shifted uneasily. _**No.**_

She nodded.

 _ **What about you?**_

"What about me?" She asked in confusion.

 _ **Do you enjoy Forks?**_ I watched her face curiously, and didn't even need her verbal answer.

"No, but I'm stuck here for the moment."

 _ **What happened?**_

She tensed. "What do you mean?"

 _ **Someone hit you.**_

Her face blanched, and she got up. I jumped to my feet, jumping in front of my door and stopping her against my instincts, and wrote quickly.

 _ **Sorry, you don't have to tell me anything. But if you feel like talking, I'm pretty good at keeping my mouth shut.**_

I gave her a small smile when I turned my book around for her to read. She read it, then looked at me with wide eyes before she started laughing.

"I can't believe you just wrote that."

I shrugged, and sat back down on my bed. She watched me for a long minute before cautiously sitting on my bed with me. She took another cookie.

"My mom's new boyfriend is an asshole."

 _ **I hope he got better than he gave.**_

"Oh, he did. Which is why I'm kind of locked out of my house." I nodded sympathetically. "Please don't tell anyone," she said quietly.

 _ **I won't, don't worry about it.**_

She nodded thankfully, grinning when I started scratching out my previous line. No evidence.

"You're not going to like, tell the Chief, are you?"

 _ **Not unless you ask me to.**_

She nodded again.

"Can I ask you a potentially sensitive question?"

 _ **You can try.**_

"Why'd you collapse? At school yesterday?"

I shrugged. _**I don't deal well with people getting in my personal space.**_

She nodded. "That must suck."

 _ **Yeah**_.

"And you and Edward are like, actually dating?" She asked in confusion. I scowled.

 _ **If you're here trying to get details on the town's local freak-show, I regret to inform you that you're going to leave empty handed.**_

She held up her hands in surrender. "Wasn't my intention, sorry. I'm not really into the whole gossip scene."

I sighed. _**Sorry, I get a little defensive sometimes. But yes, we are dating.**_

"How's that working out for you?"

 _ **Aside from one certain desperate ex, really well. He's amazing. Do you two know each other well?**_

"Everyone in this town knows everyone well. I've known him since kindergarten, but we've never been close." She grabbed another cookie, cringing when her stomach growled loudly.

 _ **Would you like a sandwich or something? I don't mind.**_

I could tell she wanted to say yes. She looked like she was starving but she seemed apprehensive.

 _ **Do you like chicken?**_ She nodded, looking embarrassed. _**Cool. I'll just be a minute. Feel free to snoop through my shit if you want.**_

She grinned, nodded, and I got up to go to the kitchen. I got up a little too quickly, stumbling slightly, but I caught myself. Rosalie jumped to her feet worriedly, but I just waved her off. It only took me two minutes to make her sandwich; chicken, lettuce and tomato, and I dragged my feet back to my room, bringing a bag of chips too. She inhaled her sandwich while I browsed through Netflix, and she bounced excitedly when she saw Pitch Perfect on it, asking me if I'd seen it before. I shook my head, and was easily persuaded to watch it.

So, Rosalie Hale hung out with me and watched a movie. She was incredibly easy to hang out with.

The movie had a very sarcastic sense of humor, so I fell in love with it pretty quickly, even though it was about singing. I paused when we heard a loud rumble growing closer until it sounded like it was in my back yard, then stopped.

I grinned, getting up and walking over to my window before opening it. Edward strutted over from a big black and red ATV.

"Hey, gorgeous," he said with a grin. "Back up, give me some room." I rolled my eyes, backing up as he pulled himself in through my window. "Ah, now I can say that I snuck in through your window at least once."

I rolled my eyes, grabbing my book, and ignoring his dubious look seeing Rosalie on my bed as I wrote.

 _ **You didn't sneak at all, everyone on my street heard you.**_

He laughed, but his eyes were drawn back to my company. "Hey, Rose. What's up?"

She shrugged.

 _ **She came by to check on me, after yesterday. We were just watching a movie.**_

He nodded, and though he was trying not to show it I knew he was upset. I just didn't know why. I looked between the two of them curiously.

 _ **Will you watch it with us?**_ I wrote, looking up at him hopefully and batting my lashes, and I saw him melt.

"Sure, what are you watching?"

"Pitch Perfect," Rose said happily, watching him curiously. I saw him grimace slightly.

 _ **I baked cookies**_.

His face lit up as he looked around then spotted the plate, and I laughed. He took off his shoes and left to go put them by the door. Rose was watching me curiously.

"Is it hard? Not being able to talk?"

I watched her for a moment before nodding, and her face fell.

"Does this movie bother you? Did you use to sing or anything like that? What sort of stuff did you like doing before?"

I pursed my lips, but smiled at Edward when he came back in. He slid up to sit down next to me, and I un-paused the movie before writing.

 _ **It doesn't bother me, but yeah. I did. I also did a lot of dancing, gymnastics, that sort of stuff.**_

Her face lit up. "Shit, really? What sort of styles?"

 _ **A bit of everything.**_

"What was your favourite?"

 _ **Salsa and hip hop.**_

"Cool, I've always wanted to try salsa dancing. Were you any good?"

I pointed up to a plaque on my wall. Third place in my age group.

"Woah. I love dancing, but there aren't any studios around here. I did Ballet in Port Angeles for a summer one year. Have you ever tried ballet?" I nodded. "I haven't done any lessons in anything else, but I try some stuff with YouTube at home."

"Rose is captain of the Cheer squad," Edward informed me with a smirk. She glared at him. He just shrugged, inhaling another cookie.

 _ **Ignore him, he laughed at me when I told him that I was co-captain of my squad at my last school.**_

"Really?" She asked excitedly, and I nodded. "Were you guys any good?"

 _ **We were**_ _ **very**_ _ **good.**_

"What happened to your squad?"

I shrugged. _**No idea, we don't talk anymore.**_

"Oh, I'm sorry."

I shrugged again. I didn't miss them, and it was obvious that they didn't miss me at all. I was curious about how they were coping without my choreography, but that was the most thought I ever spared them these days.

"Maybe sometime you could show me some of your moves?"

I nodded hesitantly. To do that, we'd have to hang out again, and I wasn't going to try to solidify any plans. I didn't know her well enough to tell if she was merely trying to be nice. If she came back I wouldn't be disappointed, though.

 _ **How was dinner?**_ I asked Edward curiously. I wrote on the same page I'd been talking to Rose on, letting him read what we'd been talking about again. I didn't want him to think I was ignoring him, because I definitely wasn't. It was hard to think of anything besides him when he was in the same room as me. My eyes were constantly drawn to his deep green ones, but it was nice talking to someone new like this.

"It was good, my mom made pot roast. She wants you to come over again soon."

I smiled happily at him, and he gave me a grin. He shifted a little closer to me, and though I tensed, it was barely, and I was relieved that he didn't move away again. I gave him another smile, and he smirked before looking back to the screen.

Then he swiped the bag of chips, making Rose scowl as he crunched on them loudly.

It was an awesome movie, even Edward was laughing at some of the parts, and I was definitely going to try some of those moves when I was alone. When it finished, Rose said she was going to get going, and I got her to wait for a minute while I filled a Ziploc bag with cookies for her, and wrote a note. I wrote my phone number at the top.

 _ **If you can't get back in, or if you ever need a place to lie low for a bit, you can come by. I'm usually home.**_

She read it, and gave me a hopeful smile.

"Thanks…that means a lot," she said quietly. "I'd like it if we could hang out again, you're pretty cool."

I grinned, and rolled my eyes before nodding. She left with a wave, taking her cookies, and I locked the door again before going back to my room. Edward's smile was much brighter, and I went and joined him on my bed.

I got as close as I could, but it wasn't nearly close enough. I tried not to cry when I hit the wall.

"How are you feeling?" He asked quietly, lying down. I mirrored him, trying to get closer, but I couldn't. I typed on my phone, not wanting to sit up to write.

 **I'm still tired, but I'm okay. I'm sorry about sleeping like, all of yesterday**.

"Please don't apologize for things like that. It's not your fault," he said gently. I closed my eyes, partly in relief and partly in anxiety when he shifted closer to me. I tried to stay calm, because I wanted the closeness desperately, but I really didn't want to take one of those pills again. It was so much easier to let him take the space than doing it myself, though. I opened my eyes to find him watching me closely.

"What does it feel like?" He asked quietly. It was the weirdest thing to explain, but I tried by best, telling him what I told Irina.

 **It's like pushing against a glass wall, or maybe like a wall is pushing against me, but it's from every side. My lungs don't work like they should, like they're stuck.**

"I'm sorry, that I put you through that," he said quietly.

 **You don't. It's not you,** I assured him.

"I worry about pushing you too far," he admitted, watching me.

 **I like that you push me, I just hate that you end up having to watch me fall because of it.**

"Would this be considered a moot point?"

 **Possibly.**

"You'd tell me to stop if I went too far though, right?"

I nodded. **I rarely have to with you.**

He sighed. "I might be changing that," he said regretfully, and I looked up at him in confusion. "I want to work on it with you, if you're up for it."

I nodded, because if he was willing to help me, I wanted to. I needed to.

 _I miss you,_ I mouthed in explanation, my eyes watering.

"I know gorgeous," he said quietly, shifting even closer, and my breath caught painfully. "Now, I'm going to give you something I picked up today, and I really need you to not like…punch me in the face. Please."

I grinned, watching him curiously. This was going to be good. He got up, and grabbed his back pack before lying next to me again. He sighed, and then placed a plastic Angry Bird in between us. It was the red one. I picked it up curiously, giving it a squeeze, and it squeaked loudly.

I looked at him in shock.

 **You bought me a chew toy? Is this supposed to be some clever way of calling me a bitch?** I teased, partially serious.

"It doesn't mean anything!" He said with a groan, hiding his face in one of my pillows. "I thought it might help, kind of like a safe word or something."

Well, the thought was sweet. At least he didn't get a plastic pork chop or something like that. After another moment he looked up at me warily, and sighed in relief. He moved back on his side, shifting closer until I tensed.

"So, that will be no, or stop. Just squeeze. You don't have to touch me or make a sound," he said carefully. I nodded in agreement.

"It seems easier for you when I move towards you, instead of the opposite way around." I nodded, he was right. "Your medication seems to make it easier too," he noted, and I tensed. I hated those pills. "I know you hate them. We can try without them first." I nodded. "You sure? You know…you might have to take them anyways."

My eyes watered, and I nodded again.

"Okay," he said, and his face turned from unease to determination after a moment in thought. "Close your eyes."

I did. The wait was always the worst part, but he didn't put me through that. It was only a few seconds before I felt his hand on my back, and I sucked in a sharp breath as I tensed. I didn't mean to squeeze the fucking bird, but my hands had clenched.

His hand disappeared instantly, and I rolled onto my stomach, hiding my frustration in my pillow. When I was more or less calm, I grabbed my phone.

 **I didn't mean to squeeze it, my hands just clenched. Sorry.**

"No, that's fine," he said in relief. "Troubleshooting. How about two squeezes for stop?"

I nodded, giving it a test, and he smiled.

"Great, want to try again?" After a long moment I nodded, and closed my eyes. I felt him shuffle closer, and then his hand was on my back again.

He had big hands.

He moved up my back, then down again, and I shuddered as I tensed. My bird squeaked, but he only paused before he kept going.

"I love this shirt on you," he whispered, and I felt myself grin. I started to relax as his hand moved soothingly up and down the length of my spine. Then the pressure increased, and I squeaked again as he pulled me flush against him. I felt his nose brush against mine, and opened my eyes.

And he was watching me with the most loving, proud smile. I smiled back happily. No meds. And he was holding me. I hesitantly brought my hands up, resting them on his chest.

"I'm going to shift, okay?" I nodded warily before he brought up the arm he was lying on, and I flinched away. He folded it under his head though, and I let out a deep breath, closing my eyes and trying to calm down again.

But then his hand was on my back, and he pulled me against him again, this time more quickly. The bird squeaked loudly, and I was struggling to breathe against my cement-coated lungs. Edward was still, but didn't drop his hold. He just held me and waited me out. I'm not sure how long it took, and for quite a while I wasn't quite sure which side of the fence I was going to land on. Eventually I started to relax, though, and as my breathing calmed Edward's hand started moving up and down my back again. My hands were still shaking as I brought them up to his chest again. Actually, I think most of me was shaking, but it was more from exhaustion. I leaned into him a little, and my forehead met his as I rested my head on his arm like a pillow.

This time, when I opened my eyes, Edward's were closed. He looked so peaceful, a small smile curling one corner of his mouth. I grinned, carefully bringing one hand up, and gently brushed back some of his chaotic hair. I loved that he never put any product in it, it was really soft. He hummed, and after a minute his eyes opened as I toyed with the hair on the back of his neck with the tips of my fingers. His smile grew, and then mine did too.

We watched each other quietly, and I just bathed in the closeness, the intimacy. I felt almost drunk off it. I knew exactly what he wanted to do, I saw it in his eyes the second it went through his mind and I didn't want to stop him. I closed my eyes as he leaned in, and then his lips were on mine. They were tentative and warm, and when I leaned into him, his hold tightened on me.

His lips pulled back from mine slightly a minute later, and when I met his eyes he had the biggest smile on his face.

"God, I've waited so fucking long to do that," he said with a slight chuckle, and I grinned, leaning up and kissing him again.

He wasn't the only one. I kissed the corner of his mouth, and then his jaw before my lips brushed against his ear.

" _So have I."_

Edward sighed, and my arm wrapped around his shoulders as I rested my cheek against his.

"You have such a beautiful voice," he said quietly.

" _It sounds different than it used to,"_ I noted. _"I didn't think anyone one would be able to hear it."_

" _I_ hear you."

" _The first time I heard myself, I wanted to do this. Try talking to you."_ My hold on him tightened. _"I don't want to lose this again."_

"You won't," he swore. "I won't let you, I promise."

" _You're too good to be true,"_ I admitted. He chuckled.

"That's funny, I find myself thinking the same thing about you quite often."

" _I'm not perfect, not even close."_

"You're perfect for me," he said, his hand moving up my back again. I sighed.

" _That feels really good."_ I could feel his cheek move with his smile.

" _You_ feel really good," he said quietly, making me smile.

" _Smooth."_

He laughed.

"So, what do you think of Rose?" He asked curiously.

" _She seems fine. I don't really know her."_ I combed my fingers through the back of his hair again. _"Do you not like her or something? You didn't seem very pleased to see her here."_

He tensed a little. "No, Rose is pretty cool. I don't have a problem with her."

I frowned. What was he evading? _"Then what was wrong? Did something like…happen between you two?"_

"No," he said quickly. "I was just surprised, that's all."

I hummed, not believing him but also not knowing how far I wanted to push. He groaned.

"You're going to think I'm an asshole."

" _Doubtful."_

It was a minute before he spoke. "I don't like sharing you."

I grinned. _"You don't have to. I'm not sure if you've noticed, but besides being my boyfriend, you're also my best friend."_

He was quiet for a minute, but his hold on me had tightened.

"I know I should probably say that Emmett is my best friend, but I talk to you so much more."

" _I feel greedy, hogging you from him, and all of your other friends. You know I have no problem with you hanging out with them instead of me, right?"_

"I know, I just don't really want to."

" _I'm afraid that I might get annoying."_

He snorted. "Doubtful. You make other people annoy the hell out of me."

I laughed. _"So you don't miss your Friday night fires?"_ He tensed, and his voice came out a little sharp.

"No."

I pulled away, not knowing what I'd said to piss him off but hating it. I mouthed a quick apology, hating that my eyes watered, and he looked panicked for a second.

"No, shit. I'm sorry, that wasn't directed at you," he said quickly, pulling me back. "I swear. It's just…the group I'd do that with, I want to beat the shit out of most of them. I don't miss it; I can't even see myself enjoying it again."

 _Who?_ I mouthed, and he looked at me pleadingly, still trying to bring me closer. But I was too tense now, and had to close my eyes against the weight on my chest as I tried to breathe through it. Edward started rubbing my back soothingly, then my shoulder, but then his hand went over my arm, and it was so large that I knew it would easily wrap all the way around.

I sucked in a sharp breath at the thought, and then it trapped me. I couldn't breathe, and his hand tightened in response. Maybe it was only in surprise, but it didn't matter, and I started squeezing the shit out of that plastic bird. His hold was gone instantly, and I had my space bubble once more, but I couldn't breathe. I gasped painfully for air, and heard Edward's alarm start going off. Realizing that he had to leave me made my heart sprint into double-time, and my hands clutched at my throat and chest against the painful burn. I just curled into myself when I felt him get off my bed.

He came back a minute later, though, and I looked up at him through my tears.

He set down a bottle of water between us, and had my little bottle of magic pills. He opened it, and sat one down in front of me as well, his eyes pleading.

I reached out with a trembling hand, and took it. It wasn't easy to swallow down the water, but I did.

"I'm not going anywhere until you're okay. Don't worry," he assured me. He made me feel like a child sometimes, but he also made me feel loved. He mirrored me, lying on his side and watching me, trying to hide the pain in his eyes as I struggled to keep breathing. The numb started to set in eventually, and my body began to relax.

 _I'm sorry._

"No, it's okay. It's normal. You have triggers. We'll work with it," he assured me.

My head was starting to cloud, and I picked up my phone.

 **I don't want you to get in trouble with your parents.**

"I won't, I texted my mom that I'd be a bit late, that we were working on something. And it only takes me about five minutes on my four-wheeler." He grinned. "Have you ever been on one?" I shook my head. "When you get more comfortable, I'll show you how to drive it." I smiled, but it was getting harder to keep my eyes open.

"It's okay gorgeous, just close your eyes," he said softly. I couldn't have argued with him if I wanted to. "I'll talk to you in the morning." I pried my eyes open again, and set an alarm on my phone so I wouldn't miss any more doses of my new meds. He gave me a reassuring smile, telling me to sleep again, and my body obeyed him almost instantly.

* * *

 **AN:** So, you got to see a bit more of Rose! What did you think? And they shared their first real kiss!

Please hit the review button! Take care lovelies!


	27. Chapter 27

**This chapter was beta'd by the wonderful Sunflowerfran, thank you Frannie!**

 **Thank you to everyone that's reviewed, some of you ladies really crack me up with your comments, and each one makes me do a little happy dance!**

* * *

 **. . . Edward . . .**

"Mom, can we _please_ just eat in the kitchen, it's weird eating at that giant table," I said with a groan. And I knew it made Bella uncomfortable. It made _me_ uncomfortable. Seriously, our house was ridiculous. And, I really wanted to sit next to her.

Mom frowned.

"But the dining table is much nicer."

"It's over the top and ridiculous. And I think it makes Bella uncomfortable."

That seemed to do to trick, her face turned uneasy.

"You don't think it's too unusual?"

"We usually eat in her room," I said with a shrug, and she shot me a look. I raised an eyebrow because it was probably pretty obvious that we didn't have that sort of relationship. I'd kissed her once. She'd been on edge all night yesterday, so I hadn't pushed her. We took a break from everything and just watched _Person of Interest_. I felt kind of guilty for still asking her to come over for dinner again, but she'd seemed happy that I'd asked.

Mom huffed, turning back to her potatoes.

"Edward, I know you're getting older and-"

"Okay, not doing this again. Love you, Mom, I'm going to go pick up Bella."

"Edward-"

"Nope!" I grabbed my coat and ran out the door. I suffered through that talk with my dad five years ago. No fucking way. I was going to be early, but I'm sure Bella would understand. I'd plea for sanctuary. Maybe she'd sit in the meadow with me for a bit.

It only took fifteen minutes to walk taking the street, but about twenty-five to go through the woods. I loved the walk, but took my bike because I knew soon I wouldn't be able to anymore. I was grinning the entire way as I sped through the trees, and I heard the music before I even reached her backyard. She was listening to the _Gorillaz_ , and I wondered how often she had her volume up like that, and if it drove her neighbours crazy. Because who was going to call a noise complaint against the Chief's house?

I walked up to her window and froze, staring, not caring if I looked like a fucking perv. I felt like one. And it was worth it to see her there, bouncing on her elliptical in a fucking sports bra and a tiny pair of shorts.

Jesus Fucking Christ, my girlfriend was hot.

Like she felt me there, she turned, and the blood drained out of my face.

Shit.

She just smiled, though, hopping off and grabbing her hand towel, swiping at her face as she walked over and opened her window. She raised an eyebrow at me, smirking.

"By all means, don't let me interrupt," I said with a smile, leaning on her sill. She rolled her eyes and walked away, picking up her little blue silk robe and covering herself up. I pouted and pulled myself in through her window. She turned her phone to me.

 **You're early, is everything okay?**

"Err, kind of. I came to request sanctuary until dinner time; I think my mother was trying to question my intentions towards you. I fled."

She grinned. **I'm just going to grab a quick shower, make yourself at home.**

I grinned, and slipped off my shoes before bringing them to her back door. I grabbed a can of pop from the fridge, then went back to her room. She was already locked in her bathroom, so I just turned on her Wii, working on my Duck Hunt skills. It bothered me that she was so much better at that game than I was.

I had one game over when she came out wearing my favourite, little gray kilt with a black sweater that fit her like a fucking glove, showing off all those awesome curves. She had a folded white handkerchief wrapped around her neck, tied in a little knot. She gave me her gorgeous smile, sliding up next to me on the bed after grabbing her phone.

 **So, how long are we hiding out for?**

I shrugged. "Doesn't matter. Dinner isn't until six, but I know she won't try to corner me with you there."

She rolled her eyes. **I thought you were a badass, but here you are, hiding from your mother.**

I shrugged. "I pick my battles with her. I stayed firm over that dining room table, though. She caved. I think she realized if I don't have to sit like two miles away from you I might eat there more."

She blushed, giving me a smile that kind of twisted at my heart in the weirdest way. When she looked at me like that, it gave me a bit of hope that I might already be as important to her as she was to me. Seriously, just thinking about it hurt and it kind of scared me. She bit her lip for a moment, and I saw her lean towards me for a second before her entire body tensed. She closed her eyes tightly in pain, and seeing her hurt was the worst fucking thing in my world.

Even though physical contact was tough for her, it seemed forcing her body to push past that barrier was the hardest part. Though her attacks scared me, I knew to her, the risk was worth the end result. Knowing that made it easier for me.

And I had no problem making the first move.

Her eyes flew open as I carefully wrapped an arm around her waist. I gave her a gentle smile, watching her carefully for a moment, making sure she was okay before I leaned in and kissed her. I had to hold her, this way I could feel if it was too much for her. I knew I had pushed her too far the last time I'd tried to hold her.

She relaxed, though, looping her arms around my neck, and I smiled against her lips as my other arm wrapped around her, pulling her closer. God, her lips were addictive. They were so soft, and it was a chaste kiss. It wasn't messy, which was kind of what I was used to. Making out with Tanya had been like wrestling a slug. But not Bella, I could have kissed her for days and never want to stop.

I pulled away a moment later when she started to shake, and I knew she needed a break. I just rested my forehead against hers, sighing quietly, not wanting to let her go.

Fuck, I was in love with her. There was no denying it. I'd been crazy about her since the first moment I'd laid eyes on her. It scared me a little, the intensity of my feelings for her. I couldn't picture a day in my life without her now. I needed her. It made the future daunting because it was so _big_ and so many things could happen; the possibilities were endless. Something that could take her away from me. The semester was almost done, and then I'd only have one left. Then it was leaving for school. I couldn't even talk to her about it because I knew it was too soon and that I was thinking like a fucking girl. She wasn't ready to talk about life after her diploma; after having her dreams destroyed her correspondence seemed to be her only real goal at the moment. What would she do when she had it? What _could_ she do? Would she come with me when I left for school? What if she did change her mind and she went to school, a different one? Would she want to break up with me?

What if she got better, and could touch others? She was already getting so good with me…her progress was unbelievable. What if the doctors told her that she could get her voice back when she was ready to be examined? She needed me right now, and it was an incredible feeling, being truly needed by another person. It made me feel like I had a purpose; like I was more than some seventeen-year-old high school student. Like I mattered, I was important…but what if she didn't need me anymore? Would she still want me?

I couldn't lose her. Not now, not ever. I wouldn't let it happen.

" _What's wrong?"_ She breathed into my ear, making me shiver. Fuck, the sound of her voice drove me crazy, every time. I had dreams of her voice, her words. Every syllable she tried to give me made me feel like the richest guy in the world, every single one was a gift I didn't dream I could ever receive.

And when I heard it, I knew that she could get her voice back. My guess was that scar tissue was the problem, which I'm pretty sure could easily be removed. But I couldn't even tell her that because she wasn't ready for it and I hated seeing my girl cry more than anything in the world.

"Nothing's wrong," I lied, and she leaned back, giving me one look that said she fucking knew it too. I sighed. "I'm sorry, it's just…" Fuck, my ears were burning, but I needed to assure her, no matter how fucking embarrassing it was, because I couldn't lose her. I was terrified that I was going to screw up again. "I'm just crazy about you, and sometimes it scares me," I admitted quietly.

She gave me a gentle smile and a soft kiss before leaning into my ear again.

" _I feel the same way."_ Her arms wrapped around my neck, holding onto me, and it was so soothing. Her fingertips started to toy with the hair on the back of my neck. She was tense, though, and I knew that a talk about the future was too much for her right now. I started rubbing my hand soothingly up and down her back, and she rested her forehead on my shoulder, sighing against me. When she did speak again, it was the most amazing thing she could have given me.

" _I don't know what's going to happen, and I'm sorry. What I do know is that no matter what, I just want to be close to you."_

 _I love you,_ I said mentally, because I couldn't say it aloud yet.

"Good, because I'm not going to lose you," I swore. "No matter what happens…we'll figure something out, okay?"

It was the most I knew she could handle right now. Her hold on me tightened in a bit of a hug. Then I just held her for a bit. When she relaxed, I laid back on her bed, pulling her with me and loving how perfectly she fit against me. I kept my hand on her waist, because though we hadn't talked about the other day yet, it was obvious to me that her arms were probably her biggest trigger. That was going to take time and work, and I couldn't broach the subject right before dinner with my parents. I just held my girl, savouring finally being able to, as she, no doubt, did as well. I tried not to think too much about how she was probably making up for lost time, being able to be held by someone without it hurting her for the first time in almost a year. It was too much for me to think about.

Our time ended too soon. "We should probably head over," I said reluctantly, and she gave me a small smile that let me know she felt just as I did.

 _Did you walk here?_ She signed, but I only got the words from reading her lips. I shook my head before grinning excitedly.

"Nope, I biked. What to ride back on my handlebars?"

She looked at me like I was crazy.

I was.

For her.

"Come on gorgeous, you can just give it a try. I've done it with Emmett before. If you don't like it, then I'll just walk, no big deal."

My heart always sat in my throat when I did this, forcing my body to stay calm while I waited to see if I'd gone too far, was too pushy or controlling or whatever. But I couldn't ignore the fact that when it came to her anxiety, sometimes she needed to be pushed. It worked, being a little firm, but I tried to let her always know that no matter what, I'd be okay with it. No matter what her reaction or choice was, she couldn't get rid of me.

And she did relax a little and followed me up. She was going to try, she _always_ tried. She was so strong.

"Oh yeah, it's pretty cold out, warm jacket," I told her, and she gave me the sweetest smile before grabbing a coat out of her closet. It was that pea coat she had worn on our date. It didn't look warm enough.

"Is that your warmest coat?" I asked curiously, and she nodded. I pursed my lips. "That isn't going to get you through the winter here."

She frowned, but pulled it on anyway before wrapping another scarf around her neck. She stuffed her book into her purse and flung it over her shoulder before walking to the kitchen. I followed, my face lighting up when she picked up a container.

"What did you make?"

She smiled and pointed to a plate. It was mostly empty, but there were four brownies left, and I swiped one, moaning. It was fudgy but had this sort of mint-cream icing on it that was sealed in chocolate.

"Fuck, those are amazing," I moaned. She smiled, and we both got our shoes on before walking out together. I grabbed my bike from her backyard and brought it around. She was chewing her lip nervously, and I gave her an encouraging smile.

"Just step up on one of the pegs and have a seat," I said easily, gripping my handlebars tightly. I was pretty certain she'd be able to do it. She let out a deep, staggering breath before walking over, clutching her container in one hand. Steadying herself, she stepped up and took a seat. I smiled, giving her a moment to gather her bearings, then leaned in and kissed her cheek. She didn't tense; it actually seemed as if it calmed her more. "Are you okay?" I whispered.

She turned her head to reach my ear. She tried to speak to me, but even the soft breeze rustling the dry leaves on the trees were too loud to make out her words.

I hated the glimpse of pain in her eyes when I told her I couldn't hear her, but she hid it quickly, taking out her phone and typing.

 **Are you sure I won't be too heavy?**

I snorted. "Bella, Emmett probably weighs about three times as much as you do, and I have no difficulty taking him down. Pretty sure I can handle you sitting on my handlebars for four minutes."

She bit her lip, smiling, jumping a bit in surprise when I started moving. She calmed back down quickly, though, and the scent of her shampoo blowing into my face was driving me crazy by the time we got to my house.

"Damn, it's getting way too cold for biking," I said after she turned around. Her face was bright with her smile, she'd obviously enjoyed herself, but her cheeks were really red. I wanted so badly to cup her face to warm it, but the fucking hands.

 _That was fun,_ she mouthed, but also signed. It was much easier to read her lips. I'd had no problem learning the alphabet, but I had trouble with words. We'd kind of slacked off since. Well, I had anyways, but she was a fucking distracting person for me to hang out with. It made me feel like shit because she was only doing it because I asked her to.

Maybe I could just start again, and get her to show me what she just did. I pursed my lips.

And like she could read my mind, she smiled, and walked over to the side of the garage, put down her container and leaned against the wall before nodding me over. I smiled in relief, following her and leaning back against the wall. It was a lot easier to copy this way, instead of seeing the mirrored image. She went slowly, word by word, waiting until I had one then going to the next, then went again, and kept going until I had it easily at the speed she 'spoke' with. She gave me a happy thumbs-up when I had it, and I was once again a little blown away by how amazing she was.

"You're already like, really good at this," I noted, and she smiled. She went to take out her book but paused when I shifted. I had to stop because even though she was calm, I didn't think it would be as easy to reach out for her here. I looked at her hopefully. "Talk to me? Please? Before we have to go inside and deal with…them."

She bit her lip nervously, but I stepped in front of her, moving in closer. She took a slow breath, closing her eyes and leaning her head back against the wall. I knew that was her permission, her way of trying to stay calm while I ripped off the Band-Aid.

She was always pushing herself for me, so hard, and I was selfish enough to let her. My hands slid around her waist, wrapping my arms around her, and I brushed my cheek against hers, leaning in close. She was shaking, really badly, and I almost let go of her but her hands slid up my arms, and wrapped around my shoulders. She lightly pulled me closer, and then we were flush against each other.

And then I was holding her in my garage, and she was still with me. Her progress was incredible, and with that awe came the guilt, that I was pushing her once more, right before we had dinner with my parents. I could have just waited and let her write, but that constant craving to hold her was consuming. I held her until she calmed, being relieved by the fact that she didn't get worse. I wanted to tell her how proud I was of her, but it seemed to bother her when I celebrated these huge accomplishments. So I didn't say anything, I just held her a little more tightly. I shivered as I always did, feeling her warm breath as her soft whisper brushed against my ear.

" _You got the alphabet so quickly that I was worried you'd be better than me. So I studied more."_

I laughed quietly. "Well, words are a lot harder. I _do_ want to learn, though. Maybe we could try like, a word a day or something?"

" _How about a phrase a day? I find it's easier to remember if you know how you're going to use it."_

"That sounds like a great idea." I kissed her cheek and felt her smile. "I liked riding with you on my bike."

She leaned closer to my ear again. _"That was a lot of fun. It_ is _kind cold out, though."_

"You need to get a warmer jacket, this is nothing."

I felt her sigh softly, and something about what I said had her thinking about something that stressed her out, I could feel it, and I knew my time was up. For now. I reluctantly released her but smiled.

"We should probably get in, dinner will be ready soon," I said with a sigh, then eyed the Tupperware container on the floor. I picked it up with a smile.

"Mom's crazy about anything with mint, or chocolate, but especially coconut. Just so you know," I said with a wink. And my mom wasn't much of a baker. She loved to cook, but desserts weren't her thing. And she was a healthy cook. I didn't mind it, but sometimes, you just really need cheese and bacon. Or butter. Or sour cream, maybe some fried beef…fuck, I wonder if I could convince Bella to make those taco things again. My dad could never know about them, though. Mom never bought junk food unless she was having a party or something.

Bella looked very pleased to have that information, and she followed me inside. My mom ran over, so I knew she hadn't heard us. Otherwise, she would have been loitering casually around the door.

She gave me a look, letting me know she didn't approve of the way I'd left, but I gave her my best smile. She was a sucker for that smile. I saw her melt.

"Bella made brownies," I said, handing her the container. I took off my coat, and Bella did the same, but then got nervous. "Toss it over," I said casually, and she relaxed almost instantly. I caught it easily, hung it up in the closet, and we followed Mom into the kitchen.

"How was your day today, Bella?" She asked curiously, smiling at her brightly, looking a little too eager. I sighed. This was why we didn't hang out here. She took out her book, smiling as she wrote.

 _ **It was really good. Charlie is adamant about me learning about gun safety, and we went out to the range first thing this morning. It's amazing how much of a workout that recoil gives your arms!**_

Mom was a lot more shocked than I was by this unexpected information. I was more impressed. And jealous.

"The Chief is teaching you how to shoot?" She asked worriedly, her voice surprised.

 _ **He's a cop, so there's a gun in the house. He thought it would be irresponsible not to teach me. I lived pretty close to this paintball field back in Arizona though, and my friends and I spent a lot of time there in the summers so I'm already a pretty good shot.**_

Mom still looked in shock, and I pulled out a stool for Bella before sitting down on the one next to it.

"Well, that's…I guess that's responsible of him, to make sure you're safe at home..." She checked her oven. "What other sorts of hobbies did you have in Arizona?"

 _ **I was in a lot of clubs and after school programs. Dancing, gymnastics, drama groups, that sort of stuff. And my mom was an art teacher, so I ended up in a lot of her workshops that she ran from home in the evenings and on school breaks.**_

"Oh, you like to dance?" She asked with a bright smile.

 _ **I**_ _ **love**_ _ **to dance.**_ Bella wrote with a smile. _**I was in a few competitions.**_

"What sort of art did she teach in her classes? Have you ever done pottery before?"

She shook her head. _**A bit of sculpting, but I was bad at it. She did a stamp-making class a couple of times, though, which was fun. You take a small sort of board that has a side made of an almost clay-like substance and carve your impression into it. It was mostly painting, though. I like using watercolours, but I'm more of a sketcher. I love using charcoal.**_

My mom was beaming as she read, and I watched as Bella went from scaring her with guns to reeling her back in with dancing and art. Mom went on about the different classes she had taken as she finished setting the table. Dad came in, giving Bella a friendly smile. I felt bad that he seemed to make her so uncomfortable, but she was getting better. I pulled out her chair for her when we moved over to the table to eat, and my dad gave me an approving smile that I swiftly ignored.

This was much better than the dining room. And I loved that she seemed to fit so well here. I could tell that both of my parents approved of her, cared about her, worried about her. They really liked her. She was sweet, polite, friendly, and smart. What wasn't to love?

I could never picture doing something like this with Tanya, or any other girl I'd ever met.

"So, Bella, will you be traveling anywhere over the holidays? Do you and the Chief have any plans for Christmas?"

Bella tensed, I heard her breath catch, and it was a minute before she was able to pick up her pen again. Her hand was shaking.

 _ **We're still deciding, I'm not sure yet.**_

Everyone had noticed her unease. Her face was concerningly pale, her breathing a little strained. She tried to keep a smile on her face. Mom quickly changed the topic.

"Well, that's still a ways off. Thanksgiving first! Edward, your brother is supposed to be coming down for the long weekend with his new girlfriend; he just got back to me a few hours ago."

"Oh, cool," I said with a smile because I kind of missed that asshole. "Yeah, I think he said something about her…Allison or something."

"Alice," she corrected, and I nodded. She was giving me a look that made no fucking sense to me, so I just ignored it. I wanted to ask Bella if she'd come, but I had to ask Mom first, and I didn't want to ask Bella in front of an audience. I also wanted to ask her about Christmas, but same conditions. Not in front of an audience. The holiday season was obviously making her uncomfortable. I changed the topic, asking Dad about work, and he told us about the renovations that were being made in the children's ward, and that he was sad that they were going to lose the murals during it. I didn't like that idea either, a children's ward being all plain, cold, depressing. They needed color. But it just wasn't in the hospital's budget.

Bella frowned too, looking even more bothered than me, and my eyes went wide in shock as I read what she was writing.

 _ **That's horrible. They need colour. If you need help, I did paint a mural in my last hospital in Phoenix. They also used those perforated, floating ceiling tiles, and I spoke to one of my old art teachers. While they were doing construction they lent the ceiling tiles to our school, and all of the art classes did the same project, giving each of the students a tile to paint, and transfer designs to. It makes for a really big splash of colour with practically no cost to the hospital. I'm close to the Vice Principal at the school, I could mention it to her for you if you want.**_

She slid her book over to my father carefully, and I don't think I'd ever seen him smile so brightly before.

"Do you have any pictures? I'd love to see," he asked hopefully, and she bit her lip. She took out her phone, and my mom melted when she held it up a bit, asking for silent permission to use her phone at the table.

She went into a Photo Bucket account, opened one of many folders, and then slid her phone over to my dad. He just kept smiling, looking through her pictures with obvious admiration, nodding to himself. He looked up hopefully.

"We use the same tiles; would you really be willing to do that? Organize it? It sounds like an awful lot of work," he noted.

She shrugged. _**It's not, really, all I would be doing is passing along instructions.**_

"How many people did it take you to do the mural?"

I took the phone from my mom, flipping through. There were pictures of each individual tile, about a hundred of them, pictures of them when they were mounted, but I skimmed through to find the one of the mural they were talking about, so I missed what she wrote.

"You did that _yourself_?" He asked in shock, and I looked up to see her nod. "How long did it take you?"

 _ **Five weeks, but I wasn't in school at the time. There are many less complicated and time-consuming options, though, if you go with a simpler design.**_

I couldn't believe she'd done this herself. It was a scene from the Wizard of OZ, the four of them walking down the yellow brick road towards the Emerald City. The details weren't too complicated, it was almost an abstract image, but the way that the bright colours contrasted together ensnared the senses. You had to stare.

 _ **I'm not saying you'd have to go with me, but the holidays are coming up, there will be breaks, and I'm sure other volunteers could easily be found through the art department as well.**_

"Would you be comfortable doing it?" He asked curiously. Hopefully. But I knew hospitals made her uneasy.

 _ **I wouldn't mind. As long as nobody like, gets in my space while I'm working, I'd be fine.**_

She looked so self-conscious when she gave him that, and he smiled.

"That can be arranged. Bella, you'd be doing the hospital a great favour accomplishing something like this, and the kids-"

 _ **It really isn't a problem Dr. Cullen. I'd be happy to, I can give you a selection of designs, and if I could pass on your contact information to the school they can let you know? I have to go in on Monday anyway.**_

Yup, it was now official…my parents were going to trade me in. They adored her.

"Yes, of course," he said, and Bella rolled him her pen. "And also, if you'd like a reference for your volunteer work, you can use this as well."

She gave him a bright smile, seeming so at ease with him now, and mouthed a _thank you_. I wondered if she was speaking the words when she did that, or if she was just imitating the movements.

My parents finally let us leave, and Bella seemed nervous as she came up to my room with me. It put me on edge. I dropped down into one of my bean bag chairs. I'd pushed them closer together before she came over this time. She sat down hesitantly, watching me worriedly. I wanted to pull her into my arms, but she was too worked up.

"What's wrong?"

She opened up her book to a new page.

 _ **I'm sorry that I just like…jumped in there and offered to do that, I wasn't trying to like…I don't know. Did it bother you? Should I have checked with you first or something?**_

"Hell no. Am I worried that I might be exchanged? Yeah, a little bit. That was a fantastic idea, and that mural…it's _really_ fucking cool. You seriously did that?"

She smiled, her face glowing red as she nodded. Then it looked like she was going to write something, but stopped herself, looking uneasy.

I hated when she did that.

"Stop censoring yourself," I said seriously, and she dejectedly put her pen back to the page.

 _ **The center I was in before I came here, I was a long-term patient, and I didn't really leave my room. I had it to myself because of my issues, I ate in there, I had my own bathroom in there, and the only place I was allowed to go was this communal area with some couches and TVs, but there were always people there so I never did. I was allowed to do some schoolwork, correspondence again, but when I heard of their children's wing going through the same thing, I volunteered to help, and they let me leave. I was able to get out of my room at night and do something productive, and aside from Charlie's messages and video games, it was one of the few things that got me through that prison. It was calming, and I sort of used it to help myself get out on good behaviour. My art teacher had been close friends with my mom, so when I had a letter sent to her she'd been eager to help.**_

My heart broke, but I smiled at her.

"You're always worried about making me sad or something. Don't. Don't be afraid of telling me anything, because I want to know _everything_."

She gave me a relieved smile.

"And I think that's amazing, what you did. If there's any way I can help I'd really like to. Even if you just want like…some company while you're there."

She grinned. _**I'm sure your dinosaurs would look awesome.**_

I groaned. "Touché, but I still want to help."

 _ **I'll find something for you**_ , she assured me, making me smile.

Damn, I was crazy about her.

"So, um, I was wondering, and it's completely cool if you don't want to, we can do something else. But usually, on the Monday of Thanksgiving break, a few of us drive down to Seattle for the day to do some shopping. We go skating and stuff, and I was just wondering if you'd like to come? It's usually pretty fun."

God, my palms were sweating, and I rubbed them against my thighs. I really wanted her to come, though. Maybe I should have asked her earlier? Was two weeks too short of notice? She watched me for a long minute, thinking, and I read her words eagerly.

 _ **Rose asked me the same thing today, is she a part of your group?**_

"Yeah, kind of. Then Emmett, my buddy Ben, and his girl Angela. Ben's friends with Mike, Tyler, and Jake, though, so they might be there, but we'd be going down separately, so if we saw any of them it wouldn't be until later." They wouldn't bother her, I wouldn't let it happen. I wouldn't let a single one of those assholes near her, but I still worried that their presence may have been a deal-breaker. I was more worried about them than her being in the city because I was pretty sure she could handle it.

She was twirling her pen nervously, biting her lip, and my heart flew when she answered.

 _ **I think that sounds like fun**_ , she wrote nervously. _**Rose actually asked if she could drive down with me, she doesn't have a car, but**_

She didn't have to finish that, I knew where she was going.

"She can drive down with us. We can take my car; she can share the back with Emmett."

Her face lit up with her smile, making me melt.

 _ **Thank-you. And we can pitch in for gas too.**_

"Nah, that's okay." Gas money wasn't a problem for me. At all.

 _Are you sure?_ She mouthed, making the sign, and I smiled.

"Very, let her know. We'll probably leave at about six, get there for around ten." She nodded, still smiling. "Now teach me how you did that."

She sat back with a smile, and I felt pretty damn accomplished for learning two phrases, useful ones, in one day.

"I got the feeling Christmas was a bit of a sensitive subject for you?" I broached cautiously. She nodded dejectedly. "Why?"

Her eyes watered, but she still wrote.

 _ **I'd thought it was odd, last year that Mom didn't get me any presents for Christmas. She didn't put anything for me under the tree. It was on the twenty-second, the night it happened. Winter Solstice, the longest night of the year. She wasn't planning on me being alive, so she hadn't bothered I guess.**_

"Fuck…I'm really sorry. That's really fucked-up," I said uneasily, dragging my hand through my hair. I could feel how much that hurt her; I could see it in her eyes, knowing her mom had been plotting her fucking death. "So you just completely skipped it last year?"

She nodded. _**I was in the hospital.**_

"Did the Chief usually fly down for the holiday?"

 _ **Yeah, but she told him not to last year, and they got in a fight. It was why it took him so long to find me. He told me she wanted to surprise me with some trip when I talked to him before it happened.**_

"I'm sorry."

She just shook her head, giving me a small smile that didn't reach her eyes.

"Has he talked to you about it at all yet?"

She shook her head. _**We've kind of been avoiding the topic.**_

"Do you want to do something with him or would you prefer doing nothing?" I asked curiously.

Her eyes welled with tears, and it became hard to breathe as she wrapped her arms around herself. I couldn't leave her like that; I couldn't do _nothing_ , so I pushed. I pulled her chair flush against mine and watched her carefully as I slipped an arm around her.

Apparently, it was the right thing to do. She barely tensed this time, instead turning into me, hiding her face against my chest. She stiffened a bit when I slipped an arm under her knees and pulled her into my lap, but when I wrapped my arms around her she relaxed again quickly, her hands fisting my shirt. I held her, and rubbed my hand up and down her back, wishing I could do more.

A movement caught the corner of my eye, and I looked to see my dad standing in my doorway, staring at us with wide eyes and his mouth hanging wide open.

Shit, Bella would probably flip getting caught like this. I had the feeling she didn't want to get anyone else's hopes up. I was different.

 _Please go away_ , I begged, mouthing silently, pleading with my eyes, and he nodded reluctantly before walking away.

I kissed the top of her head.

"Talk to me, gorgeous," I pleaded quietly. A minute later, she shifted against me, wrapping her arms around my shoulders and leaning into my ear.

" _I'm scared to mention it to him."_

"Why?"

" _Because I think it's going to be even harder for him…he loved her, he'd been in love with my mom my entire life. They were best friends since college, and…I'm afraid that for him, it's just going to be the anniversary of her death. He's already done so much for me…I don't want to hurt him anymore."_

"You didn't hurt him, Bella."

" _They killed her to save me, and if I had just…"_

She stopped, her voice cutting off suddenly, but I wasn't having that.

"If you had what?"

She shook her head and tried to pull away, but I held her in place with an arm around her waist.

"No, tell me," I pushed.

I should have known by now not to push. But this time, it was because her answer just fucking floored me.

" _Maybe if I'd slept with Demetri like he'd been pressuring me to for months none of this would have even happened."_

I pulled back, just staring at her, and she looked tortured. She gave me a look that clearly said: _"Yeah, that's why I didn't want to tell you."_

I didn't know what to say.

So my mouth decided to just throw out some words without thinking about them.

"Why didn't you? Sleep with him?"

 _Because I didn't love him,_ she told me honestly, then looked back down, silently crying.

I'd started carrying around Kleenex in my pockets because in these helpless moments it made me feel a little less useless. I set one down on her knee, and she took it. I cautiously placed my hand on her thigh, but it didn't seem to bother her at all.

Fuck, I wonder how high I could go before she'd stop me.

I mentally punched myself in the face. Not the time.

I tried to think of something to say. I wanted to tell her that it wouldn't have made a difference but…It probably would have, and that was fucked-up.

"The Chief loves you like crazy, you know," I said quietly. "I think he'd be more happy about you being here than sad about her not being there. I don't know him too well, but from what I've seen I 'm pretty sure he would have chosen you, Bella. Especially after what she did. I think you should try talking to him, he's probably worried about the same thing."

She was quiet for a while, but eventually gave me a small nod.

I was done pushing her for the day. It wasn't easy for me either, dragging her through all this pain. I just held onto her, and it was enough for both of us, just to enjoy the moment.

* * *

 **AN:** So, Bella is starting to improve with her anxiety with Edward's help, and she's starting to bond more with his parents as well! Thought's on the mural project? Or how about Edward's advice to speak with the Chief about her holiday worries?

BTW, apple desserts won by a landslide! Thanks to everyone that weighed in, lol! Please take a sec to hit that little review button, I'd love to hear your thoughts! Thanks for reading :)


	28. Chapter 28

**This chapter was glamed and prettied by** _ **my wonderful Beta Fran**_ **. Like, so damn long ago. Thanks, love! And you should thank Fran too, because you probably wouldn't have gotten this update if it wasn't for her! Any faults are my own, in result of itchy, restless fingers and indecisiveness.**

* * *

 **. . . Bella . . .**

Man, it felt weird e-mailing Edward's dad. I sent him two dozen different mural ideas, telling him to take some time looking through them.

I felt…proud. Accomplished. It felt so good to be putting something in motion, doing something for someone else; contributing to society. I'd talked to the VP, who introduced me to the art teacher, who happily looked through all my photos and read through my proposal. Her curriculum was similar to a class I'd taken back home, having a unit using a grid to transfer an image onto a different canvas in a larger size. She seemed excited to be part of my project.

They'd only gotten upset over one thing. When I asked them not to mention my involvement in the project to any of the students. Even though Edward denied it, I knew people talked about me, and I didn't want my participation to have any sort of negative impact. They disagreed with my worries but agreed anyway, so I gave her Doctor Cullen's contact information.

I fired off my e-mail to let him know, even though she'd no doubt already contacted him.

Then I went and dropped onto my bed, exhausted. I was tired most of the time, just generally lacking in energy. Sugar didn't help anymore. Exercise was the only thing that woke me. I hadn't had much of an appetite yet either, and I'd been more emotional. The inhibitors hadn't been helping.

Edward helped. Adrenaline helped. Pot and Vicodin helped. And Edward. Yes, I know I already said it, but it was crazy how much he helped. His touch soothed more than scared me now. It only really bothered me when he reached for my arms, but he was very careful not to.

I was so in love with that boy that it was crazy. He was my happy place. He made everything so…easy. He came over almost every day after school, and the few days he didn't, he was always sending me messages. We never got bored, whether we were doing homework, eating, watching movies, playing video games or walking around in the woods. Each time he touched me it got easier. He never let me take a step back, and when he felt like I might, he just pulled me forward again and held me until I was okay with it.

I think I was getting a little obsessed with him. Sometimes it irritated me how dependant I felt towards him, even more than it did with Charlie. I hated that he disliked so many people; people he'd known all his life, because of me. Jacob, Tyler, Mike. I could see that he felt as if he had to protect me from all of them. From everyone. And what pissed me off the most was that I knew that I needed him to do it.

I just wanted him to be my boyfriend, not my babysitter when we left my house, which we so rarely did, because of me.

I also felt like I was monopolizing him, and that he might feel too guilty to hang out with his other friends, which he hardly did anymore. It scared me because it couldn't last like this, and I needed things with Edward to last. I really, _really_ needed them to. The thought of him leaving was terrifying. I'd never been so scared of losing a friend in my life, but I'd never had a relationship like this before. Edward and I just fit together so easily, and I'd never been so comfortable just being myself around someone. I loved how honest we were with each other, how easy it was to talk to him about almost anything. How relaxing it was just to be in the same room as him.

If this didn't last, if I ruined it by just hogging him to myself and making him miss out on everything just because I wasn't strong enough to go out and be next to him while he did, I didn't think I'd be able to handle it.

So, I did something that I really didn't want to but felt like I had to.

I told him that I was going to hang out with Rose tonight.

And I'm pretty sure he was pissed.

He sent me a short text saying he was going to go to the beach in La Push for his Friday night fire with a gang of people who mostly despised me. Maybe he needed relatable company.

I didn't lie, though, I actually _was_ going to hang out with Rose…and I was kind of excited. We texted every once in a while, not much, but I liked her. Sometimes, when she was locked out, she'd come by, and I'd let her use my shower. We were about the same size, though she was taller, so I had lent her some clothes before too. She seemed like a bit of a lone-wolf type, which was cool with me.

She came over at six, and I knew it had been one of the bad days. Royce was a fucking asshole, and I really wanted to report him, but I couldn't go behind her back like that. Her eyes were all puffy, and a large section of the left side of her face was red. I nodded her in.

I made her an ice pack before we went to my room. She gave me a small smile in thanks.

 _ **It's Friday, you could sleep over if you want.**_

"You don't think the Chief will mind?"

I shook my head. _**I doubt he'll be back before two, and I doubt even more that he'd mind you staying over.**_

"Thanks, Bella. You're a good friend," she said quietly.

 _ **Yeah, well, you're relatively low maintenance. It's nice.**_

She smirked. "So, where's Edward?"

 _ **The beach.**_

She frowned. "I doubt he's too happy about that. Did you make him?"

 _ **No, I just told him that we were hanging out and having a girl's night. I'd gladly hog him to myself every night, but I want him to see that it's okay for him to hang out with others, too. I worry that he might feel too guilty to go see them without me, like he's ditching me or something. I'm kind of terrified that he's going to get sick of me, too.**_

She nodded, then turned to me, grinning. "You love him!"

I whipped my pillow at her, making her squeal.

 _ **I want pizza and chicken wings. You down? We can get half and half.**_

"Sounds perfect. Vegetarian for me."

I lent her some PJs and told her she could grab a shower if she wanted, and I got changed before placing my order online. I smoked a joint while she was in there too because I knew that it was the only way I'd be able to eat a meal-sized amount of food. And Rosalie was a watcher, just like Edward. She noticed everything, making it near-impossible to hide something from her.

She came out about five minutes after our food arrived, and we sat down on my floor with our boxes, plates, a roll of paper towel and my giant box of nail polish. I had to have at least a hundred and fifty colours. I'd taken most of my mom's too.

A small part of me wondered if I should tell her that she might be using a dead person's nail polish.

 _ **So, anything interesting going on around school?**_

She peeked over quickly, barely moving before her eyes flickered back to the baby pink she was putting on her middle toe. I'd never say it, but she was adorable when she was concentrating hard on something. She sort of bit on her tongue. It was weird but cute.

"Depends on what you'd define as interesting."

 _ **Tumbleweeds rolling across the desert.**_

She laughed. "Well, Tanya's face is still purple. The Band of Blonds won't come near me, so I guess it's good that the season's over and we aren't having any more practices this year. Most of the school seems to think it's an improvement, though." She dipped her brush into the bottle again, scraping off one side on the way out. Her eyes met mine. "Thank you, by the way…she sort of told me that the only reason she wasn't pressing charges was because you said you wouldn't press any if she didn't."

I shrugged, and settled on a deep purple for my fingers. The baby blue on my toes looked awesome.

"So how are things going with Edward?"

I waited until I finished my nail before writing.

 _ **I want to say pretty good, but maybe I should wait a day or two before I answer that.**_

"If he gets pissed about you hanging out with other people…" She hinted, and I nodded.

 _ **Oh, I know. I don't need his permission, but our relationship is…different.**_

"Everyone says that about everyone they date," she said with an eye roll.

I kept working on my nails, not wanting to stop a million times. When I finished my first coat, I gingerly picked up my pencil again.

 _ **Look, Rosalie, I get that everyone probably thinks it in some way, but it's pretty obvious that I have some issues. I don't really get along well with kids my age. What I'm doing with you is very rare for me. I talk to Emmett online every once in a while, but besides that, and seeing you every once in a while, Edward is the only person I actually talk to. He's my best friend. I was pretty popular back home, but after everything happened, every single person that I knew cut me loose. Yeah, they'd been worried, made me a giant card that I didn't get to see for a long time. By the time I could have visitors, a few people did come in to see me, but they couldn't handle the way I'd become. A couple came back a second time, but that was it. Gone. An entire lifetime of friendships.**_

 _ **Then, I came here. Edward…well, he was an asshole at first, because he thought I was just like, purposely not talking to him. When he found out that I couldn't speak, he hated himself for it. But instead of just avoiding me, he found me and apologized. When I saw him again, he just came right up to me and started talking. From that moment, he's treated me like a completely normal person. He gets me better than anyone else in the world ever has, and I have a fucking black book of medical professionals. He's seen every side of me, probably more bad than good, and it doesn't even phase faze him. He's the kindest, most compassionate and caring person I've ever met. Of course things are different with us, he's the only person I've been able to touch in almost a year without having a mental breakdown.**_

I sat my book down and applied my second coat. Rose had started reading immediately, no doubt intrigued by my long-ass note that filled an entire page. She was quiet for a long while. I had finished my third coat of colour and was putting on a top coat when she spoke.

"Okay, in your instance, I guess I have to make an allowance," she conceded. I snorted. "Bella, you know I'd never like, talk to anyone else about you, right?"

 _ **I'd like to hope so.**_

Ah, my nails looked so pretty. I blew on them.

"Will you ever tell me what happened to you?"

I froze. I'd like to put that trust in her, but…I sighed.

"I'm betting that if I looked online, I might be able to find something based on what I know about you. I'm horrible at letting things go. I'd just rather ask you, it'd make me feel like less of a shit."

I looked at her, debating. She'd broken Tanya's nose for grabbing me in a hallway full of witnesses. I really believed she had my back, that we were friends. That she wouldn't talk about me. She hadn't yet. And she told me about her shit. I'm pretty sure I was the only person that knew.

I let out a deep breath, but I was surprisingly numb. I didn't get worked up, I was merely resigned. I wasn't trying to be dramatic; I just didn't want to really linger on the details.

 _ **My mom tried to sacrifice me. The police shot her before she could cut too deep.**_

Rose choked on her drink and looked at me in disbelieving horror, her calm demeanor thrown to the wind.

"Is that supposed to be some sort of fucked-up joke?"

I shook my head.

"Jesus, I'm…I'm really sorry."

I shrugged.

"I won't tell anyone, I swear." I nodded, giving her a small, thankful smile, and grabbed one of the boneless chicken wings gingerly.

 _ **You, Charlie, my therapist and Edward are the only people in this town who know. I'd like to keep it that way.**_

She nodded quickly. "How long ago was this?"

 _ **Almost a year now.**_

I tried not to think about the fact that I knew she was going to comb the internet the first chance she got.

"So, is it like, hard to be in crowded areas and stuff for you? Are you going to be okay shopping? Or would you just like…faint again if someone bumped into you?"

I shifted uncomfortably.

 _ **I don't know…I have trouble just going to the school. I've only gone shopping like once, in PA, and that was with Edward. He was really…protective of me. And please don't take this the wrong way, but I only agreed because I could tell that he really wanted me to go for some reason. Now, I don't even know if he'll still be up for it. I'm not even allowed to walk around the school on my own anymore, I'm worried Charlie's going to make a big deal about going to Seattle, but I don't think I'd fight him too hard if he did. I feel like a fucking five-year-old.**_

"A five-year-old with a giant house to herself."

I nodded.

"Do you have like, pills or something you could take to help?"

 _ **Yeah, but they just knock me out most times.**_

"We'll figure something out, even if your girlfriend can't get her panties out of a bunch."

I rolled my eyes, but smiled.

"Where did you want to go? Any idea what you want to pick up yet?"

 _ **I'm not too sure about gifts yet, but I need to go to Victoria's Secret. And I need some new clothes, and a jacket. This place is fucking cold.**_

"Oh, this is nothing yet."

 _ **So I've been told.**_

My phone vibrated, and I picked it up hopefully. It was from Edward, and I opened it a little warily.

 **How's your night going?-E**

 **Okay. How about yours?-B**

 **Am I too clingy? Am I smothering you?-E**

 **No, not at all.-B**

 **I'm over-bearing. You make me fucking crazy, and I fucking hate it. I don't know what to do.-E**

My heart stopped, and my eyes immediately watered.

"Bella? What's wrong?" Rose asked worriedly. I shook my head, swiping at my eyes.

 **I'm sorry.-B**

There was nothing else I could say because he directly told me to stop trying to get him to break up with me. I couldn't ask him again. My phone didn't buzz anymore, and I dejectedly set it down. Rosalie gave me one look, and I shook my head. I didn't want to talk about it.

So she dropped it, which was something I really liked about her. She didn't pry or push, but she was there.

"Well, I need clothes too. Even if Seattle doesn't work out, we could go to PA or Olympia."

I smiled. _**That works for me. Do you have a driver's license?**_

She nodded.

 _ **So, any prospective boyfriends in your life right now?**_ I asked curiously.

Rosalie fucking blushed, and my smile split my face.

 _ **Spill it!**_ I started smacking my pencil on my book to emphasize.

She groaned. "If you tell anyone, I'll kick your ass," she warned, and I nodded excitedly.

"Umm, well…You know Emmett-"

I gasped.

 _ **Well, he does fill out that football uniform pretty well.**_

"Fuck, he does, right? You might want to scratch that line out of your book."

I nodded, even though I was pretty sure Edward wouldn't be reading my book again. _Not_ thinking about that. I scratched it out.

 _ **Give me details.**_

She frowned. "I've had a crush on him for like, two years, but he doesn't even look at me. I tried dropping hints, flirting with him, everything short of asking him out myself. But he won't bite."

 _ **Why don't you just ask him out?**_

"I don't know…I guess it feels sort of needy. And we have like, nothing in common besides our friends, and I hate most of my friends. And he's never alone."

I pursed my lips. _**Have you ever played Minecraft before?**_

"Never heard of it."

 _ **Did you like playing with Legos growing up?**_

"No, not really."

I frowned.

 _ **Do you have a laptop?**_ She nodded. _**Next time you come over, bring it with you**_ **.** I got another nod, and she quickly changed the subject.

"So, what do you want to do?"

 _ **I have some awesome face masks if you want to try one? It will make your skin softer than a baby's.**_

"Sounds good."

So we enjoyed our girly night, eating junk food and exfoliating. We both tried these hair treatments that I had as well. I had all sorts of crap like that from my mom, like, a whole giant box of random beauty-care products. She was an impulsive shopper. We blew up one of Charlie's air mattresses with my blow dryer, and I made Rose a bed with blankets and sheets. It was about eleven thirty, and we were just starting to zone out, drifting off while we watched The Notebook. I loved this movie, but I'd never try to drag Edward into watching it.

We both screamed when someone tapped on my window, and I flicked on my light.

It was Edward.

And he looked _trashed._

I warily went and opened it, but instead of letting him in, I climbed out. His hands wrapped around my waist, spooking me, but he just steadied me and set me on my feet. Then, I didn't want to let go, and pounced on him, hugging him tightly, just in case I'd never get the chance again.

He hugged me back.

"What did that mean?" He murmured.

" _What did what mean?"_

He couldn't hear me when we were outside, and every time I had that little semblance of normality taken away from me it was like a jab to the gut. I hated worrying him, and tried to stomp down my frustration quickly, taking out my phone from where it was pinned to my shoulder by my bra strap.

 **What did what mean?**

"All you said was sorry. What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

 **I pissed you off. You said I was driving you crazy, that you hated it, and I'm just…sorry, for upsetting you. That wasn't my intention.**

He sighed, holding me tighter.

"It's not even your fault; you don't even know you're doing it. You didn't do anything, it's just…You don't _drive_ me crazy; I'm just kind of crazy _about_ you. I'm not used to this."

 **So you're…not breaking up with me?**

"What?" He asked, a little loudly, squeezing me. "Fuck, no, why would you even ask that?"

 **Well, with your message, I thought you might have had enough.**

"Oh, fuck. No gorgeous, I didn't mean it like that. I swear. I'm so sorry."

I almost whimpered under the weight of my relief and clung to him tightly. I cried a little bit too, and he just held me tighter, and tighter, and didn't look like he would ever let go.

But it was really late.

 **Are you going to make it back for your curfew?** I had to poke him with my phone to get him to release me enough to read it.

"Oh, crap," he looked at the time on my screen, and he had seven minutes. "Damnit. I might make it if I run."

I shook my head, typing hastily.

 **No, you'll fall and ruin that handsome face. I'll grab my keys, meet me out front.**

I gave him a quick kiss on the cheek, then backed away and took a running jump for my window, pulling myself in. Shit, my arms were weak. I was still out of shape and needed to up my workout regime.

"What's up?" Rose asked. I pointed my thumb behind me, out the window, made a turning wheel motion with my hands, pointed to my wrist like a watch, and held up all ten fingers.

"…You're giving Edward a lift, and you'll be back in ten?"

I grinned, giving her a small clap, and she beamed before going back to the movie. I was awesome at charades. I ran out front with my purse and Edward was waiting. I unlocked my Bug, starting up it up as he slid in, and I quickly backed out of my driveway. The roads were deserted, and it was a two-minute drive. I smiled brightly when I pulled up in front of his house, and he had four minutes to spare.

He was looking at me, grinning. It took me a minute to realize what the curious smile was for.

I'd driven him, in my car. Without a problem. Huh.

"Thanks, you saved my ass," he said with a chuckle. He leaned in, and I didn't really want to kiss him when he smelled like beer and an ashtray. But he just kissed my cheek, quickly, and opened his door. "I'll talk to you tomorrow?"

I nodded, smiling.

"Goodnight, gorgeous."

 _Goodnight_ , I mouthed back, and watched as he walked up his steps and went inside. Then I drove back home and crawled back into my bed.

I sent Rose a text instead of searching for a pencil.

 **Well, it looks like you're going to have eight hours of backseat driving time with Emmett on Monday. You're welcome.**

I hadn't mentioned anything about Emmett coming before, just that we were taking Edward's car. Her eyes bugged out of her head as she gaped at me, and I just smiled before shutting off the light.

* * *

 **A/N:** So! A little bit of girl time with Rose, what do you think? Please hit the review button!

Thanks for reading!


	29. Chapter 29

**So, um, hi guys. Yes, I'm still alive. I know it's been forever, and I cannot apologize to or thank those enough who have been sending me messages inquiring. I'm not good at talking to people, but I want you know they were appreciated. You guys are the reason I'm posting:)**

 **I'm not going to give you a bunch of excuses because I don't think it really matters, and they're too personal to share tbh. But I've made changes to my life, and I just don't have the time to write like I used to. (On the plus side, I've lost 115 lbs since my last update, lol!)**

 **Let's get this show on the road!**

* * *

 **. . . Bella . . .**

It was a little easier to touch him when he wasn't hovering over me, but it wasn't like he didn't enjoy having me straddling his lap like this. He kept his hands on my waist, unmoving besides his thumb that was tracing the sliver of skin above my jeans. I was trying to work my way down his arms, and unlike me, it didn't bother him a single bit. He looked comfortable, quiet, watching me with one ear bud in. I had the other one, and we were listening to his iPod on shuffle.

He thought it would be better for me to touch his hands before he tried to touch mine. Yeah, our relationship was a little weird, but I loved it. I loved _him_. We played video games and watched movies, practiced signing, and _this_. We were always working on this. I got more comfortable being close to him every single day.

Friday had accomplished its purpose. I told Edward that it wasn't like that, that he hadn't smothered me at all. I didn't want him to throw away his friendships because of me.

And he told me that he'd had fun at his fire, and that he had felt bad, realizing he'd just sort of cut out on them. And he wanted me to be able to make other friends as well.

I'm glad he said that, because asking him for permission to hang out with someone else was _not_ happening.

So, he'd hung out with a few of his buddies throughout the week, along with his job that had started up for the holiday season, and I loved hearing about his friends and his work. Ben and Angela sounded like cool people, and I was looking forward to meeting them.

"Are you nervous about tomorrow?" He asked quietly. I gave him a small nod, because shopping so close to December in a big city could be a daunting task. "But you're sure you still want to go?" I nodded again, because I did. I wanted to at least try, and I really did need to go shopping.

I knew the only reason Charlie had even agreed to let me go was because Edward was going with me. I don't think Edward knew that he was a babysitter as well. I think he was the only other person Charlie trusted with me. He liked Rosalie, but I'm pretty sure he knew she'd never had to deal with one of my…episodes.

My fingers made it down to his wrists, and I traced the blue lines of his veins, my breathing speeding up as I tried to move lower. Just one more inch…

I went lightly over the backs of his hands, and my entire body shuddered.

Edward shifted slightly underneath me, and when I looked at him apologetically he was pointedly looking away. He was concentrating very hard on my bedroom door, his ears slowly turning red.

Hmm. Okay, I wasn't sure why he was embarrassed by my reaction, but it didn't look like he wanted me to stop.

I kept going, shuddering again when I touched his hands, and he let out a deep sigh, sounding frustrated. His fingers were digging into my waist a little sharply, and when I tried to move a bit to get him to loosen his grip I felt it.

Ohhhh.

His eyes flashed up to mine, he must have realised I noticed. He looked worried, and a little embarrassed. I gave him a reassuring smile, thinking he was maybe just worried about scaring me off, but that was all it took to relax him. I couldn't help my grin, biting my lip for a moment, hesitating. I moved my hands over his chest, his signature black t-shirts were ridiculously soft, before I leaned in and tentatively pressed my lips to his.

Demetri hadn't been a very good kisser when we'd started going out, it had taken a bit of work. I wasn't sure about Edward, we'd only kissed that one day, and it had been quick. But it seemed he knew what he was doing. His lips were so soft against mine, tentative at first. He pulled me closer, and my arms wrapped around his shoulders as his lips parted against mine, the tip of his tongue tasting my lip.

My heart was hammering as I opened my mouth against his, tasting, teasing. I felt like my skin was vibrating in my excitement. His hands had the slightest shake to them as they moved up my ribs, then back down to my waist. He hesitated with his fingers dipping under the hem of my tank top, possibly giving me an opportunity to protest, but I didn't want to. The skin of his hands felt like fire against my waist, and I gasped against his lips from the sensation.

I wanted _more_.

One of my hands slid into his hair, gripping it, the other on his neck, pulling him closer as I deepened the kiss almost desperately. He made this muffled sound in the back of his throat, his hands holding me tight as he moved me over his erection. He broke the kiss as he moaned, and I started kissing his neck as his one of his thumbs brushed along the wire of my bra.

I was just about to pull off my shirt when I heard the sound of the front door opening, accompanied by the beep of the security system. Both of us froze in confusion, and in a second I watched Edward's face go from flushed to paler than I had ever seen it.

"Is the Chief home early?" He asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

Shit. I jumped off him, running to my bedroom door, and looking back at him apologetically. He looked like he was going to have a heart attack, jumping to his feet and looking for some sort of escape route. I saw his predicament, and nodded him over to my bathroom before slipping out of my room. I don't know who he was kidding, his car was on the side of the street, Charlie knew he was here.

I smiled and nodded at him as he told me about his day, and heated up a plate of leftover lasagne for him. He took it over to the living room with a can of beer, settling in to watch his sports as usual.

When I went back to my room fifteen minutes later, Edward was lying face down on my bed, his face buried in one of the pillows. He looked up when I sat on the bed, his entire face flushed in embarrassment. I tried to fight my smile, but it couldn't be helped.

In the next minute, we were both laughing so hard we could barely breathe. It took me a while to pull in a full breath again.

"So, I may have panicked a little."

I rolled my eyes. _Ya think?_ Though I'd been just as startled at first. Edward dropped back on the mattress with a sigh, folding his arms behind his head. I hesitated a moment, but the usual panic was barely existent, so I slid up next to him, folding my arms across his chest and resting my chin on them. He smiled, and lifted an arm, making me cringe. He stopped, giving me an apologetic smile before putting it back behind his head.

"Come closer."

I shimmied up a little bit, making him smirk.

"Closer."

I grinned, leaning over him and pressing a light kiss to his lips. I wanted to deepen it, but honestly didn't trust myself with Charlie in the next room. Edward hummed against my lips, and I leaned back, still lying half on top of him. It didn't look like my weight was making him uncomfortable, so I stayed where I was. He wanted to leave stupidly early tomorrow, so I knew he'd be going home soon and I wanted to soak up every second of him that I could.

Ugh, tomorrow. I didn't want to be nervous, but I was so worried that I was going to have some sort of episode and embarrass him in front of his friends. Or Rose. I'd never gone out with her before, what if something happened and she decided I was too weird to hang out with anymore?

"So…that wasn't on the lesson plan…but it definitely should have been," he said with a chuckle, breaking into my thoughts. "Minus the interruption." I smiled, but it must not have been very convincing. His gaze softened as he watched me, and I felt like he was looking into my mind.

"Please don't be nervous. You don't need to be. You're going to be fine, I think this will be even easier than Port Angeles," he said confidently.

I prayed he was right.

* * *

 **. . .** **Edward** **. . .**

I pulled up into her driveway at five-thirty. It had kind of sucked going to bed so early even though there was no school today, but it was worth it to get a whole fucking day with my girl.

And it was the only day I'd have off until after Christmas. The last two weeks had been brutal, giving up my nightly visits, all of Saturday and most of yesterday. Not just work, but I'd been putting in an effort to try to hang out with some of my other friends lately too. Though I had at least gotten to see her yesterday, which had been, well, fucking awesome.

I was itching to see her. _Touch_ her, since I could now. Usually.

And I knew she had this. I couldn't wait to show her off a bit. Plus, I'd have someone to read her notes to me as we drove this time. I sent her a text, because I didn't want to wake the Chief, and I waited impatiently for her to let me in until she finally came and opened the door. She held a finger against her lips with a smile, before running over to the kitchen. I just sort of ogled her a bit. She was wearing this tight black shirt that was practically painted onto her. It wrapped around her neck with a collar, but it had no sleeves, and left her shoulder blades completely bare. She was wearing a dark grey lacy skirt with it and her black tights, and fuck, she was just gorgeous. I followed, and watched as she grabbed a reusable grocery bag, trying to get a better read on her mood. I nodded for her to set it down, and then I took it while she slipped on a dark-red leather jacket, covering up all that gorgeous skin. She wrapped a fluffy grey scarf around her covered neck, and grabbed her purse.

She also grabbed a pair of skates from the front closet on the way out, making me smile. She had her own pair, she must know how, which was a little surprising since she was from the desert. I took those for her as well.

I got her door for her, set her bag in her lap, and put her skates in the trunk before walking around to my side and starting my car back up. I gave her one more once-over, and she caught me, and grinned.

"Before we meet up with the others," I said, smiling. She seemed fine, and I couldn't wait anymore. I wrapped my arm around the back of her chair, leaning in and giving her a slow, deep kiss. She smiled against my lips, cupping my cheek with one of her hands. I pulled away reluctantly after a moment. "Good morning."

 _Good morning,_ she mouthed back with a smile.

"So, Rose first?" She nodded, and I pulled away reluctantly. I was kind of reconsidering wasting my only full day off in stores when I could have her completely alone in her bedroom. It only took four minutes to get to Rose's. I pulled into her dark driveway and was surprised to see her sitting in the shadows on her porch. Bella just smiled as she dashed over and didn't say anything about it when Rose slipped into my car.

"Morning," she said, and Bella waved before I returned her greeting, pulling out. She leaned over in her seat, taking a bag out of her bag and sitting it down next to Rose. She was so good with Bella; I noticed it every time I saw them together. I knew that Rose saw what I saw; that Bella was just a normal girl who couldn't talk and liked her personal space uninterrupted. She never reached for things or moved when Bella made to give her something. She always waited until Bella put things down and got back her space before moving to inspect it. I watched in my rear-view as she opened the bag and her face lit up before pulling a sandwich out of it.

My stomach rumbled, and I pulled into Emmett's driveway. He wasn't out yet. "What else are you hiding in that bag?"

She smiled and set it in my lap. I rifled through it, and found more sandwiches, little bags of home-made trail mix, muffins and cookies with bottles of water. I grabbed a sandwich, making her smile, and I inhaled it before swiping a muffin as Emmett came out.

"Good morning!" Emmett all but shouted at the top of his lungs, making us all cringe. "Woah, where'd all the food come from?"

"Bella made snacks," Rosalie said with a grin, handing him the bag.

"Awesome!" He too grabbed a sandwich. "Thanks! So, is it just the four of us?"

"Mike's driving down with Ben, Angela, and Jess. I think Tyler is going down with Tanya, Lauren, Jake and Embry," Rose said. He nodded, inhaling his sandwich, and then started chatting up Rose, asking her what she was going to get. I didn't tell him she was coming, because he would have gotten all worked-up. Rose was the only female in Forks High that intimidated him, and he'd never found the courage to start talking to her. He'd gone out on a few dates with other girls, but he'd never had a girlfriend, because to him none of the other girls even compared.

And whenever she approached him he always froze like an idiot.

It looked like he was doing fine now, though. Bella was going through my iPod, smiling when she found the Black Keys I'd added. They were one of her favourite bands. I'd become fond of them too; their songs were fun to learn on the guitar.

I'd wanted to drive down, just the two of us at first, but this was nice. Our company paid no mind to us, they were talking away, quietly at that, leaning into each other and tearing through the bag of snacks Bella had given them.

I adored her for keeping a full, separate bag for me. She hadn't had much of an appetite since she started her new medications. I worried about her, but she was still trying. Eating things with higher calories. She was okay if she burned first, and I had every intention of taking her somewhere to light up later so she'd eat something. As it was, she'd just been picking at one of her small baggies of trail mix, watching out the window with a slightly distracted look on her face.

We were steady on the quiet highway, and I watched her for a couple minutes. She seemed calm, which was relieving since I wasn't sure how she would do being in the car with the others. Cautiously, I reached over, resting a hand on one of her thighs. She tensed, but as I rubbed soothing circles on her leg with my thumb, she slowly started to relax, and gave me her gorgeous smile. She started tracing meaningless designs on my arm, her hand only shaking the slightest bit as she worked her way closer and closer towards my hand. Once again, when she did reach my hand, a violent shudder rolled through her.

All I could think about was the way it had made her breasts jiggle when she'd been wearing that tank top last night. Fuck, I couldn't think about that right now. One glance at Emmett in my mirror, talking over a mouthful of food, fixed my problem pretty quickly.

She was good, though. She slowly calmed herself, and was smiling with shimmering eyes.

I was so fucking proud of her. I gave her thigh a gentle squeeze, smiling at her when she looked at me.

God, I loved her, and I wanted to kiss her so fucking badly. I think she read my mind, because she grinned, leaning over the center console and placing a gentle kiss on the corner of my mouth. I turned to meet her lips for a quick moment before looking back to the road, grinning.

It was a great drive, with my gorgeous girl feeding me cookies and my best friend in the back seat totally hitting it off with the girl he'd obsessed over for the past few years. We stopped halfway for a bathroom break, and I topped up my gas. Then we were on the road again. As we got closer, we started talking about where we wanted to go. Emmett and I started listing off places, and Rose cut in.

"We want to look at clothes first, and get that out of the way," Rose said, and when Bella looked up at me I knew Rose was speaking for the both of them.

We had the entire day; my parents were waving my curfew because to them this was better than us trying to get a hotel for the night. And I really wanted Bella to do what she wanted to, to have fun, but I couldn't leave her alone. It wasn't that I didn't trust Rose with her, but I had to be there in case something happened. I think she knew that too, and it must suck. She couldn't really go anywhere outside of Forks on her own, it wasn't safe, and with only a couple weeks until Christmas and Thanksgiving in a couple days, Seattle was going to be a mad house. And I had a feeling that she went out of her way not to drag me into girly crap. I loved her for it, but it made me wonder what she was going without just because she was worried about inconveniencing me or the Chief.

"Where were you guys planning on going?"

"Bella doesn't know any of the stores, I was thinking one of the malls. Maybe Westfield or Pacific Place?"

"That works. It's probably what we would had done anyways." I looked over at Bella, and for some ridiculous reason she looked guilty. "Don't," I said quietly, giving her thigh a small squeeze when she looked like she wanted to apologize. "I mean it. We have all day; it's what we were doing anyways."

She gave me a hesitant smile.

"Cool, well, the guys are thinking about meeting up at about five or six for dinner at the food court in Pacific anyways. And I think it has better stores. Want to hit the other one first? We can walk to the skating rink by Pacific too. It's definitely cold enough, it should be open already."

"Cool, does that sound good to you ladies?"

Bella nodded as Rose agreed. I knew the way, and watched her from the corner of my eye as we drove through the city. She seemed to grow more nervous by the minute. I parked in the packed lot, and her hands were balled up in fists, her face pale and her eyes big. Emmett and Rose jumped out quickly, and Rose took one look at Bella before saying that she and Emmett were grabbing a coffee and would meet up with us in a bit before dragging him away. He followed her eagerly.

I walked around to her side, opened her door, and knelt down by her.

"You've got this, you know. The anticipation is always the worst part," I pointed out gently. She nodded, and slipped out of the car. I wrapped my arms around her, giving her an encouraging smile that she weakly returned. When I leaned in and kissed her, though, I felt her relax as her arms looped around my neck.

I had just meant it to be a chaste kiss, but she moulded against me so perfectly, her hands slipping into my hair, and I pushed her up against my car. Her mouth opened against mine, her tongue gently teasing mine, and I had to pull away before I got too carried away. My mind was already spinning with the idea of dragging her into my backseat and tearing a few layers off her, maybe see if we could pick up where we left off last night…

I sighed, resting my forehead against hers, relaxing as her fingertips played with the back of my hair. When I opened my eyes, she was smiling up at me happily. I smiled back.

"You good?"

She nodded, and grabbed her purse before I locked the car. I stuffed my hands in my pockets, because she still wasn't ready for me to try holding her hand, and she followed closely beside me as we made our way through the lot.

"So, what are you looking for besides clothes?" I asked, wondering if it would be weird if I tried to buy her a jacket. I really wanted to buy her a jacket. She typed on her phone.

 _ **I wanted to get Charlie a watch. He put his last one through the washer. I don't have any other ideas yet. Maybe some more craft and baking supplies. I want to find something for Rose too. I already got yours online.**_

I was halfway through reading when we walked into the mall, and I almost jumped in surprise when Bella pushed right into me, wrapping around my arm and holding on tightly.

Well, this could work out well. I kissed her cheek, giving her an encouraging smile, and her hand tightened a little more. She was shaking, but she wasn't escalating. Once I was sure she'd be fine, I pulled her along with me, thinking it might be a bit easier if I didn't let her think about it.

She saw this _100% Pure_ store, and her face lit up. I asked her if she wanted to go in, because anything that made her smile like that was worth it in my books. It was mostly soaps and stuff, all natural products, and Bella went to town. She asked if my mom was allergic to anything, and when I said no, she got her a couple of things she called bath bombs, and a bunch of other crap that she said she was going to give to Rose, and some stuff for herself.

We stopped at _Game Stop_ too, texting the others to meet us there. I got Emmett and my brother games that they'd wanted, plus a couple things for myself. The four of us walked out together, and I couldn't stop smiling when I had my girl on my arm.

And we had a great morning. We were at Westfield until about two in the afternoon, and I was kind of glad Rose was there too. They must have spent like an hour in Victoria's Secret, which made me a little crazy, thinking about what she was buying. I already knew what I wanted to get her, so it had given me plenty of time since that store had been quiet. I knew Emmett was going to be teasing me for weeks, but as long as he didn't do it in front of her I'd take it. We met up again and went to this _Lush_ store, that reminded me a lot of the first place she'd been too, and when I uneasily asked if she had any recommendations of things _I_ could get my mom, she gave me a big smile. She pointed out bath salts, candles, and some moisturizing cream that she thought she might like, all coconut scented, which was mom's favourite. I got some flowering tea for her at a specialty shop too. We stopped by a lot of clothing stores, and I quickly realized that my girl knew how to shop. I got a few shirts that she said looked good on me.

She wasn't a crazy spender, though. I knew she was on a budget; she worked part-time and wouldn't take money from the Chief. So when I saw her trying on that gorgeous, dark-green coat, then check the price tag and roll her eyes before putting it away, I snatched it. It was warm, which she needed, but it looked fucking hot on her. She _had_ to have it.

She didn't even notice me buy it. When we walked out and she saw that I had a bag, she lifted an eyebrow at me curiously. I grinned before holding it out for her. She took the side of the bag, not the handle, and peeked inside curiously.

Her head snapped up, looking at me in surprise, and she quickly shook her head as she took a step back. I wrapped an arm around her waist, pulling her back to me.

"What? I thought you liked this one?" I said in confusion. She bit her lip.

 _Expensive_ , she mouthed, then signed as she spoke _. 'Give it back.'_

I think she meant return it, but I got it.

"No. You need a warm coat, and I wanted to buy you a coat. It wasn't that expensive."

She lifted an eyebrow at me. I smiled.

"Baby, you've seen my house. Please let me just buy you the damn jacket? I want see you wear it, you look amazing in it." I pulled her tighter against me, pleading with my eyes, and I slowly saw her melt. I grinned victoriously. "Excellent." I kissed her, hard, and she was blushing by the time I pulled back.

We also stopped at _Candy Tyme_ , and I paid for my girl's giant bag of candy with mine, distracting her with a kiss as I put her stuff in with mine.

We all got a Jamba Juice to hold us over to dinner before driving over to the next mall. Bella took in the skyscrapers and buildings with a big smile. We parked in the underground lot, and she wasn't as nervous this time, knowing I could protect her from the masses. She got her watch for the Chief, along with a cool pair of leather gloves, and some movies. I ended up getting my dad a new e-reader, and found a nice scarf with matching gloves for my mom. The other two still had some things to find, so we told them we'd meet them for dinner, and went to drop off our things in my car.

And I got my girl nice and high, wishing I could join her but not wanting to take the risk when I was trying to watch her in this clusterfuck of a holiday war zone. She got changed into her new coat before we made our way back inside, and she was nice and mellowed out. I think my stuff was stronger than hers.

A big group left the food court just as we were getting there, and we went and stole their places. Rose and Em joined us, helping us fight off the people who tried to take our chairs, and not long after Ben and Ang showed up. Bella gave them each a friendly smile and a small wave when I introduced them.

My fists clenched when I saw their obvious unease around her after a couple minutes. Bella didn't seem to care, but she'd made it obvious to me a while back that she was used to it. It didn't bother her any more.

But it sure as hell bothered me. A lot. So what? She was quiet, it was no big fucking deal.

I wrapped my arm around her, my palm going flat against her stomach as I pulled her closer, leaning into her ear.

"I'm starving, want to go grab something to eat? They can watch the table."

She nodded with a smile, and I grinned, kissing her cheek.

"Can you guys watch the tables? We're going to go grab something."

"Sure. The others are around here somewhere, ordering probably."

I nodded, and let go of Bella so we could get out. It was like wading through a sea of people, though, and even holding onto my arm, leaning into me, people were still getting too fucking close to her. I was an inch away from knocking someone out before I pulled her off to the side. She took in a deep breath.

The crowds were even starting to make _me_ uneasy, and they had never bothered me before. Maybe I'd just never noticed exactly how many people there were before. It was staggering.

We had a pretty good view of the entire food court from our spot, though, so I just looked around, wanting to decide where we wanted to go before diving back in. She released her hold on my arm so I could wrap it around her, keeping her close reflexively.

"I have no clue what I want to eat," I said dejectedly. There were too many options. I wasn't used to having to decide. Usually Mom or Bella just made me something. "What about you? Any preferences?"

She chewed on her lip for a moment, then dug her phone out of her purse.

 _ **Fries, I really want fries.**_

"Burgers?" She nodded. I picked out one of the many spots, and kept my arm around her as we walked over. It was much easier this way, and we were both much more comfortable. While we waited in line I asked her what sort of burger she wanted, she went for a chicken wrap instead. And lemonade.

She looked pissed when I wouldn't let her pay, shamelessly taking advantage of the fact that she couldn't do anything about it. But I really didn't like the idea of her paying for food. She was always cooking me stuff. And baking me stuff. I was constantly eating all her food.

And now that I could, I realized the best way to win her over was by kissing her. She couldn't stay mad at me when I did, and I loved it. She was weak, when it came to me. And didn't seem to have any problems with PDA. So, I kissed her, hard, grinning against her lips when I felt her melt.

"I like buying you things," I whispered, my lips brushing against hers. "Let me."

She sighed dejectedly, looking at me with those big brown eyes. I could see the flecks of gold and green mixed in with this bright light.

She hadn't said it, but I was pretty damn sure she loved me too. I grinned.

Our order came up, and she walked closely as I carried our tray back over. Bella took a giant pile of napkins from the dispenser.

We must have been gone longer than I thought, because not only had everyone else already shown up, but Rose and Emmett had already gotten back with their food as well. There was one spot left across from them, Jacob sitting next to it, and Rose grimaced. Lauren, who was sitting next to Jacob, gave Bella a big, fake, apologetic smile.

"Oh, sorry, we must have miscounted. You could just sit in the next table over," she said sweetly. I sat down our tray.

"No, we're good," I said, sitting down and patting my thigh. Bella smirked, unzipping her coat and hanging it off the back of our chair before sitting in my lap and kissing my cheek with a smile.

Every single fucking guy stared as she took off her scarf, stuffing it in her purse. Fuck, that had to be my new favourite shirt on her. She took a sip of her drink, and then noticed that everyone was staring at her. She smiled, giving them a shy wave.

Yeah, she would have made an amazing actress.

"Babe, you remember Jacob. And Tyler, Mike, Tanya, Jess, and Lauren," I said, not hiding my displeasure very much. "And these guys are Embry and Quill."

 _Hey_ , she mouthed, giving them a wave.

"Hey, nice to meet you," Embry said, making my hand tighten on her waist with the way he looked her over. Quill gave her a friendly wave. Bella dove into her fries, making me smile. I'd made the right move before we came back in here.

"We're sorry about Jake, he sat when we were getting food and wouldn't move," Rose explained, looking apologetic. Well, it was nice seeing some proof that her friendship with Bella was authentic. She didn't start acting weird in front of the others.

"I think it worked out quite well." And I meant it. Bella smiled, and my hold tightened on her when she leaned back to grab her purse so she wouldn't fall off, then dug a purple sharpie out of its mysterious depths before dropping the bag carelessly on the floor again.

 _ **Did you guys find what you were looking for**_? She tossed the napkin, and Emmett caught it when it didn't look like Rose would.

"Yup!" He said happily. "We were in the line for that store for twenty minutes but look what I found!" He started digging through his Spencer's bag and pulled out a Creeper hoodie. Bella's face lit up with her smile as she let out a silent laugh, and gave him a thumbs-up, mouthing _'very cool.'_ "Will you guys be going on the sever tonight if I put it up?"

Bella shrugged.

"Probably not, I have to work tomorrow."

"So, Bella," Tyler called, and she looked up mid bite. "What was with you at the gas station the other day? You just fucking took off," he asked, his voice taunting. Oh, I knew exactly what he'd been doing when that happened, and I still wanted to knock him out for asking her out, even though we hadn't really been dating yet.

Bella gave him a sweet smile, writing on one of her napkins again. I suddenly got the purpose of the pile.

Bella's own version of dinner conversation.

 _ **You were being a misogynistic asshole, you're lucky I didn't back over you before I drove away.**_

I laughed, and she crumpled up the napkin and tossed it to him.

And Tyler laughed, nonplused. "Ah, well, guess I can't fault you for being honest."

She gave him another smile, and took a bite of her wrap. I inhaled my burger easily with one hand, and was glad that I'd gotten the extra fries, otherwise I might have had to steal Bella's. She paused when her phone went off.

She had this Zelda ringpack, and sometimes it was cool, and others it was hilarious. It played a different sound bit with each message, and one of them was Link dying. A long, loud, drawn out moan, the sound he'd make if falling down a hole. It wasn't that one that went off, though; it was one of the cooler ones, the treasure chest being opened.

Bella didn't hide anything from me. She gave me complete access to her book and had conversations with me and other people on the same page so I could read what they were talking about. She always let me read over her shoulder, even when she looked at her phone. I think for her it was easier to do it this way than try to explain what was happening or handing her phone to me.

So I saw that it was from the Chief, and alarms went off as soon as I started reading.

 _ **Where are you? Have you left Seattle yet?-C**_

 _ **No, we're eating dinner in the food court with a bunch of Edward and Rose's friends. Why? What's up?-B**_

"Was that from Zelda?" Ben asked her curiously, his face lighting up. He was a huge gamer, especially vintage. The collection he and his dad had put mine to shame. She grinned, nodding, and wrote him a note telling him about the ringpack, and both the good and bad sides of it. He laughed as he read about the dying one while she'd been waiting in a quiet lobby at the hospital.

 _ **Everything's fine. I need you to text me when you guys leave, and as soon as you get close to the town limit, okay?-C**_

She scowled, and huffed silently.

 _ **Okay.-B**_

"What was that about?"

She opened another message for me.

 _ **No idea, but it was weird, right? He never gets like that.**_

"Yeah, definitely weird."

 _ **I don't like arguing with him, though. A message isn't a big deal, it's not like he gave me an actual curfew.**_

"You're so lucky," I said, and then frowned. "At least we can enjoy today. Work's about to get crazy busy, I'm not going to have much free time until after Christmas," I said dejectedly. She gave me a reassuring smile.

 _ **You're going to get sick of my text messages**_ , she typed with a smile. _**You'll be too annoyed to miss me.**_

I laughed. "Impossible." I kissed her lips softly, before finishing off my food.

Bella started texting with Rose back and forth, asking her about what she'd gotten, and if there was anything else she needed. Now that I wasn't eating I pulled her fully into my lap so that she wasn't sitting on one leg. She just grinned as she continued to type away.

All I wanted to do was touch every inch of her skin with my lips. I loved this shirt.

"So," Jacob said, speaking up for the first time. I bit back my groan. I was trying to ignore the fact that the asshole was sitting right next to us. "Looks like I'll be seeing you again on Thursday." His smile pissed me off, but I was in shock. Bella tensed. She looked at me worriedly.

 _ **Charlie just told me last night, I forgot.**_

I wasn't upset with _her_ , and rubbed my hand up her back reassuringly. I was pissed because I didn't want the fucker anywhere near her, and there was no way I could get out of Thanksgiving dinner with my family, or work. Harry gave us each one full day to get our shopping done, and that was it.

My girl chose to just ignore Jacob, cuddling closer to me. _**Do you know what your schedule is like?**_

"Yeah, I'm working five until midnight. My parents are doing dinner early for us."

 _ **Well, maybe if you want, after I finish with dinner and clean-up, I could bring you dessert?**_

I smiled mischievously, leaning in. "I like the sound of that."

She smacked me playfully, and I kissed her hungrily. Fuck, I'd never had anything like this before. I'd made fun of guys that were like this with their girlfriends my entire life, but I couldn't help it. I couldn't get enough of her.

And I didn't even care that every one of my friends were here to witness it. I completely ignored their dubious looks, and Tanya's glares. I wasn't trying to rub it in her face, but I'd never been like this with her. I wasn't a very touchy person, especially in public, and I felt kind of bad now.

But I'd never loved Tanya.

Everyone finished up, and then we split up to get rid of our stuff and get over to the rink. After grabbing our skates, we walked outside, and it had started to snow.

Bella stopped immediately, gasping and clapping her hands over her mouth. Her eyes huge.

"What, what's wrong?" I asked, panicked. She was beaming, though, and just pointed at the sky before mouthing _'it's beautiful!'_ Emmett laughed.

"You're acting like you've never seen snow before," he teased.

 _I haven't. It's so pretty!_ I read her lips easily, and Emmett stared at her in disbelief.

"You're shitting me! You've never seen snow before?"

 _Only in movies_ , she mouthed, still staring in awe. Emmett had trouble reading that one, so I translated.

"It _is_ gorgeous, isn't it?" I noted, trying to look at it from the perspective of someone who'd never seen it before. The fluffy white flakes slowly floating down from the grey, darkening sky. The streetlamps were starting to light up, along with trees and shrubs that were wrapped in Christmas lights. It was pretty, but she was fucking stunning when she smiled like that. I wrapped an arm around her and tugged her along, really enjoying the walk.

"They look like they're hitting it off, huh?" I mused, and she grinned, nodding. "You know something, don't you?"

She shrugged, before zipping her lips and throwing away an imaginary key.

"Ah, she likes him and told you not to tell anyone," I guessed, and knew in a second that I'd gotten it right. "Good. He's been obsessed with her for years, it's about time."

She shook her head, smiling, and took out her phone.

 _ **So, dinner wasn't too bad**_ , she typed, and I laughed.

"Well, it definitely could have gone worse." She smiled. "You're really okay? I'm sorry that so many of them are just…fucking assholes."

She shook her head, smiling.

 _ **You're the only one there I wanted to talk to.**_

I grinned, and my face was stuck like that until we got to the rink. It was crowded, but surprisingly, a lot better than I thought it would be. We got our tickets, and this time I paid because it was cash only, there wasn't even a counter, and Bella couldn't hand him the money. She hit her wall, and it was curious to see, now that I'd been able to break so far though it.

We both tied up our skates while the others rented some. Bella wobbled on her feet for a moment, and I steadied her with my hands on her hips, kissing her.

"So, you can skate?" I asked, to be sure. She nodded. "Are you any good?" She shrugged, and I was grinning excitedly as we made our way onto the ice. I was a great skater and kept my hand on her lower back just in case, but she steadied out quickly, flowing into a smooth rhythm, and we drifted around the ice together.

She was good. _Really_ good. She seemed to relax completely with her movements, speeding up, and getting pretty damn fast. I followed her, chased after her, as she flawlessly wove though the crowds. She switched over, going backwards, giving me a taunting smile when she realized I couldn't catch her. She was fucking _fast_.

And when she got far enough ahead, and a large space cleared out, she jumped, doing a spin, and landed easily before skating a circle around me, smiling her dazzling smile. We started racing, and Emmett joined in, but he was even slower than I. Embry and Quill joined in too, and before I knew it, the rink had sort of shifted to one side, some people watching us as we did our little relay race.

And we all got our asses handed to us by my girl. She was winning by a few yards until a kid wiped out, and she stopped instantly, going over to him. He was crying on the ice, alone, and Bella knelt down beside him with a gentle smile. The poor kid just stared at her with his mouth hanging open, going silent.

I didn't blame him, her smile still did that to me sometimes.

I made my way over, kneeling down beside her, and he sniffled and looked up at me with big blue eyes.

"Hey, you okay little dude? That was a pretty cool wipe-out."

"These shoes hurt my feets," he mumbled, and I laughed.

"Yeah, that goes away if you keep practicing, though. Want some help getting up?" He nodded, and I stood him on his feet easily. He weighed like five pounds. He held onto my hands until he was steady, and gave me a big smile, showing off a big missing tooth.

"Sanks!" He said happily, then went back on trying, looking ready to fall over at any second. His mom found him but seconds later, pulling along another kid that was maybe a year younger, and gave us a big wave, shouting a thank-you.

When I turned to look down at Bella she had the biggest smile on her face as she watched me. I laughed.

"What?"

She answered me by looping her arm around my shoulder, pulling me down and kissing me with her curled lips. My arms automatically wrapped around her, pulling her against me.

It still hit me hard, every time she touched me. It was like the months before this day were just a dream. _This_ was who Bella was.

But she was only like this with me. I knew it wasn't a dream. Because she couldn't hug the Chief, she couldn't hand him a pen. Though she'd have trouble handing me a pen as well to be fair. She could touch _me,_ though. She'd come so fucking far, and it floored me every time.

We were at the rink for another hour before the thirteen of us all walked back to the mall as a group. We got coffee for the road, and a lot of people got snacks as well. I was already set; I still had lots of stuff left in the bag Bella brought. And giant bags of candy. I got an energy drink to go with my coffee, and our groups parted ways.

As promised, Bella texted the Chief when we pulled away from the mall, then played DJ with her iPod. We munched on cookies, listening with smiles as Emmett hung off Rose's every word about the clothes she'd gotten. I hope this worked out for him, he looked so fucking happy.

It was a smooth drive. We played a sort of music trivia, Bella would pick random songs on her iPod and we had to name the artist and song title. I kicked the backseat's ass. We stopped for two bathroom breaks, and only seconds after Bella had texted the Chief, we came around the corner to the town limit and found a roadside stop. Three cruisers all with their lights flashing. I slowed to a stop, and Tyler's dad leaned into my widow when I rolled it down.

"Hey, Edward, I haven't seen you around in a while," he said with a smile.

Yeah, because your son is a backstabbing piece of shit. "Err, yeah. How are you?"

"Good good," he said quickly. "Hey Bella, how was shopping?" She gave him a smile. "So, are you going to make us candy for Christmas too?" He asked hopefully, and she gave him a small shrug, grinning. "Okay, well, if you make those caramels again put some aside for me." She bobbed her head. "Well, sorry sweetheart, but I'm going to need you to drive back with me."

We looked at him in confusion, and I spoke for her. "What? Why?"

"Chief's instructions."

Bella shook her head quickly, and I saw his face fall. She was fine interacting with him from a distance, but I could tell that the idea of being alone in a car with him, trapped in that proximity, was too much for her. Her breathing started to pick up. I took out my phone.

"Would it be okay if I just talked to the Chief first?" I asked pleadingly, and he took one brief glance at Bella, and nodded sadly. I dialed his number. "It's not you, you know," I told him quietly, getting out of the car so I wouldn't have to talk in front of Emmett and Rosalie, but it didn't seem to do much to console him. I walked out of ear shot.

"Edward? Is everything okay?"

"Err, yeah. We just stopped at the road block. Officer Crowley said Bella had to drive back with him?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

He sighed, sounding tired. "Something happened while you guys were out of town, and she can't be driving alone."

"She's not alone, she's with me."

"Edward-"

"You know how she gets being close to others; she can't go alone in a car with him. It's not like we're going to loiter around, I'm just dropping off the others and going home. Could you just get a cruiser or something to follow us?"

He was quiet for a long moment.

"Please? I hate seeing her scared, and by the time he gets her home she'll probably be in a full-blown panic attack."

I heard him talking to someone in the background for a minute before he answered me. "Okay, but don't take too long."

"I won't, thanks Chief!" He mumbled something and hung up, and I walked back over to the car. Officer Crowley nodded to me as he passed, going to his cruiser. I slipped into my seat, and Bella looked at me curiously.

Shit, I didn't ask what had happened. I didn't know what to say to her and I didn't want to freak her out. _I_ was starting to freak out.

"I'm dropping you off," I clarified, and she relaxed a bit. She was still giving me the look that clearly asked what was going on, but I had nothing to give her. I dropped off the others, who both looked worried, before I made the way over to her place. There were even more cop cars there, but a lot of the officers were people I'd never seen before. Bella was ridged, taking in the scene with wide eyes.

Dad was there too, which was both weird and troubling. I got out, and I didn't have to tell her to wait this time so I could get her door. She was stuck. I waited patiently until she hesitantly slid out of the car. The Chief was waiting, as was my dad, and she looked at him in confusion.

 _What's going on?_ She mouthed, subconsciously shifting closer to me. I wrapped my arm around her, and she was already starting to shake as she leaned into my side.

"Someone broke into the house."

She looked at the chaos around her house, not needing to verbalize that this was a little extreme for a break-in. He sighed, and looked at my dad for a short moment.

"It was him."

Her entire body went ridged as she sucked in a sharp breath, pushing closer to me. He sighed. "I'm sorry baby girl, but I need you to check out your room before the state patrol leaves. Just to tell them if anything was taken. Can you do that?" She shuddered, but nodded. I walked forward with her, and the Chief stopped me. "Edward, it would probably be better if you wait out-"

"No."

"What?"

"No, I'm going in with her." No fucking way was I letting her go in without me.

"Edward, it's time for you to head home," my dad said shortly, and I glared at him.

"I said _no_. She's _not_ going in there without me." They both stared me down, but I didn't budge. I just held onto my girl, who was still shaking. The Chief sighed in defeat, and my dad was frowning in disapproval, and a bit of worry too I think. I looked down at Bella. She took out her phone.

 _ **You don't have to come, I'll be okay. You're going to be in enough trouble as it is for that.**_

"I don't care. You're crazy if you think that I'll leave you alone when you're upset," I whispered into her ear, and then we walked in after the Chief, my dad still following for some reason. The house looked fine; nothing looked different except for police officers inspecting every surface.

But then, we stepped into her room. Her bedroom window had been smashed, and her room was freezing. She looked around, not stepping too far into it before typing on her phone again.

 _ **Why are they looking at everything if you already knows who did it? How do you know it was him?**_

"There was a note. It was taken for evidence."

She nodded, but didn't ask what it said. A very big part of me wanted to see that note, to know what it said. I kept my mouth shut though, just watching her carefully as she walked around, then went through her bathroom. She came out and shrugged, signing to me.

"She said everything looks fine," I told them. The Chief sighed, sounding relieved, and smiled at her.

"Okay. Well, they should be done in an hour or so, you can go sit in my room for now if you want," he told her, and she nodded uncomfortably, her eyes flickering around the room warily. I looked at my dad as he watched their exchange with a frown. When he met my gaze, I lifted an eyebrow at him.

"Charlie, if you'd like, and if Bella's comfortable, she could stay with us tonight. We have guestrooms."

The Chief speared me with his scrutinizing gaze for a moment, but when he looked at Bella with her pale face and big, dark, nervous eyes, I saw him melt.

"How does that sound to you, Bells?"

She shrugged, not looking much more relieved. Her eyes kept flickering to her window.

"Bella?" She turned to look at me. "It's up to you, if you're not comfortable sleeping in another house that's okay. Just say so."

She watched me for a long moment, looking unsure, before she typed on her phone, holding it out to my dad. I caught a glimpse of it before she finished typing.

 _ **That's very generous of you, thank you very much.**_

He gave her a happy smile. "You're very welcome. Just pack a bag and we'll get out of here."

She nodded, and then pulled a back pack out from under her bed. She was in her washroom for a bit, and then grabbed some stuff out of her dresser while I sat on her bed. The Chief told me her room had already been thoroughly combed multiple times for evidence.

But not thoroughly enough.

Bella walked into her closet, and seconds later she flew out, backwards, falling over.

"Bells?" The Chief asked in a panic, flying forward. She flinched away from him. "Bella, what is it? What happened?"

She was just shaking her head, though, trying to get further away from him until she hit the wall. I flew over, dropping down to my knees next to her.

"Bella, what-" I tried to put a comforting arm around her, but she flinched away from me violently, a hiss escaping her, making me still. "Bella, talk to us, what happened?"

She couldn't respond to me, or anyone. Tears ran down her cheeks as she rocked, her hands gripping tightly in her hair, gasping painfully for air. I knew she was too far gone to be helped. She'd just keep escalating until she passed out.

At least, I thought she would. But she didn't. Every second as I watched her trapped in her own head was agony. And I couldn't help her this time. I just sat there uselessly, not knowing what to do. I tried talking to her, pulling her out, but I don't think she could even hear me. The Chief wasn't any more successful.

We must have sat there for five minutes before he sighed.

"Carlisle."

My dad let out a sigh of relief, kneeling down next to her with his bag.

"Wait-"

Dad gave me one dark look that clearly said _shut up or get out._

It was worse than anything I'd ever seen before. As soon as he touched her she jumped away, hitting her head against the wall so hard it sounded dangerous. He took her arm and she thrashed, trying to get away. I sat there, staring in horror as the Chief wrapped his arms around her, pinning them to her sides as he tried to hold her still. She was screaming, that was obvious even though she didn't make a sound. Dad got the needle in her arm, though, and a minute later she slumped in the Chief's arms.

He didn't let go of her. He just held her, and he cried silently as he watched her with a tortured expression.

I didn't notice until then that I was crying too, and swiped furiously at my face before anyone could notice.

"Charlie?" He looked up slowly at my dad. "We'll still take her for the night. Esme and I can keep an eye on her tomorrow, it's not a problem."

He sighed. "Thank you," he said in a raspy voice. "I'll get her window fixed as soon as the store opens."

I stood up, and they both watched me as I walked over to her closet with clenched fists.

It only took me three seconds to see what had set her off. It was displayed front and center for her, and realizing where she'd been trapped made it hard to breathe.

"That dress isn't hers," I said through clenched teeth. It was a pretty dress I guess, lace and silk. A bridal white.

The Chief cursed, staring into her closet with unveiled fury. I went and sat next to Bella where he'd put her on her bed. I brushed away her tears with my thumb. I needed to have her close, though, and I pulled her into my lap, and held onto her tightly as I fought back the tears that wanted to break through once more.

"Can I drive her over?" I asked quietly. I felt the Chief sit down next to me.

"Are you okay to drive?" He asked carefully.

"Yeah."

"You know, she's going to be okay. That was just one of her bad ones."

"I know."

I did, but I'm pretty sure tonight was going to haunt my dreams for a while.

"Okay. A squad car's going to follow you, and he'll be parked outside your house for the night. We're still combing and canvasing the area." I nodded.

"I'll be driving behind you too," my dad said. I just nodded again, and my dad started talking to the Chief quietly. I didn't even bother trying to listen. I pulled Bella's favourite white, fluffy throw blanket around her before getting up. I carried her over to my car, and the Chief got the door for me so I could put her in. I buckled her in, and he handed me the bag she'd been packing.

"Thanks, for keeping an eye on her today," he said uncomfortably.

"I didn't do anything."

He gave me a small smile that I didn't quite get, and patted me on the shoulder. I closed her door, then walked around to my own before slipping in and starting it up.

I was surprised to see my brother's car in the garage when I pulled in, completely forgetting that he was supposed to come down today. Dad pulled in after me, and after I scooped up my girl he grabbed her bag, and her purse. He got the door, and the house was completely silent at almost two in the morning. I carried her up to the second floor, and sat her down on the bed in the guestroom. She hadn't moved the slightest bit in response. I wanted her up on my floor but knew it wasn't going to happen.

"You should get to bed. You're supposed to leave at nine for work, right?"

"Yeah," I said reluctantly. I reached down and pulled her book out of her purse, writing her a note, telling her she was in our guestroom and not to panic when she woke up. I propped it up on a pillow next to her, and then turned on the bedside lamp on its lowest setting so she wouldn't wake up in the dark in a strange room before I forced myself to leave.

* * *

 **AN:** Ah, poor Bella. The day was just going to well.

So, I don't know if I'm back or not, I can't give you an update schedule and for that I apologize. But please leave a review, let me know if there's still anyone out there!

Hope you all are well, thank you so much for reading!


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